In the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy used to offer psychiatric help to Charlie Brown for 5 cents. Knowing how bad Trump voters must feel right now, I'm undercutting Lucy by offering my therapeutic advice for absolutely free.
l even have some qualifications, having earned a Master's Degree in Social Work back in 1973, a mere 47 years ago. Sure, after becoming a MSW I quickly decided that I wasn't all that social, so went into health services research and planning.
But somewhere in the recesses of my mind there's remnants of what I learned about counseling. So read on, Trump voters, for words that will help heal your distress at Trump's defeat at the hands of Joe Biden.
First, it's important that you own your pain.
Don't shove it away by substituting a shallow sense of anger for how you really feel deep down, depressed that the man you thought was invincible -- hey, he kicked the butt of COVID-19 -- ended up losing by the same electoral college margin that Trump had called a landslide just four years ago.
That hurts. Pay respect to that honest feeling by setting up a mourning shrine in your home.
Place your favorite photos of Trump next to the box of facial tissue that you'll need as you wipe away your tears from now until Biden's Inauguration Day. Heck, maybe even for the next four years, if you're a slow psychological healer.
Put your Make America Great Again cap on the mourning shrine. Touch it while repeating these therapeutic words: Trump has lost. Lost Trump has. Do not, repeat do not, give in to the temptation to say in addition, Has Trump lost?
Your recovery will take much longer if you cling to false hope. Face your post-election demons head-on. Immerse yourself in the New York Times and Washington Post 2020 election pages.
And this is crucial: delete your bookmarks to OAN and Newsmax. Fox News is OK to keep visiting, since they've acknowledged Biden's win.
If you keep on imbibing right-wing conspiracy theories about how Trump really won, but was cheated out of a second term by Hugo Chavez orchestrating a communist plot to elect Biden from beyond the grave, you'll put yourself in the same situation as an alcoholic who keeps going into liquor stores after vowing to kick their drinking habit.
In addition, don't talk to your friends who also voted for Trump until you're well on the road to recovery.
Chances are they will delay your healing by doing their best to lure you back into believing fantasies about your Dear Leader pulling out a Supreme Court miracle, or whatever, that will let Trump stay in power for another four years. Or if they're really deluded, for the rest of Trump's life.
Understand that reality is your friend. Lies are your enemy.
Sure, you've embraced the opposite ever since Trump went down the escalator and announced he was running for president. I get it -- your mind wanted to believe in Trump more than you've ever believed in anything else, up to and including God.
That's the power Trump held sway over you. The power to find his way into your head and take up residence there. (If you've been having dreams of golden toilets that you have to flush a dozen times before the crap totally disappears, you've been infected with the Trump Virus.)
But you are your own person now.
Every day, in every way, you are feeling better and better about Joe Biden being the next president. This may seem far out to you in your current pain, but one day, and that day could be soon, you'll find yourself thinking, "I feel like watching Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow on MSNBC."
OK, that may seem impossible in your current so-sad state of mind. I feel your pain, having felt like you do back in November 2016 when my President Clinton dreams were crushed by electoral reality.
Now look at me. Do that, because I am you and you are me, and we are the walrus. Believe the Beatles, just as you have believed in Donald Trump.
Know that you are astoundingly resilient. There is no limit to your ability to rise above your current sadness. So much life awaits you after Trump leaves office and Biden becomes president.
No limits. This must become your mantra. Soon you will be able to watch President Biden's State of the Union address, every minute of it, with a smile on your face. Or at least, not a frown.
And with a bit of practice, one day you will be able to dance as well as the president you have adored.
Yes, this may be hard for you to believe, but it is possible if you carefully study Donald Trump's moves and make them into your own Happy Dance that will carry you through the next eight years of the Joe Biden and Kamala Harris administrations.
Imagine how great you will feel when Harris becomes the first female president in 2024. Work on your Happy Dance for that moment.