HinesSight

"Plaid Tidings" at Grand Theatre: meaningful fun escapism

Ever ready to accept free tickets, I jumped at the offer by Enlightened Theatics' Carlos Barata to see their current Plaid Tidings production gratis in exchange for a blog post review. 

In case you're wondering whether what I'll say here is colored by the hue of those two $25 tickets, I reply:

"Of course it is! I will add in one extra laudatory adjective beyond what I would have written otherwise, because I want to assure other entertainment enterprises in Salem that, yes, my blogging can be bought in exchange for free tickets. However, you won't get much in return, since the First Rule for Bloggers is be true to yourself and speak from the heart."

If that platitude sounds corny, such is fitting, because Plaid Tidings arguably is a corny show.

Four guy singers dressed in plaid sport coats return from the dead, having met their demise in 1964 after crashing into a bus filled with teenagers on their way to a Beatles concert (the teenagers survived; they didn't).

The first person I asked to accompany me to last night's show at the Grand Theatre demurred, using the corny excuse. Well, that person's loss turned into another person's gain, since the friend who went with me loved Plaid Tidings, just as I did. 

As was the case with every Enlightened Theatrics production I've seen, Plaid Tidings honors their tagline, "Broadway to Salem." The four New York performers are professionals in every way: singing, acting, dancing. The onstage bass player and pianist played marvelously; the lighting and set design was top notch; the theatre's sound system is a delight.

So it's easy for me to say, nearly completely truthfully, get tickets to Plaid Tidings pronto, because the last show is December 11, and you don't want to miss this fun, humorous, uplifting, entertaining, delightful show.

(One of those adjectives was bought and paid for by my free tickets, so now we're into totally truthful blog post territory.)

I want to address the misapprehension that other people similar to me -- atheist, progressive, lover of edgy raunchy humor à la Amy Schumer -- may have about seeing a Christmas show with seemingly zero political, cultural, or philosophical significance.

Plus, Plaid Tidings is filled with renditions of songs that, in other circumstances, curdle my Traditional Holidays-phobic mind. Such as, "It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas," Jingle Bells," "Joy to the World," "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer."

So I readily admit that before Carlos' free ticket offer entered my inbox, seeing Plaid Tidings was way down on my list of must-do's. I wasn't as fearful of corniness as the person who declined to accompany me, but my dislike of how Americans usually celebrate Christmas caused me to be wary of Plaid Tidings.

Had the oh-so-cool Enlightened Theatrics folks sold out to mass-market tastes? Was this a production aimed at the people who enjoy hearing Christmas songs in stores the day after Thanksgiving, and even smilingly hum along with them?

After seeing Plaid Tidings, and having pondered its philosophical significance during a lengthy dog walk this afternoon, I want to assure fellow Christmas-skeptics that despite any misgivings you may have about this production, it is well worth your while to go see it.

Here's why.

(1) Meaninglessness is meaningful. Especially post-presidential election. The Director's Note by Charlie Johnson in the Plaid Tidings program captured this point well.

As I understand it, there are two types of theatre. One that asks the big questions and challenges your world view and another that provides escape and light-hearted fun. Prior to this experience, I had always believed the former to be a loftier and nobler pursuit. I didn't find as much value in a show written solely to entertain and distract.

But I've got to tell you -- after working on PLAID TIDINGS (a show written solely to entertain and distract) I have changed my mind. 

Over the course of rehearsals, I have realized just how necessary shows like PLAID TIDINGS are. We live in a complicated, trying world. Now, more than ever perhaps, we need a dose of escape -- a dose of fun. Lucky for you, that's exactly what you'll get tonight. Prepare yourself for tight harmonies, corny jokes, and a bit of nostalgia.

So while you most likely won't leave the theatre contemplating the meaning of life, you'll hopefully walk out of here a bit more joyful... recharged to be a citizen of the world. Turns out this silly little show is more important than I thought.

Nicely said, Charlie. I was glad to see you embrace "corny" as a descriptor of your show, to own it, to raise it to the top of your flagpole and wave it proudly. (more about this in #2 below)

Also, philosophical types like me have no problem contemplating the meaning of life after seeing Plaid Tidings. The way I see it, spending a fun, light-hearted evening in the Grand Theatre hearing old tunes sung in a fresh fashion reminds us that sometimes the most meaningful thing we can say about life is that searching for profound meanings leads us astray.

It was great to sit in my row F, seat 11 chair last night and just let the sights and sounds of Plaid Tidings wash over me in a refreshing cascade of meaningful meaninglessness.

With all the imagined worries about what might come to be in this age of Donald Trump'ism, I deeply enjoyed immersing myself in the actual what is of the show's songs, dancing, and jokes. Plaid Tidings reminded me that as seriously as we need to take the world at times, it is equally important to balance that heaviness with a lightness of being. 

(2) Corny is a relative concept, not absolute. Having grown up in the 1950's and 1960's, I experienced the pre-death years of the Plaid Tidings Four (as noted above, they died in 1964). Along with everybody else at the time, I watched Perry Como and the Ed Sullivan Show; I listened to Peggy Lee, Harry Belafonte, Nat King Cole; I heard the jokes of Steve Allen and other comedians. 

A bit later, we had the early Steve Martin, Laugh-In, Sonny and Cher. What we found funny back then, many would dismiss as "corny" now.

But if this is true, won't the same apply to our modern culture a few decades hence? Won't young people in 2050 look at clips of Amy Schumer, Lady Gaga, Jay Z, Beyonce, and other entertainers of our day and think, Geez, they're so unbelievably corny!

Lastly, watching Plaid Tidings made me recall how the late 1950's and the beginning of the 1960's was just as light-heartedly frothy as the show reflects, yet also as seriously scarily substantial as the times are today. 

I was one of the editors of my central California 8th grade "newspaper," published via mimeograph. My best friend and I queried our classmates in a Hines/Hart poll about whether they thought there would be a nuclear war soon. Most of us said, "Yes."

We'd spent years ducking and covering under our desks. We'd lived through aboveground nuclear tests in neighboring Nevada that caused periodic milk alerts when radiation levels got too high in cow pastures. We'd experienced the extreme Cold War tensions between the U.S.A. and U.S.S.R. with countless warheads pointed at each other. We'd heard about the need for every home to have some sort of bomb shelter with enough supplies to wait out the first weeks of a nuclear conflict.

I thought about all this, not during last night's Plaid Tidings performance of happy tunes I remembered from the 50's and 60's, but later -- when I began thinking about the cultural anxiety and fear that co-existed with the jokes and songs. 

Just like today.

We still live in a yin and yang world. Good and bad, happiness and sadness, joy and suffering, relaxation and worrying, meaning and meaninglessness -- all this continues to co-exist in 2016 just as it did in 1962 (all of us who lived through the scariness of the Cuban missile crisis will remember it both as the year of the Beatles' first single, and the year when we really thought we might die).

So, yeah, let's enjoy the here-and-now fun of Plaid Tidings while also facing the reality that we still live in a dangerous world filled with injustice, inequity, discrimination, greed, and willful ignorance. If we wait to be happy until the world is perfect, we'll wait forever. 

At the beginning of Plaid Tidings, one of the four singers who have returned to Earth says something like, "Our purpose is to figure out our purpose; we've got to put on the show that we didn't prepare."

Words as true today as they were back in the day -- no matter when that day was. 

Pac-12 Networks now on Sling TV. Because of me! (I like to think)

I DID IT! (in my magical thinking brain, at least)

Just five days after my annual blog post rant about DirecTV not carrying the Pac-12 Networks -- and the Pac-12 Networks not being offered on any streaming service -- today a deal has been announced between Sling TV and the Pac-12 Networks. 

SAN FRANCISCO– Pac-12 Networks announced today a new agreement with Sling TV to make all six Pac-12 Networks regional feeds, which collectively offer live coverage of more than 800 sporting events, available to Sling Orange and Sling Blue customers who subscribe to the “Sports Extra” add-on pack as six separate channels. Sling TV is Pac-12 Networks’ first over-the-top provider to offer the network’s content, enabling Sling TV customers to watch Pac-12 games, regardless of their location.

“This is a great way for Pac-12 Networks to kick off the 2016 football season,” said Pac-12 Networks’ president, Lydia Murphy-Stephans. “Our six regional networks, featuring 800 live sporting events and all-access original programming, will now be available over-the-top on Sling TV for Pac-12 fans across the country. Sling’s innovative delivery model and great interface makes it incredibly easy for our fans to stay connected with their favorite Pac-12 school, team and sports.” 

“Students, alumni and Pac-12 fans can now enjoy conference games without regional restrictions,” said Roger Lynch, CEO of Sling TV. “With Sling TV, Pac-12 Networks games have never been more affordable and accessible. As a Pac-12 fan, I can’t wait to watch the ‘Conference of Champions,’ on Sling TV – the premier destination for college sports fans.”

Naturally I had to jump on this.

I'd rather have the Pac-12 Networks be part of my DirecTV package, but I'm so damn irritated at DirecTV for not being able to work out a deal with the Pac-12 Networks for five freaking years, I'm pleased to pay $25 a month to get Sling Orange ($20/mo) with the Sports Extra add-on ($5/mo) just to figuratively poke DirecTV in its corporate eye with a silent scream of Take this, you jerks -- Sling TV is getting my Pac-12 Networks money rather than you!

It was a breeze to sign up for a 7-day trial with Sling TV. (Which is owned by Dish Networks, so that's an extra poke in the eye of DirecTV.)

After signing up, I fired up my Apple TV, downloaded the Sling TV app, put in my Sling TV password, and voila!, I was watching an OSU/Oregon volleyball game on the Pac-12 Networks -- which conveniently had a scroll at the bottom of the screen announcing the deal with "its newest TV provider, Sling TV."

I can't tell you how satisfying it was to take the photo above of the volleyball game on our big screen TV.

I've been watching Pac-12 Networks games for so long on my 13" MacBook Pro laptop via technically illegal streaming sites, the pleasure of finally getting the Pac-12 Networks on our television was well worth the $25 a month that I'll have to fork out to Sling TV if I keep subscribing after the 7-day trial ends.

Which I almost certainly will. 

Anyway, I'm glad to take credit (again, in my own mind) for writing the blog post that provided the karmic impetus for getting the Sling TV deal done with the Pac-12 Networks. I'll quote myself from my September 3 blog post: 

This is the freaking fifth year I've complained about DirecTV not carrying the Pac-12 Networks. Count 'em: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016. 

...I hope both DirecTV and the Pac-12 Networks realize they're acting like idiots. Their five year pissing match over broadcast rights/fees has passed the point of ridiculousness into Asinine Abject Absurdity. 

...here we are, a year later, with me and many other unhappy DirecTV customers ferreting out unauthorized streams of Pac-12 Network games, because there is no legal way to watch them without subscribing to a cable or satellite service that offers the Pac-12 Network. Which is stupid, since other leagues offer stand-alone streaming.

...Depressing.

But ever the optimist, this story gives me some reason to hope: "Pac-12 Networks hires cable executive to solve distribution problems."

...Well, Ms. Budill looks like an attractive, charming, competent woman. If she is able to break the corporate logjam that is preventing DirecTV and the Pac-12 Networks from working out a deal, I'll nominate Budill for a Satellite TV Peace Prize.

The Sling TV deal is a good start, Ms. Budill. Now, work out a deal with DirecTV to carry the Pac-12 Networks so I can stop paying $25 a month to Sling TV. Then you'll really be entitled to your Satellite TV Peace Prize.

Will 2016 be the year DirecTV carries Pac-12 Networks?

This is the freaking fifth year I've complained about DirecTV not carrying the Pac-12 Networks. Count 'em: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016. 

(See here and here for links to my previous blog post rants.)

Today, once again, I had to scramble to watch the Oregon Ducks football opener against UC Davis. Yes, after some Googling I found a free online stream of the Pac-12 Networks broadcast. But I'd much prefer to watch the game on my big screen television than on my 13" MacBook Pro.

I hope both DirecTV and the Pac-12 Networks realize they're acting like idiots. Their five year pissing match over broadcast rights/fees has passed the point of ridiculousness into Asinine Abject Absurdity. 

I like DirecTV. But whenever someone in our rural neighborhood asks me for advice about DISH vs. DirecTV, I always start off by saying, "DirecTV works well for us, but not having the Pac-12 Networks is a big downside if you enjoy college sports."

Plus, I will never, ever consider switching our cell phones back to AT&T from Verizon, because I'm so irritated at AT&T for not being able to work out a deal with the Pac-12 Networks after acquiring DirecTV last year. There was a lot of hope in  2015 this would happen, spurred by an encouraging statement from the Pac-12 Networks. 

Yet here we are, a year later, with me and many other unhappy DirecTV customers ferreting out unauthorized streams of Pac-12 Network games, because there is no legal way to watch them without subscribing to a cable or satellite service that offers the Pac-12 Network.

Which is stupid, since other leagues offer stand-alone streaming. (I added the boldfacing.)

Are you a frugal college football fan and/or a hip Millennial? Chances are, you’re one of many American TV consumers who’ve cut the cord!

But now that it’s college football season, you might feel obligated to buy back into the morass of high-dollar cable and satellite providers, just to enjoy the fabulous myriad of games across multiple networks each week.

Don’t do that, friend! (Unless you’re a Pac-12 fan.) We’ve assembled a quick guide on how to watch almost every college football game via non-traditional digital and streaming platforms.

...If your game is on the CBS Sports Network (most notably certain C-USA and American Athletic Conference games) or Pac-12 Networks in 2016, you’ll need a cable or satellite subscription. Both of those are unavailable on Sling or Vue and can’t be accessed via apps without first logging in through a cable provider.

The Pac-12 Networks' absence is probably the most impactful. Of the games currently scheduled to air on P12N, most are conference teams vs. FCS opponents, but decent matchups like Rutgers vs. Washington are unavailable unless you’ve got a cable provider that carries P12N.

Depressing.

But ever the optimist, this story gives me some reason to hope: "Pac-12 Networks hires cable executive to solve distribution problems."

Pac-12 Networks hired a longtime cable industry veteran to try to solve its distribution problems.

Alden Mitchell Budill will be head of distribution, overseeing the network’s affiliate sales and marketing department. She replaces Art Marquez, senior vice president of affiliate relations, who left the network in March.

One of the first items on Budill’s to-do list will be to set up a meeting with DirecTV, the satellite operator that has not carried any of the Pac-12 Networks channels since their 2012 launch.

Well, Ms. Budill looks like an attractive, charming, competent woman. If she is able to break the corporate logjam that is preventing DirecTV and the Pac-12 Networks from working out a deal, I'll nominate Budill for a Satellite TV Peace Prize.

On the negative side, this story says there is very little chance that a deal will be worked out soon. (RSN means regional sports network.)

The Pac-12 Network is kicking off its fifth year without a carriage agreement with DirecTV, and prospects for a resolution appear further away than ever.

Indeed, after apparently getting close to a deal at this time last year, going into the regional sports network’s fifth fall of highly rated college football coverage, analysts and pundits don’t think a deal is even close this time. 

The standoff between the RSN, launched in August 2012, and the satellite operator remains one of the most protracted and frustrating impasses in the pay-TV ecosystem. 

Through his “Hotline” column, the San Jose Mercury News’ Josh Wilner has been perhaps the closest observer of the dispute. 

“In past years, the Hotline advised Pac-12 fans to be cautiously optimistic when the season approached and negotiations with DirecTV heated up,” Wilner said this week. “That was, in part, because some of my best sources on such matters were either 1) expecting a carriage deal or 2) felt it was a reasonable possibility. Not this year. The sentiment has shifted: Nobody expects a deal and many don’t even consider it a reasonable possibility.”

Great. 

Probably I'll be complaining next year at this time about not being able to watch the Oregon Duck's opening game on DirecTV. Here's a link to Wilner's non-positive column about a deal being worked out between DirecTV and the Pac-12 Networks. 

The time for a deal was last August/September, when the AT&T takeover of DTV was fresh … and it didn’t happen.

Now we’re one year removed from that potential collaboration point, one year closer to the end of AT&T’s contract with the Pac-12 and four years removed from DTV’s initial rejection of Pac12Nets carriage.

The dynamics for a deal have ebbed, it seems.

*** Of course, I have not spoken to Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott, Pac12Nets boss Lydia Murphy-Stephans or the AT&T brass in charge of negotiations.

All of this is just reasonably-informed speculation; please take it for nothing more.

Could a deal happen this week or next? Absolutely.

But at the moment, it sure seems unlikely.

Enlightened Theatrics made "The Wizard of Oz" new for me

Thank you, talented cast members of Enlightened Theatrics' current cultural gift to Salem, a marvelous stage production of "The Wizard of Oz." 

You've restored the pleasure I felt as a child when I'd watch, and re-watch, the classic movie version of The Wizard of Oz. It was shown annually on television from 1959 to 1991. 

So, since I was born in 1948, I must have seen it close to half a dozen times before I went off to college in 1966. What pushed me over the Oz edge, though, was raising a daughter born in 1972. I remember watching the same movie many times with her. More accurately, too many times. 

Delight in Dorothy's far-out adventures in Oz wore thin with those repeated viewings. My young daughter got thrills from the annual showings of The Wizard of Oz. Increasingly, I got irritated thoughts of "Oh, no, it isn't already time to see this damn movie again, is it?!"

Thus sitting in my second-row seat last night in the beautifully revamped Grand Theatre in downtown Salem was a healing moment for me. I'd never seen a theatrical production of The Wizard of Oz. As soon as actors appeared on stage, L. Frank Baum's story seemed fresh to me.

For one thing, there's nothing like live theatre. It's unpredictable, never repeated, as vibrantly three-dimensional as life itself (unsurprisingly).

When Toto, caninely played by Mickey Tate, ran across the stage at some climactic moment, I realized there was a non-zero chance that he'd run in an unintended direction. At least, that's what our dog often does in response to commands of mine, which Zu Zu views as requests to be considered, but not necessarily obeyed. 

I found myself much more emotionally involved when Toto was in danger during the stage production, than in the movie. From my seat I could see this so-cute dog close up and personal. I cared about him. I was confident that he'd turn out OK, but with live theatre, like I said, there was a possibility of the unforeseen happening. 

(Our dog, though equally cute in her own way, would be quickly cut from the show as soon as she failed to run across the stage, but rather raced to smell, and wishfully be given a bite of, what a person in the audience was eating.)

Dorothy, played by soon-to-be West Salem junior Phoebe Jacobs, was so talented as an actress, singer, and dancer, I now have vowed to never, ever bring up the fact of me having a lead role in the Woodlake Union High School junior class play -- except in the context of "Young people these days are so much more talented than me and my classmates were back in the '60s."

Everybody else in the cast of The Wizard of Oz, without exception, also was hugely enjoyable to watch.

The dancers were a favorite of mine every time they came on stage. Plus, close-up even the rhythmic zig-zag dance movements of Dorothy and her Scarecrow/ Tin Man/ Lion companions to "We're Off to See the Wizard" music looked more impressive to me than it did on a television screen. And I loved the sinuous sensuality of the female Apple Tree Dancers. The music is also live, by the way.

Bottom line: if somehow you've never seen The Wizard of Oz, go see this Enlightened Theatrics production. You've got until August 28. But if you have seen another version of The Wizard of Oz, the same advice applies, because with live theatre every show is different and unique.

Further, this production uses an updated script:

Employing the R.S.C. 1987 adaptation of the musical production, Enlightened Theatrics offers a more technically complex performance featuring as much of the aura of the classic 1939 film as possible on stage.

I didn't completely follow the plot point involving the Wicked Witch's plan to wear out Dorothy and her companions by getting them to dance a lot of jitterbug with the witch's minions, but I sure don't remember anything like this in the movie version of The Wizard of Oz. 

This new scene to me was marvelously performed. So again, even if you think you're familiar with The Wizard of Oz, think again. The Enlightened Theatrics production is appealingly unique.

Odysseo by Cavalia in Portland is a thrilling horse production

Last night, Laurel and I saw the newest version of Cavalia's marvelous "horse show." (I put that in quotes to indicate that it is like no horse show you've ever seen before.)

Which, like the show we saw five years ago, also in Portland, basically is an equine Cirque du Soleil.  In 2011, I blogged, Cavalia is a magical horse show -- Portlanders, go see it!   

I don't know why I omitted my fellow residents of Salem in the title, so now I'll add -- Salemians, go see it!

As noted in my first post about Cavalia, my wife and I have both ridden quite a bit, and taken lots of riding lessons, Laurel more than me. Judging from the many people in cowboy boots at the Odysseo show, I'm sure a good number of the people in the audience were way more horse-savvy than I am.

Yet we all were gasping and clapping at the amazing displays of horsemanship, both from the human and equine performers. Like I said back in 2011:

The intimate communication between horse and rider/trainer was obvious, yet often difficult to discern explicitly, it seemed so natural.

Case in point: the woman in the second act who engages in a spectacular display of equine choreography with six horses, standing on the sandstrewn Cavalia stage with just her soft voice and a flexible "stick" to control the horses.

A dog trainer would be hard pressed to get six border collies to do what the stallions (or geldings) were accomplishing with seeming ease. Three would circle in one direction, while the other three would circle the other way. Then one horse would break out of the pattern and do something different. 

ln the new show, I was blown away by how groups of four horses led by a trainer on foot would follow the person through intricate maneuvers involving quite a few other horse/human groups. 

Being someone who feels fortunate if I can get a horse to do the basics -- go, stop, turn, back up, refrain from eating grass on a trail ride -- the obvious intimate connection between the riders/trainers and the beautiful horses (18 stallions, 47 geldings) amazed me.

Some of the moments were breathtakingly powerful. I loved the riders galloping on white horses who carried long red banners around the Odysseo stage.

We splurged on second row seats, so had a great view of the action. After intermission, somehow the flat part of the riding area was filled with several inches of water in under a minute, while the curtain was closed briefly. (Towels had been handed out to first row people, for reasons that soon became obvious.)

The video below shows a beautiful display of dressage during the water portion of the show. The set design is breathtaking -- a mixture of high-tech video and special effects, with old-fashioned sand/dirt. I believe this woman is the same rider who performed in Portland last night.

 

A Cavalia trailer offers an overview of the entire show. Naturally being there in person is way different than seeing it on a small screen. 

 

I've seen several Cirque du Soleil shows, in addition to the two Cavalia productions. All were memorable, but I think this Odysseo show will stick with me the most strongly.

There's just something about the combination of horses and humans that's powerful, gripping, and elemental in an emotionally hard-to-describe way. 

We Homo sapiens are animals, just as horses are. We're just animals with different qualities, different capabilities. To see people and horses performing together so harmoniously made me think, "Hey, wouldn't it be nice if people and people always could cooperate in the same fashion?"

Yes, I realize that the horses in the show go through years of training -- two to six, according to a pre-show Q &A projected on the stage screen.

But the bonds between the human performers and their horses were obvious. It might be too much to call this "love," yet it often looked like that word fit -- given the non-verbal messages that passed continuously between the two-and four-legged animals in the show.

Photos of 2016 Oregon Country Fair (a fair like no other)

Ah, bliss. Today Laurel and I made our annual Oregon Country Fair journey in space (south to Veneta, outside Eugene) and time (back to the spirit of the 60's). 

Even though the day was cloudy, cool, and occasionally a bit rainy, the fair was as weirdly enjoyable as it always is. Here's photos of our experience. (click to enlarge)

Even before we got to the ticket-taking area, there was a dragonish' indication that this fair is like no other in the country. Indeed, the freaking cosmos. 

Arriving at a bit after 1 pm, we got a delicious Indian-food lunch from a booth right inside the gate. Sitting down to enjoy it, we were entertained by some athletic performers.


Then, ooh!, good timing. A mini-parade came by.


There's something for everybody at the fair. We came across classical music early on in our stroll through the fair's pathways. 


The setting of the Oregon Country Fair is marvelous. Nature is a constant backdrop.


Booths are filled with quirky wares. These elicited "never seen anything like that before" utterances from us. 


Sometimes the belly-dancing venue is overflowing with people. Today, it was easy to get a good seat. With a beautiful view. 


The next performer had a different dancing style. And lots of tattoos. 


Laurel has good taste. She thought I'd like this creatively tie-dyed shirt. She was right! Naturally I had to wear it right away after buying it.


Nice sentiment for these sometimes-hateful times. Well, for all times, really. 


Even the trash/recycling bins at the fair are artistic.


This path performer caught my eye, not surprisingly. As did her "Tip for photos" sign.


Must obey. A dollar bill in the tip jar elicited a graceful slow-motion statuesque thank-you gesture.


The booths selling artistic stuff are decorated equally artistically. 


We encountered a maxi-parade!


I loved the varying color schemes of the paraders.


My favorite photo. There's so much joy in the air at the Oregon Country Fair. 


This folk singer had a rapt audience. Some of them were more alive and human than others. 


Here's the hula hoop area, which is near the juggling area, which is close to the dancing area, which is a little ways away from the children's art area. The fair isn't just for watching. It is for doing also. 


When we got home, naturally Laurel had to try on some matching tu-tu's that she'd bought at the fair for herself and ZuZu, the family canine who didn't get to go, because only service dogs are allowed at the fair. 


ZuZu seems happy with her gift. Though I have to admit, she seemed even happier with the dog food I put in her bowl a few minutes later. 

Eye-opening, disturbing, inspiring: "Where to Invade Next" movie

My wife and I just got back from seeing Michael Moore's new movie, "Where to Invade Next," at Salem Cinema. We hugely enjoyed it. 

It should be a political game-changer for the United States.

Unfortunately, the people who should see it, those who really need to see it -- the right-wing flagwavers who wrongly consider America is #1; the tax-cutting fanatics who don't believe in the efficacy of government programs; the strong-military zealots who fail to understand the harm our giant defense budget is doing to this country -- they won't risk having their delusions challenged by seeing the movie.

Hey, even an ardent progressive like me had my eyes opened repeatedly by Moore.

Before we bought our tickets I knew that his core theme was correct: other developed countries provide a much higher quality of life for their citizens than the United States does, so we should steal their more enlightened social policies (hence, the name of the movie).

But I still came away deeply disturbed about many of the specific ways European nations kick our red, white, and blue ass. "Where to Invade Next" convincingly shows that the United States is way behind in...

-- Providing vacation time, sick days, and maternity leave to employees
-- Educating our children
-- Making it possible to attend college without running up big debts
-- Running an effective prison system
-- Dealing with drug use
-- Holding Wall Street criminals accountable
-- Feeding elementary students tasty nutritious meals
-- Guaranteeing reproductive health care to women
-- Teaching sex education in ways that work
-- Etc. Etc. Etc.

Now, Moore points out that many of the policies other nations have implemented so effectively originated in the United States. We've just fallen away from putting them into practice. 

Much of the blame falls on the increasingly radical slash-and-burn social policies of the Republican Party, along with the outrageously large percentage of our taxes that feeds bloated military spending.

The movie makes clear that while Americans pay a somewhat lower percentage of our income in taxes that Europeans do, we're still screwed over economically because of the much higher personal "taxes" we pay to go to college, get health care, care for a newborn baby, and obtain other necessary services that other countries provide more efficiently and effectively through public programs.

Over and over, interviews with ordinary citizens in other countries, along with interviews with foreign business leaders and government officials, showed how uncaring the United States is.

Our national morality sucks.

Harsh words, but true. In lots of ways we really don't give a shit about other people, because the United States is so focused on individuality, watching out for our own personal interests, letting those in need do without instead of offering a helping hand.

This was evident right here in Salem not long ago when the Chamber of Commerce, Salem Hospital, and other corporate types (including some small businesses) were unwilling to support a small payroll tax that would provide weekend and evening bus service for people who need mass transit to get around.

Opponents of the payroll tax only were concerned about themselves. They had a lot of compassion for keeping their own pocketbook as fully stocked with cash as possible, but couldn't muster up empathy for people who don't own a car, can't drive, or choose not to drive.

By contrast, "Where to Invade Next" is filled with talk by people in other countries who view caring for others as a main purpose in life.

They said that they wouldn't be happy living in the United States, where GOP negativism toward government, plus our inherent ego-centered sense of individuality, leaves so many citizens in terrible situations.

Sick. Lonely. Homeless. Abused. Disrespected. Unhappy.

I could go on and on about how Moore's movie affected me. But I'll just share a few other parts of the film that hit me hard.

The way we treat prisoners, and especially prisoners of color in this country, is super shameful. So is the general approach to policing in the United States, which is way more militaristic and heavy-handed than policing practices in European countries. 

The movie shows police in those countries saying the obvious: treat people with respect, even (and especially) if they have broken the law. Let prisoners vote. Do away with the death penalty. Rehabilitate, don't punish.

Lastly, it was moving to learn how extensively Germany continues to remind its citizens about the horrors of the Nazi past. Children are educated about the injustices that were done. Plaques on city streets memorialize the houses taken from Jews.

Yet the United States does its best to cover up our history: slavery, lynchings, genocide of Native Americans, stealing of land from those who inhabited our territory before Columbus arrived. 

Germany faces historical injustices head-on. Too many people in the United States pretend they never happened. So in no way are we the greatest nation in the world. We've got pluses and minuses, strengths and weaknesses.

Our goal should be to learn how to do better from other countries who are surpassing us in various areas. Thank you, Michael Moore, for making a movie that does this.

Here's the trailer, along with a good Thom Hartmann discussion of the film. 

 

 

 

Cowspiracy movie presents powerful reasons to go meatless

I'm no psychic. But it doesn't take any ESP abilities to say that most of the people reading this ate meat today -- Christmas. 

My wife and I didn't. Nor do we ever. 

Which explains why we felt a pleasing sense of self-satisfaction when we watched "Cowspiracy" at the Salem Progressive Film Series last week, since the basic message of the documentary is that eating meat and fish is one of the most environmentally destructive actions a person can engage in. 

The "spiracy" part of the title comes from the assertion that environmental organizations like the Sierra Club and Greenpeace have been deeply reluctant to publicize the connection between eating meat and destruction of our planet.

After all, as the movie says repeatedly, how we choose to feed ourselves is a highly personal question that's fraught with cultural implications. 

Having been a vegetarian since 1970, my 45 years of abstaining from meat and fish have taught me how true this is. When my daughter, Celeste, was born in 1972, my uncle kept telling me that her health would suffer if raised vegetarian. 

Her pediatrician also was skeptical. But now Celeste is a trim and fit 43. Her own daughter, Evelyn, also has been a vegetarian since birth and is doing fine at the age of eight.

So for most people there's no health reason to eat meat. And anyone who sees Cowspiracy will be exposed to lots of reasons why livestock and fish production is doing terrible things to Earth's ecosystems. 

Here's what the movie's co-director, Kip Andersen, said in an interview:

Well, I thought I was doing everything I could to help the environment--driving less, riding a bike, taking short showers. And then I found out a UN report study that our diet and raising animals for food livestock creates more human-caused greenhouse gases than all the transportation put together.

And then that led me on a journey of discovering that not only that, but this one industry is the leading cause of rainforest destruction, water consumption, water pollution, ocean dead zones, and species extinction, and basically across the board, and then to find out that our world's leading environmental organizations--Greenpeace, Sierra Club, Oceana, all these groups, they don't mention this anywhere. And it seemed, if anything, they might have been covering it up.

Apparently because those groups don't want to irritate their meat-eating supporters. There's also a hint in the movie that livestock producers give money to environmental organizations with the understanding that the groups will downplay the negative effects of meat and fish production.

(It doesn't matter, by the way, if wild fish are being eaten; Cowspiracy says that catching wild fish leads to huge numbers of "unintended kills" and the consequent depletion of fish populations.)

Our local alternative paper, Salem Weekly, had a good writeup on the movie. But it included a bit of skepticism.

The movie ends with a note of optimism, perhaps required in such a pessimistic film, but which might be questioned by viewers shaken by the message. Also, some facts and figures come so fast and furious that the source of any particular assertion is not always clear – a problem when a film makes such strong claims.

Yes, it's true that strong claims are made. To their credit, the moviemakers devote a page on the Cowspiracy website to documenting the sources of facts presented in the film. I didn't see or hear anything that made me think this can't be right. 

But since I've been a vegetarian for so long, and have read so much about the harmful effects of meat-eating, I wasn't shocked by how emphatically Cowspiracy calls upon people to give up eating meat and fish if they consider themselves environmentalists.

I do, though, still eat some dairy products. And the makers of Cowspiracy tout a vegan diet -- given how poorly cows are treated in the process of milk production, along with health and environmental reasons.

I typically eat yogurt every day. After seeing the movie, though, I got some soy yogurt and found that I liked it just as much as the regular variety. I doubt that I'll ever become a full-blown vegan, yet cutting down on the small amount of dairy products I eat (I drink soy milk) now is on my to-do list.

Interestingly -- could this be a sign from the Veggie Gods? -- the day after I saw Cowspiracy, I came across a bunch of links related to diet and the environment during my usual Internet browsing. 

Take a look at these if you need more convincing that meat-eating is bad both for you and the planet.

Food and Climate Change (David Suzuki Foundation)
Agriculture Was Left Out of the Paris Deal, But That Won't Stop Countries From Taking It On (Climate Progress)
A New Year resolution that's good for you and the planet: stop eating meat (The Guardian)
Michael Pollan on how America got so screwed up about food (Vox)

Here's the Cowspiracy trailer, which focuses on the conspiracy aspect of the movie. The next You Tube video presents the facts in Cowspiracy.

 

 

I love our new Apple TV, even without Amazon Prime

Today our Apple TV arrived. (For those who don't obsessively follow all things Apple'ish, this isn't an actual TV, but a little box that hooks up to your TV and streams content to it via wi-fi).

We've used the previous incarnation of Apple TV, along with a Roku. We also got a "smart" Samsung TV a few months ago that has apps for streaming services like Netflix and Hulu built-in to the television. 

But all of these devices have been quite difficult to use. Playing a movie or TV show has been pretty easy, but finding what you're looking for has been frustrating. The Samsung has a voice command feature. However, it works so crappily I gave up on it.

Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and such have search features. Only for their own content, though. So I've had to laboriously type in the name of a TV show or movie in each one to see if its available. 

Thus when I heard that the new Apple TV had Siri built into the remote control, that was all I needed to order one. After an hour or so of playing around with it today, I'm happy with the Apple TV. My experience, though more limited than Engadget's, pretty much mirrors what's said in "A weekend with the new Apple TV."

After finally getting to test one out over the weekend, I found that the new fourth-generation Apple TV was worth the wait -- though there are still plenty of issues to iron out.

For me, the remote control and Siri are the best things about the new Apple TV. Since I use a MacBook Pro laptop with a trackpad, I felt right at home with the mini trackpad on the Apple TV remote -- the gray space above the top buttons in the photo above. 

I much prefer using the trackpad to navigate my way around the screen than by clicking arrow buttons, or, on our Samsung TV, waving the remote while holding down a button.

However, as reviewers of the Apple TV have noted, there's nothing new or different about how you enter log-in information for Netflix, Hulu, and other streaming services. I had to click one by one on every letter and number in my email address and password for each service. 

This seemed archaic.

Why couldn't I speak that information and let Siri fill it in? Or type out the log-in data on my iPhone and have it transfer to the Apple TV? As advanced as the Apple TV seems in other respects, the set-up process was irritatingly old school.

Another gripe was discovering that Amazon Prime isn't among the Apple TV apps.

I couldn't believe this at first, since my wife and I frequently watch Amazon Prime content -- the Catastrophe series, for example. Apparently some sort of corporate pissing match is going on between Apple and Amazon, with people such as us who like both companies caught in the middle.

This isn't a huge deal, since we can access Amazon Prime content via our Samsung television. But it sure would be nice to be able to use Siri on the Apple TV to search for stuff we want to watch across all of the streaming services we have a subscription to.

Regarding Siri, she's a pleasure to talk to on the Apple TV remote. Not nearly as smart as the iPhone Siri, since her search repertoire is much more limited. But I hugely prefer pressing the Siri button and speaking my search request -- "Find movies with Steve Martin" -- than typing this in on various streaming services.

When I played around with the Apple TV Siri, looking for favorite movies, at first I thought that she was only giving results for iTunes -- since often this was the only streaming service that came up. However, eventually it dawned on me that iTunes simply has a lot more movies available for streaming than Netflix does.

(And obviously Amazon Prime wasn't part of Siri's searching.)

All in all I'm pleased with the new and improved Apple TV. It feels like a technological work in progress that is going to become better as software updates and new apps -- hopefully including Amazon Prime -- are rolled out. 

I expected more, only because Apple products usually surpass my expectations. So far the new Apple TV doesn't feel like a revolutionary streaming device -- just a marked evolutionary advance from what's been available before.

But that's plenty enough for me.

Enlightened Theatrics' Hair production made me feel "the 60's are still real"

I've never enjoyed live theatre more than Enlightened Theatrics' production of Hair my wife and I saw last night at Salem's Grand Theatre. 

And that isn't the cannabis talking.

Well, let's make that it isn't just the cannabis talking. Hey, it seemed oh-so-appropriate to celebrate a paean to 60's hippiedom with some of Oregon's newly-legal recreational marijuana.

Which, in a non-roundabout way, brings me to the Numero Uno reason I felt so good during and after this marvelous production of Hair:

The talented directors and performers made me realize The '60s are still real. 

Meaning, it isn't only that the hippies of the '60s laid the foundation for important social changes that are manifest today, which I've always felt was true. What this interpretation of Hair showed me was something more: the spirit of the '60s itself is alive and well at this very moment.

I wasn't aware of this realization until I woke up in the middle of the night after going to sleep while recollecting the show I'd seen a few hours before. Almost instantly that The '60s are still real intuition popped into my semi-awake brain.

After every other production of Hair that I've seen, and I've seen a lot, I'd think "Ah, those were the days." Last night, though, the feeling was "Ah, these are the days." 

Hair is set in 1968. I was 20 years old then, a student at San Jose State College in the Bay Area, a fairly short stone's throw (as well as stoned drive) from San Francisco and Berkeley. So the vibe of Hair is part of my mental DNA.

We hippies of the '60s thought Flower Power was going to change the world. The Revolution wasn't going to stop with us; it would continue through the efforts of other young people.

I remember thinking after graduating in 1971, "I always want to live around a college, so I can stay in touch with the radical youth movement, never becoming part of straight society that's content with how things are." Well, that didn't come to pass.

Marriage. Child. Job. House in Salem. It wasn't long before I had become the person I'd vowed I wouldn't be. I stopped using alcohol and drugs. Became a vegetarian. Meditated for an hour or two each day. 

Yes, I was still trying to change myself and the world. But the energy, the spirit, the intensity of the '60s faded away. I figured that those Hair-era years were a marvelous one-time occurrence in the history of the cosmos.

Watching Hair last night dispelled that misconception. 

What I saw, thanks to the hugely talented performers and directors, was a production which felt very 2015, not 1968. I was struck the most by fluid gender roles that spoke to the great changes in attitudes, and the law, regarding same-sex relationships. 

My memory of the '60s (keeping in mind the adage "if you can remember anything about the sixties, you weren't really there") is that we hippies were liberated in many ways -- drugs, sex, music, politics -- but not really in our attitudes toward homosexuality, much less other non-traditional varieties of human sexual orientation.

My recollection of previous Hair performances I've seen bears this out. Yes, there was some guy-guy, gal-gal dancing and other interactions, but not nearly to the pleasingly gender-bending extent of Enlightened Theatrics' Hair production.

After the show began I'd think, "That woman is a great dancer." A few minutes later I'd change the thought to, "No, wait, that's a man... probably." By intermission I was into a more fluid mind-blown state of "That person is a great dancer." 

For me, this gave Hair a very different feel.

The comparative sexual rigidity, so to speak, of other productions I'd seen gave way to a much more free-flowing vibe. Guys getting it on with guys, gals with gals, guys with gals, gals with guys. It's all one, dude... As noted before, this was somewhat in evidence back in my hippie days, but this was way before the gay rights movement had really taken hold.

Today same-sex marriage is legal everywhere in the United States. Archaic attitudes toward the LGBT community are still very much in evidence, sadly. Happily, this is temporary. Young people are much more accepting of diversity in sexual orientation. Hidebound old folks are dying off.

So as I watched the youthful energy of the Hair performers, I felt really good about the future. Of the world. Of this country. Of Salem. 

The '60s weren't about a particular generation, my cadre of baby boomers. That marvelous decade was just one manifestation of a steady trend in human culture toward more acceptance of diversity, increasing creativity, fuller support of individual freedom.

Yes, there are rises and falls along this generally upward trend line. I sort of alluded to that when I saw the Producing Artistic Director of this Hair production, Vincenzo Meduri, standing in front of the stage during intermission.

I couldn't resist going up to him to say how much I was enjoying the show. Which led to more enthusiastic blabbing on my part about how I felt he and the other Enlightened Theatrics folks were changing Salem for the better, energizing downtown and bringing new life to Oregon's overly staid capital city.

"I've lived here for 38 years," I told Meduri.

"So many times I've been hopeful that Salem, and particularly downtown, were turning the corner on becoming the diverse, creative, energetic city we have the potential to be, yet we never seem to get there. You guys are giving me new hope. I think you're going to be a really positive force for creative change in Salem."

Meduri reached out to give me a hug after I'd said my piece. That felt good. 

As did the hand extended by a cast member in the finale of Hair, where some audience members go up on stage to dance. I'd been sitting in my Row D aisle seat, watching other people in the audience join the cast, torn between a desire to jump up myself and ridiculous thoughts like Maybe there already are too many people on stage; it can't fit any more.

It just took that outstretched hand to change my mind to Yes, Yes, Yes, the message of one of my Strange Up Salem columns that I obviously don't take to heart as much as I should. A small gesture. A happy result. 

Because I enjoyed swaying back and forth with the cast member and dancing in my own old-guy fashion with others on stage. A female performer said "thank you" to me. I can't remember if I said "I'm the thankful one, for all of you Enlightened Theatrics folks," but I sure felt that way.

Bottom line: go see Hair while you can.

I highly recommended the show to someone today, saying "It will change your life." That isn't an exaggeration. I've run out of words, so won't dwell on how marvelous the acting, dancing, and music is. Believe me, it's like having a Broadway show manifest in Salem, but without the sky-high ticket price.

Read a couple of stories in the current issue of Salem Weekly if you have any doubts about seeing Hair. Here's an excerpt from "Hair in Salem; it's different this time."

Enlightened Theatrics mission includes its support of both local and national talent, which meant the team accepted video audition submissions from all over the country. “For three or four of them,” Meduri says, “this is their first show, and they’re really rising to the occasion.  You can’t tell them from the seasoned pros.”

Of the final cast of 21 people, 15 came from out of state; four are from Salem and two from Portland.

The energetic newcomers are joining Wockenfuss, in Salem for the first time herself.  “It’s refreshing how open it is here,” she says.  “Everyone I’ve met in town is so enthusiastic about this project and I’m excited to be here for the biggest production Enlightened Theatrics has done to date.”

And here's part of a review, "Enlightened's Hair brings down the house."

The current production of HAIR at Enlightened Theatrics is one of the best musicals I have seen, my favorite piece at Enlightened so far, and a gem in Salem’s theatrical scene. It is simply excellent theatre across the board. Expertly directed by Vincenzo Meduri and choreographed by Jessica Wockenfuss, the staging is fast, smooth, energetic, and visually stimulating.

As in previous Enlightened Theatrics productions, director/producer Meduri has assembled a team of professional talent from around the country. The vocal talent is outstanding; the rendition of the title song brought down the house. It is difficult to single-out any one performer from this fine cast, but I will say that male leads Drew Shafranek (Claude) and Jake Bivens (Berger) are charismatic, powerful, and beautiful enough that I could I can easily see them as leaders of a real-life commune (or a cult). 

Tell DirecTV, "2015 is the year to carry the Pac-12 Networks!"

With August having rolled around, it's time for me to start getting irritated again at DirecTV for not having reached a deal to carry the Pac-12 Networks. 

(This is my 2014 rant, which includes links to my previous rants.)

There's more hope this year than in the past.

The president of the Pac-12 Networks said that he is hopeful a deal can be worked out with DirecTV, now that it has been bought by AT&T. And a statement on the Pac-12 Networks web site raised my football spirits a bit:

We know that DirecTV subscribers have been frustrated not having access to Pac-12 Networks. Our biggest partner, AT&T, recently acquired DirecTV and we are working hard on strengthening and expanding our partnership to include carriage of Pac-12 Networks on DirecTV. With football season quickly approaching, we want to make sure Pac-12 Networks are available to fans on DirecTV in time for our opening games on September 3. While we have proven to be the most reliable link between our teams and our fans, we will not be satisfied until we have complete distribution for our fans.

OK. But I still wanted to send a message to DirecTV. If you're a DirecTV subscriber who wants to be able to get the Pac-12 Networks for a few cents a day, I encourage you to email DirecTV also. 

Here's my message:

So, in September 2015 am I going to again curse the day I signed up for DirecTV, as I have the previous years when football season starts and I can't watch all of the Oregon Ducks and OSU Beavers games?

I'm hoping that since you're now part of AT&T, the senseless corporate "pissing match" you've been engaged in with the Pac-12 Networks will come to an end.

You're losing more satisfied customers the longer football fans aren't able to watch ALL of the Pac-12 games. I realize that DirecTV says to its subscribers, "You'll be able to watch the important games, since they'll be shown on ESPN, Fox, etc."

Well, with the Oregon Ducks in position to vie for a national championship again, ALL of the team's games are important. I don't appreciate DirecTV telling me which Oregon games I should want to watch.

Yes, that includes Eastern Washington on September 5 -- less than a month away. If you don't reach a deal with the Pac-12 Networks this year, I'll be cursing you again, big time!

Photos of the oh-so-fun 2015 Oregon Country Fair

Like ex-hippie swallows returning annually to their tie-dyed nesting place, Laurel and I flew down I-5 from Salem to Veneta yesterday -- Oregon Country Fair time!

Even though marijuana became legal in Oregon on July 1, this didn't make any difference to the fair's ambience. Sure, per usual we smelled a few whiffs of pot here and there. But I didn't see any open marijuana use, in line with a story in the Eugene Register-Guard.

The Oregon Country Fair is wonderfully family-friendly. I can hardly wait to take my eight year old granddaughter to it. Though the fair is crowded, people are universally polite, patient, welcoming, and helpful.

(click a photo to enlarge)

When we arrived, advance tickets in hand, there was a long line at the "Will Call" booth. No problem. Everybody flowed with the temporary lack of flow.

We usually start out our visit to the fair with lunch at the Govinda's booth near the main entrance. Great vegetarian Indian food. We had a pleasant chat with this guy while standing in line. A first time visitor to the fair from Portland, he definitely knew how to dress for the occasion.

While eating our food, some "senior citizen" stilt walkers came by. I thought, This is a preview of Kim Kardashian in her later years. 

Congratulations to the bride!

Some of the life-forms at the fair appeared unacquainted with modern technology. By the way, I took these photos with my new point-and-shoot pocket camera, a Panasonic Lumix DMC-ZS50. I had a great time with it. Loved the 30x optical zoom.

The fair offers up terrific shopping at beautiful tree-shaded booths. Here's Laurel pondering some earrings. 

This looked like a great way to get around the fair. Now I just need to find a red wagon big enough for me, and someone strong enough to pull it.

Laurel blended in marvelously with some clothing booths.

Surprises abound along the winding paths. I was pleased to come across a bellydancer and her musical accompanist. 

I was struck by her beautiful, um, hands. 

This must mean... a parade is coming!

Yes, indeed'y. Visions in pink. 

Including a hard-hat worker.

It's difficult to imagine a more pleasant setting for a fair. It's really hard for me to think of going to the traditional asphalt-filled Oregon State Fair after enjoying the Oregon Country Fair. Just one word different in the names; a world of difference in the vibes. 

In addition to the rooted trees, we saw some walking vegetation at the fair.

Looking up is enjoyable at the leafy fair.

Laurel in a booth with late afternoon dappled light.


Consumed with a craving for berry crepes with whipped cream, we found ourselves in line behind a guy wearing creative colorful headgear. 


We ate our crepes while watching a musical group do their thing under a big bright tent.

The band was danceable. And people danced. Enthusiastically!


Like I said... enthusiastically. These two were more into Grateful Dead-style dancing. Not that I know what I'm talking about, having never been to a Grateful Dead concert. 


A "hardwood" dance floor has been added to the fair. Great decision. Bare feet or socks only. This couple had an engaging style. Laurel and I got out on the floor for one dance, then the band stopped playing. Boo-hoo! We wanted more!


Then Laurel grabbed a hoop from a Flow area (also with live music). She did damn well, after many years of hoop-absence.

From a far distance, as if through a long tunnel, I seemed to hear her say, "You should try it!" I demurred. To me hooping is like belly dancing: yeah, men can do it, but women look so much better doing it, men should be the admirers rather than the doers. 


Artistic boats floating in a peaceful pond. So Oregon Country Fair'ish.


Leaving the fair, I saw some people pointing in the air. Yeow! A bunch of kites were really high. This seemed like an appropriate photo to end with.

It also shows how well my above-mentioned Lumix camera does with the 30x zoom. Even though I was holding the camera in my semi-shaky hands, the stabilization feature did quite well at maximum zoom, focus-wise.

Cirque du Soleil's Verakai makes me want to join the circus. At 66.

Last night my wife and I journeyed up I-5 to Portland's Memorial Coliseum, where we were hugely entertained and inspired by Verekai, a typically indescribable Cirque du Soleil production. 

Indescribable, because Cirque du Soleil productions touch me like no other show. 

Partly because they are live. Partly because they are creative beyond belief. Partly because the men and women on stage perform physical feats I wouldn't believe were possible, if I wasn't seeing them with my own two eyes.

Which, with Verekai, were attached to a body that was sitting in a front row seat on the floor of the auditorium, just a few feet away from the Cirque du Soleil stage. I'd splurged on the seats, wanting to get as up close and personal with the performers as possible.

My bottom line review: watching Verekai made me want to join the circus.

Not a real circus. The circus of Living Life Fully and Creatively. We all can do this.

Run away from our longstanding habits, anxieties, worries, inhibitions, and every other psychological hang-up that makes us afraid to express ourselves authentically, freely letting out what bubbles up from our creative springs within, and join the Circus of Life that offers up continuous performances, 24/7, at no charge, if we simply say Yes, Yes, Yes.

There was so much Yes on stage last night, I hesitate to speak about it. Too many words might dilute the feelings that still powerfully resonate with me after seeing Verekai. 

But, hey, I'll take the risk. After I share some videos that will do some wordless talking. 

 

This is the official trailer. Doesn't do justice to the live production, of course.

 

This, surprisingly, is a whole freaking 54 minute video of Verekai that someone took at a Fresno, California show. Better watch it before the copyright police notice it. Or maybe the Cirque du Soleil folks are going to allow it to be left up as a very-extended advertisement of sorts.

 

Maybe because I've played around with several kinds of swords and staffs in my martial arts/Tai Chi training, one of the performers I was most impressed with was a young baton woman, who I believe is world champion Arisa Tanaka.

Amazing! The small video in the bottom right shows her performing while the drummer in the live Verekai band does his thing. See below for a focus on Tanaka.

 

This is Tanaka performing at the 2012 World Twirling Championships. Hard to believe she got second place. I watched some of the video of the first place performer. I think Tanaka got cheated. 

Of course, with Cirque du Soleil the performers have gone beyond winning and losing -- though many, if not most, must be champion gymnasts, dancers, and other competitive athletes/artists.

It is about creativity, risk-taking, giving your all, expressing yourself to the utmost, embracing the moment, daring to show the world what only you can reveal.

We all can do that. Doesn't matter who we are or what we like to do. We can run away and join the Circus of Life, dazzling ourselves and others with the intensity of our performances.

Even if this be knitting, cooking, woodworking, golfing, playing cards, socializing, or whatever.

It isn't the what but the free-flowing style that allows us to break free of self-imposed bonds and be a star performer in our own personal production.

Trevor Noah will be a great replacement for Jon Stewart

My wife and I have been worrying about Jon Stewart's departure from The Daily Show, which comes on the heels of Steven Colbert's ending of The Colbert Report -- two stressful events for us.

So when I saw today that Trevor Noah has been named as Stewart's replacement, I wasn't sure whether this was good or bad news. 

We're not wild about The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, which is a big step down from The Colbert Report. Wilmore and company are OK, but not nearly as watchable as Colbert. Usually we skip it and just watch The Daily Show.

After watching several clips of Trevor Noah, it looks like The Daily Show will be in good hands.

I actually find his style and sense of humor more enjoyable than Jon Stewart's -- who often is annoyingly over-the-top with all of his laughing at his own jokes. We also don't like his sophomoric on-set pieces with Daily Show "correspondents."

Vox has a good selection of short Noah videos in "How Trevor Noah will transform the Daily Show, explained in 7 of his funniest clips."

The one below is, as the article says, the best way to get a feel for Noah. It's laugh out loud funny, along with some biting social commentary.

 

I also enjoyed another clip, which wonderfully encapsulates my own take on traffic lights from a pedestrian's perspective.

Yeah, they're suggestions, not commandments. If no cars are coming, I cross the street, even if a "Don't Walk" message is beaming at me. Laurel, my wife, is much more British in this regard. 

 

Sadly, I am forced to be my own Salem's Oscar "red carpet" paparazzi

Yesterday my wife and I decided to watch the Oscars at the Northern Lights theatre pub in south Salem, rather than, per usual, sit at home with each other in front of our TV.

Carlee Wright and Tom Rastrelli, who are Statesman Journal newspaper staff, did a great job organizing and hosting the event.

We enjoyed viewing the Oscars with a bunch of other people. During commercial breaks Carlee and Tom keep everybody entertained with Academy Award trivia questions and other stuff. And the really big TV screen was cool.

Laurel and I decided to dress up. In our own fashion. We didn't have anything far-out to wear, so Laurel went with a glittery top and I dragged my rarely-worn black sports coat, tie, and slacks out of a closet. 

Given how informal Salem is, I figured that this would get us at least a modicum of attention at the Northern Lights "red carpet." However, unfortunately our arrival at the theatre parking lot coincided with another couple's. 

And they had a lot more going for them, fashion-wise.

The woman had on some striking very-high-heeled shoes; the guy had on bluish shoes, along with matching dark glasses frames and a like-colored shirt. I was reduced to standing aside and snapping some photos with my iPhone.

However, when I checked the Statesman Journal photos of the event, I saw that a photo of me did indeed appear. Sadly, it was just of me from the side, admiring the guy's shoes.

(Note to the Statesman Journal legal department: I realize that your photos are copyrighted, but I feel like I should be able to share a screenshot of what my computer sees when it visits your public web site. A bit of Googling revealed that putting a screenshot on a blog is indeed generally "fair use.")

So I was reduced to handing my iPhone to my wife and having her take a photo of my unusually well-dressed self. When I looked at it, though, I felt like it didn't really capture the essence of my Red Carpet persona. 

After all, I'd spent a whole ten minutes getting ready for this event. I also had picked out a pair of designer dark glasses that my daughter had given me (she is the sales manager for a high-end LA-area eyewear company).

Given that my humility was already in serious question after I'd posted this tweet during the Northern Lights Oscar event, I decided that I might as well take some selfies of myself at home before my outfit went back into the closet.

A close-up shot did seem to capture a vague (OK, very vague) George Clooney'esque vibe. But I still wasn't satisfied.

It was only after I found another camera angle in front of one of the animal art pieces which grace our home that I felt like my Red Carpet vibe had been adequately captured. 

Sadly, this was long after, and nowhere near, Salem's Oscar event.

It did make me feel good, though, that the cow appeared to be paying rapt attention to me, all dressed-up in my black tie outfit. Now I have a vague (OK, very vague) sense of what it is like to walk the actual Academy Awards red carpet.
---------------

Update: in a comment, someone wondered where a photo of my wife, Laurel is. Well, she doesn't like to have her photo taken as much as I do, though she should -- since she is a lot more attractive than I am.

To make amends, here's a "joint selfie" photo I took recently when I was told the New York Post needed one of both of us for the story they did on hippie retirement communities (which was largely based on one of my blog posts). 

Not having a decent recent photo of the two of us, and being given a short deadline by the reporter, I took one inside our house that actually didn't turn out too bad. Mysterious looking, given our woodsy home interior, with light coming in from a hidden window. 

For the photo that was used, thankfully, see:
http://hinessight.blogs.com/hinessight/2014/11/new-york-post-features-us-in-story-about-hippie-retirement-communities.html

Why you should watch porn rather than Fifty Shades of Grey

Given the generally dismal reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey, the advice of these women to watch real porn instead makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, there's a 30 second commercial to sit through at first, but the Funny Or Die "5 Reasons" video is worth a half minute of your time. The last reason, support independent cinema, is compelling by itself.

5 Reasons Pornstars Hate 50 Shades Of Grey from Funny Or Die

We watch "The Interview" on Christmas Day. And like it!

It seemed fitting for us heathen unbelievers to finish watching "The Interview" Christmas evening.

Plates of Tofurkey perched before us on TV tables, memories of a completely non-religious day resting in our heads, pleased to perform our patriotic duty by silently screaming Hands off our right to enjoy tasteless sexist frat-boy humor, North Korea! via my brave commitment to free speech by allowing Google Play to charge $5.99 to our credit card so we could stream the movie and watch it at home.

(OK, experts are beginning to suspect that North Korea wasn't responsible for the hacking of Sony, but that undermines my pleasurable feeling of sticking it to that country's nasty leader, Kim Jong-Un, when we watched The Interview, so I choose to ignore that very real possibility.)

My wife, Laurel, and I enjoyed the film more than we thought we would. Mostly because our expectations were very low, given what we'd heard about the The Interview before seeing it. 

However, before trusting our judgment of the movie keep in mind that we also like the humor of South Park. Bathroom humor appeals to us. Along with dark, twisted, ironic joking around. That said, The Interview only had a few laugh-out-loud moments for us.

But since we rarely laugh out loud at any movie, this was a compliment to the makers of The Interview. 

We would have watched it at Salem Cinema, our local independent artsy theatre, but I'd already forked out the $5.99 to Google Play before learning it was going to be shown Christmas Day at Salem Cinema. It turned out that there was one big advantage to seeing the movie at home, though.

I could pause our Roku player when the dialogue became inaudible to me because my wife was engaging in her habit of rather loudly pointing out flaws in the logical structure of a movie's plot line.

"That couldn't really happen." "This doesn't make sense." "There's no way that could be real." "Nobody would actually do that."

Though I find this annoying, usually Laurel only makes comments like those a few times during a movie, so I've learned to let them pass through one husbandly ear and out the other, a skill all long-married men acquire.

Over the years I've done my best to clue my wife in to a basic fact about filmmaking, but obviously it hasn't sunk in. (Maybe because long-married women acquire the same skill their husbands do.)

"This is a freaking movie!" I'll say. "It's fictional, made-up, not real. If I wanted to only see things that could happen in real life, I'd just live my boring predictable life. Movies show us an alternative reality. They don't have to make sense!"

Sometimes I add some concluding zest to my response after Laurel interrupts a movie we're watching with one of her That doesn't look real comments. "One of these days Alice...one of these days, bam, zoom, straight to the moon."

The problem is, since she's a retired psychotherapist who did a lot of domestic abuse counseling, Laurel knows that my tough talk obviously is an empty threat. It didn't work for Ralph in The Honeymooners, and it doesn't work for me.

So I wasn't surprised when I had to keep hitting the pause button during our watching of The Interview. My wife had lots of observations about absurdities in the movie. What did surprise me was when I started to pause the movie to do the same thing.

Which gets to my main criticism of The Interview. If a film is meant to be farcical, go all out. If a film is meant to be serious, go all out. Clearly farcical dominates The Interview.

However, it also tries to make some semi-serious observations about the power of popular media in this country, the absurdity of treating an authoritarian dictator like a divine being, and such. And the whole notion of making a movie around the theme of assassinating a real person who is still alive... hey, that's pretty damn serious.

Thus it bothered me when the filmmakers didn't even try to make The Interview farcically believable. Great movie humor makes fun of a situation that appears real to the viewer. For example, Woody Allen's many films about male-female relationships, and his own fear of death.

I'm fine with craziness in a movie, but I like it to make some sort of twisted sense within the unreality of the film. Meaning, I like being taken away into an alternative reality, yet within that reality things should unfold in a fitting fashion.

This is why I paused streaming of The Interview myself during the farcical tiger scene. Sure, it was funny. Fart jokes hugely appeal to my still adolescent sense of humor. Butt/anal jokes are a related genre that reliably make me laugh. 

But that scene bothered my sense of minimally acceptable cinematic credibility.

The characters played by Seth Rogen and James Franco have just been ushered into a massive fortress palace of Kim Jong-Un. It's very well guarded. The guards are competent enough to do a good job of sniffing out a poisonous packet the Franco character has hidden in a pack of gum.

However, when the Rogen character slips out of a window of the palace to retrieve a replacement packet being dropped by an American drone, there's no security outside and no walls between the fortress and the countryside.

And when guards finally show up after the drone package (fortunately sized to barely fit up Rogen's butt, where he hides it) hits the tiger and kills it, they are blissfully unconcerned about how an unfit American TV show producer was able to slay a large tiger with his bare hands.

The scene would have been funnier with a bit more realism. As would the entire movie. Again, I feel like humor works best when the audience can identify with the joke. "Hey, I've been there and done that kind of thing myself!"

The Interview was so far-out, so farcical, so unbelievable, it was like watching a cartoon show. Except, a cartoon show like South Park seems like an absurdist reflection of the real world, whereas The Interview didn't feel at all that way to me.

But we liked it. Chinese viewers seem to be liking The Interview also. The Global Times, a nationalistic tabloid owned by the Communist Party-run People’s Daily, not so much.

Some in Hollywood argue that countries made fun of in their movies should have a sense of humor and not to react too strongly against the mockery. 

But what if the targets of assassin in the movies were the kings of Saudi Arabia or Thailand, or the state leaders of Indonesia or Singapore? 

The protests would be exceptionally strong, and the entertainment companies in the US might also end up in big troubles. 

No matter how the US society looks at North Korea and Kim Jong-un, Kim is still the leader of the country. The vicious mocking of Kim is only a result of senseless cultural arrogance.

Senseless cultural arrogance. Seems like the Global Times has the United States pegged pretty accurately. We do make funny tasteless movies, though. Got to give us credit for that.

Curses on DirecTV and Pac-12 Network after I miss Mariota's last home game

This being a halfway family-friendly blog, I'll let readers of this post mentally fill in their favorite profanities to shower on DirecTV and the Pac-12 Network after... 

Once #%!@#! again yesterday, I missed a U of O football game that I #%!@#! wanted to see because you two #%!@#! corporate idiots have persisted in your pissing match over DirecTV being able to show Pac-12 Network games, which has now gone on for three #%!@#! years!!!!!!!

That said, I readily admit that I too may be a #%!@#! idiot.

Because, as noted in this post, I renewed our DirecTV subscription last August even though I knew, or at least strongly suspected, it again wouldn't carry Pac-12 Network games this football season.

So I missed a couple of early University of Oregon football games that were only shown on the Pac-12 Network. That didn't bother me hugely (just considerably), because they were early season blowouts -- the reason the games weren't picked up by ESPN, Fox, or a channel I can actually watch on DirecTV.

But yesterday the Ducks played Colorado at home.

It almost certainly was quarterback Marcus Mariota's last home game, since he likely will turn pro after his junior season. Mariota is the leading Heisman Trophy candidate at the moment. He's a big part, no, the main part, of the reason why the Ducks are the #3 team in the country.

I love to watch him. I would have loved to see the emotional farewell he got at Autzen stadium after the Ducks coach pulled him out of the game after the first play of the fourth quarter. However, because of the #%!@#! DirecTV and Pac-12 Network contract dispute, I couldn't see the game.

All I could do was read Jason Quick's piece in the Oregonian today, "Marcus Mariota leaves Autzen Stadium, but not without a shower of love and a final word."

EUGENE — On a cold and wet November evening, in an otherwise forgettable game, a moment to remember was burned into Oregon football lore Saturday during the Ducks' 44-10 victory over Colorado.

Marcus Mariota, the greatest player in program history, joined the huddle on the Ducks' first drive of the fourth quarter, and in an orchestrated move was replaced by Jeff Lockie after one snap.

...Autzen Stadium erupted in an outpouring of love.

Inside the press box, where media is prohibited from cheering, a writer for a Eugene website stood up and applauded.

As play resumed, the crowd began chanting MAR-I-O-TA.

If there has ever been a more special farewell, long time athletic department officials can't remember it.

"It will be one of those things I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my life,'' Mariota said.

Hey, that's great, Marcus. I just wish I and other DirecTV subscribers could have had the opportunity to see your farewell ovation and be able to hold it close to our hearts also.

Instead, what's in my heart is this: f__k you DirecTV, and f__k you Pac-12 Network!!!!!

For three years you've been squabbling over the equivalent of corporate pennies while subscribers and fans get screwed over by not being able to see Pac-12 games that aren't carried by other broadcasters. I hope all of the DirecTV executives responsible for this mess get fired when AT&T completes its acquisition of DirecTV.

As for Pac-12 Network executives, you guys are equally responsible for my pissed-off mood, so I'll extend to you the Yiddish curse that I directed to DirecTV in a previous rant. 

May you get passage out of the old village safely, and when you settle, may you fall into the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians is finishing a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer.

Here's my previous posts on this irritating subject.

2014. Still no Pac-12 Network on DirecTV. Am I an idiot to renew?
DirecTV Pac-12 Network excuses are annoying
Tell DirecTV how you feel about not getting Pac-12 games
2012 Oregon-OSU Civil War game not on DirecTV. Curses!
Trying to be positive as DirecTV lacks Pac-12 Network
DirecTV raises rates 5%. Still no Pac 12 Network 

My fart-filled investigation into Nicki Minaj's feminist credentials

Until recently I was disturbingly unaware of several important bits of information relating to female rapper Nicki Minaj.

Though I'm 65, not exactly Minaj's target audience, I still try to keep up on youth culture by watching the MTV Video Music Awards each year and...

Um. Well. Let me think. And...

OK, not much else. 

Still, I was vaguely aware of Minaj's assets, so to speak, having noticed somewhere the difficult-to-forget image of her album.

What truly drew me into learning more about Minaj, though, was coming across a mention of how someone had added fart sounds to her "Anaconda" video. Believe me, anytime I see the words "fart sounds," I will damn well click on that link. 

I was hugely glad that I did. So was my wife. We laughed uncontrollably at the video. 

Naturally I then became curious about what Minaj's original Anaconda video was like, since some (well, a lot) of the sexual allure was obscured by the fart-sounds. 

That video also was appealing. Sorry, it can't be embedded. Watch on You Tube. With over 146 million views, obviously many other people felt the same way.

Not everyone though. Browsing through some comments on the above-linked video, I noted some along the lines of "I can't believe Minaj is considered to be a feminist."

Now, I am totally comfortable -- no, more than that, highly approving -- of women who shake their asses seductively in the course of making a cultural statement about female empowerment.

At the same time, I could understand why some would question Minaj's feminist credentials given the lyrics to "Anaconda."

Which include:

Don't don't don't, my anaconda don't
Don't want none unless you got buns, hun

Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt

Yeah, he love this fat ass
Yeah, this one is for my bitches with a fat ass in the fucking club
I said, where my fat ass big bitches in the club?
Fuck those skinny bitches, fuck those skinny bitches in the club
I wanna see all the big fat ass bitches in the motherfucking club
Fuck you if you skinny bitches WHAT?

I got a big fat ass
Come on

This does seem to set women in the "fat ass" category against the "skinny bitch" contingent, though maybe just in the "fucking club." Not sure about the grocery store, coffeehouse, or PTA meeting. 

I then sought further enlightenment about Minaj's feminism through the Great God Google. Here's an excerpt from "Nicki Minaj's Feminism Isn't About Your Comfort Zone: On 'Anaconda' and Respectability Politics."

Nicki Minaj is not a woman who easily slides into the roles assigned to women in her industry or elsewhere. She’s not polished, she’s not concerned with her reputation, and she’s certainly not fighting for equality among mainstream second-wave feminists.

She’s something else, and she’s something equally worth giving credence to: a boundary-breaker, a nasty bitch, a self-proclaimed queen, a self-determined and self-made artist. She’s one of the boys, and she does it with the intent to subvert what it means. She sings about sexy women, about fucking around with different men. She raps about racing ahead in the game, imagines up her own strings of accolades, and rolls with a rap family notorious for dirty rhymes, foul mouths, and disregard for authority and hegemony.

While Beyoncé has expanded feminist discourse by reveling in her role as a mother and wife while also fighting for women’s rights, Minaj has been showing her teeth in her climb to the top of a male-dominated genre. Both, in the process, have expanded our society’s idea of what an empowered women looks like — but Minaj’s feminist credentials still frequently come under fire.

To me, it seems like a clear-cut case of respectability politics and mainstreaming of the feminist movement: while feminist writers raved over Beyoncé’s latest album and the undertones of sexuality and empowerment that came with it, many have questioned Minaj’s decisions over the years to subvert beauty norms using her own body, graphically talk dirty in her work, and occasionally declare herself dominant in discourse about other women.

That concluding link led me a Salon article, "Nicki Minaj's retroactive feminism: How the biggest female rapper stops just short of being the best feminist."

Minaj truly can be a wonderful role model in the way she encourages embodying your own destiny. But this interview on Nightline, in which she forgoes naming herself a “feminist” in lieu of “girl power,” brought to light exactly what her feminism is about: the 1990s.

If you’ll recall, in the ’90s, the term “girl power” was invoked by the Spice Girls and other corporate entities to neuter the explicit feminism inherent in other music of the day—the in-your-face woman power of Yo Yo, the subversive energy of Bikini Kill, as two examples.

“Girl power” feminism ushered in a convoluted feminism that gave birth to sentiments like “I am the female Weezy”: sex positivity was often framed as “if men can be promiscuous, so can I”; throwback glamour to the ’50s and ’60s was framed as countercultural, rather than retroactive.Minaj’s invocation of the term recalls that era. And while complex, complicated definitions of feminism are important to its progression—there is a point in which the water gets stale. We’ve heard it all before.

Perhaps so.

This is why the fart-enhanced video of Minaj's "Anaconda" is so important. It takes a wrecking ball to the patriarchal ideology of what a female rapper music video should be, subverting the culturally dominant male gaze through radical humor. 

Or something like that.

2014. Still no Pac-12 Network on DirecTV. Am I an idiot to renew?

As I begin to write this post, the Oregon-South Dakota game -- kicking off the 2014 season for the Ducks -- will begin in nine minutes.

I won't be watching it because of two goddamn corporate assholes.

I live in the boonies of rural south Salem, 20 minutes from a sports bar. I have DirecTV, which is still in a three year long pissing match with the Pac 12 Network, with both sides throwing insults at each other (see preceding links).

So I'll be listening to the Ducks game on the radio. Sure, the nailbiter in this mis-matchup will be whether the Ducks win by 70 points or more. 

But contrary to what DirecTV thinks, I freaking WANT to watch every Oregon and Oregon State game, even if they are blowouts.

DirecTV has said that their customers will be able to see games "with the most national or conference title implications" on ESPN and other channels DirecTV carries.

That's a stupid thing to say.

Oregon has a good chance of being one of the top teams in the country this years. It's now ranked #3. EVERY game is important to Oregon's national title chances, including the blowouts.

But here's the possibly idiotic thing: yesterday I took advantage of DirecTV's offer to give me a free Genie HD receiver if I renewed with them for another two years.

I don't feel like a complete idiot, just a maybe one, because we had DISH network before and it ended up irritating me even more than DirecTV does. I like everything about DirecTV except the lack of the Pac-12 Network.

So I stuck with the bastards, figuring that all big media companies are S.O.B.'s; it's just a matter of degree.

Like this guy says, there's little or no chance DirecTV and the Pac-12 Network will work out a deal this year.  Which sucks. 

Just about the only positive take on the situation I could find is this piece, "The Pac-12 Network's schedule is its greatest failure." For DirecTV customers, failure means the only bright spot.

The way DirecTV sees it, the best football games the Pac-12 offers are already available to its customers. That's because the conference lets ESPN and Fox cherry-pick the top games each week, often just six or 12 days before kickoff. [...]

"Even though it is unwilling to invest its best games into its own channel, the conference has still established a high price for Pac-12 Networks and refuses to compromise," DirecTV spokesman Thomas Tyrer said.

Thus the situation could be a lot worse, if the Pac-12 Network kept the best games for itself. I'm thankful it doesn't. But otherwise I'm still pissed at both DirecTV and the Pac-12 Network. 

As I have been since 2012. Here's my previous rants.

DirecTV Pac-12 Network excuses are annoying
Tell DirecTV how you feel about not getting Pac-12 games
2012 Oregon-OSU Civil War game not on DirecTV. Curses!
Trying to be positive as DirecTV lacks Pac-12 Network
DirecTV raises rates 5%. Still no Pac 12 Network

Well, it's now close to the end of the first quarter. 21-3 Oregon.

Could be an 80 point win if the starters stay in. Feels like I'm back in high school, circa 1965, listening to SF Giants baseball games on a transistor radio. Now I'm using an iPhone.

Retro, but irritating, since it is 2014. Get your acts together, DirecTV and Pac-12 Network. 

Photos of 2014 Oregon Country Fair -- yes, yes, yes!

Man, I so love the Oregon Country Fair in Veneta. Every year my wife and I feel joyful and rejuvenated when we attend on our usual opening Friday. 

If only the entire freaking United States could be this loving, this uninhibited, this creative, this yes-yes-yes (a Fair slogan) ALL of the time.

After parking our car, we came across a talented couple outside the entrance gate who reminded us that everyday reality is much enhanced during the three days of the fair.

We had bought tickets months ago in anticipation of our annual secular-sacred July pilgrimage to a land where a fierce friendly creature greets visitors. I guess "the dragon ate my ticket" would have been a good excuse if I'd misplaced my entry pass.

Their bike seemed way too big for them. Or they were too smal for the bike. Or something. No need to figure stuff out at the Oregon Country Fair. Just flow with ...whatever.

Lucky us! A parade passed by soon after we started our tour of the winding paths that lead through the fair.

I was able, but just barely, to squeeze into the always-popular belly dancing viewing area. The only place to stand was right in front of a tree. But that only enhanced the view.

Because it seemed like the beautiful woman was dancing with the tree. Or the tree was dancing with her. 

Briefly she and the tree became one.

An Oregon Country Fair path-side conversation between friends. 

This sure seemed like a possible purchase -- Laurel's favorite colors. But she passed it by. So many booths, so little time. The cloudy rainless 80 degree'ish weather today was perfect for pleasant browsing. Not nearly as hot as it sometimes is at the fair. 

A broom danced on top of this booth. Which was selling brooms.

The whole ambience of the Oregon Country Fair is like no other, in large part because of the beautiful natural setting.

Marvelous colors stand out against the often-mossy greenery.

We encountered Matt Trickey, who works at LifeSource Natural Foods here in Salem. He was peddling "fossillized mushrooms." OK... Whatever, Matt. He tried to explain what they were to me, but wasn't making any sense. Matt might have been under the influence of non-fossillized mushrooms.

Or maybe I was. Because I could completely get what this guy was telling me.

This was one of my favorite booths. I could live happily in this simple booth-cottage. (If it had high-speed Internet. And a big screen TV.)

Here's another high-tech/low-tech juxtaposition. A kid was perusing his iPad, I think it was, from inside a woven wood sculpture.

The drumming circle was filled with happy energy. This guy with a flute accompanied the drummers skillfully.

Another parade!

The parade's band members ended up at Stage Left to be part of a vaudeville show. During the show a cast member asked the audience, "What's the most boring town!" Naturally I yelled out "Salem" as loud as I could.

So sad... we had to leave in late afternoon.


Along with Nancy and Steve, friends from Salem who came to the fair with us.

Walking back to our car, I came across a "throne" that gave me regal ideas. I liked the notion of blessing  admiring throngs with a vague dismissive gesture of my kingly hand.

Initially throngless, I managed to find one peasant willing to stand by my throne and receive her lord's blessing. (Just barely willing, though, judging from her expression.)

A final parking area image.

I'll be part of Stories from the Dark Side. Existential angst, be mine!

OK, blog post title philosophical nit-pickers, the emotional core I want to get in touch with for my Stories from the Dark Side bit isn't exactly existential angst. But it's close.

I'm thrilled to be part of the next Stories from the Dark Side: Thursday, May 29, Grand Theatre, 7 pm. Tickets $10 in advance, $15 at door. Oregon Crêpe Company and Santiam Brewing Co. will be offering food, wine, and beer before the event starts at, I think, 7:30.

I've got a good dark story to share, as do the other presenters.

You can see who other dark story-tellers are on the Stories from the Dark Side Facebook page. For one, Rob Melton, a.k.a. Rob the Bartender, will be back to tell another shadowy tale.

The great thing about this event, from my story-teller perspective, is that it's a win-win deal. If my story comes off all entertaining and enjoyable, great.

But if I bomb on stage, hideously embarassing myself, and I slink off afterward into the downtown night, depressed, despondent, and disturbed beyond belief -- hey, I'll have material for another Dark Side story! 

I'm already bothered that the bio I wrote for the event organizers is longer than anyone else's. Makes me look like a self-centered, egotistical, blabby guy who likes to talk about himself.

Which, now that I think about it, is pretty damn accurate.

I'm so outraged at Jen Selter's "butt selfies," I had to look at them three times

My intellectual interest in Jen Selter arose when I read a piece on Jezebel, "We Need to Talk About 'Butt Selfie Queen' Jen Selter."

Though I noticed two photos of Selter at the top of the page, I hurried past them to study what I hoped would be a serious post-modern feminist critique of the objectification of women -- a practice that I have heard about, but naturally have no personal experience with, given my lifelong heterosexual male practice of paying attention only to a woman's inner essence, not her bodily form.

The article, sadly, turned out to be a complaint that Selter's white girl self-booty-deification was a ripoff of big-ass-worshipping that communities of color have been engaging in for a long time. The author, Kara Brown, felt so strongly about this she wrote it in ALL CAPS.

JENNIFER LOPEZ KICKED OFF THE POPULARIZATION AND ACCEPTANCE OF BIG ASSES IN THE MAINSTREAM–A TRAIT THAT HAS BEEN PRESENT AND CELEBRATED IN BLACK AND LATINO COMMUNITIES IN AMERICA SINCE BASICALLY FOREVER.

So I decided to conduct my own feminist research into the Jen Selter phenomenon, who has been featured in Vanity Fair (this is a photo from the magazine). 

I started with her Instagram account.

Right away I noticed that Jen Selter has over 3,200,000 followers who have ogled her 400+ posts. Wanting to keep tabs of this outrageous objectification of a curvaceous young woman, I increased her "Follow" numbers by one more.

My first pass through her Instagram photos went fairly quickly, since I mainly wanted to get the lay of the land regarding Jen Selter, so to speak. She did indeed emphasize a certain posterior area of her female geography, though her chest came in for close attention also.

I then attempted what I thought might be impossible for me: put myself in the frame of mind of a man who looked upon Selter only as a gorgeous collection of body parts, someone to be fantasized about as a sex object rather than a living, breathing, loving, learning human being.

As difficult as it was for my elevated male-feminist mind to do, I went through Selter's Instagram and Facebook photos more slowly another time, trying to imagine which ones would appeal to me the most if I was the sort of crude ass-and-boobs objectifying man which I so obviously am not.

The top three results of my research follow.

 

I will, of course, continue to monitor Jen Selter's Instagram account and Facebook page for even more egregious examples of her objectification. I've re-checked her photos for a third time, and will keep on doing so in my research efforts regarding her misguided attempt to reign as the "butt selfie queen." 

Hey, someone has to do it. I'm pretty sure most of her 3,200,000 Instagram followers aren't motivated by the pure feminist reasons that led me to spend so much time gazing upon Selter's ass and boobs.

Jesus explains to Sarah Silverman when life begins

Finally. We've got a divine revelation that settles a vexing abortion rights question.

"Jesus, when does life begin?'"

"At forty." (laughter) "The fertilized eggs aren't people. People are people." ... "But, people who believe fertilized eggs are people are people too. You have to love them."

Done. Settled. Finis. 

Jesus Christ, son of God, had this interchange with Sarah Silverman. I know, because I've seen the You Tube video. 

And we all know that everything on the Internet is true.

Watch. And believe.

 

Wow! 10 year old girl drummer really has got the beat

Being semi-rhythm impaired (I've gotten a bit better after lots of dance lessons), watching this young girl play the drums looks akin to magic to me. 

Beautiful magic. I don't believe in reincarnation, but if I'm wrong, being reborn as someone with the ability to do this would be just fine. 

 

"Gravity" movie messes up some basic physics

Last night my wife and I saw Gravity, 3-D style, at Salem's eating/drinking-friendly Cinebarre movie house. 

My overall impression was great movie.

Not least, because no matter how bad a day I have from now on, remembering what it was like for Sandra Bullock to be lost in orbit, oxygen almost depleted, with no apparent way back to Earth, utterly isolated, will remind me that there are way worse sorts of days.

Watching Gravity, though, there were times when my semi-scientific mind went Huh? How could that be?

It turns out that I was justified in my skepticism about the physical plausibility of what I was seeing. Check out 'Gravity': Panel of astro-experts on the science behind the film. 

I recommend reading the Entertainment Weekly story only after you see the movie. There are some spoilers in there.

However, it won't give anything away to say that my #1 skeptical scene in Gravity also was singled out by the experts for special criticism. (I've edited out some spoilers in the quotes below.)

PP: Yeah, that scene was the one scene in the whole movie where I kind of went, “I have a hard time forgiving this.” ... She’s stopped, there’s nothing pulling on him now, it’s not like she’s hanging from a tree holding on to his wrist. There’s no force on him, all she had to do was very gently pull on the tether and he would have come floating up to her....

LC: Yeah, that was a horribly inaccurate thing. They stopped, so there’s nothing else pulling on him...The physics on that is totally wrong.

Super cute 4 year old dancing "gangnam style"

This video made me smile, a lot. And realize all is right with the world. So long as little girls dressed up for a wedding can dance with such energy and joy.

Have a watch. And laugh. (She warms up after a minute or two; her marvelous Gangnam style gets going after that.)

Twerking videos to clue in the clueless

I am hugely proud that my wife and I watched the recent MTV Video Music Awards. We are hip, with-it, cool seniors (both 64 years old) who appreciate the youthful side of life.

Like Miley Cyrus's uninhibited tongue-protruding booty-shaking performance at the VMA's. I liked Lady Gaga more, but we were impressed with how fully Miley has left behind her clean-cut Hannah Montana days.

Miley is on the right; Gaga on the left.

Both demonstrated a marvelous fact of modern culture: it is totally fine for females to strip almost naked and gyrate on national TV, but men must preserve their clothed dignity, by and large. I'm fine with this; my feminista wife, Laurel, not so much.

Our with-it'ness was not complete, though.

When I read stories about Miley's performance, I kept seeing references to her twerking. I was clueless about what this word meant. Laurel was also. We did correctly guess that it must have something to with either tongues or hips.

A bit of You Tube searching revealed the truth in the form of a "how to" video that has amassed 13,300,000 views. Good to know that people know what is important to learn in life.

 

I felt like I had the moves down in just a minute or so of practice. However, Laurel scoffed at my twerking. "Your butt is barely moving," she told me. I defensively argued back that Wikipedia says twerking usually is done by women (for obvious reasons).

 

This video convinced me that Wikipedia is absolutely on target. Though she does not win the booty-shaking competition, the blonde girl puts her heart butt into it at minutes 2 and 4 of the video. 

 

Each of the competitors puts Miley Cyrus to twerking shame. I had never seen her official "We Can't Stop" video. Spending three and a half minutes of my life watching it, I had difficulty thinking of any other 210 seconds I've experienced that was more painful. Maybe a root canal.

As an alternative, I recommend the video below to Miley Cyrus twerking fans. It is silent, probably for copyright reasons. But it appropriately focuses on the only redeeming quality of the "We Can't Stop" video: her ass.

 

Photos of wonderfully weird 2013 Oregon Country Fair

Friday Laurel and I made our annual pilgrimage south from staid sleepy Salem to the wonderfully bizarre, creative, and energetic Oregon Country Fair in Veneta-- one of the wonders of the world. 

(Including extra-terrestrial worlds; can't believe there is anything like the Oregon Country Fair anywhere in the universe.)

Here's some photographic glimpses of what we encountered. 

Soon after entering the Fair, we came across these two girls performing a charming "butterfly dance" to a group's music. Video recording isn't allowed at the Oregon Country Fair. Wish it was. The girls were enchanting.

These guys appeared to be shopping for an addition to their already impressive outfits at one of the many craft booths lining the Fair's shaded treed pathways.

I saw an unusually tall girl making her way through fairgoers.

When she passed me, I understood the source of her tallness.

Here's Laurel, my wife, with her blue hat and Most Colorful Backpack at the 2013 Oregon Country Fair. The girl next to her just had an attractive back.

In the mottled sun of a tye-dye booth, this guy looked like a fair-going human chameleon blending in with his environment.

So did my wife.

Kids often travel in style at the Oregon Country Fair. 

Mr. Video, or whatever he was called, is behind the picture frame -- a real live video game character. The kid in the lower left corner manipulates a joystick that "controls" Mr. Video, who yells out feedback to the game-player. Highly creative and entertaining. Only at the Oregon Country Fair...

People of all sorts take the opportunity to show their stuff.

I found some of that "stuff" more enjoyable to observe than other varieties. But, hey, it's all good.

Over at the Main Stage area this girl was demonstrating some skilled hula hoop moves to rockin' music. Loved to watch her. Had no idea what it's possible to do with a hula hoop.

Best alternative to the usual "Pick Up" sign ever. 

The booths blend harmoniously with their natural surroundings. This display looked like a colorful clothes river cascading out of the forest.

Perfect bathroom karma! While doing my, um, thing, I heard the sound of a parade approaching. Just had enough time to rush out of the stall and fire up my camera.

Laurel and I loved this tree. Couldn't capture the oak's full width and height in a single photo. Amazing tree.

Laurel, pausing along a tree-lined fair lane.

We took a break and sat on a bridge bench next to a man who seemed to be an Oregon Country Fair regular. People would say "Hi Ducks Guy!" to him. Major Oregon fan, obviously. Blended in well with the green foliage.

I call this photo, "Woman Contemplating Necklace Purchase." Ah, the concentration, the focus. Laurel, my wife, often has been told "you look like Joni Mitchell." True.

Just another Oregon Country Fair-goer. After a few minutes at the Fair, "normal" is redefined to mean whatever. I love the oft-seen banner at the Fair: yes, yes, yes.

Near the end of our time at the Fair we paused to watch an animated accordionist sing and play in a beautiful tent setting. Usually don't find accordian-playing too enjoyable, but this guy was great.

Leaving the fair, we encountered a Bug Man. First photo I took was before the wings unfolded. Glad I waited around to catch the full extended glory.

2013 World Beat Festival -- great multi-cultural fun

Every year I look forward to Salem's World Beat Festival. I'm never disappointed. For the suggested $5 donation you really get your money's worth. 

Today I was fortunate to arrive just in time to see a Japanese Martial Arts demonstration featuring students from Tokyo International University of America here in Salem. Highly enjoyable. Loved the drumming!

Also loved the veggie Himalayan noodle plate from the Kathmandu Cafe -- my usual World Beat lunch.

It's great to see lots of people out and about, enjoying themselves. Sadly, this is rarer than it should be in Salem. For a city of over 150,000, the citizenry is decidedly hidden most of the time.

Downtown, where the World Beat Festival is held at the riverfront, usually lacks this sort of happy energy. We need more of it.

Simple fun gathering places make a city more than bricks, concrete, and asphalt. Riverfront Park's splash fountain was a big hit with kids (and some adults) on this 90 degree late June day. It'd be nice if the Historic District had a mini-park with a fountain like this; sure would be better than vacant lots.

Walking by the river, just past the last World Beat Festival booths, I'm always reminded by how poorly Salem makes use of its riverfront. It's easily missed by downtown visitors, since you have to cross a very busy street and a large expanse of grass to get to the Willamette.

The SJPix guy was at the festival, taking photos of people who posed in front of a Statesman Journal front page mock-up. I walked by him at first, then my Inner Exhibitionist took control of me. 

I got out a Ninja Fan that I'd bought at an Asia-Pacific booth. I've played around with a fan in my Tai Chi classes a few times. My instructor knows a fan form that looks really cool, with the snappy openings and closings. 

I could tell that my Ninja Fan had a nice snap to it, even with my decidedly crappy current opening and closing technique. (Fans can be martial arts weapons.)

Anyway, I told the photographer that I needed a few seconds to channel my inner geisha. Then I posed with the fan demurely (????) hiding half of my face as I coquetteishly (????) gazed over the top of it. The question marks reflect the fact that I'm a 64 year old gray-haired guy who was wearing a baseball cap and dark glasses.

Somehow I suspect that I didn't pull off the geisha look very well.

But, hey, I've been refreshing the SJPix page regularly to see if today's photos are up yet. So if the Statesman Journal newspaper offers this as a way to garner more page views, they're succeeding.

If you live in Salem, don't miss the World Beat Festival. I'll probably return tomorrow for Middle Eastern belly-dancing at the ampitheatre.

My culinary connection with Bollywood

Oh, yeah. I'm almost a Bollywood star. 

Defining almost to mean... 

Someone who caused Shahid Kapoor, a Bollywood star, to become a vegetarian. Since what Kapoor eats is what makes him up, and I changed what he eats, ergo: I'm almost a Bollywood star.

(If you don't think too much about the logic of that last sentence.)

Read all about me!

Here's my bro, Shahid, looking cool and doing his dance thing. We vegetarians have got it going on, for sure.

 

Salem's US Bank tree cutting needs to be featured on The Daily Show

Us opponents of the senseless cutting-down of five beautiful Japanese Zelkova trees in downtown Salem are on a pretty good publicity roll: 

A few days ago the Statesman Journal published online a guest opinion by Carole Smith and me, "US Bank tree removal decision was horribly flawed." Today the paper printed my letter to the editor, titling it "City was wrong to let US Bank cut down trees." Carole has submitted her own letter, which hopefully will be published soon.

(Comment away on the guest opinion and letter, especially if you think we've expressed ourselves brilliantly and are on the proper side of truth, justice, baby birds, and shade trees.)

But there's more publicizing to be done. This afternoon, while mowing the grass, my mind popped up the best idea of all.

This crazy US bank tree cutting drama needs to be featured on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart!

Freaking f#!%ing genius, Brian! I told myself, as I do so often -- yet usually with considerably less reason.

The story is a natural for The Daily Show. That's obvious. I just can't decide which member of their news team would be the best fit to come out to Salem and report on the delicious absurdities of our downtown drama.

I like John Oliver a lot. But his English accent could be distracting.

Jason Jones probably would be best. He could project a requisite blend of sarcasm and outrage. Humorously, of course. Or I could easily see Samantha Bee doing some killer interviews with the story's Cast of Characters.

We've got at least...

The five trees themselves. Three have been cut down. Two remain. The arc of the story depends on what happens with the last two (more about that below).

Baby birds. They are what saved the two trees from being killed in the first wave of chainsaw attacks. Interviews with local Audubon types in bird suits would be in order.

Crazed French chef. David Rosales would be pleased, I'm sure, to re-enact his screaming protest of the tree-killings inside the US Bank lobby. 

Ambitious Public Works director. Peter Fernandez wants to spend $700 million or so on a Third Bridge that hardly anybody but the Chamber of Commerce and Realtor's Association wants. He approved the tree removals even though he was advised not to by City tree experts and its Shade Tree Committee.

Ambitious US Bank president. That is Ryan Allbritton who -- surprise! -- also is the incoming president of the Chamber of Commerce. 

Tree hugging opponents. Ah, one would be me, an Oregon stereotype: gray haired/bearded senior citizen skateboarder, electric car owner, vegetarian, save the Earth'er. Another, my comrade opponent: Carole Smith, downtown businesswoman and general pain-in-the-butt to conservative City politicians.

Marvelous scenes in a The Daily Show investigative bit present themselves to my imagination. And I'm not even a professional. For sure our Salemia team -- David Jenkins, a screenwriter, and Mike Perron, a person hard to describe -- could come up with some great ideas here.

I'll just give a few examples that easily came to mind:

Interviewer: Mr. Allbritton, I understand that a French chef was arrested in your lobby for screaming in outrage about what a giant U.S. bank had done. If this is illegal, why isn't most of the American public behind bars?

Allbritton: [mute irritated look]

------------------

Interviewer: Mr. Fernandez, you are the Public Works director of an Oregon town that is proud of winning 37 consecutive Tree City USA awards. Your department received an application to cut down five beautiful healthy downtown trees. The City's tree experts, independent arborists, and members of the public all advised you to prune, rather than kill, the trees. So naturally you decided to save the trees, right?

Fernandez: No, I issued a decision to kill them. 

Like I said, it's the ending of The Daily Show investigative bit that is in question here. This depends on whether US Bank and the City persist in cutting down the last two trees.

Speaking for the opponents, I'd much prefer to have a lighter-hearted positive ending.

Via this blog post, I now declare to US Bank that I am offering to devote some of my retired time, which could have gone to being a greeter at WalMart, to becoming a volunteer leaf raker for the downtown Salem US Bank branch.

I've heard from reliable sources (a term that makes me sound more like a real journalist than a blogger, assuming this is a step up) that US Bank wanted the trees removed because when they drop leaves in the fall, customers track them into the lobby.

Well, Mr. Allbritton, I'm your leaf-collecting man.

I live out in rural south Salem. We have some large oak trees around our house that shed more leaves than the remaining Zelkova trees at your bank do. I can handle leaf-picking-up duties for both our trees and your trees. 

Glad to help.

Even though it looks to me like US Bancorp made over five billion dollars last year, I can understand why bank executives might not want to spend money on picking up leaves from some beautiful trees on a public street adjoining the Ladd & Bush downtown branch. 

I'd do it for free, because this is the only remaining reason I can think of why US Bank would want to cut down the last two trees. Three of five have been removed, reducing any possible minor problems with them (such as sightlines to the building) by 60%.

Tree experts and the City's own urban forester say that pruning can resolve any other problems, such as branches being too close to the building. Liability issues associated with any future sidewalk problems that could be caused by roots isn't a concern; this was made clear in Fernandez' March 12 decision document.

All I ask -- and this is a "please" not a must -- is that I be able to wear a US Bank baseball cap while I pick up the leaves. This would show passers by that I'm someone officially associated with the bank, and just a crazy senior citizen skateboarder, not a crazy street person.

It'd be cool if the end of The Daily Show bit showed us all -- bank officials, City staff, opponents -- sitting down in Rosale's restaurant and sharing a "no hard feelings" toast together. Of course, there would have to be some humor here also. 

How about if bank president Ryan Allbritton doesn't like the taste of the French wine and starts screaming at Rosales, almost turning over a table. Then stops himself just in time... with a grin. Hug by Rosales. "We're brothers, man." 

The other possible ending? Not so heart-warming, if all five trees have been cut down. I'd rather not envision it. Let's be positive.

Save the last two trees, US Bank. You'd come out looking better in a The Daily Show segment. Also, in the eyes of the tree-loving public. 

Write US Bank and tell them you'd like to see a happier ending to the tree story. Just three dead trees, not five. 

[email protected]  
[email protected]
[email protected] 

Michelle Obama shows off "Evolution of Mom" moves

It's been a good show business week for the First Lady. Last night she announced the Oscar for Best Picture via satellite from the White House.

I thought she did a better job than many of the "real" presenters, including a curiously distracted Kristen Stewart. (In Stewart's defense, she arrived on crutches, so probably was in pain while onstage.)

Earlier, on Friday, Obama rocked some dance moves with a cross-dressing Jimmy Fallon on his show. I'm sure happy her husband beat Mitt Romney. Could Ann Romney have pulled off what Michelle Obama did? 

Watch and marvel at some damn good dancing. From the only real woman performing.

 

"Beasts of the Southern Wild," a paean to soulful strangeness

I loved the movie, "Beasts of the Southern Wild." Yesterday I tried to explain on my other blog what the film meant to me. 

Don't feel like I succeeded. This try likely won't be much more successful. After all, what I love about "Beasts of the Southern Wild" is its -- no big surprise -- beastliness and wildness.

Guess I could roar. Or jump up on a table and scream "I'm the man! I'm the man!" like the marvelous Hushpuppy does in the movie. Or trample down buildings like the aurochs do.

Or... I can type away and try to say what I feel in words that are pale shadows of how the movie moved me. OK, I'll do that.

Watching the movie, I became aware of how judgmental I've been about rural southern rednecks, including the black equivalent, who obviously don't have red necks, nor the same political philosophy. 

My wife and I are card-carrying Chevy Volt-driving, Starbucks Pike Place-ordering, obsessively-recycling, vegetarian-eating, healthful habits-following Oregonians. I wasn't born in a bayou. I was born in freaking Massachusetts, and still feel the psychic influence of my comparatively prim and proper New England heritage.

Compared, that is, to the world of coastal Louisiana shown in "Beasts of the Southern Wild" -- which must be fairly close to reality, because I couldn't help but feel this is so real throughout the movie.

What those strange soulful denizens of a land perched between sea and land, between chaos and stability, between drunkenness and sobriety, have is what I want. Well, let's say that I want to really want what they have, since right now I talk strange soulfulness more than I practice it.

I was inspired by the movie. I was moved by the movie. I was attracted by the movie. 

My alcoholic consumption is pretty much limited to one glass of red wine per night, consumed not for purposes of intoxication, but for heart-healthiness. Yet I loved watching the human beasts of the southern wild clutch beers and other instruments of alcohol ingestion almost as often as not. I loved how they yelled, and screamed, and danced, and broke rules of all kinds -- safety, child protective, medical, environmental, whatever. 

Understand: I still love my green, organized, methodical, practical, reasonable lifestyle. But I must have a longing for more beastly wildness, or I wouldn't have loved watching "Beasts of the Southern Wild" so much.

Echoing Freud, I usually feel like I'm not really discontented with civilization. Until I'm exposed to another view of what "civilized" means, like what is shown in this movie. Wikipedia's summary of Freud's book does ring true.

In this seminal book, Sigmund Freud enumerates what he sees as the fundamental tensions between civilization and the individual.

The primary friction, he asserts, stems from the individual's quest for instinctual freedom and civilization's contrary demand for conformity and instinctual repression. Many of humankind's primitive instincts (for example, the desire to kill and the insatiable craving for sexual gratification) are clearly harmful to the well-being of a human community.

As a result, civilization creates laws that prohibit killing, rape, and adultery, and it implements severe punishments if such rules are broken. This process, argues Freud, is an inherent quality of civilization that instills perpetual feelings of discontent in its citizens.

l don't long for lawlessness. Just more strange soulfulness. Not dancing naked under Oregon's fir trees on a cold wintry night while coyotes and wolves surround me with howls. But the everyday clothed wild-animal-free equivalent.

Lots of wonderfully human emotions were on exhibit in "Beasts of the Southern Wild." One wasn't: fear. Nor its cousins: anxiety, worry, tentativeness. (Well, maybe a tiny bit, but barely.)

I loved how people in The Bathtub really lived their lives in the movie. No one was just going through the motions, playing a role, doing what was expected of them, drawing completely within civilization's lines.

They screamed when they were excited, cried when they were sad, threw stuff when they were angry, fired shotguns at a hurricane when they wanted the storm to stop. Reasonable people could reasonably argue that a lot of dysfunction was on display in "Beasts of the Southern Wild."

Can't argue with that assessment. I just don't feel like being a reasonable person arguing reasonably. I loved the beastly wildness of the movie, and the people in it. If that's dysfunction, let's have more of it. 

(Tomorrow I might read this and want to add... "within reason." But I hope I don't.)

Pickpocket Apollo Robbins: so smooth at stealing

If you think you'd know if a skilled pickpocket was taking your watch, wallet, or cell phone, think again. That's the lesson I've learned from watching a video of theatrical pickpocket (meaning, a legal "stealer") Apollo Robbins.

I've watched the video several times, I'm so fascinated by Robbins. His physical skills are amazing, but its the smoothness of his whole persona that is particularly impressive. Without that, his pickpocketing would be much less successful.

Have a look. And a read, if you click on that link. 

DirecTV raises rates 5%. Still no Pac 12 Network.

Overly optimistic me actually was eager to open a recent email from DirecTV with a subject line, "Information about your DIRECTV account."

I hoped the big news was that, finally, DIrecTV had reached a deal with the Pac 12 Network, and that I wouldn't have to miss any more football, basketball, or baseball games shown only on that network.

But no. I learned that we're going to pay 4.5% or so more this year. For nothing that means anything to me. Disney Jr. channel has been added along with some other yawn-inducing programming. Whoopee.

Here's what I told DirecTV, using their email link. No doubt this message will be treated by DirecTV with the same attention and respect that my other communications with them about the Pac 12 Network have been.

Namely, they will ignore what their customers want. 

I just got your email that our DirecTV bill will be going up by about 4.5%. I also am painfully aware that you still don't offer the Pac 12 Network. After missing a bunch of Oregon and Oregon State football games, I'm now getting to miss a bunch of Oregon and Oregon State basketball games.

Can hardly wait for baseball season, when I'll get to miss more Pac 12 sporting events that DISH customers get to watch, but not me -- who stupidly switched from DISH to DirecTV because I thought you cared more about your customers.

Your main argument for not making a deal with the Pac 12 Network, as so many other "cable" companies have done, was that rates would increase with an unfair deal.

Well, now rates have increased. And you STILL aren't offering the Pac 12 Network.

If I'm going to pay more, I'd like to get more. Eventually people like me are going to dump DirecTV for one of your competitors. Please wake up and smell the lost-customer roses. Make a deal with the Pac 12 Network. 

NOW!

"One Pound Fish" hasn't taken over my brain. But is trying to.

I suppose there's worse ways to go crazy than have your mind repeat the "One Pound Fish" ditty incessantly. So far, that hasn't happened to me. But it could...

Be warned. If you're prone to catchy songs playing uncontrollably in your head, don't watch these videos.

(Assuming you're one of the few people in the world, which included me up until a few days ago, who hasn't seen them yet.)

Background story here.

This is the original video of the fish seller.

 

And this is the jazzed up post-viral video version.

 

 

New "Vancouvria" episode shows how scary Portland is

I love Vancouvria. Though only disseminated via You Tube, It's a lot funnier than the IFC's Portlandia in my utterly objective and unarguable opinion.

Episode 1 of Season 2 has been released by the Vancouvria folks. It's great!

"Big City Survival Class" shows how Vancouverites who are terrified of crossing the Columbia into Portland are cured of their fears. Sort of. Have a look, and laugh.

 

Seemingly I shouldn't be too scared of Portland, judging from the final few minutes of the video showing photos of the Vancouverites making their post-therapy field trip to the Mysterious Land across the bridge.

I ride a skateboard.

OK, a longboard, but that's an intimate relative of what's shown in one of the photos. I also have no problem with naked bike riding. Or naked anything, for that matter. And I usually wear a "hoodie" sweatshirt that bears a close tye-dyed resemblance to an item of clothing that repels two Vancouverites.

Here's me.

And here's a scene from "Big City Survival Class."

However, I will admit to being clueless about how to ride Portland mass transit, especially light rail and streetcars. Back in my Portland State University days, the 1970's, I was adept at riding Tri Met buses.

Now I'm almost as wary of the MAX light rail system as the Vancouvria guy who thinks "M" stands for murder. Watching Portland news from the safety of our rural south Salem home, we regularly see reports of muggings, beatings, and other mayhem on MAX. 

So far as I remember, though, none of these involved a gray-haired senior citizen wearing a colorful tye-dyed hoodie with "Neskowin" emblazoned across the front. I should be OK if I ever dare to set foot on MAX.

Keep up the creative energy, Vancouvria. I look forward to the rest of your Season 2 episodes. There's got to be an episode focused on Washington's recently-passed laws that legalize marijuana and gay marriage, especially since Oregon hasn't legalized either.

In September I correctly anticipated that marijuana tourism would be coming to Washington state from Portlanders and other Oregonians. Sounds like a great way for Vancouvria to show that their town is cooler than Portland -- in a few ways.

Not Salem though. This is the comment I left on the latest Vancouvria You Tube video.

Us residents of Salem, affectionately known as So-lame to locals in the know, are afraid of visiting BOTH Portland and Vancouver. We've heard there actually are people on the sidewalks downtown in those cities. Scary! I'm used to a pleasingly boring and deserted downtown. Also, reportedly noise comes from restaurants and other night spots after 11 pm in Portland and Vancouver because people are inside... still awake! Super scary.

U.S. troops vs. Miami Dolphin cheerleaders in "Call Me Maybe" videos

Gorgeous! Both the guys and gals. Take your pick. Who do you respond to the most after hearing Call Me Maybe?

The split screen version is my favorite. The troops in Afghanistan did a terrific job mimicing the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders. Whoever shot the video was highly skilled also. 

 

Here's the troops by themselves.

 

And the cheerleaders by themselves.

 

2012 Oregon-OSU Civil War game not on DirecTV. Curses!

I wanted to put genuine profanity in the title of this post. But my sense of cyberspace propriety stopped me. Until now...

Fuck you, DirecTV! Fuck you, Pac 12 Network!

May you and your progeny (assuming corporations have progeny, but aren't they people too?) endure eternal torture in whatever hell is reserved for heartless, greedy, uncaring bastards who put their own selfish interest above the needs of others.

Like me. 

I've been annoyed with DirecTV for several months. Virtually every other "cable" provider has worked out an agreement with the Pac 12 Network. But not DirecTV. So I've been missing Oregon and Oregon State football games I wanted to see.

However, I kept remembering a promise I got from DirecTV customer service:

In addition, the vast majority of games, and those with the most conference or national title implications, will instead be televised by the ESPN family of networks and ABC Sports, FOX Sports and FSN, FX, CBS Sports and CBS Sports Network, NBC Sport and NBC Sports Network, and several other regional services, all of which are available on DIRECTV.

Oh, really? You liars!!! 

If Oregon doesn't beat Oregon State this Saturday, it's already-slim national championship hopes will be flushed completely down the BCS toilet. Ditto for its conference title hope, since Oregon has to win and Stanford has to lose this weekend for that to happen.

So DirecTV is screwing me and other subscribers out of being able to watch one of the most important Pac 12 football games of the season. There's no Pac 12 Network deal in sight.

I need to be temporarily adopted by a Comcast customer. From noon to four pm this Saturday. I've had all of my shots. I'm housetrained. I don't bite (anyone but DirecTV and Pac 12 Network employees). I'm not finicky (just put some chips and dip in my bowl).

Or I guess I could find a sports bar. I don't drink much, but I could make an exception this Saturday. That drunk screaming Fuck you, DirecTV! at the television would be me.

I'll be happy with whoever wins the football game. But DirecTV is the big loser regardless. Football fans in Oregon are going to remember your uncaring mendacity for a long, long time.

Surprise! "The Happy Movie" made me happy.

Thank you, Salem Progressive Film Series, for showing "The Happy Movie" last Thursday.

I enjoy going to your showings at the Grand Theatre, but usually they're a bit of a downer. After all, economic inequality, pollution, environmental degradation, and other socially significant subjects aren't exactly smile-inducers.

But happiness is. I hugely enjoyed learning about what contributes to happiness from experts in psychology, and also seeing happy people in action. 

Here's some themes from the movie that I remember. 

Flow. Yeah, flowing with life is the way to go. There was quite a bit of talk about flow, losing yourself in an activity to such an extent there's minimal difference between you and what you're doing. In other words, your focus is on the here and now, not the there and then.

I recall that during a narration of what flow means, the screen briefly showed a skateboarder sliding down a handrail. Being a geezer skateboarder/longboarder myself, my inner dude said right on. 

Along this line, I'll take this opportunity to premiere my own cinematic creation, the considerably less entertaining You Tube video that I filmed, directed, and starred in on the very afternoon before I watched The Happy Movie: "Big Stick longboarding, senior citizen style."

Description:

Risking my iPhone, I Kahuna Big Stick my way down a trail one-handed, videoing my marvelous 64 year old longboarding technique. Note the (accidental) cinematic effect at the end, where my dark glasses reflect my longboard rolling back down the slope toward me. Oscar for short subject, please!

 

This is an example of flow. I really enjoy longboarding because when I do it (up to four miles now), I'm really just doing it. Since I've only been into longboarding for about three months, my skills, and lack thereof, require me to focus pretty intensely on what's coming up on the trail. 

A rock, twig, broken pavement, sudden steep spot -- those sorts of things are a bigger deal to beginner me than they would be to a young dude or dudette who grew up with a skateboard as almost a bodily appendage. So I can't let my mind wander, enhancing a sense of flow.

Pleasingly, "The Happy Movie" showed examples of people who are still flowing with activities that they're experts in. Like a Brazilian surfer of indeterminate age (fifties?) who spoke movingly of what it means to him to become part of a wave on his board.

Compassion and service. Most of us wouldn't consider caring for the dying in a Calcutta center run by the Mother Teresa organization to be happiness-inducing. But the movie showed a man who had happily been there for over a decade, giving food and drink to the terminally ill, cleaning their sores, replacing their bandages. 

He was a Catholic, yet didn't emphasize the religious side of his service. He felt good helping others. I had the feeling that he'd be doing the same thing even if there wasn't a theological justification for his compassion.

This is borne out by studies which show that everywhere around the world, among believers and nonbelievers alike, people enjoy helping other people. Along with helping animals and the environment. Meditation was discussed in the movie, the sort of compassion-centered "may all be happy" meditative exercises favored by Buddhism.

Wishing other people good, even your enemies, makes you happy. I need to remember this the next time (which will be soon, believe me) I read or hear someone making a political assertion contrary to mine that deeply irritates me. 

I guess a place to start would be a minimalist compassion meditation like, "May those fucking idiots who haven't a clue be happy... and also wake up to the correct political point of view, which just happens to be mine, as soon as possible."

Hey, got to start somewhere.

Being social. I was surprised to hear in the movie that Japan is the least happy industrialized country in the world. The scenes of Japanese life, which admittedly were chosen to make that point, certainly reflected that. Japanese people seemingly are still heavy on the "workaholic" side of the scale, with too many leading emotionally isolated lives.

By contrast, a divorced woman in Denmark (I believe it was) is shown living happily with her child in a shared housing setup -- where families have individual living spaces, but share cooking, child care, and other duties.

She spoke about how great it was to only have to cook dinner for everybody once or twice a month, rather than prepare an evening meal for her own family every day. Plus, the social support she got from like-minded housing companions meant a lot to her.

Okinawa was presented as an interesting counter to nearby Japan. On that island people still live close to the earth, gardening for the pleasure of it, as well for the need of it. Relating to nature isn't the same as relating to humans. However, happiness is enhanced by feeling close to the natural world, just as being with other people makes us happy.

(Usually. I've been at some social gatherings that made me yearn for an isolation cell in a penitentiary.)

The Okinawans appear to have a marvelously age-integrated culture. Instead of the young doing their thing, and the elderly theirs, different generations rarely meeting, "The Happy Movie" showed Okinawa children and elders dancing and playing together. 

If you ever have a chance to see the film, do it. Likely it'll make you happy. I agreed with almost everything I saw in the movie. Except perhaps, the oft-heard admonition that once people attain a decent standard of living, getting more material stuff doesn't make them happier.

Huh?

Getting the iPhone 5 after being stuck with an iPhone 4 for ages (OK, two and a half years, but it felt like eternity) has made me really happy. Being able to upgrade my aging 13 inch MacBook Pro laptop to a retina display model would make me even happier.

Are you listening, Apple? How about contributing to an increase in the world's happiness level by releasing a 13 inch Retina MacBook Pro at the same time as the rumored iPad Mini this month?

Tell DirecTV how you feel about not getting Pac-12 games

Five weeks ago I started telling DirecTV that I wanted them to offer the Pac-12 Network now.

I've emailed customer service. I've had the Pac-12 channel finder notify DirecTV that I want to see every Oregon and Oregon State football game this season, not just the ones on channels (like ESPN) DirecTV does offer.

Four weeks ago I blogged about how DirecTV's excuses for shutting its subscribers out of the Pac-12 Network were annoying. 

They're much more annoying now.

Last Saturday I missed the Oregon State-Arizona game, which, when I read about it in the freaking newspaper the next day, turned out to have been tremendously exciting. Also, tremendously satisfying for us Oregonians, since OSU pulled out a win with a touchdown in the last few minutes.

I've read the DirecTV statement that they're ready to offer the games once they get a "fair deal" from the Pac-12 Network. Well, I'm sure the Pac-12 Network is a greedy corporate bastard, just as DirecTV is. 

But other "cable" systems, like Dish, DirecTV's satellite competitor, have managed to work out a deal with the Pac-12 Network that they found acceptable. So this holier-than-thou talk about fairness isn't cutting it with me.

Next Saturday I'm slated to miss another important Oregon State game against Washington State that's only being televised on the Pac-12 Network.

DirecTV customer service said in an email to me, "the vast majority of games, and those with the most conference or national title implications, will instead be televised by the ESPN family of networks and ABC Sports, FOX Sports and FSN, FX, CBS Sports and CBS Sports Network, NBC Sport and NBC Sports Network, and several other regional services, all of which are available on DIRECTV."

Hey, DirecTV: that's a lie.

Oregon currently is ranked #2 in the country; Oregon State #14. Both are undefeated. Thus every football game they play, every one, has important conference and national title implications.

So show the games!

Work out a deal with the Pac-12 Network like your competitors have. Every day you don't is another day that your subscribers who are Pac-12 fans are cursing you when, once again, they miss a game that is important to them.

I'm about to tell the DirecTV Corporate Office what I've just said in this blog post. Click here to express your own feelings. (Or the link at the top of this page, if that one doesn't work.)

Obviously DirecTV isn't getting a strong enough message from its disgruntled subscribers, or they'd have done the same sort of Pac-12 deal that Dish and others have accepted. (At the moment, reports are that no deal is in the works -- deeply irritating.)

I like DirecTV, so I'm reluctant to cancel and jump ship to the Dish Network. But if this ridiculous pissing match with the Pac-12 Network goes on much longer, I'm going to be seriously tempted to say goodbye to DirecTV.

DirecTV Pac-12 Network excuses are annoying

The sports page informs me that next Saturday's Oregon-Fresno State game only will be televised on the new Pac-12 Network. I want to watch the game. But paternalistic DirecTV doesn't feel that I should. 

Today, once again, I contacted DirecTV, saying that one of their Important Subscribers, namely, me, wanted the pissing match between them and the Pac-12 Network to be resolved. Pronto! Before Saturday. 

I got an annoying email response from a customer service rep. My reactions to the annoyances are in italics.

Dear Mr. Hines, 

Thank you for writing about the Pac 12 Sports Network. I see you are one of our loyal customers, and we would like you to know that we appreciate your business.

Believe me, I don't feel very loyal at the moment. I switched to DirecTV from Dish after Dish dropped CBS shows, such as our must-see Survivor, over a contract dispute. So I'd drop DirecTV in an instant if we had a viable cable alternative. But since we live in the boonies, I'm stuck with satellite.

I know that this channel is important to you.

Wow, very astute. Must be the frequent complaining I've been doing via email and Twitter ever since I realized that DirecTV wasn't going to carry the Pac-12 Network at the start of football season.

We have been in discussions with the Pac 12 Conference Commissioner and Pac-12 Networks representatives for several months and hope to reach an agreement that will be fair for both those customers who want to receive Pac 12 programming and those who do not. For the latest information on channel additions, please visit our web site at www.directv.com/pr.

Pardon my self-centeredness, but I don't give a rip about DirecTV customers who don't want to get the PAC-12 Network. I'm forced to pay for lots of channels that I never watch, but other subscribers do, so why can't those other subscribers pay for a channel that I will watch? 

In addition, the vast majority of games, and those with the most conference or national title implications, will instead be televised by the ESPN family of networks and ABC Sports, FOX Sports and FSN, FX, CBS Sports and CBS Sports Network, NBC Sport and NBC Sports Network, and several other regional services, all of which are available on DIRECTV.

First, I don't believe this "vast majority" stuff. But maybe you're right. What's annoying is your assumption that I should only be interested in games with "conference or national title implications." I guess this means DirecTV won't have any OSU games, since likely the Beavers will suck this year and have no chance at the Pac-12 title. Still, I'd like to watch them when I want to. So don't tell me which football games I should be interested in, when the Pac-12 Network will be televising all of them, to my understanding.

Our goal is to always strive to provide our customers the very best TV experience at the most reasonable cost, and so we would hope to provide Pac-12 Networks to the fans whom most want it without burdening non-sports fans with an unreasonable additional expense.  

OK. So do it. I'd be happy to pay 80 cents a month more for the Pac-12 Network. I leave that much in the tip jar at a coffee house when I buy a 16 ounce caffeine fix and a whole grain bagel. Just cut the crap with all that talk about "goal" and "hope." Simply do it! Sign a deal with the Pac-12 Network.

I appreciate the opportunity to assist you. 

And I appreciate the opportunity to sarcastically criticize you.

Whatever happened to the adage "the customer is always right"? I know that DirecTV is getting lots of pressure from subscribers to add the Pac-12 Network. Yet nothing has happened so far. 

Aside from subscribers jumping ship to another TV provider. Keep it up, DirecTV, and you'll learn how loyal to you your avid Pac-12 sports fans are. My prediction: not much.

Note: if DirecTV still doesn't have the Pac-12 Network by this weekend, check out a Washington State fan's humorous suggestions for what else you can do other than watch football. Such as Go to Michael's with your wife to get scrapbooking materials.

Yikes! Scary! Hope I don't have a nightmare about that tonight.

Speaking of nightmares, the Pac-12 Network is encouraging DirecTV subscribers to give their satellite service a fright by signing up with a competitor who does carry the network. Good for them. I suspect the Pac-12 Network is just as greedy as DirecTV, but my sympathies are with the Network, since I want to be able to watch every Pac-12 game, not just the ones DirecTV thinks I should want to watch.

Tell DirecTV you want the Pac-12 network. Now!

Saturday the OSU Beavers and Oregon Ducks start their football seasons. But us DirecTV subscribers won't be able to watch the Beavers on the Pac-12 network unless DirecTV works out a deal to get the channel.

Do it, DirecTV!

It wasn't long ago that we lost Comedy Central and other channels because of a corporate pissing match with Viacom. It was a pain in the butt to try to find The Colbert Report, Daily Show, and other necessities of life on Hulu or wherever.

Don't screw us DirecTV subscribers again with a Pac-12 Network dispute. 

If you're a DirecTV subscriber in Pac-12 land, head over to the Pac-12 Network channel finder to see if the channel is available to you yet. If it isn't, use the handy "I want it!" feature to send DirecTV a message. I just did.

Things are looking fairly positive for us football fans who have DirecTV. But pressure still needs to be put on DirecTV. They need to work out a deal BEFORE this weekend, not after.

Jack Reacher movie must show he's the toughest Jack

Back in 2006, after extensive watching/reading research, I concluded that Jack Reacher, ex-MP hero of the terrific book series by Lee Child, was tougher than Jack Bauer, terrorist battling hero of the terrific TV series "24."

In an unarmed mano-a-mano, you’d have to bet on Reacher. He’s 6’ 5” and about 250 pounds. Puny Bauer and his pussy martial arts moves would barely get Reacher warmed up.

I fondly remember one Reacher bar fight which began with him calmly sitting at a table. He’s confronted by half a dozen guys out to give him a bad time. Reacher suggests that they should take a hike. Their leader says, “If we don’t, what are you going to do?”

Reacher then describes in exquisite detail what will happen. “You and I are going to go out to the parking lot. You’re going to take a swing at me and I’ll break your jaw. Then you’ll take another swing and I’ll break your right kneecap. After that, I’m going to come back inside and finish my beer." Which, of course, is exactly what happened.

Bauer can handle himself in any sort of situation, but almost always he’s got a gun in his hand. In the last Lee Child book I read, “One Shot,” Reacher dispatches four well-armed guys (who seriously deserved to be dispatched) with just a knife. Bauer maybe could do that too, but he’d have to work at it harder than the other Jack.

Having read every novel Lee Child has published so far, I'm enthused about the Jack Reacher movie scheduled for release in late December, 2012. 

But Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher? Horrible casting mistake.

Maybe good for the box office, but no way is Cruise a believable Reacher to anyone, like me, who is intimately familiar with Reacher's (admittedly fictional) personality, demeanor, and overall macho'osity.

I'll try to keep an open mind, though.

Cruise might pull it off. He's just so damn small. And lacking the blunt brute force of Jack Reacher. Still, I can visualize Cruise's acting having the requisite cockiness. I just finished Lee Child's "The Affair," which I believe is the most recent Jack Reacher novel.

Loved it. The passages where Reacher deals with some tough southern rednecks are classic. Excerpts:

I looked at the alpha dog and said, "This is your plan?"

He didn't answer.

I said, "Four guys? Is that all?"

He didn't answer.

...I said, "It's a shame one of you isn't bigger. Or two or three of you. Or all of you, actually."

No answer.

Reacher advises them to rethink their plan and come back with dozens of guys, a big overwhelming force. Ending with: "I'll be here. Whenever you're ready." Later, they do come back. In a disappointing way for Reacher.

"Six of you?" I said. "Is that it?"

No answer.

"That's kind of incremental, isn't it?" I said. "I was hoping for something a little more radical. Like the difference between an airborne company and an armored division. I guess we were thinking along different lines. I have to say, I'm kind of disappointed."

Naturally it turns out that Jack Reacher was right. Six big rednecks was nowhere near enough manpower to defeat Reacher. However, he did get a little blood on his newly bought shirt. Not his own, of course. That irritated him. 

But didn't interfere with his diner "date" with the awesomely beautiful woman who serves as sheriff of the small town. Jack Reacher never loses a fight. Or a woman he wants to bed. He's the toughest and coolest Jack.

For sure. Don't blow it, Tom Cruise. Us Jack Reacher fans will never forgive you if you do. Sadly, the trailer for the Jack Reacher movie isn't encouraging. Cruise just doesn't have the Reacher vibe.

 

Great "Newsroom" speech: America isn't greatest country

Thank you, HBO. Thank you, Aaron Sorkin. Someone needed to say this -- no, scream it -- on nationwide TV.

The United States isn't the greatest country in the world.

Last night my wife and I watched the premiere of a new HBO series, "The Newsroom." Jeff Daniels plays a news anchor who can't take the bullshit anymore during a panel discussion and tells it like this country is.

Thanks to GQ.com, here's a transcript of the terrific mini-speech from How to Write an Aaron Sorkin Script, by Aaron Sorkin.

A song in a musical works best when a character has to sing— when words won't do the trick anymore. The same idea applies to a long speech in a play or a movie or on television. You want to force the character out of a conversational pattern. In the pilot of The Newsroom, a new series for HBO, TV news anchor Will McAvoy (Jeff Daniels) emotionally checked out years ago, and now he's sitting on a college panel, hearing the same shouting match between right and left he's been hearing forever, and the arguments have become noise. A student asks what makes America the world's greatest country, and Will dodges the question with glib answers. But the moderator keeps needling him until...snap.

Will 
It's not the greatest country in the world, professor, that's my answer.

Moderator 
[pause] You're saying—

Will
Yes.

Moderator
Let's talk about—

Start off easy. First get rid of the two noisemakers.

Will 
Fine. [to the liberal panelist] Sharon, the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paychecks, but he [gesturing to the conservative panelist] gets to hit you with it anytime he wants. It doesn't cost money, it costs votes. It costs airtime and column inches. You know why people don't like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fuckin' smart, how come they lose so GODDAM ALWAYS!

The use of inappropriate language has a purpose—the filter's off.

And [to the conservative panelist] with a straight face, you're going to tell students that America's so starspangled awesome that we're the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom, Japan has freedom, the UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, Belgium has freedom. Two hundred seven sovereign states in the world, like 180 of them have freedom.

The fact-dump that's coming now serves several purposes. It backs up his argument, it reveals him to be exceptional (what normal person has these stats at their fingertips?), but mostly it's musical. This is the allegro.

And you—sorority girl—yeah—just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there are some things you should know, and one of them is that there is absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. We're seventh in literacy, twenty-seventh in math, twenty-second in science, forty-ninth in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, third in median household income, number four in labor force, and number four in exports. We lead the world in only three categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending, where we spend more than the next twenty-six countries combined, twenty-five of whom are allies. None of this is the fault of a 20-year-old college student, but you, nonetheless, are without a doubt, a member of the WORST-period-GENERATION-period-EVER-period, so when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about?! Yosemite?!!!

[Cell-phone cameras are everywhere— people are tweeting and texting away.]

Now we slow down and get a glimpse into his pain. The oratorical technique is called "floating opposites"— we did, we didn't, we did, we didn't... But rhythmically you don't want this to be too on the money. You're not just testing the human ear anymore; you want people to hear what he's saying.

We sure used to be. We stood up for what was right! We fought for moral reasons, we passed and struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were, and we never beat our chest. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and cultivated the world's greatest artists and the world's greatest economy. We reached for the stars, and we acted like men. We aspired to intelligence; we didn't belittle it; it didn't make us feel inferior. We didn't identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election, and we didn't scare so easy. And we were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. The first step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one—America is not the greatest country in the world anymore.

To resolve a melody, you have to end on either the tonic or the dominant. (Try humming "Mary Had a Little Lamb" right now, but leave off "snow." You'll feel like you need to sneeze.) So Will ends where he started. Then, just to acknowledge that he just sang an aria— which is unusual in the course of a normal conversation—he turns to the moderator who'd been needling him and casually asks...

Will 
[to moderator] Enough?

Here's a You Tube video that shows part of Will's truth-telling at the beginning. I sure wish we had more politicians who talked like this. They might not get elected, but I'd vote for them.

 

PETA now has a XXX web site. It's animalistic!

Way to go, PETA. You're making good use of the new .xxx domain option with www.peta.xxx

Personally, I wasn't turned on by seeing porn star Ron Jeremy featured on the home page, but my male eyes quickly turned leftward (natural for me) to an image of Sasha Grey -- another former porn star who supports the animal side of both humans and animals.

PETA enticed my throbbing attention deeper into the site with...

PETA is not new to the world of adult entertainment. In fact, we've been collaborating with some of the most legendary XXX stars for years. Thanks to the availability of .xxx domain names, we can now house all our adult content in one spot. Stick around and take a look at some of PETA's most sizzling ads of all time.

Have a look. Then read the reasons for PETA's naked ad campaigns.

Creative Portland marriage proposal gets Storm Large's "fuck, yes"

Since I'm a big fan of Storm Large, I wish I could obey her Twitter tweet.

My good friend Amy just got engaged, and..no pressure, boys...but this is how the fuck you do it. http://vimeo.com/42828824 

However, I'm already married.

And my proposal to Laurel some twenty-three years ago was horrible, compared to how the marvelously creative guy who put together this lip-sync'ed marvel did it. Very Portlandia'ish.

When I proposed to Laurel, it was so half-assed Laurel wasn't sure what I was saying. "Are you asking me to marry you?", she said. "Yes," I told her. Not exactly the stuff romance novels are made of.

Oh well.

I'm happy this woman got to enjoy such a great proposal. The look on her face (in the corner of the video) as she watches the dancers is wonderful. Congrats to Isaac Lamb and his bride-to-be. You showed me way up, Isaac. 

Good for you.

According to the Oregonian, your video has gone viral (gotten 1.4 million hits already) and national TV interviews await you. Couldn't happen to a better couple, judging by the six minutes I've known you via the video.

"Real-life Barbie" does appear to be a real woman

When I came across mention of a real-life Barbie on my Twitter feed, naturally my curiosity was aroused. I've always thought Barbie was hot (though my most ardent attraction is to a more mature, yet similarly curvaceous comic strip character, Blondie).

A 21-year-old girl, who has become an internet sensation in her home country of Russia, claims on her blog to be the most famed woman on the Russian-language internet.

Valeria Lukyanova's doll-like features, long blonde hair and 'perfect' body make her look like a real life Barbie.

In fact, with her tiny waist and large breasts, she bears such a resemblance to the famed plastic doll that cynical web users have been speculating about whether or not she is real.

After careful Googling, I've concluded that, yes, Lukyanova is for real. At least, as real as a Barbie-in-the-flesh produced by gobs of makeup and, most likely, plastic surgery can be.

Her Facebook page has so many photos and videos of her, it's difficult to believe that Lukyanona is purely an artifical creature. She's undeniably beautiful. Yet also a bit creepy, when she's in her full-on Barbie look.

Here's some more photos...

Video of father-daughter wedding dance I'm envious of

When my daughter, Celeste, got married, I wasn't the dancing fool that I am now.

By "fool," I mean that my dancing is more fun for me than it is artistic to look at; also that I now feel foolish for not having started to take ballroom lessons earlier than my wife and I did, because we really enjoy dancing.

If I had my father-daughter wedding dance to do over again, I'd love it to look like this one. I think I could handle most of the moves this fellow gray-haired guy throws out on the dance floor so engagingly.

His daughter is enjoyable to look at also. Congratulations father and daughter. You've brought smiles, and likely some joyful tears, to many people.