Misfits belong in Salem's theatre community (and elsewhere)

Misfits don't fit in. Except where they do. Like, in Salem's theatre community.

There was a lot to like about today's City Club program, "On Stage: Salem's Vibrant Theater Community." But what I'm going to focus on is one thing Lisa Joyce, executive director of Pentacle Theatre, said.

She told us that misfits find a home in theatre, because everyone is welcome there.

I absolutely loved those words. And now, having written that five word sentence, I'm having trouble explaining why. So for the moment I'm going to take a detour around my personal feeling about misfits and return to it later in this blog post.

Elsewhere in her presentation -- Jay Gipson-King of the Chemeketa Community College theatre program and Vincenzo Meduri of Enlightened Theatrics also spoke -- Joyce talked about how Pentacle Theatre had put on some plays that explored LGBTQ themes.

She noted that some audience members had expressed concern about those gay-friendly performances. I was curious about this, so spoke with her after the City Club program concluded.

Joyce told me that it seemed to be a generational thing. Meaning, it was a few older Pentacle Theatre attendees who felt it wasn't right to present homosexuality as acceptable, since they apparently thought this was an unnatural "lifestyle choice." Which, of course, it isn't.

Young people, she said, have a different attitude toward LGBTQ people. And the theatre community, she added, is a haven for gays. So that was one aspect of what she meant by misfits.

Salem, along with American culture in general, has a way to go before all forms of gender and sexual identity are accepted fully. Narrow-minded churches are partly to blame, since gay youth are told that they are sinners bound for hell if they don't change to become god-fearing heterosexuals.

Which is impossible. Even for an accomplished actor. Life isn't a play. We can temporarily embrace a role for a theatrical production. But we can't change the essence of who we are.

So it's fitting that Salem's theatre community embraces misfits. Joyce, Gipson-King, and Meduri all talked about how being part of a theatrical production has so many wonderful benefits. 

Being part of a diverse team. Trusting yourself and others. Being fully present in the moment. Embracing difficult emotions. Understanding that there are no stars, just different people doing a wide variety of essential jobs -- acting, directing, set design, costume design, lighting, sound, makeup, ushering, marketing, and so much more.

But back to misfits.

I don't know what it is about that word, misfits. Every time I've typed it, I've felt something well up inside of me, a strong emotion that defies easy expression.

Well, Lisa Joyce spoke to me about how being part of a theatrical community has helped LGBTQ people come out as who they are, rather than disguising themselves behind a facade of societal normality. So maybe if I simply let words spill out of me right now, they'll say something authentic about my own sense of being a misfit.

Which goes way back, as strong feelings often do. Understand: I'm not equating my life with that of a gay person, or a person of color, or an otherwise marginalized person. I'm an old white heterosexual guy, with all that entails.

However, I was raised by a divorced alcoholic woman, my mother. It was tough, especially in my teenage years, when her alcoholism took a turn for the worse. I felt different inside, like I was a stranger in a strange land of children who had two more-or-less normal parents.

So that was my first taste of feeling like a misfit. I'll skip ahead fifty years or so to right now. 

Where, just as in my high school years, I appear normal on the outside, but feel like a misfit on the inside. Why? Because a bit over two and a half years ago my bladder decided to go on strike, for reasons that aren't exactly clear -- but the result is: having to, as the saying goes, pee in a "differently abled" way.

Namely, by using a catheter, a plastic tube thing that I insert into my urethra five times a day. (I've written about my condition so rarely, I couldn't even spell "urethra" correctly at first.)

This isn't something that I feel comfortable talking to people about.

At first I was clinically depressed, even somewhat suicidal, after learning that I'd have to do the catheter thing for the rest of my life. Since, I've written a few blog posts about my bladder problem, but by and large only my wife knows about the many struggles I've gone through.

So I feel like a misfit, even though my rational mind says things to me like, "Many people have worse medical problems" and "You should feel lucky that you're otherwise healthy."

Still, I feel like I don't fit in the big wide world of people who can go into a restroom at a restaurant, movie theatre, or wherever without it being an adventure (sometimes it is difficult for me to insert a catheter, a problem common to many men who have to use one).

Thus I avoid lengthy meetings, movies, gatherings, and, yes, theatrical productions, where I feel trapped by the uncertainty of not knowing whether a bathroom visit is going to have a happy or disturbing ending.

Anyway, I've explained a bit about why that word "misfit" resonated so deeply with me when I heard it today. I know what it is like to outwardly look like one sort of person, and to inwardly feel like another sort of person. 

Of course, I believe that all of us, at least at one time or another, feel like we don't fit in.

My bladder problem just has given me a much better appreciation of what it is like to have a permanent attribute of one's self that isn't easily shared with other people. So when Joyce spoke about the theatre community welcoming misfits, I immediately resonated with her words.

Misfits of the world, may we all live long and prosper. And look forward to a day when that word falls into disuse, because everyone is viewed as fitting in. 

Comments

[Jay Gipson-King]

Thank you for your thoughtful response, Brian, and for sharing part of your own story.

Indeed, theatre has always collected outsiders, from the first Mime troupes in ancient Rome, through the times when being an actor meant excommunication from the church. For a time, becoming an actor *meant* becoming an outsider. Moreover, being an actor teaches people in a very visceral way what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes.

The theatre takes all comers. :-)

[Maria de La Torre]

I think people should start worrying if they feel or consider themselves, 'Normal!'
Normal people are no fun at all! Personally, have always preferred the company of misfits generally speaking, apart from those rare souls whose wisdom and compassion transcends all stereotypes.
At least you don't need a permanent catheter, Brian, they tend to always cause infection after a while. I used to let my Ma wet the bed using adequate absorbent bed mats underneath, rather than let her suffer the infections. These experiences are practical Buddhism in action and can teach us more than a ton of theory.
I would advise everyone to have at least five cats to get used to bodily fluids and clearing up little presents when they decide not to use their litter trays, just to familiarise themselves with reality.
My father ended up with a colostomy bag, that was excellent Buddhist training for me because it used to leak all over him and the bed, he couldn't change it himself due to failing eyesight and was bedridden.
We pay so much attention to youth and the body beautiful but Buddhism has a different, much more intelligent view of the body which is more in line with the reality. The rest of the time we just kid ourselves with the surface.
Viva the misfits! Unlike the majority, they have experienced the dark side of the Moon.

[Skyline]

Today, Mrs. Skyline & I attended a play at Pentacle that rates as one of the finest we've seen in 40 years of season tickets.
"Murder on the Orient Express"
THIS is exactly why we support Local Theater.
We DO NOT support local theater to have radical, risky, unhealthy and otherwise odd-ball lifestyle choices shoved down our throats.
Those tickets go in the fireplace. Too bad we can't get a refund for them.
GREAT JOB, on this play, Pentacle!!!
Had a great time!!!!

[El]

Late to the party, but, After this past year of covid and a few even more wack things perpetrated on me (the kind people disbelieve) i could use a misfit or two right about now who understand this stuff.
Thanks for sharing Brian. I'm super sorry how and that this happened. It is not bad enough that this happened, but having to live with the extra punishment in the "how" sucks.
Yip these are the kinds of things that could drive us away or eventually make us call on even a something we are hard pressed to believe exists. (Don't go full circle on us Brian 🙈 , 🤗hug).