It's a first. And not a pleasant first. About three hours ago I got an email from someone I've never met, but who I've communicated with via email about topics on one of my blogs.
He said he's decided to kill himself. He told me that he wasn't sure why he was writing me, but he wanted to thank me for sharing his ideas and participating in some interesting discussions.
Early on in our correspondence this person told me that he has a genetic condition that leaves him in constant pain. He told me that his illness is getting worse, the suffering is unendurable, and he doesn't see any point in living any longer.
My initial reaction was, I've got to do something.
Then I realized, there was nothing I could do. All I had was this person's initials, and an email address. There was no way for me to know how to reach anyone where he lives.
And a few moments later, after some reflection, I realized There's nothing I want to do.
This person is highly intelligent and self-aware. He has struggled to find meaning in what seems to him to be a meaningless world. He has endured more pain than most people could put up with. If he wants to kill himself, he has some very good reasons.
All that I did was reply to his email, briefly.
With tears in my eyes. I told him that I was the one who should be thankful, because I'd been inspired both by his courage and his wise way of looking upon the world. I said that I cared deeply about him, and knew that others did also.
What I didn't do was try to talk him out of killing himself.
Sometimes suicide is the only way out of impossibly bad suffering. I believe in assisted suicide at the end of life. I also believe people have a right to take their own life when all other avenues of relieving suffering are closed off to them.
That said, I want to speak to others for whom this doesn't apply -- those who are feeling really crappy right now, with the holidays upon us and talk of "good cheer" permeating the airwaves and conversations.
If you feel that life isn't worth living, that suicide is the only option, talk to someone. Anyone.
But preferably someone with a mental health background. Don't make the mistake of diving into the deep pool of suicide before you are absolutely sure there's no way to move into the shallows of suffering.
The person I heard from today is a special case, someone in intractable pain. Most people have some hope, even if life seems hopeless at the moment.
Our friends at the Salem Alliance church will have fits over your response; I applaud how you have approached this.
An old dictionary defines despair in this way: “Despair naturally destroys courage and stops all effort, but may produce a new kind of courage and fierce activity founded upon the sense that there is nothing worse to be feared.” (Century Dictionary, 1897).
In The Myth of Sisyphus, Camus asks “Should I kill myself?”, which for Camus is to answer the problem of whether and how to live. Long before Camus, William James asked, “What does it mean to ask whether life is worth living?” Religion begs the question by placing the responsibility outside of the person and seeks to chain us to life as an obligation to some deity.
Posted by: veeper | December 23, 2018 at 05:58 AM
If he has a named disease, there may be a database of people who have it and are involved in support groups, research, etc. If the disease is very common, like cancer or moderately common like MS, the database may be very large. But if the disease/condition is rare or uncommon the database may be small and it may be determined by the initials of the person who the person is. Perhaps they have hinted at their location or given clues in other emails which may be of help in pinning down their identity.
That said, I am not saying intervention is appropriate, just that it may be possible.
Sometimes suicide is the best choice. I don't think there is a judgemental Entity who condemns or punishes this. The suffering already exists. Life can put you in the position where the only way out is..out, but talks with sympathetic parties should be consulted and time given before acting.
My sympathies to anyone in this position.
Posted by: LB | December 23, 2018 at 10:36 AM