Our retirement community conundrum continues

Channelling Kermit the Frog a bit, "It's not that easy being green growing old."

My wife and I are in our late sixties. We've been trying to figure out where we should live for quite a while, certainly since I wrote "I'm 65. Where's my 'Aging Hippie' retirement community?" back in 2013. (For all my posts on this subject, including this one, scroll through this blog's Retirement Community category,)

We've toured five retirement or continuing care communities in the Northwest, four in Oregon, one in Washington: Hillside in McMinnville; Panorama in Lacey, Washington; Touchmark in Bend; Mary's Woods in Lake Oswego; and most recently, Capital Manor here in Salem. 

There's a signed "Wait List Agreement" from Capital Manor sitting by my laptop at the moment. I was all set to take it over to the salesperson yesterday, but then emailed her, saying we needed a few more days to think about forking over $5,000 to get on a waiting list for a three-bedroom house.

It isn't the money that created qualms, since all but $500 of the $5,000 is refundable if we changed our minds about Capital Manor. 

Rather, it's the quandary of what retirement-living path we want to head toward -- knowing that whatever decision we make, life may have a different future in mind for us. (Not that life actually has a mind, we're irreligious.) 

When we met with the Capital Manor salesperson last Wednesday, I arrived at her office first, since my wife and I drove separately.

As we were waiting for Laurel to show up, I shared my usual commentary when we visit a retirement community. Proving that my memory is still pretty damn good, what I said was almost exactly what I wrote last year in "Why it makes sense for seniors to postpone living in a retirement community."

The bold-faced parts are quotes that I disagreed with from a story that amounted to a sales pitch for retirement communities. 

(1) "There are advantages to making the transition at a younger age." This assumes that seniors know the future. Which, of course, nobody does. I don't know how long I'm going to live, or what the cause of my death will be. What if I moved into a retirement community that I wasn't really wild about because I envisioned myself growing old and infirm there -- then died in a head-on crash with an out-of-control semi on the freeway a year or so later?

My last thought would be, "Shit, I shouldn't have moved, because I could have spent my last year happier in our rural home, rather than in the retirement community, and now I'm about to di..."

Us baby boomers came of age in the live for the moment 1960's.  Now we're in our 60's. Planning ahead is fine. However, so is enjoying life right here, right now. Finding the balance between planning for a possible future, and living in the reality of the present moment, this is a central dilemma for seniors.

Our leaning is toward now, a more vibrant reality than could be.

...(3) Moving when you're younger and more able-bodied also allows for the opportunity... To be with older and less able-bodied people in a retirement community. This is a fact.

My stock line when we talk with a salesperson who has just shown us around a retirement community is, "Thanks for the tour. You've got a nice place here, but I'm freaked out by how many old folks we saw."

That's meant to be humorous. But I'm also serious. 

It's depressing for me to see old people getting around with walkers, and sitting at card tables playing something-or-other on a nice warm sunny day. I realize that this often is what happens with increasing age. But since my wife and I are pretty darn healthy at the moment, and don't feel as old as our driver's licenses say we are, we look upon retirement communities with a decidedly wary eye.

Capital Manor is a continuing care community. Meaning, they offer nursing home, memory care, hospice and other services, in addition to being a retirement community. '

The catch is that continuing care communities have something in their contract that is akin to a pre-existing condition exclusion in an insurance policy. You have to be able to live independently when you buy in to Capital Manor. This makes sense, because otherwise people would wait until they needed nursing home care, or whatever, before they signed up to join a continuing care community, thereby vastly increasing the cost of caring for the pool of residents.

But the real problem for us is what I said in (1) above. 

We aren't wild about the independent living homes at Capital Manor, or any other retirement community we've visited. Where we live now is much more attractive and comfortable. Plus, we have nature trails and a lake right outside the doors of our rural home on ten acres.

So moving into a retirement or continuing care community entails a gamble on our part that we'd live long enough, and head downhill physically or mentally enough, to need the health care services that such a community provides. And these services would have to be better than what we could obtain by "aging in place" in our own home.

It's a tough decision. We're leaning to sort of splitting the difference by more avidly looking into the possibility of buying a house inside the Salem city limits and selling our rural house. 

Our goal, and it may be kind of difficult to achieve, is to find a house in town that has the same vibe as our much-beloved rural house. That is, the house and its surroundings should have flavors of naturalness, trees, relaxed, walkable, dog-friendly, large windows, and as quiet as possible, given the realities of city life.

A realtor is coming to our house next Monday to look it over, give us a sense of what we could get for it, and advise us on how to move forward with our plans.

Of course, we're going to have to tell him that our plans are flexible.

We have no interest in moving just for the sake of moving. A new house has to scream Yes, Yes, Yes to us, not I'd be OK, probably. So far no retirement or continuing care community has spoken to us in that fashion, which is why we're leaning toward finding an easier-to-maintain house in Salem.

Comments

[Rain Trueax]

I am trying to understand why you need to move now at this time. You don’t want to have to drive into town? The grounds are too much to keep up? You want the social activities in retirement communities? You feel your property it is worth more right now than it might be in the future? It seems to me that the reasons matter most in terms in deciding whether to do this now or wait for a future time, when your needs for physical care might be clearer.

Having had in laws in three retirement communities, I have some experience in how this works. They were in the Salem area originally. They moved into a senior community. They had their own home with a recreation building and outside grounds tending. This enabled them to have a small garden of their own. When they wanted more services, including food preparation, with what all mounted to a restaurant where tasty meals were prepared, they moved to Mount Angel, full assisted living, with two bedrooms, nice living area and a view. Their last move was to a smaller yet apartment in Corvallis where they would be closer to their son and have more services. The cost and provided services grew with her needs until a broken hip made only a nursing home enough. My mother lived out her life in a mobile home on our farm until the day she died-- maintaining her home and even grubbing out blackberries to nearly the end. We are all different for our physical needs and what works emotionally.

My husband and I are 74, live 25 miles from the towns for shopping. 45 miles from Salem. With cattle and sheep to keep healthy, the work has fallen upon my husband. We have thinned the herds and try to hire help when possible - -not always easy to find. Although, many folks in rural areas manage to remain out there, it gets harder. For me, however, retirement communities would never be my choice as I am an introvert where community centers are not on my list for good living. Having been in church communities, I am all too aware of social pressures in such settings.

My advice, such as it is, it is be sure why you want to move. Know yourselves and what you need now. Maybe, a groundskeeper, gardening service would satisfy your needs and allow you to remain where you are until you know what services you will really require.

[Jim Scheppke]

Good thinking Brian. "Split the difference" sounds like the thing to do. I hope you and Laurel move close-in to town where there is a lot happening. The Bush Park/Fairmount Hill area where I live is terrific. This is probably a good time to sell. We are overdue for another recession.

[Brian Hines]

Rain, thanks for the perceptive comment. We do indeed need to think long and hard about reasons for moving. The time and energy it takes to maintain our property certainly is one reason. Another is being quite a ways away from where we shop, recreate, meet with people, and such in Salem. There also is less of a sense of community in a rural area where residents have, by and large, moved so they can have privacy and be left alone.

On the plus side, we do very much enjoy being close to nature and not being close to neighbors. So we're torn. Likely our decision will become evident when it is time for us to make it. Until then, we'll go back and forth, wondering what to do.

Jim, we like the areas of Salem you mentioned. However, we aren't attracted to older houses, which mostly are what exist in the Bush Park and Fairmount Hill areas. Getting the sort of house we like probably would mean being more in the "burbs" than close in. However, it isn't out of the realm of possibility that a house which resonates with us could be found fairly close to downtown.

[Jane]

Greetings,
I am 64 and recently widowed. My lifestyle isn't working anymore, now that I'm a "single senior woman" with some health problems and a house to maintain alone. Im looking for "where to live next" like many people posting here-- and I'm also in the "aging hippie category", looking for the "unconventional" senior living solution.

I have a few comments for all to consider, including me, in choosing a place to live next.

In the past 10 years I have taken care of 3 senior family members through the end of their lives. Two lived in "independent living" with long-term care insurance and privately hired caregivers, and 1 in "assisted living"; all lived in a "retirement facility" after selling their homes.

My experience with "retirement facilities" is that:
- many facilities will usually not take you back if you have been hospitalized. You will be sent to a nursing home first to "rehab", before you will be allowed back to the facility. You need to be mobile enough so that they will not need to provide you with a "new" higher level of care.
-- if you run out of money they will not take Medicaid and you will be kicked out.
- if you need more "care", there are built in "tier levels", with increasing costs for increased time spent on care. This can add up to thousands of dollars a month, which may have not been budgeted for, when deciding where to live.

These are critical considerations when looking at any "retirement home", eg guaranteed care through end of life, regardless of level of care needed, and guaranteed acceptance of Medicaid.

We never know how our needs will change as we age-- the one constant in life is change and the unexpected happening!

Love to all,
Jane

[Alex pritts]

Hi I'm Alex and I've always wanted to create a happy hippie home.i Kno the problems you mY be facing. U fought for ten years to have a church of universal love and music. We are probably done with that dream for awhile. The church lives on in all of us. I'm very sick with an unimaginable number of illness I lived in the mountains in PA. And know all the efforts it takes to have an organic garden animals coal and fire work. I looked up hippie nursing homes and there you were
. please let me know how I can help. Love ale