Strange questions in my first Medicare physical exam

I'm loving Medicare -- am doing my best to belly up to the bar of oh-so-sweet Government Healthcare as often as I can since I became Medicare-eligible October 1.

Having signed up for Regence of Oregon's Medicare Advantage, I can toss down even more benefits. Like vision and dental.

So I've had an eye exam; bought new contact lenses; gotten a teeth cleaning; and, yesterday, my first Medicare-paid annual physical exam. Sweet. 

If only this terrific single payer insurance was available to everyone in the country. But Republicans wanted their Romneycare, which became Obamacare, which is a heck of a lot better than the mess U.S. health insurance was before, yet nowhere near as good as Medicare For All would be.

But I digress. Lost the point of this here blog post for a bit.

Shows that maybe some of the questions I was asked during my physical exam weren't as strange as they seemed to this healthy, fit, mostly cognitively normal (who the hell is, all the time?) 65 year old guy.

The medical assistant who started the exam off by weighing me, taking my blood pressure, and such, clued me in to the fact that the wonderful new world of Medicare (goodbye and good riddance, my much-hated individual Regence policy) brings along some different questions from what I've been asked before.

Not sure whether this was part of the initial "Welcome to Medicare" Preventive Visit my Regence Medadvantage booklet says I'm entitled to. Regardless, I was asked lifestyle questions intended to assess some risks to life and limb.

Like, whether our home has any loose rugs. "Yes," I told the medical assistant. "Our dogs like to lie on them. They'd revolt if we took them away." Then I was asked if we had any hand rails in our house, to prevent falls.

"No," I said. "But look: I ride a longboard. I'm probably a lot more likely to fall off of my senior citizen skateboard than take a tumble in the shower. I do Tai Chi also, so my balance is pretty darn good."

Recollecting my response, it now sounds defensive.

Figures.

I was having to deal with the fact that my Medicare card now marked me as a member of the Old Farts Club, those people I barely imagined I would ever be who fall down for no good reason and forget things for, um... damn, can't remember.

Ha-ha. Just joking.

Actually I passed the next round of senior-citizen cognitive questions with flying colors. These came from my family physician, who was reading off of the trendy laptop that has replaced paper medical records in her office.

I want to share some of the questions so other people about to turn 65 can start preparing for their first Medicare test. They included:

What town are you in?
What county are you in?
Who is the president of the United States?
What day is it?

I'm particularly proud of my answer to the last question, since I now realize that probably "Thursday" would have sufficed. But I thought my doctor was asking for the day of the month, which I knew without looking at my Casio watch.

"November 7!" I was so proud.

And also a bit creeped out. Because, as noted above, for the first time in my physical exam life I was being screened for signs of senility. A good thing, since many old people do experience serious cognitive decline.

I may also. One day. Not now. I wanted to show my doctor that I still had most of my wits and sense of humor about me.

After she came to the end of her questions I said, "I must be halfway congitively competent, because I now write a regular column for Salem Weekly, the alternative newspaper. Or course, it isn't necessary to make perfect sense in the column, since most readers of Salem Weekly are stoned."

She laughed. My doctor and I get along great. Along with having pleasingly small fingers to perform my least favorite part of a "older guy" physical exam, she habitually says near the end of the exam:

"You're my poster child for men your age." 

Which means, I take it, that I am in great shape for a Medicare recipient. In addition to semi-clean living and eating (I've been a vegetarian for 44 years), I exercise diligently and often. Including my regular outings on a longboard, land paddling my way around Salem's Minto-Brown Island Park.

Pays off. So far.

I just hope that if the day comes when I can't accurately answer those cognitive decline questions, I won't know it. I'd prefer to go from normal to wacked-out senile in one fell swoop, rather than suffering the knowledge that I'm losing my mind.

"Chester Freaking Arthur -- that's who our goddamn president is, doc. Everybody knows that. Now ask me your next dumb question!"

Comments

[Dennis Byron]

Dear Mr. Hines

Given other statements you made in your post, you'll probably be terribly disappointed -- if not outright apoplectic -- to find that you were not getting an annual Medicare preventive visit. You were either getting a "George W. Bush Medicare exam" or a "Newt Gingrich Medicare exam." (But if you prefer, you can think of it as your "Bill Clinton Medicare exam.") I suspect it was a "Newt Gingrich."

Original Democratic Party Medicare -- the Medicare you want to foist on everyone in the country as Medicare for All -- did not include the sort of physical exam you described, particularly the "small fingers" part. But it also did not include simple things like listening to your heart and lungs with a stethoscope.

Getting a true physical was added to Medicare -- one time in your life only, not annual -- under Bush II. The wording is a little unclear (that happens with 3000 page laws and tens of thousands of pages of regulations) but the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA) may have taken that Bush benefit away for Original Medicare beneficiaries.

But it does not matter. You say you are a subscriber to the public Part C Medicare Advantage health plan by Regence. That is your supplement on top of Original Democratic Party Medicare. Over 95% of us Old Farts get a supplement of some type because Original Medicare, the thing you want to turn into Medicare for All, is so bad. Part C was added by the Republicans but signed into law by President Clinton in 1997.

It is your public Part C Medicare Advantage plan that provides the full physical you described (and with no co-pay--sounds like a good plan), not what you call Medicare for All. Part C also provides the vision and dental benefits you describe, not Medicare for All.

Part C also provides an annual out of pocket (OOP) limit of $3400 (or less-don't know which plan you have), something Medicare for All would not include. You might be able to thank PPACA for that benefit. Most Part C plans, all the way back to Gingrich/Clinton days, have always had an OOP limit but PPACA made them mandatory.

So congratulations on the good health and say thanks each night to Newt.

[Brian Hines]

Dennis, I'm not sure what your point is. The Affordable Care Act has strengthened Medicare. That's a fact:
http://www.medicare.gov/about-us/affordable-care-act/affordable-care-act.html

I've never heard anybody who has Medicare, conservative or liberal, say they didn't like it. Medicare is hugely popular. Even clueless Tea Party types say "government, keep your hands off of my Medicare," not knowing that Medicare IS a government program.

So if Medicare works so well for so many people, why wouldn't it work well for everybody? Medicare for all. The Affordable Care Act is a step in that direction, but is unduly centered on private insurance plans.

Anyone with an individual health insurance policy, such as my wife and I have had for many years, knows that private insurers like Regence Blue Cross cancel policies every year or two. They also raise premiums and reduce benefits like clockwork.

Worst of all, until Obamacare saved us, it wasn't possible to switch insurance companies because of the pre-existing condition exclusion. So even though I favor a single payer plan like Medicare, introducing some much needed competition into the insurance market is a good thing.

In a few years this country will wonder what the big fuss over the Affordable Care Act was, once the benefits become even more obvious than they are now. Likewise, Republicans screamed about socialized medicine when Medicare was passed, and now it is accepted as a great social policy.

[tucson]

Having also just entered geezerhood I like my Medicare plan F supplement insurance I recently got, so far, on paper. No co-pay, no deductible, no co-insurance, any doctor I want (that wants me) anywhere in the country that accepts Medicare. $140 per month. It is much cheaper than my former high deductible/co-insurance individual policy I just canceled.

One little bitty problem. Medicare is insolvent. This is a Sword of Damocles hanging over us.

I don't know why people think this reckless, dysfunctional government will be able to pull off Obamacare and regulate healthcare successfully. They've done a swell job so far, right?

[Healthy Sheryl]

I don't think anyone has a problem with receiving Medicare benefits. I felt threatened that Medicare would be taken away if I didn't answer their questions.
I think their rediculous questions undermine my doctor's abilities and are an invasion of privacy. So this guy has a throw rug on the floor, what will Medicare's plan of action be for that since the guy said he had some loose rugs? Who is paying to have this info recorded in Government charts? Tax payers? I think this country could save so much money if common sense was used.

[Jan]

I’m on this site today because I came home feeling ...well, like I’m ready to tip over/forget who is president is...haha ...wishful thinking ...and happy that I didn’t tell them how many rugs I have. Non of their business. I’m smelling the insurance companies spying on me.
My primary physician even apologized to me for having to endure this invasion.
I have a Fitbit...do my encouraged 10,000 steps and try to eat rather healthy while enjoying a good martini ~ well shaken during the weekend!
Oh boy Boomers...hold on to your sanity...1984 is here and alive!

[David]

And you did not find the questions invasive such as "how often do you have sex" (which is none of their businesses btw) ?

I did not answer their really invasive questions truthfully, oh wait I did answer one question honestly which was my name on the paper they handed me to fill out, I came here hoping to find someones input without being political and not Butthurt over their lot in life, I was wrong you just had to get your Tree Hugging views in didn't you.

[Nita]

I went to my dr. yesterday to have a cyst removed from my head. When the nurse came in the exam room, she took my blood pressure & pulse as usual. She left the room & came back with 2 sheets of paper & proceeded to ask me questions that were on the papers. First question was how far did I go in school. I asked her what that has to do with the removal of my cyst. She told me this is something new that Medicare has for all patients who see Dr's. She said the answers would help the dr. in case a patient isn't bringing up certain issues to their Dr. She asked if I had any pets, yes, no, dog, cat, other. Mmmm, sure, I totally understand how far I went in school & if I had a pet is something that Medicare would want to tell my Dr. NOT! Next questions were if I had throw rugs, handrails in bathtub, is the bathtub slippery, handrails on stairs, have I fell, do I need help with cleaning house, grocery shopping etc. etc. The second page consisted of telling me 3 words she will ask me later. I'm not stupid this was cognitive testing. She told me to show the time of 8:20 in the circle. After I did the time, she asked me to repeat the 3 words.
The reason why I went into some detail is I am wondering if anyone has had this happen when they went to the Dr. for something other than a Medicare medical exam. I'm 69 years old & this is a first for me.

[MARY ANN VICTORIA]

David: What they did was give you a wellness visit. See the Dr.'s make more money by doing these. I canceled my wellness, only to have it shoved down my throat at my 6 month follow up. I am livid that we the patients are losing our rights and our privacy. This is all about insurance companies getting paid more, and big Pharma and of course the Dr.'s. I could have reported my Dr. because they billed for a wellness visit and that is not what I was there for. Check your EOB's and make sure they are not collecting for things not done.

[Marth Pfist]

I went to the doctor September 2019 and got some of these ridiculous questions - so they are still at it. My drawing clock was to say 10 minutes after 11 - then my 3 words to remember. Asked if I had handrails in my home, then was actually asked if I had anyone in my life who might hurt me. Now this was not Medicaire - this was personal knowledge that I had given to the Doctor. I started thinking - this is going to be a raise in my insurance rates. I called the office and asked them to remove my answer, especially to that question. They assured me this had nothing to do with the insurance company - but I have my doubts.

[Joanne]

I am a 66 year old VERY healthy female. I had my annual physical today and was totally blown away by the ridiculous questions I was being asked. I cooperated, but stated that I am 66, not 86! I was advised that it was a Medicare requirement. What a bunch of BS!!! Not to mention, aren’t the medical staff busy enough without having this nonsense to deal with? I also found out that, in the event that I had answered incorrectly, they would have continued with another series of questions that were REALLY personal! They also have guidelines, based on the patients answers, that can flag a case of dementia! WTF!!!

[Rozetta Miller]

Yes this is what I went through for $50 in groceries. But I told them I thought it was stupid! What is the deal if don't go back will I not get my Perscriptions?

[Gerald Q. Phucknuckle]

I know what im going to respond when they ask for "those three words" . . .

FUCK THE GOVERNMENT!

[Kay]

I'm going for a wellness checkup next week and y'all are making me think I should cancel it! What a bunch of BS! 😡

[Susan Sonzogni]

I just became aware that I’m entitled to the annual wellness visit. At one of my last med checks they “snuck in” some cognitive questions. I’m writing a letter declining the wellness (invasive, imo) wellness visit that simply adds income to the doctor. Then I’ll check my EOBs to make sure they’re not cheating.

[Susan]

My doc hounds me about the annual wellness visit. She has admitted it is silly, but persists. She has couched it differently for her benefit. “My insurance doesn’t cover a physical, so the awv is it.” It isn’t. “Once I’ve started the visits I have to continue them.” I don’t. It’s not a Medicare requirement nor a practice requirement. I think she’s just rigid and wants the income. This year I had surgery with a thorough pre surgical physical, yet they hounded me for the awv as well. They even scheduled one without me knowledge that I in turn canceled. I think that’s unprofessional. I really do think she just wants the income. I think that’s unprofessional, too.

[Judy Has]

At 69 yrs old for my annual exam my physician assistant asked me to say the alphabet backwards which I did.
At 70 they gave me an address, city, state and name...then asked 10 questions then asked me what the name and address was. I missed one number! This is soooo stupid, I'm not going thru this again! Ask me something that's important to me that I might forget not stuff that doesnt matter at all!....just saying!