I just sent a press release to the Statesman Journal. Didn't have the New York Times' email address. Also, probably too late for them to get a news team to Oregon by tomorrow noon. Local newspaper, it's up to you!
For immediate super-important stop-the-presses release
Salem's Senior Citizen Skateboarder, a.k.a. Brian Hines, a.k.a. me (though I will speak in the third person for greater dramatic effect) will be making an appearance at the Salem Sunday Streets event tomorrow. All available Statesman Journal reporting and photographic resources should be diverted to this locally, stately, nationally, and, arguably, cosmically important event.
Syria will still be a problem on Monday.
Hines has received extensive media coverage in the Oregonian, Salem Weekly, and, um, nowhere else (hey, he only had to write half of the coverage himself). For background see:
Hines is noted for his tricks in Salem's senior citizen skateboarding/longboarding/land paddling community, which so far appears to only consist of himself, thus explaining his notability.
Hines says, "My main, and indeed only, senior citizen skateboarding trick is that I am a senior citizen who rides a skateboard. OK, a longboard. And I push it with a stick, not a foot. This is called land paddling."
Several times a week he land paddles five to seven miles at Minto Brown Island Park. Rarely seen in civilization, this is a rare opportunity for the general public and journalists to observe Salem's Senior Citizen Skateboarder. He can be picked out from the crowd by being (1) old, (2) on a longboard with purple and orange wheels, and (3) holding a black 6 foot Kahuna Creations Big Stick.
If more than one person at the Salem Sunday Streets event fits this description, Far Freaking Out! …dude.
Hines will be available for fawning admiration from young and old alike, including both human and canine sentient beings, from 11:30'ish to 1:00'ish around State Street and Riverfront Park. Media availability is subject to change depending on when he wakes up and how long it takes to caffeinate himself.