My unfriendly advice for blog comment spammers

Hey, spammer dudes and dudettes, wherever you may be, which pretty obviously isn't in this country given the fractured English you use...

I am not at all thrilled when you try to leave comments on my blog posts in order, I assume, to get a better search engine ranking when your spammy URL is included with the comment.

But if you're going to pretend to be leaving a cogent observation about one of my posts, I really wish you'd put some effort into it. How about at least taking a quick glance at what I wrote, and attempt to say something vaguely relevant to it? 

And isn't there anybody your Spam Bosses can hire who speaks passable English?

Since I'm going to take a quick glance at your spammy compositions before I send them off to delete-land, I'd appreciate it if a little more effort was put into this bottom-of-the-bucket literary genre.

I mean, come on... you can do better than these recent attempted submissions:

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Hey, spambots, some of which of you may even be quasi-human, I do appreciate the fawning compliments. Not enough to publish the spam, of course, but on some extremely minimal level.

If I ever suffer a debilitating mental illness marked by a complete loss of self-esteem, its good to know that I've got some spam supporters out there who are unfailingly positive about my blog posts.

Your names, though, make it tough for me to picture you as potential friends.

So here's another tip: if you expect a blogger to believe that a spam comment is coming from a real person, don't use names like "omega juicers" or "actual new car price" or "singapore residential property." 

Lastly, I have never, ever, published an obvious spam comment on my blogs. I moderate every comment. So if there's some Spam Central HQ out there, do yourself a favor and take my blogs off of your attempted spam list.

You're wasting your time, and you're wasting some of mine. Though I do get a tiny bit of amusement from your pathetic efforts.

Comments

[Dan]

The reason the syntax in the English is so bad is because of:

1. The person writing it is Chinese, Nigerian or Indonesian and they are using Bablefish or some translator to cut and paste a set of words that could be construed as functional to communicate. I used it once to talk to a friend of mine in Belgium... Instead of asking how his day was progressing, the translation suggested that I wanted to massage his cow. Which was stupid because he doesn't have a cow.

2. Spam filters can be fooled by bad syntax and wandering sentences. They look at a poorly written bunch of diatribe and figure... yep, only a human can write stuff this poorly. Must be the real thing... PASS.

I tell you Brian, you are looking at it all wrong. If you have spammers, that means they know your site is getting seen. Its kind of a reverse compliment I guess. Just think of them as the paparazzi of blogs. Every now and then one of them tries to get in.