No lavatory on plane -- pretzels favored over beer

Oh yeah, flying is so much fun nowadays. Last Friday our Horizon flight from Portland to Burbank was delayed an hour while "a maintenance problem" was dealt with.

That's all the explanation we were given by the gate announcer. But given what happened on our return flight, there's reason to suspect that the problem lay behind the door of the all-important tiny compartment at the back of the plane.

Namely, the lavatory.

For several reasons I'm a big fan of airplane lavatories. One, I'm 62. And even though I've reported that my age-related urge to pee has been reduced quite a bit by medication, I enjoy knowing that a toilet is near at hand on a flight.

Two, I'm tall. I like to get up and walk around on the plane after an hour or two of sitting. The lavatory gives me a destination. If someone else is waiting to use it, even better, because then I get to stand longer before returning to my seat.

So I wasn't thrilled when a Horizon gal who manned womaned the microphone at our gate announced that a maintenance guy had been unable to fix the lavatory on the plane that'd take us back to Portland.

Her advice:

"Passengers should use the restrooms at the airport, because there won't be a usable lavatory on the Portland flight."

I was in pretty good shape, kidney-wise, since my prepare-for-the-worst mentality when it comes to airlines usually leads me to shun coffee and large beverages before a flight. But I felt bad for anyone who'd had a 20-ounce triple latte just before they got to the gate, or was suffering from diarrhea.

(Here's a no-lavatory story about such a situation.)

It sort of surprised me that a commercial airliner could embark on a two hour flight without a working lavatory. However, apparently there is no government requirement that passengers have a right to relieve themselves while in the air.

A Federal Aviation Administration spokeswoman said lavatories, or the lack thereof, are not a concern for regulators.

"That's not an aviation safety issue. It's a passenger or crew-member comfort issue," said agency spokeswoman Kathleen Bergen. "There is absolutely no requirement for any aircraft to have a lavatory."

That includes large passenger planes used for cross-country flights, Bergen said.

As we were preparing for take-off a flight attendant reminded us passengers that no lavatory was available. "You may want to keep this in mind when you make your drink selection," she said.

I did. When the beverage cart came by, I grabbed a bag of pretzel'ish snacks and responded "no thanks" to the drink offers.

So far as I could tell, nobody on the plane had an urgent need to use the non-functional lavatory. Still, it would have been a nice gesture for Horizon to give us some sort of compensation for the inconvenience -- 1,000 frequent flyer miles, for example.

My wife and I forked out $40 at the Horizon counter to check two bags, something that not long ago was done for free. Then we're "treated" to a two hour flight with no lavatory.

Like I said, flying is so much fun. Not.

Comments

[Renee J,]

Right when I saw your tweet on Twitter (I'm @ ReneeJ68) No-Lavatory on Plane - I knew I had to read this blog entry! I'm 30 years old and need a lavatory where-ever I go! I drink a ton of water (severe dry mouth - medication or something) and would have freaked if I was in your shoes and would have never gone on the plane w'out a working toilet! I think that's crazy they are allowed to fly a commercial plane - 2 HOURS - and without a working lavatory!! And no compensation after their BS? Wow! I'm so sorry this happened to you and your wife. I really give you alot of credit for going through all of this. If you haven't already, I would contact Horizon's head-quarters & inform them this situation. I read how you mentioned there's no government requirement about the bathroom situation on a plane, but still. Just shocked st Horizon's (I've never heard of them until today) lack of customer service. All in all - isn't it a great feeling to be back where there's working toilets? The little things we all take for granted, but appreciate ever so dearly ~ when we do have them!?!?

[Clark J]

What if someone experienced an unanticipated, strong, irresistable peristalic wave just after liftoff or a sudden, powerful urge to urinate. If such an issue were to arise with a passenger on your flight were they expected to relieve themselves in their seat, in the aisle or in the flight attendant seating area? I assume the cockpit would be off limits for such activities even though the the name of the area seems appropriate.

[Blogger Brian]

Renee, thanks for the suggestion to contact Horizon. Maybe I can get some sort of gift, like frequent flyer miles, out of them.

Clark, good questions. I suppose someone could beg to use the lavatory, even if was unflushable. It'd just fill up with whatever, which would be better than a passenger leaving his or her whatever on the seat or floor.

This experience makes me wish there was a decent passenger Bill of Rights. More and more, it seems like airlines (and TSA) feel like they can do whatever they want to us paying customers.

If someone complains on the plane, they're at risk of being detained as a terrorist. At some point airline passengers are going to have to stand up and say, "We're mad as hell, and we won't take it anymore."

[Clark J]

I once traveled through Ecuador and Columbia by bus. Often the drivers were unwilling to stop for passengers needing to perform bodily functions (aka to shit or piss) even though there were no lavatories.

It was not uncommon, and I'm not making this up, to see streams of urine coursing by your feet at some point during a long trip. Also, a turd or two would occasionally be olfactorily perceived or seen as one walked down the aisle to exit the bus. This, combined with the odor of a fisherman's catch piled at the back of the bus, made for an excruciatingly fragrant ride even with the windows down.

Children were only willing to writhe with the effort of holding their waste for so long before they were allowed to disperse the material on the floor. Even some adults had no choice but to participate.