April 1? Census Bureau assumes psychic abilities

Geez, I wanted to be a good citizen and mail in my 2010 Census form today. The cover message, dated March 15, said in bold type "Please complete and mail back the enclosed census form today."

OK. I tried. But then I saw that my answers have to reflect the people living or staying in our house on April 1, 2010.

Today is March 18. A lot could change in the next two weeks.

I've written to all of the girls featured in the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, letting them know that we have a empty apartment area in our home that is available for extended stays by bikini-clad supermodels who also like to cook, clean, and do yard work.

How am I supposed to know how many additional young curvaceous females may be residing in our house on April 1? I'm not psychic.

This discrepancy between "return form now" and "base answers on situation as of April 1" has been bothering quite a few others also. A commenter on this blog post wrote:

I just find it a little amusing that the government is asking people to be psychic. They could have timed these forms to arrive on April 1, 2010, but they chose to have them arrive two weeks early. They could have also said on the form to fill it out and send it in as soon as possible and not mention the date of April 1st.

And this Reuters blogger said:

The first question – I’m not making this up – is “How many people were living or staying in this house, apartment or mobile home on April 1, 2010?” WERE? That date is more than two weeks from now. I guess I could wait until April Fool’s Day to count them, but my warning letter said to return the form “promptly.”

I see two possible reasons for this confusion.

(1) The Census Bureau is filled with incompetents who didn't anticipate that citizens would think Huh? if asked to answer questions about the future. (2) The Census Bureau wants to soak Americans for billions of dollars.

Since unfounded conspiracy theories are a lot more appealing than boring logical conclusions, I'm going with (2). This also gives me a much better chance at getting some air time on Fox News.

The Census Bureau web site says:

According to Title 13, Chapter 7, Subtitle 2, anyone who willfully gives an answer that is false could be fined up to $500.

My back-of-the-census-form-envelope calculation is that if 20,000,000 Americans send in their form before April 1, thereby giving false answers (since many of the questions say "on April 1, 2010"), the Census Bureau can bring in a cool $10 billion in fines at $500 a pop.

Well, I'm not going to fall for this ruse. I'll hold on to our form until April 1 and make sure it is postmarked on or after that day.

Good try, Census Bureau, but you're have to do better to pry that $500 out of my non-psychic self.

Comments

[robert basler]

Hey, thanks for noticing my Oddly Enough blog. Please come back often and bring your friends,especially if any of those Sports Illustrated chicks turn up.

regards,
Bob Basler

[Tod Cole]

Oh, it gets even better. I, too, chose not to fall for the easy ruse to get me to lie on a government form. Then I got a follow-up post card yesterday dated March 22, 2010 that said,

"If you have already provided your census information, please accept our sincere thanks....If you have not responded, please provide your information as soon as possible"

They must really want that $500.

[Penelope H.]

I too was irritated by this poor communication effort, especially when I received the follow-up postcard suggesting that as of the third week of March I should already have filled out information about what happened on April 1. In fact, I called the general Census information number to note my confusion. A lot of other people must also be irritated by this, as the recorded information you get before going to a live person says if you anticipate living in your current home on April 1 to go ahead and fill out the form now. I don't know why they didn't send it out much closer to, or even after, April 1. People are much better at knowing what happened on April 1 when the date is April 4, for example! Babies can be born prematurely, people can die, transient and impecunious relatives can show up at your door unexpectedly, etc. And I'm in the middle of trying to buy the house I rent, with a closing date to be determined very soon, so I'm not actually positive whether on April 1 my home will qualify as owned or rented. Okay, so in most respects my life is actually fairly predictable, to the extent that any life is. The contradictory instructions and the potential imprecision of the count as a result just bug me. Glad to see I'm not the only one!

[Kelly]

I checked the crystal ball... twice.

We are all going to be either dead or alive, living here or there, incarcerated or free, and possibly be pregnant or just delivered a brand new baby as of Midnight, March 31st, 2010.

Happy April Fools Census Bureau. I believe I'll be spending that 500 bucks elsewhere.