I've been married for 38 years to two women (not at the same time, sequentially). If I'd been engaged in any other activity for that length of time, such as restoring '57 Chevys, I'd expect to know a lot about it.
But the female psyche is a bottomless pit of mystery. Which is a big part of the reason women are so alluring.
Since tomorrow is Valentine's Day, I thought I'd celebrate by sharing some, just a fraction, a tiny bit, of what I don't know about women and male-female relationships.
This is my way of honoring the half of humanity which brings so much pleasure to men -- along with a whole bunch of question marks.
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Since a kitchen sink is designed to hold water, why does my wife expect me to dry the surface with a towel after I've used it?
How is it possible for my first wife to remember every detail of a divorce-related conversation between the two of us that happened a dozen years ago, while all I can recall are the parts that put me in a good light?
If Einstein showed that time and space are relative, and my wife thinks that I drive too fast in the space-time continuum while I think she drives too slow, how can she be absolutely right and I am absolutely wrong?
Related to the above, a George Carlin question: "If a man speaks in the forest and there isn't a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"
Why is it that men's magazines have photos of gorgeous, voluptuous, half-naked women on the covers, and women's magazines also have photos of gorgeous, voluptuous, half-naked women on the covers? (I'm not complaining, just asking.)
What makes two women kissing or dancing sexily with each other appear perfectly natural, while two men doing the same thing looks deeply weird? (To me, at least.)
The HBO series "Big Love" shows a Mormon polygamous family where a man has three wives and everybody gets along great. How is that possible when a woman with three husbands would soon have only one? (Plus two bodies buried in the back yard.)
Isn't it interesting that a group of men would be offended if the waitress said "what do you gals want?" but women don't mind hearing "how are you guys doing today?"
If my wife holds the TV remote control for more than a minute I start to feel panicky, disturbed, out-of-sorts, a disturbance in the Force. So how is she able to handle me changing channels and fast-forwarding through programs 99.9% of the time?
Related to the above, in ballroom dancing the man leads and the woman follows. How many couples would be on the dance floor if the reverse were true? (Partial answer: at least one less, I can assure you.)
Getting back to space-time relativity: how is it that my wife invariably feels we only have been shopping for a short while, and to me it seems like eons?
Isn't there an unnecessary question mark in the inflection of her voice when we're getting ready to leave for a social event and my wife says, "So you think that shirt goes with the pants you're wearing?"
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For some partial answers on what makes men and women's brains so different, check out the humorous (and also true) video, "The Nothing Box."
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