Here's some of Morford's entirely reasonable wishes (he's speaking directly to the tablet).
On the topic of health and happiness, it would be tremendously helpful if I could, say, hold a given food item in front of your gleaming screen and have you instantly reveal, via an intricate array of special sensors, the exact nutrient value, fat quotient, caloric assessment, global carbon footprint, potential colonic damage and overall dietary necessity of said comestible, along with exactly how amped or sluggish, healthy or regretful I will feel for the next three days if I consume it. Also, please perform the same function for potential girlfriends. Sexual playthings. Children. Pets. Politicians. Religions. Vitamins. Illegal drugs. Grand unification theories. Sunshine.
Meantime, I would like you to thoroughly organize my 8,000+ song library, my 20,000+ photo library, along with all article clippings, porn collections, shopping habits, grocery lists, cocktail recipes, address books, mailing lists, fond memories, future plans, unicorn-adorned dream journalings, sleep mutterings, in-shower brainstorms, post-coital poetics, childhood traumas, spiritual longings and nagging subconscious lifelong anxieties that are now manifesting as mysterious pains in my kidneys.
Please sync it all with my Vedic astrological chart, my delta sleep cycles and my yoga teaching schedule, cross reference it with my various moods and meditative temperaments, and then automatically play the exact song/photo/article/whatever my deepest soul was hoping to experience at the exact moment I was wishing to experience it, so as to alleviate all personal sadness, fears, doubts and suffering for all time. Or at least while I'm in the tub.