The electricity is still on. Don't know for how long. Need to get this report out to the blogosphere while I still have a warm laptop.
Things are desperate for us here in Salem. I just checked: there's an inch of snow on the ground! And it's twenty-six degrees! Pray for us, rest of the country.
Because Oregon's Willamette Valley doesn't get much snow. So this storm is a shocker. Laurel and I are taking it seriously. Our lives -- or at least lifestyles -- are at stake.
Panic started to set in yesterday.
We'd been tuned in to the Storm Tracker bulletins on every Portland TV station. We knew what was coming: a couple of inches of snow! Below freezing temperatures! (and loads of exclamation marks in blog posts)
Our essential supplies seemed to be in order. Gas for generator to keep the laptop and DSL router going. Silk soymilk creamer to go with the coffee needed to write blog posts.
But then we took a closer look at the pantry. Yikes! Just a few organic walnuts. And only a few crumbs of raisin bran. I felt like the Donner Party, facing starvation.
Sure, we have an all-wheel-drive Highlander. And tire chains. But the natural food store is eight miles away! (winter storms bring out italics in addition to exclamation marks)
I got together an emergency bag: ski jacket, gloves, hat, rain pants, salted soybeans. Threw it in the back of the SUV along with the chains, which I'd practiced putting on. Got the wife and dog in the car so we'd live or die together. Set off for Life Source Natural Foods.
Made it fine.
Especially since it was sunny and forty degrees. Felt a little silly walking into the store dressed for an Everest expedition. But you can't be too careful when an inch or two of snow is on the way.
Some of it appeared this morning, which is when our winter ordeal really began.
I turned on the TV to see how panicked the Channel 2 Storm Tracker team wanted me to be. Plus, to watch Meet the Press while I ate my Sunday pancakes.
Yikes! (redux)
The DISH network receiver wasn't working. Then I remembered: the final episode of Survivor is on tonight! The Donner Party didn't have to deal with that -- just minor stuff like deciding whether to survive by eating dead bodies.
I got up on the roof. Brushed some snow off the satellite dish. Wondered how much more God was going to make me endure. Got an answer when I realized that I'd missed recording all of Meet the Press.
Shit! Now I really had a winter storm story to tell my grandchild. Assuming I could bribe her enough to listen to it.
At the moment we're in the eye of the storm. Well, actually according to the Storm Tracker folks the storm is over -- until a new one rolls in middle of the week. And that could bring another inch or two of snow.
It makes me feel better to know that people in Minnesota and New Hampshire realize what we're going through here in usually temperate Oregon. (It's now 25.7 degrees; that's a .3 degree drop since I started writing this post -- I think I can hear the wolves starting to circle.)
Portland blogger Jack Bogdanski has been keeping my spirits up with his storm updates. He started with "Breaking News: Snow in Portland" and now informs us "Weather excitement intensifies."
Portland's storm miseries appear to be taking a turn for the worse, as it appears that it is now getting dark. The darkness is expected to cut visibility in many areas, and these conditions may persist until morning.
When it'll be a brighter day, the Storm Gods willing. And as long as I'm appealing to a higher power, please let the 57 year old physics teacher dude win Survivor.
Holy crap! You bark eaters never give up. "Organic walnuts" and an emergency trip to the Nature Foods store. If you're that obsessed with the nature of your foods, why don't you have a food storage plan? I guess atheism and food storage are in direct competition theoretically, right?
I recently bought a motorhome for $500, which is supplemental to my food storage and emergency/survival kit. The only thing I need to beef up on (00ps -- hope the reference to MEAT doesn't offend your senses) is water. Go figure.
I'm giving you a hard time, because your blog makes it sound as though the Willamette valley folks are all bark eaters. I happen to know differently, as all my relatives attended Willamette University. The smart ones moved away. Did no one mention to you that the recession hit Oregon a LONG time ago? Oh, yeah. That's because the bark eaters infested the logging industry and shut it down. Hmmm. Just think about how the lumber might be keeping your house warm as you read this in your freezing temperatures. Or consider how you could use a fire to cook some of the non-soy products in your non-food supply. Oh, that's right. You eat everything raw, so no need to cook.
Well, hope these outsider insights provide a bit of comfort as you freeze your skinny organic asses off. If it gets too cold, jump in your foreign-built SUV (which uses a lot of gasoline!) and let the engine run to keep you warm. Don't worry about the CO2 emissions. The storm will blow them over to Idaho, so no one will know it was yours.
Merry Christmas, nature lovers! Here's yanking your chain saw!
Posted by: marlli | December 14, 2008 at 11:50 PM
"It makes me feel better to know that people in Minnesota and New Hampshire realize what we're going through here in usually temperate Oregon."
You don't get out of the valley much, do you. ;-) Eastern Oregon gets LOTS of snow. Less now than twenty years ago, but still. I grew up in K. Falls and back then, they didn't close stuff for a foot of snow. There would have been a heckuvalot of closures, otherwise.
Posted by: Stacy6 | December 14, 2008 at 11:50 PM
That was funny. Yes, we do whine a lot here when we get snow because we had a bargain we made with god to have it all melt by noon which this year obviously was broken due to our voting for Obama. Oh woe. Where will the punishment end?
Posted by: Rain | December 15, 2008 at 07:32 AM
Marlli, jeez, you've got to better manage your anger toward vegetarians. Oh, "bark eaters" -- forgot the right term.
We're just people. Who happen to not eat meat. I'm sure there are vegetarian loggers, vegetarian hunters, vegetarian dirt bike racers, vegetarians of all political and philosophical persuasions.
Most environmentalists aren't vegetarians. Most real estate developers aren't vegetarians. Most anybody isn't a vegetarian, because we're a small percentage of the population.
Our hybrid cars are super low on emissions, so I won't feel guilty about starting them up. I've read that the exhaust leaving the cars actually is cleaner than the air that went into the engine. I've got to get out and drive more.
(Except not today; the roads are nastily icy.)
Posted by: Brian | December 15, 2008 at 10:22 AM
Don't you get tired of flip-floppers?
Well sorry, but I flip-flop every year on the issue of evil, evil, logging.
The Ultra, Ultra, Ultra, Ultra, leftwing wackos promote the idea that trees burning in the woods rather than turned into timber and jobs is "natural" and preferred.
They hold this view because they don't know what they are talking about.
However, every year about this time, I also feel that timber should be allowed to burn.
IN MY WOOD STOVE!!
But hold up!
Along with assisting nature in the natural dispensation of wood, there is an additional Ultra, Ultra, Ultra, Ultra, leftwing goal acheived:
When the wood is burned in our high-tech, kick-ass woodstove, emissions are greatly reduced cutting back on the 100% man made and 100% man curable global warming.
Yep! And its a sustainable, renewable, and efficient energy source.
OOOOOOPS!!!!!
Lefties will want to shut it right down if I keep talking like that.
Oh well. June isn't that far off. I will just flip-flop back into the logging mode and build the wood pile back up!
:-Q
Posted by: Harry Vanderpool | December 15, 2008 at 11:05 AM
What Marlli said reminded me of when I was a vegetarian they used to say I was a "grass eater", or all I ate was "rabbit food".
This was odd because what was on my plate was about 75% the same as what was on their plates. I guess they were semi-grass and rabbit food eaters which was somehow superior.
Then I would call them murderous, sadistic corpse chompers and blood suckers akin to hyenas and vampires.
Man, those family Christmas get-togethers were fun.
Posted by: Condor | December 16, 2008 at 08:58 PM
LOL - great post. I love how the slightest twitch in the weather brings out the panic in the newscasters. Sunday afternoon/evening was fairly nasty from a Salem standpoint however. Stayton got nothing in the afternoon - and nothing but rain since.
At least Bob won on Surivior.
Posted by: Jeff Shultz | December 18, 2008 at 11:32 AM