Driving home from central Oregon today I tuned to OPB just in time to hear the results of a survey that cast new light on the sex life of seniors.
I turned up the car radio, not because my youthful 58 year old ears have any difficulty hearing. Rather, I was interested in learning about the carnal proclivities of an age group that, Tao willing, I would enter one day.
Old people, I thought, twisting the volume knob. Got to keep up on what's going on with them so I'll know what to expect when I become one.
Then I heard the first words of the report, which went something like: "This study of 3,000 seniors aged 57-85…"
What the hell??!! instantly became a new thought. What kind of crazy ass research was this? How could they include middle-aged 58 year olds in a study of senior sex?
Ridiculous. I assume the lead author, Dr. Stacy Tessler Lindau, an assistant professor of obstetrics, gynecology and geriatrics at the University of Chicago, will be called before some sort of investigational inquisition to explain herself.
This is obviously some sort of age discrimination. I'll leave it to the class action lawyers to figure out the legal basis for the settlement that I'm clearly entitled to, since my psyche has been sorely wounded.
On the plus side, it turned out that sexually active Americans aged 57-85 have sex as often as those aged 18-59. (Legal note to self: mention the 57-59 age overlap in this report of findings when class action lawyer contacts you; could be significant).
I find this a bit hard to believe, though supposedly if one has a partner, the frequency of sex doesn't change much between age groups.
I wanted to see what posters to the Web MD message board related to this study said about the question, "Has aging affected your sex life?"
Unfortunately, when I looked all seven of the posts were from Marilyn. All exactly the same. She said, "Sorry, my computer got stuck." Sounds just like a senior. Well, actually it also sounds just like my youthful computer-challenged wife, who also is 58 years old. So scratch that Sounds just like.
Since Marilyn went to the trouble of hitting the "Post" button six extra times, here's her message. Glad to hear things are going so well with your "intimate relationship," Marilyn.
Just because there is snow on the mountain doesn't mean there is no fire in the furnace. We just stoke that fire in different ways. He takes me away for a weekend and buys me flowers. We've been together for 47 years and believe in the saying "grow old with me, the best is yet to come". We are trying to stay healthy and active, and that carries over into our intimate relationship. Marilyn