Class-action attorneys, I'm waiting for your emails. I'm a representative of a significant Easter-oppressed group: non-Christians who worship Sunday gadget shopping and latte sipping.
My "religion," though which I derive deep meaning and satisfaction, may be non-traditional. But I should be free to practice it without interference. And today, I can't.
Thumbing through the Sunday paper ads, I just realized that Best Buy is closed today. Outrageous!
I woke up this morning filled with a gloriously uplifting thought: "In a few hours I'll rejoice in the buying of a new high-tech wall phone that we need for our soon-to-be-remodeled kitchen."
Now I'm morose, in a spiritual funk, because I won't be able to worship in the high temple of technological goodies.
It's ridiculous that national religious holidays are still allowed in the 21st century. Haven't we, as Americans, reached a consensus on a fundamental cultural tenet: "In shopping we trust"?
Well, I'm about to head off for my habitual Sunday morning coffee house latte. I'll drown my Easter-provoked despair in a double (or maybe triple) shot of caffeine.
If the coffee house is closed, though, I'll just have to bear my cross as best I can.
"Oh god of consumption, both electronic and liquid, why hast thou forsaken me?"
Angst lives!
Posted by: Paul Martin | April 08, 2007 at 11:50 AM
Paul, so true. It's been a difficult day. But thankfully the Coffee House Cafe was open. I should have known it would be, tilting as it does toward the leftist godless vibe.
And Office Depot also was open, though they didn't have the sort of phone we're looking for.
To cap the day off, I pulled up to the recycling center with a carload of recyclables and found that D & O Garbage chose the Easter weekend to pave their lot. "Closed until Monday," the sign said.
I thought of adding them, along with Best Buy, to my religious discrimination suit. But since it'll be nice to have the gravel replaced with asphalt, I think I'll give them a pass.
Jesus would be proud of me, turning the other cheek like that.
Posted by: Brian | April 08, 2007 at 05:38 PM
i dont usualy visit this site but i came across it so ill leave my breif message you need to get over yourselves and stop looking for things to complain about , how about geting a hobby. Also what kind of religion are you into? all you do is shop on sun? bad day to pick dont you think? hello?! almost all stores are closed on sunday. actualy almost every sunday almost every store is closed. i guess all im trying to say is if your going to pick a religion or make one up or what ever you did at least make shur it makes sence. k im done my rant. cheers
Posted by: brad | May 04, 2007 at 11:09 AM