Class-action attorneys, I'm waiting for your emails. I'm a representative of a significant Easter-oppressed group: non-Christians who worship Sunday gadget shopping and latte sipping.
My "religion," though which I derive deep meaning and satisfaction, may be non-traditional. But I should be free to practice it without interference. And today, I can't.
Thumbing through the Sunday paper ads, I just realized that Best Buy is closed today. Outrageous!
I woke up this morning filled with a gloriously uplifting thought: "In a few hours I'll rejoice in the buying of a new high-tech wall phone that we need for our soon-to-be-remodeled kitchen."
Now I'm morose, in a spiritual funk, because I won't be able to worship in the high temple of technological goodies.
It's ridiculous that national religious holidays are still allowed in the 21st century. Haven't we, as Americans, reached a consensus on a fundamental cultural tenet: "In shopping we trust"?
Well, I'm about to head off for my habitual Sunday morning coffee house latte. I'll drown my Easter-provoked despair in a double (or maybe triple) shot of caffeine.
If the coffee house is closed, though, I'll just have to bear my cross as best I can.
"Oh god of consumption, both electronic and liquid, why hast thou forsaken me?"