I've been in a good mood ever since I heard the words "Sixty is the new forty" on my car radio a few days ago. I was on my way to a Tai Chi class. Eric, a classmate, had recently told me that he'd celebrated his 41st birthday.
Being 58, I felt like an old codger when he said that. I would have tried to kick Eric's butt to make myself feel better, but Tai Chi'ians are supposed to go with the Tao flow. Plus, Eric has a black belt and is 17 years younger than me.
That makes me 38. Hah! Take that, Eric, I'm three years younger than you!
Unless…forty is the new twenty. And damn it, that's just what Google says. So Eric is actually 21, which means he had his eight-year old daughter at the age of 13. Way to go, guy, you're precocious.
Having time on my hands, now that I'd shaved twenty years off of my life, I went on to ponder today's actual twenty year olds. If 60 is the new 40, and 40 is the new 20, then 20 must be the new newborn.
Hmmmm. Suddenly this whole two-decade aging shape-shifting wasn't making as much sense as I wanted it too. So I decided to turn my Googleish research back toward my end of the life spectrum.
And soon felt better. Because I learned that indeed fifty is the new thirty. Also, eighty is the new sixty (this octogenarian had it as "sixty is the new eighty," but at least she's blogging at 80), and ninety is the new seventy.
Strangely, I couldn't find any Google proof that seventy is the new fifty. Hopefully the mention that I just made will be indexed so I can refer to my own post when I turn seventy and want to confirm that I'm actually twenty years younger.
The only bad side to all this is that Osama bin Laden, who just turned fifty, is really thirty. Hopefully living in caves and being on dialysis makes him an exception to the rule.
An A.C. Nielsen survey found that most people consider that the 60s are the new middle age. That's fine with me, being just two years away from that previously geezer-sounding decade.
However, I didn't like the finding that the 40s are the new 30s, and the 30s are the new 20s. That cheats me out of ten years of youthfulness.
I'm going with the really good news: sixty is the new thirty. Heck, why settle for forty? I'm 28!