My grocery list system, a gift to the world

I’m hugely proud of my grocery list system. I’ve worked on it for many years, evolving it into a highly refined state. It’s time to offer it to the world. Behold The Hines Household Grocery List!

Click on this thumbnail and let it enlarge (erotic, isn’t it?) so that we can examine the fine points together.

Now, the main use of this list is for my weekly shopping expedition. I’m the designated grocery hunter. I bring back the bulk of the supplies. My goal is to get everything on the list and to waste little time on getting anything that isn’t on the list. Fast and efficient, that’s me in the grocery store.

(See “Moral angst in the grocery store.”)

My wife, Laurel, is the grocery gatherer. She likes to wander around a store looking for interesting new items. To me, that’s an appalling idea. I’ve got better things to do with my life than shop. Like, spending an hour on my laptop writing a blog post about shopping.

This list is in a three-column Word document format. It’s divided between the two stores that I mostly shop at: LifeSource Natural Foods and Fred Meyer. Items in each area are arranged roughly by aisle.

I say “roughly,” because fairly recently both of the stores chose to disrupt my grocery shopping system by remodeling. I had to go through an agonizing period of reshuffling the items into new aisle groupings. Believe me, retirement isn’t stress free.

What’s on the list are our frequently bought items. The bold faced items are generally bought every week. Note the brilliance of my system—how much time it saves. Most of the 1000 discarded grocery lists featured at grocerylists.org are handwritten.

People still living in the dark ages of grocery shopping simply write down what they need, and then go buy it. Yet it’s quicker to circle a regularly-bought item than to write it out. Plus, with the bold faced items, not even circling is required.

However, it pains me to note that a system is only as good as those making use of it. Even though I have instructed Laurel in the Hines Household Grocery List system, she persists in doing her own thing with it. If I die prematurely of a heart attack, this will be the reason.

For example, observe how the first six bold faced items on the LifeSource list are circled. I’m quite sure that is not my doing. The “Fuji (a few)” by Apples is in Laurel’s writing. And is totally acceptable as a clarifying comment, though my focused grocery hunting brain prefers unequivocal instructions such as “(4)” rather than “(a few).”

What isn’t acceptable is the “Butter Buds” written in at the bottom of the Fred Meyer section. Blank spaces on the list are for additional items not on the list. Additional! About a third of the way up the Fred Meyer list you can clearly see “Butter buds.”

It drives me crazy, absolutely insane, to get to the last Fred Meyer aisle, plunk salad mix (broccoli slaw) into the shopping cart, then glance down and see something written in that should have been circled on the list. As I roll my way back to the butter bud aisle, I feel astoundingly sorry for myself.

Of course, I guess I could have glanced at the bottom at the list to see what was there when I entered the store. But I enjoy feeling like a grocery shopper martyr.

Invariably, when I get home and shake the list in Laurel’s face, demanding to know how such a travesty could happen, she shrugs her shoulders and says, “I looked for butter buds but couldn’t find it. So I just wrote it down.”

This is, admittedly, a drawback of my system. The items aren’t arranged in alphabetical order, but by aisle. Some time ago I used to use a grocery list on a Palm Pilot that, if I recall correctly, could reshuffle the alphabetical list into aisle by aisle order. It was cool.

However, it was excessively techno-geeky for me. I could sense that other shoppers were thinking, “Look at that doofus using his Palm Pilot while he’s shopping.” Nowadays most people are talking at their cell phones, so I’d fit in much better.

Well, I think I’ve covered most of my grocery list bases. It isn’t copyrighted, and I don’t expect royalties if you use a modified version. Nonetheless, feel free to leave me in your will if you start using this shopping system and find that it changes your life for the better. As it will.

I was excited to see that grocerylists.org says that it is missing a list from Oregon. I’m just about to email my list off. It may end up in a book! My grocery shopper’s heart is fluttering.

See you at LifeSource or Fred Meyer. I’m the graying guy with an 8 1/2 X 11 well-organized shopping list in his hand, looking superior at the check out counter.

(I don’t know why you’d want to, um, check out the competition. But in the interests of grocery list brotherhood, here are links to My Grocery Checklist and Aisle-by-aisle.)

Comments

[The Garden Philosopher]

This reminds me of the Swedish movie Kitchen Stories. If you haven't seen it already, watch it with Laurel so she can explain it to you. ;-)

[Rain]

That is so funny. I am not a list person and only in rare circumstances do I make one. Otherwise I count on the inner me to tell me what I need-- and do it quickly as I also do not like wandering in aisles. I want what I need fast and if my inner me fails me, perhaps it was because I wasn't really 'supposed' to have it!

[tanya]

This was really a great read - great system too. I suspect that I might contribute to your heartattack with my system - walk through every aisle - but in my defense, it's so I can find things to review on my website. Thanks for sharing!

[Amanda]

i have just enough free time today to compose one of these of my very own. this is taking compulsiveness to an art form i think. and i thought it was bad that i logged in all my recipes from Everyday Food magazine into categories on a database. :)

[shiva]

I was entertained and amused by your grocery list experience. The palm pilot method is particularly impressive. One of the reasons you have all this work and aggravation is because you are a 'couple', with a 'household'. When you are single, butterbuds never even occur to you. What would i eat it on? My refrigerator has the basics in it (salad greens, broccoli, ricemilk etc.). I often pop into the healthfood store and buy whatever takes my fancy. I don't peruse the aisles. No, i march over and get maybe broccolli, or dried mangoes or sometimes even even a rocket soy bar (chocolate). On occasion dinner from the delhi maybe. Fruit. Very often a green drink from the juicebar. What i didn't get doesn't occur to me that i needed it. That is my system. Today i needed a cococut because it is hot and i was thirsty. And some not-chicken WINGS, the spicy kind. After i tried it i made a note to self to go back to the not-chicken burger PATTIES, the spicy kind (they taste better). But whatever is in the fridge will get eaten or thrown out. What i long for when i am home i get next time. That, once again, is my system. By the check-out counter i pick up a dark mint-chocolate square for fifty cents. It keeps the treat small but very fun. And when i get home there is no-one whining about something i forgot. And trustworthy VON's is half mile away in the event of a need, such as a nectarine, milk, the rare late-nite ice cream or that dreaded craving for amy's pizza.

When i was married i had a partner who would lift the passively aggressive disapproving eyebrows indicating that my carefully selected array of groceries is lacking and dissatisfactory (the grocery purchase for the HOUSEHOLD was extensive THEN). When asked what the specific items were that were needed (so i can ad them to the permanent list and forever prevent the reoccurrence of this oversight) the answer would be a vague 'groceries'. (Specifying would undermine the power derived from being dissatisfied with my catch.) So now i stroll the aisles, my pace determined by the length of the line at the cash registers. When there is no line i am in no rush. When the lines are long i make some quick selections and get ready to escape. But whatever i got was just right. And what i didn't get i don't need. The sweet simplicity of singledom.

[Debbie]

It would seem that a number of people have way too much time on their hands.

[Curt Nelson]

Darn good list. I'm a list man myself and I'm impressed.

[carla]

Wow. And to think all this time I was just shopping with a hand written list and coupons.

[Bud]

Check out http://www.storeassociate.com

[Carrie Davis]

I am a mom to two toddlers and have finally transcribed my frequently bought items to a list, but I thought I'd go the extra step to be really obsessive/compulsive (it's not a disorder! yet...) and put them in aisle order. I was hoping I'd find a readily accessible list of my local Fred Meyer's aisles online (because I'm a sleep deprived Mom, I can't seem to just remember them) and came across your post here. Thanks for the humor! And the idea to bold the nearly-every-time items! And now I'll check out some more recent posts. Thanks again!