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June 14, 2006

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What if "the ultimate" is not beyond human logic but instead just really complicated like a Windows operating system? That would be no fun.

I have not upgraded my computer at home from Windows 95 for the past 9 years. I can always use the up-to-date software at work if necessary. True nirvana would be for Microsoft to stop changing its software.

Zen Master Windows has inspired many. Here are some examples of how others have expressed their resulting insights through the medium of Haiku. Of course, these insights can only be conveyed through hints. Only those who have undergone the rigorous training of this particular Zen master have the capacity to truly understand the deep inner realizations expressed here.

********************

Your file was so big.
It must have been quite useful.
But now it is gone.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Garden Philosopher, thank you for sharing these gems of cyber-wisdom. Looking for more, I came across what seems to be the Source: a 1998 Salon Haiku Error Message challenge:
http://archive.salon.com/21st/chal/1998/02/10chal2.html

Revealing the constancy of my Microsoft master, it is remarkable to note that in the eight years that have passed since the Salon haiku were composed, Windows is still as enigmatic and paradoxical as ever.

The only genuine competitor to the Computer Zen Master throne, in my humble opinion, is Symantec. For I have learned, through direct experience, that the programs Symantec touts to keep your computer working (such as SystemWorks) will actually screw it up beyond belief.

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