After I read the amusing Oregon State Barbies post over at Jack Bog’s Blog, the omission of a Salem Barbie was painfully obvious. Laurel and I gave it some thought:
Salem Barbie comes with a bland wardrobe and sensible shoes. The navigation system on her white Jeep Cherokee is preset with her favorite destinations: Target, Big Lots, Tin Tin Buffet, Lancaster Drive, and the Four Square Evangelical Church of Jesus the Redeemer. Customize her ride with included bumper stickers: “Support the Troops,” “Stop Abortion Now,” and “My Child is a Honor Student at Christ the King Bible School.”
Salem Ken’s prison guard uniform fits stylishly over his beer gut. A TV remote control slides neatly into Ken’s right hand for those exciting Salem Saturday nights. VIP Pass from Hollywood Video slips into Barbie’s purse along with her Fred Meyer rewards card and lottery tickets. Karaoke Bar set can be purchased to celebrate the couple’s romantic anniversaries and birthdays. Available only at the Lancaster Drive Fred Meyer.
The original (and anonymous) list of Oregon Barbies was clever enough. Read the comments to the post for some additional entries. I particularly liked Chris' Hawthorne (a particularly liberal area in liberal Portland) Barbie:
This Barbie comes with dark-rimmed "smart" glasses, nose piercing, obligatory shoulder tattoo and your choice of green shoulder-length hair or dreadlocks. You'll have hours of fun driving her around SE Portland in her own 1986 Toyota Corolla adorned with crystals hanging from the rear-view mirror and "Bush lied, People Died" bumper sticker. Hawthorne Barbie comes with an optional "Slacker Ken" doll complete with "Firehouse" T-shirt, scruffy beard and a couch for hours of cartoon doodling and pot smoking.
Act now and get a free pack of American Spirit cigarettes and complimentary liberal arts degree from Reed college.