My week now centers around Jack Bauer and the rest of the “24” cast. As Monday evening approaches my heartbeat quickens. A rosy glow of anticipation brightens my cheeks. I begin to feel the titillating thrill that accompanies the righteous killing of terrorists.
In short, I am in love. And though I know there should be no limits on love, I sometimes wonder: “Do I love too much?”
Plus, what’s up with me loving Jack Bauer? Usually I’m not attracted to those strong, quasi-silent types (even though Jack’s expertise with computers means he could easily solve my intermittent Windows XP shutdown problem—especially if he brings super-geek Chloe along—which is a pretty good foundation for a serious relationship).
I felt better after I checked out Michael Sean Blogs’ “Jack Bauer Body Count” series. For then I realized that other “24” fanatics put my passion to shame.
Cautionary note: if you recorded yesterday’s two-hour special and haven’t watched all of it yet, like me, use caution in reading the Jack Bauer Body Count Episode 11 & 12 post. I scrolled down into the Episode 12 section by mistake and now know stuff that I wish I didn’t.
However, this won’t stop me from enjoying the hour of “24” that I haven’t seen yet, because I know that Jack Bauer is capable of modifying the space-time continuum and changing the content on my digital video recorder.
I know this because I’ve read The World According to Jack Bauer. It’s hilarious. But I didn’t laugh while I was reading it, because Jack doesn’t like to be laughed at, and, as one of the entries on this page puts it, “Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.”
Here are some other entries:
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.
Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack has inspired me to do some sleuthing of my own. I’m starting to make some connections. It’s all beginning to come together. Can’t tell you what “It” is yet, because if I did Jack would have to shoot me.
It’s obvious. He is Mike Novick, chief of staff (and chief slimeball) to President Charles Logan. The shifty smile gave him away.
The country is in danger. We don’t need to worry though. Jack is in charge of the situation.
(As contrasted with El Presidente. See my "George Bush is no Jack Bauer" post. Though there are some seeming similarities--both adore torture--the differences are much more striking.)