Oh God, I’m shrinking!

Today I was pleased to find HinesSight listed on BlueOregon’s “Blogwire” of progressive Oregon blogs. However, I’m feeling really regressive at the moment, having discovered that I’m shrinking.

In my baby book I found a chart, prepared by yours truly, of how I progressed to a height of 6 feet 1 ½ inches by June, 1967 when I was 19 years old. Now, at the age of 56, I’ve regressed to 6 feet ½ inch. I’m back to where I was at 17 years old.

When I made this chart I never figured that I’d be adding declining entries. It’s a good thing that I’ve got a dozen blank lines left.

It’s my wife’s fault, of course. Not that I’m shrinking, but that I know I’m shrinking. Laurel came back from a doctor’s visit recently saying, “The nurse measured me and I’ve lost about half an inch.” She wasn’t happy about it. “I’ve always been 5 feet 7 inches,” Laurel said. “Now I’m not.”

I suggested that we measure her again. “Maybe the nurse made a mistake.” Tape measure in hand I backed her up against the wall that separates our kitchen and pantry. I noticed some writing on the wood.

“Look,” I said. “We measured ourselves before, in 12/98.” With a yard stick I carefully calibrated a new level measuring mark as Laurel strained to stretch out her height, just as I remember kids doing in elementary school. I penciled in a new mark on the wall. We both rushed to inspect it.

“Yes, you’ve lost a half inch,” I said, striving to convey as much husbandly compassion as I could muster. “But you’re still taller than the average woman. Don’t worry, everybody shrinks as they get older.”

Oops. What had I just said? Everybody. Could I be part of “everybody”? Nah, not me. I’m healthy; I’m fit; I’m unique. “Let’s measure you,” I heard Laurel saying, as if from a far distance. “Why? I’m sure I’m the same height.” “OK, but let’s check anyway.”

I reluctantly backed up to the wall. I visualized my legs, spine, and neck elongating, stretching to the heavens. I breathed in vital chi. I mentally chanted “Om” to attune my height vibrations with the ever-expanding cosmos. And then I nervously stepped back to look at the new mark Laurel had made.

“Goddamn it! I’ve lost a half inch! I’m f____ing shrinking!” I screamed. “Don’t be so upset,” Laurel said. “I’ve lost a half inch too.” “But…but…you’re you; this is me.”

At moments like these, when my life is falling down around me, I need reassurance from a trusted friend who never lets me down: the Internet. I ran downstairs to my office and logged on.

A WashingtonPost.com article, “Downsizing,” reassured me somewhat. Shrinking is a normal aging process, I read. “A large, long-term study in Baltimore found that between the ages of 30 and 70, men lost an average of 1 ¼ inches and women two inches. By age 80, the loss had increased to two inches for the men and three inches for the women.”

OK. I’m 56 and I’ve already lost an inch from my maximum height. That only leaves me a quarter inch to lose in the next 14 years if I want to be average. And who wants to be average? I want to be better than average. Of course, I started out quite a bit taller than average, so maybe it makes sense that I’ll lose more inches than the average.

I wasn’t feeling much better after reading the article. When my daughter, Celeste, came to visit a few days later I decided to share my feelings with her. “I’m shrinking, Celeste.” “That’s because you’re going downhill, Dad. You’re going to die one day. Face it.”

She may also have said something more positive, but these are the words that stick in my mind: “You’re going to die. Why are you so afraid of death?” “Gee. Celeste, I don’t know. Um, maybe because there’s a really good chance that I’m not going to exist any more. Why, yes. That might be the reason.”

It’s hard for me to face the prospect of my bodily non-existence. I suppose I should feel grateful that nature gradually is easing me into that inevitability by steadily shrinking my body. When I measured my 1998 height mark I found that seven years ago I was 6 feet 1 inch. I’d already lost half an inch by the age of 50. Seven years later, I’ve lost another half inch.

At this rate, if I live to be 100 I’ll be about five feet tall. And Laurel will be about four and a half feet. We’ll be two wizened midgets.

One of Laurel’s favorite sayings is “I don’t like growing old!” Me neither. But the alternative sure isn’t appealing. I guess I’ll just have to try to shrink gracefully.

See you around. Look down for me.

Comments

[Marty Wagner]

I am about your age and having read some of the material here and looking at your picture, you both remind me of what I would term aging, old hippies. You loved that old 'give me a cause' feeling that you might have enjoyed during college and you either can't or won't shake it. Move on, it's a whole new world out there, with rich and exciting adventures and relationships. Explore beyond your self imposed, extended adolescence. I was once where you both are for a very long time, but was able to get past that stage in my life. Hope the best for you as well.
Other than that, you sound like cool people.

[erica]

I'm 43 and I shrunk 1 inch and 3/4 already. I need to have a bone density test done. I wouldn't worry if I only shrunk 1/2 inch

[CHERYL MOHER]

5/28/09
I WAS SO THANKFUL WHEN I FOUND YOUR BLOG...I JUST WENT TO HAVE A PHYSICAL AND FOUND AT I HAVE LOST AND INCH AND A HALF - DON'T KNOW QUITE WHEN OR HOW THIS HAPPENED (I'M A 65 YEAR OLD WOMAN - WENT FROM 5'8" TO 5'6 1/2" - I WAS DEVASTATED) FELT BETTER AFTER I READ ABOUT YOURS AND YOUR WIFE'S EXPERIENCE.....

[Dee Andrews]

Like you I DON'T CARE if it's normal. I have always strived to be above normal. I am 66 and have lost 2½ inches. so I have lost more than you..............and I was only 5' 3½ " to start with. I never wanted to be "tall" but this isn't working for me, well I guess it is, but I don't have to like it. I have longevity in my family so I wonder how much I'll shrink? I am looking on the net to see what I can do to reverse it. That's how I found you

[Josh Henry]

I'm a 55 YO male who was 5'-11 1/2" in 1974 when I graduated HS. My philosophy has always been work hard play hard. I am an avid snow skier and usually take several trips out west each year. In 1998 my wife, kids and I started measuring our height. I was amazed that I had shrunk to 5'-10 1/2". I was 43. Well yesterday evening the measuring board came back out. We looked at the progress of our children's growth and relished the memories until my daughter put a new mark on it for me. I am now 5'-9 3/4".

I have had back injuries over the years and know much of my loss is in the discs as is typical of most people even w/o disc issues. It's plain to see in my x-rays. Secondly, if you measure yourself in the morning you will find that you are a god 1/4" taller than you are at night after being on your feet all day as gravity works against you. So the moral of the story is we all shrink. We can eat a well balanced diet rich in calcium, we can stay away from cliffs especially while skiing, but never measure your height at night!

[Walt]

My grandpa was 6'1" when in college at abt age 20 where he played football and threw the shot put.. He was abt 6' or so in his early 40's when my dad was born. He then dropped another half to full inch by his early 50's. When he passed on at age 65, he was 5'11 to 5'11 1/2". He had developed weight and then heart problems in his 40's.

[Sharon Pawlowski]

I just turned 54 yrs. old and my height was measured during a med exam. I've been 5'3 1/2'' since I was 14 yrs. old. when asked by the nurse how tall I am, I responded and her answer was no way! Sure enough I was 5'2''. My bone density test was ok. What could cause this? I've always worked on my feet and have noticed my arches have fallen. I have several spurs. Could this be the reason. Will it slow down or will I die at 4'10"