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April 19, 2005


I'm friends with the Fergusons and have heard about the separation Cathy had from her mom.

Cathy told me she was mentally abused for years by her mother so it wasn't over one small misunderstanding. She has gone through counseling as a result because her self-esteem was so low. Some friends from her church have even encouraged her to make ammends with her mom but she feels separation from her mom is the only way she can cope. Yes, it may seem harsh to you and me but I don't feel I can judge her since I wasn't there to see all anguish she went through. I do know that Cathy is a caring person and she wouldn’t keep the estrangement with her parents if she felt she had a choice. I know she loves her parents but for her own well being she needs to distance herself.

Also, she told me her mother favored Lori over Bo and that broke her heart. She cited many examples so I can’t see her letting her parents see them under such circumstances.

Yes, reconciliation would be a great thing and I will continue to pray about this difficult situation. I don't know what it would take but wouldn't it be wonderful.

P.S. The kids are doing great. Bo got straight A's so they all went to Disneyland. He's such a sweet boy. He's quite social and mixes with adults as well as his peers. He takes karate lessons with his dad.

Lori is also a wonderful kid. She's a typical teenager who loves listening to music and takes dance lessons from time to time. She was struggling a bit in school but her last report card was great

Rita, thanks for sharing your thoughts about this unfortunate situation. As the saying goes, “there are two sides to every question.” Well, more than two, really. In this case, everyone involved with the estrangement between Cathy and her mother sees things through their own eyes, and interprets things through their own experience.

I just wish that Cathy and Carol Ann could make a commitment to sit down and work on their relationship. I know that Carol Ann is ready and willing to do this, so the first step has to be made by Cathy (and Steve). There’s always a middle ground where two people can stand and say to each other, “Neither of us is totally right, neither of us is totally wrong. We’ve both made mistakes. Now let’s make a fresh start.”

It sounds so simple. And it is. It just means opening up, being humble, and having a willingness to grow. It deeply pains me to think of my sister and brother-in-law never being able to see their beloved child and grandchildren again. As I said to Cathy several times, “How would you feel if the situation were reversed, and you weren’t allowed to have any contact with your grandchildren?” The Golden Rule is a pretty good moral guide.

I’m curious about how you came across my weblog post. How did you find it?

Well, let’s both hope for a positive ending to this drama for everyone involved. I’m a big believer in the power of positivity. Bringing people together is much more positive than driving them apart, so I’m still optimistic that a way will be found to resolve misunderstandings.

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