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July 31, 2004


The connection between Paris Hilton and Plotinus is clear! Consider: "Paris" and "Plotinus" begin and end with the same letter. The last five letters of "Hilton" are in "Plotinus" (the "H" is no doubt missing only because Greek had no letter "H"). The only letter in "Plotinus" that's not in "Paris Hilton" is "u", but Miss Hilton is so clearly U (in the Jessica Mitford sense) that we can deem her to possess that letter.

Finally, Plotinus was a philosopher at a time when philosophy was perhaps the highest way to occupy one's mind: to use the mind to attain deep insights, resulting in the philosopher exclaiming, "I see!" Which in Latin is "video!" It is only a small stretch to imagine Plotinus in the street today, and exclaiming one word as he catches sight of Paris Hilton: "Video!"

And if a comment ending with "Paris Hilton Video!" doesn't make Google grovel at your feet, I don't know what will.

Isaac, your profound linguistic analyses remind me of the DaVinci Code. You might consider expanding the comment above into a full-length novel. Just mention "Return to the One, by Brian Hines" a few times in the narrative, please.

Also, you will be happy to know that Google has indeed rewarded me by putting my Paris Hilton and Plotinus post on page 3 of the "Plotinus" search results. I also am #1 in the undoubtedly hugely popular search term "Paris Hilton and Plotinus."

Haven't gotten a call yet from Paris' publicist, but I expect it any day now. What should I wear during the filming of the "My Simple Life" episode? Such questions occupy much of my mind now.

As I was ordering a copy of "Return to the One" today it occurred to me that the one-word utterance of Plotinus on seeing Paris Hilton -- as she probably doesn't speak Greek or Latin, and to Paris Hilton a naked "Video!", the ejaculation of a passing stranger, would perhaps be unsettling.

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