Acceptance, says the Mindful Geek, is the key to real growth in meditation

I've meditated almost every day since 1969, when I became studying yoga during my college years under the instruction of a crazed Greek man who blended Christianity and Hinduism in a strange way. 

Even so, I still consider myself almost as much of a beginner when it comes to meditation at my age of 76 as I was at the age of 20. (Guess that's why I like the book, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind.)

I have no idea what produces real growth in meditation. But other people do. Like the author of The Mindful Geek, Michael W. Taft. I started reading the book last year, writing a post in December called "'The Mindful Geek' is a meditation guide for secular skeptics."

Then I put the book away after getting through about half of it. Today I picked it up again, reading and enjoying the chapter on Acceptance. Taft considers acceptance to be key.

In mindfulness meditation, you try to accept every experience. Even if the experience is unpleasant, negative, or unsettling, you attempt to accept it as it is. That's why the meditation algorithm includes the acceptance step -- it reminds you often to let go of any resistance to whatever you're meditating upon.

Acceptance is the key to real growth in meditation. All of the practices in this book are effective to some degree at improving your life. Different people respond better to some than to others, but they all work well.

If, however, I had to choose just one thing out of this whole book, a single practice to give someone to most improve their life, it would be the practice of acceptance. In my opinion, acceptance has the most power to positively impact your sense of wellbeing. You can practice acceptance as part of meditation and also as you walk around in daily life.

This is a rather trivial example, but it comes easily to mind because I just experienced it -- having watched the Oregon State baseball team lose to Coastal Carolina in the Men's College World Series. Being an Oregon State fan (go Beavers!), I wanted the team to win.

After a disastrous first inning where the Beavers quickly ended up down 3-0 to Coastal Carolina, I held out hope for a win until the final innings. Eventually it dawned on me that for this game at least, Coastal Carolina was the better team, having better pitching, hitting, and fielding (that's basically all that baseball consists of).

With that realization, which could be termed acceptance, I was able to watch the rest of the game in a much more relaxed fashion. I had stopped feeling that something was wrong with Coastal Carolina leading Oregon State 6-1, that somehow this was an undeserved punishment of the Beavers by the Baseball Gods.

I still wanted Oregon State to win their next game on Tuesday, which would put them into a rematch with Coastal Carolina (they'd have to beat undefeated Coastal Carolina twice to make it into the World Series finals next weekend). But I could accept them losing again to a team that outplayed them today, the final score being 6-2.

Taft shares what he calls a "pseudo-math equation" created by Shinzen Young, a former math professor who uses that sort of equation to describe the principles of meditation.

The equation is simple: P x R = S, or "pain times resistance equals suffering." This means that your level of suffering from pain is dependent upon how much you can let go of resisting it. In other words, relief from pain is all about how much you can accept the pain. Japanese author Haruki Murakami has a famous quote, which sums up the situation nicely: "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

This applies to both physical and mental/emotional pain. I was feeling quite a bit of pain about Oregon State losing to Coastal Carolina until it dawned on me that the Beavers' opponent simply was better than they were today. Once I stopped resisting this fact, my mental pain dropped considerably. Not to zero, because I still am bothered that they didn't win. But considerably.

The final part of the Acceptance chapter deals with emotional acceptance. This passage makes a lot of sense to me.

One of the most common complaints I hear from meditation students is that they had a "bad meditation." Upon inquiry, it turns out that they experienced some negative emotions during sitting, and that's why it was "bad."

Often, they had been looking forward to having a good meditation, and so they were disappointed, angry, upset, ashamed, and/or guilty about the fact that they felt bad during meditation. Really, their "bad" meditation was a good meditation that simply felt unpleasant.

True, meditation is supposed to improve your wellbeing, but that doesn't mean it will always improve your emotions during practice. It also doesn't mean that you will never feel bad. I'll discuss specific ways to deal with emotions in the  coming chapters, but in this context, the important thing is to simply accept them.  

Fighting everything all the time, resisting what's happening, creates a lot of needless stress. You can wear yourself out struggling against the inevitable, and stress is bad for you. At least during your meditation practice, if not at any other time during your day, let go of all the struggling.

Let go of resistance. Relax, release tension, let go of the need to change everything. Say, "Yes" to experience. Breathe easy. Let everything just be the way it is right now, even if that's scary and it hurts. You'll feel better if you do.

Comments

[Ron E.]

Yes, there’s an assumption that to be a good meditator you have to abolish thoughts and have a quiet mind. Sure, sometimes thoughts can subside but that sort of forced quietness is very temporary with no understanding of the nature of thought that naturally forms the contents of the everyday mind.

It is said that better by far is to let thoughts come and go in awareness with no associated resistance. The Buddhists speak of reactivity in that to react to every thought is to invite conflict and suffering. In his book ‘After Buddhism’ Stephen Batchelor has a lot to say about reactivity and describes the state of non-reactivity as Nirvana.

In the Chan (Zen) practice of ‘Silent Illumination’, far from ‘silent’ meaning quiet mind, silent refers to non-reactivity to the activity of thoughts, feelings and emotions that continually flood the mind. There is the old story of the man who gets struck by an arrow and gets involved with specifics about the type of arrow, who fired it, what clan was it from etc. (reactivity) instead of removing (suffering) it.

As with Brian's example, meditation can also enlighten everyday activities where resistance or reactivity often takes over, perhaps inappropriately or unnecessarily resulting in thought induced stress and suffering.

[UM]

In the past I participated with much pleasure and fond memories in a construction project of the local Sant Mat comunity. One day when there were some frictions in what and how rto do i said to one of them ..

Look, if you want to do things here, as you are used to do at home and on your work, than stay at home and at work.

This saying covers what I have come to understand overtime the mentality with which any practice has to be conducted ..ANY!

Especially after reading what some of the renowned Soto-Zen teachers of these days have to say, Honorable Sawaki and his successor Uchiyama..Their biographical books are both instructive and often very funny too read.

They, very clearly stress that in order to stay for 10 years, another 10 years and again another 10 years in the monastery and master what THEY point out as just sitting, you have to change your mental attitude with which you do things. The mentality that serves you in society, setting goals etc will become an ever growing obstacle if you cannot get rid of it and will force you in the end to give up

I wrote ..ANY

It can be said also in very everyday common language ..do your practice with . LOVE ...and ...DEVOTION ...as the late MCS used to say.

I have no idea if that mentally can be achiweved and if so how ...but without that mentality practice will never bear fruit, I have come to understand.

[Appreciative Reader]

That's a cool "formula". "P X R = S" does express the Buddhistic paradigm beautifully.

However, my old bugbear, that I've brought up more than once, and that I've encountered and grapple with personally. The flip side of that is the equation, "PL X E = H". (Pleasure times Engagement with that pleasure equals Happiness.)

Just like tamping down R in the LHS in the first equation tamps down S on the RHS, similarly, tamping down E on the LHS in the second equation tamps down H on the RHS as well.

And there's no way to actually apply the first equation without also applying the second equation. They're two sides to the same coin. It's essentially the same equation expressed differently.

When you tamp down S, you also tamp down H, is the bottom line. And when you manage to obliterate S, then you manage to obliterate H as well, and along with that all impetus, all reason to actually engage actively with the world (aka "resist").

[Spence Tepper]

I don't think we must accept anything, personally. This isn't a great place. And the more attached we are, the more we seek pleasure, the more inevitable our eventual suffering because those pleasures are temporary. To have, to win, is quickly met with losing.

If we accept this is so, then we can do something personally about it, and build our lives around things that are important and helpful to ourselves and others, and avoid hurting anyone.

So, accepting conditions as they are is the first step to changing them for the better. We may indeed have zero capacity to change anyone else, but we always have the capacity to change ourselves, to learn and to then make different choices, choices we are happier about.

And then the joy we find is not so temporary. We realize we are on a journey and progress gives us a pleasure not so easy to lose under any circumstances.

The marathon runner in great pain, closing in on the finish line, forcing one step after the next, is almost done. And that is an incredible source of joy. They are entirely out ahead in this one moment of pain, ahead of the whole pack of their foolish past.

The blue ribbon is before them. So they are happy not only to accept whatever has happened, but to leave it behind and never even think about it again. The blue ribbon approaches.

[Donald]

My Submission by Huzur Sawan Singh ji is a good book. I dusted off the burnt ash on my copy.

[Tej]

Spence,
What if there is no finish line? No goal?
Then it might be better if the runner stop running, rest and allow pain to subside, and may be just start walking again with no finish line ahead.
But, if he insists on running again and bearing the pain once more, that is also okay.
Personally, I would prefer to move without pain. No where to go, nothing to improve on.
Just this!

[Ron E.]

I think there is a lot of misconceptions and confusion about acceptance. Better to use the term reactivity which basically points to the mental habit of reacting to thoughts and situations rather than responding to them with awareness.

[Spence Tepper]

Hi Tej
No pain no gain.

But in all events, it can't be helped. The runner, perhaps you missed it, is the happiest they have ever been. They are filled with joy, even as their body falls apart.

They are the last person who would ever want to be anywhere else than where they are, doing what they are doing, which is participating in reality precisely and perfectly.

[Tej]

Spence,
Participating in reality would be stopping and smelling the breeze, or taking note of what is happening around you.
Loving your body, nurturing it.
Why destroy the body?
It is nature's gift.
Cherish it, nourish it.

Yes, there is no gain, and no pain.
Gain and pain becoming meaningless.
There is just this...
And this...
And this.

[Spence Tepper]

Hi Tej
We only witness a part of what is. When we see a beautiful place, naturally, the desire arises to go there.

Others complain "why are they trying to go there?"

That certainly makes sense from their view.

When we find ourselves in the company of love and kindness, naturally we want to spend more time there.

This body will pass. Participating in reality includes every effort we make.

I once asked a friend "why do athletes punish themselves. It isn't necessarily healthy, is it?"

And they responded, "They are using their life for a purpose, even at the cost of their own health. What of soldiers who lose their life protecting children. They are using their life for a purpose. It has value."

"Harbors are lovely, safe places. But no ship was make to stay anchored there."

[um]

@ Spence

Nothing has value and meaning beyond what is arbitrary attributed

There is no meaning or value in what is taking place in the ME.
Because they call themselves this and that, attribute meaning and value to it, they destroy what is not theirs

[um]

Rhe books they base themselves on say
They shall not kill.
Killing means taking a live that was given to another living creature, without its consent and often these days without his knowledge

[Spence Tepper]

Hi Um
It is only convenient to presume there is no value to things. Those things are in our lives for some reason. They are in our consciousness for some reason.

I would agree we as onlookers may not understand.

But to presume we know better than they is just imagination.

We don't really know, Um, when it comes to others. But we might learn something when it comes to ourselves.

Perhaps even learn about ourselves from them.

[um]

@ Spence

If the killer does not attribute value and meaning to what he intends to kill and to himself he would and could not kill.

We have to attache one or more labels to the one that is going to be killed ..terrorist, criminal etc
and also to the killer and the proces of killing

It is not that simple Spence to kill a person looking him in the eyes and strangling him without these labels.

That is simple how it works ... the Americans had to come up with an story in order to drop not one but 2 nuclear weapons upon the centres of two cities in stead of in the outskirts.

If these labels would not have been used t\all involved would have been behind bars

There is nothing to learn these are simple observations.

[um]

@ Spence

Many years ago I read an anthropological article on aggressive interactions between tribes in New Guinea... it said that as soon the first drop of blood was spilled they would end the fight ..why? ...well for the simple reason that none of these tribes could permit itself male members as they were needed to survive as a tribe in the forest

You see spence .... it is that simple

[Spence Tepper]

Hi Um
Labels are indeed a product of the mind. Including the ones we place upon others we have never met. Why meddle in judging others when we so easily forgive ourselves?

[um]

@ Spence

What I wrote are simple observations about the use of ATTRIBUTING labels, value, meaning etc.
and the effects they have in the ME for example.
Without that labeling no life of a human being would have been spilled, not a house destroyed.

[um]

@ spence

Before I close the pc for this day let me write down what just popped up on my mind, something that the late MCS used to say now and then with regard to wars etc.

"IF ..if there is no killing in your mind, you will never have to face the opportunity that you have to kill"

[manjit]

Personally, I find it utterly disgusting to listen to folks talk about "love and kindness" in one breath, to praising "soldiers who die protecting children" in the next when really what they're trying to do is justify the actions of soldiers who have been slaughtering babies and children EVERY SINGLE DAY IN THE TENS OF THOUSANDS.

Utterly disgusting, utterly shameful, utterly beyond any kind of defence, and the sheer audacity and absurdity of wrapping this transparent hate, bigotry and implicit genocidal apologism up in the language of spirituality is, imo, as close to "sin" as you can get imo.

But hey, what do I know.

[um]

@ Manjit

I was wondering as ro what is going on in the middle east and Ukrain is not the same as what we read in history books about, ..just in random order as the come to mind.

- the romans
- the Greek
- the huns
- the vikings
- the dutch
- the English
- the Portuguese
- the french
- the Spaniards

Just conquering and looting, burning what was seen as an obstacle to the ground?
In all these countries we find statues honoring the "hero's" of the past

Just think for a moment how much terror was needed so that these days great parts of the world speak the languages of the conquerors and have not been able to overcome what has been done to them.

SMALL counties with SMAL populations can only subdue vast territories and large populations when the onflict constant terror upon them.

Israel is embarking on a modern variation of good old colonialism, a liitle late in time and with other labels attached to it ..mainly self defense

[um]

P.S
Humans can overcome history but not themselves

Things are what they are
seldom what they look like
let alone how they are made to be seen.

The counterpart of OUR wealth, development etc is misery for others.

We honor our scientists, our culture, religion etc but its attainment is drenched in rivers of bloodshed.

Those in Nagasaki and Hiroshima do not honour western scientists, nor do the Vietnamese

It is waiting for the three abrahamic religions to disappear from the earth

[manjit]

Um - yes, of course!

So called spiritual folk who either unconsciously or consciously support or turn a blind eye to the horrors and suffering caused to humanity, animals, plants and the planet by the past 2 millennia of western colonialism, genocide, war, racial supremacism and other assorted savagery (a barbaric savagery historically and always projected upon the "other", even whilst slaughtering their children on their own land in their millions for centuries on end) are really demonstrating their lack of genuine and authentic ego shattering/transcendant experiences. Their subconscious ego, and it's implicit injustices rooted in the duality of self-hood and fear, are clearly in charge of their being.

Just read Christopher Bache's book about his experiences with LSD.... totally demolishes the meh mystical experiences of RS advocates online, who in every aspect of their beliefs both spiritual and political merely hyper inflate their individuality and egos. Bache gets it, and if you haven't had authentic and powerful"inner experiences", you can at least read his book to get a good intellectual feel for it. You will no doubt whatsoever learn more about humanity, self and the divine reading his book than all the RS inner experiences shared online or in books combined and then squared! No doubt whatsoever, because guffing about lights and sounds reveals nothing about the human condition or reality, obvs!

This isn't about ignorance, which can be remedied, it is about the disease of arrogant racism subconscious or otherwise, that refuses to accept the facts and realities which completely undermine their implicitly colonial and genocide supporting world views and ideologies when they are presented to them.

For example, it absolutely beggars belief that you can virtually guarantee that all the folks who think supporting the genocidal, apocalyptic, colonial death cult of Israel is really also for the benefit of oppressed Iranians and others in the region. Our western Zionist media has rolled out endless Zionist Stooges to push this lie to the overwhelmingly ignorant western audience of mainstream media.

But I wonder how many of these Zionist news media channels like BBC, SKY, CNN, MSNBC, FOX etc, have gone into the full history of western barbarity in the region?

"After the war, the concessions that Western powers extracted from Iran, notably control of their oil facilities, became increasingly intolerable, as a wave of anti-colonial sentiment swept the world. During the early 1950's, Iran's new democratically elected and widely popular Prime minister Mohammad Mossadegh, spearheaded legislation which in 1951, nationalized the Anglo-Iranian Oil company (AIOC), freeing Iran from British economic domination. The British government was outraged and asked for U.S. assistance after Iran broke off negotiations regarding Britain's control of their oil resources. What followed was an Anglo-American backed coup in 1953, that deposed the democratically elected Prime minister of Iran, and restored the sweeping monarchical powers of the Shah ( npr.org ). This CIA-led coup was conducted by senior officer Kermit Roosevelt Jr, (the grandson of Teddy Roosevelt), and would signal the beginning of a period of American-neo-colonialism in Iran. This coup is the moment in Iranian history that first appears in the timeline of John Perkins' novel, Confessions of an Economic Hitman."
https://storymaps.arcgis.com/stories/5c2a05fe06ff496b8e909e4e9a66b476

Yes, Iran was a very liberal and progressive society until Western colonialists ravaged their country and caused an INEVITABLE Islamic revolution in response

That great western hero Churchill, who once wrote about Palestinians and other indigenous folks:

"I do not admit that the dog in the manger has the final right to the manger,” he countered, “even though he may have lain there for a very long time.” He denied that “a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America, or the Black people of Australia,” by their replacement with “a higher grade race.”
https://electronicintifada.net/content/winston-churchills-racist-legacy-palestine/30481

Yes, a "higher grade race". What a great western hero he was! (Incidentally, there is plenty more gems from the history of Churchill, who just loved the concentration camps the Brits invented for the black folks of Rhodesia. A real hero!).

Churchill was so engaged by these savage Iranians wanting to use the resources of their own land and thus disenfranchising the ironically named "British Petroleum" that he organised a coup which ultimately led to the illiberal government Iran has now. At every single turn and at every point, so called Arab and Islamic "terrorism" is a product of western barbarity and savagery, nothing at all to do with islam per se, despite what intellect hypocrites and imbeciles like the bigot Sam Harris will try to indoctrinate listeners with.

But the "cultured" Western citizen lives in abject ignorance of facts, truths, realities.... their CNN or BBC or MSNBC tells the Muslims are just mad incoherent lunatics and the West is oh so great and progressive with it's (laughably absurd oligarchies cum) democracies, trying to spread their love and kindness all over the world....but especially where there's lots of natural resources, and with bomb after bomb after bomb after bomb.

If these so called"spiritual " folks can't see they're aligned with "Kal", God help them imo.

[Jim Sutherland]

Hey All, here is my Olive Branch, I have been working on, for the last 83 years.

A Soul’s Cry for Unity in the Eternal Light

Beloved seekers, skeptics, friends, and those who wander in the shadows of doubt, gather close—closer still, until our hearts beat as one. Today, I speak not as a voice above you, but as a fellow traveler, my soul trembling with 83 years of longing, a Catholic altar boy at 14, knees pressed to cold stone in awe, now standing before you, credentials in hand (B.Min., M.Min., Th.D., and a License to Preach from Berean Bible School), yet broken open by the boundless love of the Divine. I’ve danced through the mystic halls of Rosicrucians (AMORC), where the inner light whispered secrets of the cosmos; mastered the disciplined path of Traditional Martialists, finding strength in surrender; and whirled with Sufi dervishes, lost in the ecstasy of God’s embrace. My blog, Eternal Oasis of Souls, is no monument, but a tear-stained journal, a map for those lost in the wilderness of the heart.
Oh, have you ever wept for a stranger? Felt their sorrow pierce your chest like a lover’s cry? Or have you, in fear or fury, built walls of words—skepticism, bigotry, scorn—to shield your tender heart from truths too radiant to bear? I have known both paths. As a young man, I too raised barriers, until the Divine, like a Sufi poet’s song, slipped through the cracks, singing: Every soul, from the atheist to the devout, is a drop in the ocean of eternity.
In my post Reincarnation Vs. Resurrection (January 28, 2014), I wrestled with life’s great mysteries: Do we cycle through time, or rise once to glory? The Rosicrucian within me, schooled in AMORC’s ancient wisdom, saw the soul as a star, journeying through veils of matter to return to its source. The Sufi in me, echoing Rumi, heard the Divine whisper: Beyond rebirth or resurrection, there is only love’s eternal now. Yet, I found no final answer, only this truth—whether we return or ascend, we are woven by love’s unbreakable thread. To the skeptic who mocks my faith, I say: Your doubt is a sacred fire, refining truth in its blaze. To the bigot who divides by race or creed, I plead, with tears streaming: Look into another’s eyes—see your own soul, radiant and whole. To the troll who hurls venom, I offer my heart: Your pain is my pain, and I weep for the wounds you hide.
Rosicrucian wisdom taught me to seek the Light Divine, a glow within every heart, even those cloaked in anger or fear. In AMORC’s sanctum, I learned that the universe is a symphony, each soul a note in its melody, yearning for harmony. As a Martialist, I found true strength not in conquest, but in mastering the self—turning rage into compassion, division into embrace. And in the Sufi’s whirling dance, I glimpsed Sant Mat’s inner Light and Sound, a celestial current that binds Christian, Jew, Muslim, and seeker alike. My seminary training, earned through years of sweat and prayer, was not a crown, but a call to serve—to lift the fallen, to comfort the weary. In the silence of Surat Shabd Yoga, I heard the divine sound, a melody that sings: You are not alone.
Imagine a world where we pause before we wound, where we listen before we judge. Picture a forum, not of clashing swords, but of shared tears—tears for the child who hungers, the mother who grieves, the soul who feels forsaken. I’ve seen you, my critics, in those forums where you sought to dim my light. I hold no grudge, for I too have stumbled. Instead, I invite you to this vision, born of Rosicrucian insight: We are all alchemists, transforming the lead of hate into the gold of love. The Sufi in me cries, with Hafiz: The heart is a thousand-stringed lute; pluck one, and all sing. The Sant Mat seeker in me beholds the inner Light, shining in Christian cross, Jewish star, and every human gaze.
To the atheist, I say, with a voice breaking: Your quest for reason is a prayer, a chant of the soul’s deep yearning. To the racist, I whisper, my heart aching: The blood in our veins flows red, a single river from a single source. To the troll, I offer my trembling hand: Let us weep together, for your barbs are but cries for love. And to all, I share this truth from my post The Truth Shall Set Us Free: Truth is not a weapon, but a bridge, spanning the chasm between us.
So, let us weep—yes, weep!—until our tears become rivers, washing away venom, doubt, division. Let us weep for the beauty of our shared fragility, for the courage it takes to lower our shields, for the miracle of a moment when we choose love over hate. In the Rosicrucian light, I see you as divine sparks, each perfect in your imperfection. In the Sufi’s song, I hear your hearts calling to the Beloved. In Sant Mat’s inner vision, I behold you bathed in eternal radiance. I’ve walked this path—from altar to ashram, dojo to pulpit, whirling in the Sufi’s dance—not to claim superiority, but to testify: The Divine is in you, in me, in all. Will you join me in this cry for unity, this song of the soul, this weeping embrace of the eternal light?
Jim Sutherland

[um]

@ Manjit

On reading your words and the short Biography of Christopher Bache on his side I have also to face the internal reactions of my mind. Ot has taken me many years to come to terms with it. Over time i came to realize that if i try to voice what is there ... as non reactivity ... it only provokes reactions that do not match with what I have in mind .... and certainly not match my intentions.

I am so glad to have passed so many years with my late friend that now and then without wanting to teach me anything said ... you are right but why does it upset you.

Ot has been a long walk from the first part of that sentence to the second

And ... as I like to read biographies I am lately reading what is available on the lives of Sawaki and his successor Uchiyama. Reason to mention it is that it strucked me the total absence of almost everything that is discussed here during the last many years .... their lives was focused on za-zen ... sitting, calm presence ... as a way of being present in life. They do not address what is there ..only how the be present when it is there.

I am quite aware that it is a personal choice .... those that have inner experiences have to deal with them, those that ar part of an war too have to deal with it and ..I .. I too would have to deal with it if it was my fate ..fate has given me other things to deal with

[um]

@ Manjit

Maybe I should add to it that I never had the desire to have inner experiences. Coping with life and who and what I am was the only thing that mattered.

From childhood on I never had any ambition at all, i happened to be present, nothing more nothing less. In order to cope with the problems that created that state of mind, both for myself and those I came to meet, i focused on the many different ambitions people had hoping that one day I could one day own one of these options .. hahaha .... but i am still there where I started out, as I never was able to own one of these ambitions as promoted by the many charismatic, talented, gifted, educated people I had the good fortune to associate with.

Over time however I have "learned" how to deal with that abstinence of ambition and am wondering how a strange lady during a long train trip in Italy said to me ..Young man, you are like my son, an artist without art... it is probably the best way ti summarize it all.

AND .. she did not say a word about the effect it would have on my relations with other human beings, on them and on me. The late MCS made unasked for and remark about it, which I will not discuss here