A mindfulness lesson in the checkout lane

This afternoon I was in a south Salem Fred Meyer checkout lane. There was only one person ahead of me, so I decided to skip the self-checkout, which I usually prefer as the lines aren't as long.

When the person in front of me moved forward, I didn't immediately do the same with my grocery cart. I heard the man in back of me say something. Couldn't make it out exactly, but it sounded something like "you can move now."

Anyway, I ignored the comment, unloaded my groceries on the conveyor belt and soon was at the head of the line. As the female clerk rang up my items, I got out some coupons for certain items I was buying. I handed them to the woman after she had scanned all of my purchases.

Everything went smoothly until she said, "Oops. I pushed the wrong button. Got to ask for an override." She picked up a phone and dialed her manager. As we waited for him to show up, I told her that it'd be nice if she could punch in her own override. Why did a manager have to do it?

She said that her manager trusts her, but the corporate higher-ups don't. That led to a discussion between the clerk and me about how employees of a big business shouldn't be criticized for having to implement policies established by executives. 

We had time to talk because even though the clerk could see her manager down at the self-checkout section, he wasn't moving in her direction. I suggested she wave her arms, which she did, but that didn't help because the manager was facing away from her. 

Eventually she phoned him again and he indicated that he'd be doing the override soon.

At that exact moment, pretty much, I saw that the man in back of me in line, who had put all of his items on the conveyor belt, was picking them up and placing them back in his cart. I said to him, "We'll be done here in just a bit."

He angrily told me, "Thanks for holding up the line," as he continued to pick up his items. I replied, "Hey, this wasn't my fault, and it wasn't her fault either. It just was a glitch." The manager then appeared, held out his override tag or whatever it is for the clerk to scan, and said to me, "Sorry it took so long. I had something else to deal with."

So the irritated man in back of me, who looked to be somewhere around my age, in his 70s, put all of his stuff back in his cart and left the checkout line just as the clerk was finishing up my purchase. I said to her, "Bad timing on that guy's part. Now he's going to have to wait in another line."

Now, since I'm in a mindfulness frame of mind, having written a few days ago about my re-reading of Jon Kabat-Zinn's Wherever You Go, There You Are, I found this check-out line experience to be a great example of what goes wrong when mindfulness is forgotten.

Meaning, when we allow our negative thoughts and emotions to override the evidence of our senses. Believe me, I'm an expert on this, because frequently I've had feelings akin to the irritated man in the line behind me. 

It's easy to jump to conclusions based not on objective reality, but on what we believe is happening. I doubt that the man understood that the reason for my delay in checking out was an innocent error by the clerk in pushing a button on her touch screen.

Maybe he wasn't listening closely to what she said to me and to her manager on the phone. Maybe he was hard of hearing. Or maybe he knew what the problem was and still became irritated. He might have been having a bad day and this was the experience that sent him into a major irritation. 

Regardless, as noted in my previous post, there's a lot to like in Kabat-Zinn's observation:

Think of yourself as an eternal witness, as timeless. Just watch this moment, without trying to change it at all. What is happening? What do you feel? What do you see? What do you hear?

The man behind me was seeing the checkout line through the lens of his impatience and irritation. Again, I've been there and done the same thing, so I can't judge the man for this. He was simply reacting from his own subjective perspective.

For me, on the other hand, the delay in checking out as we waited for the manager wasn't bothersome at all. The clerk and I were talking about what was happening. We shared a common view that big corporations like Kroger, which owns Fred Meyer, can have absurd employee policies. 

I knew that the clerk was doing her best. When the manager finally appeared, I had no doubt that he also was doing his best. This was just a minor problem caused by a simple mistake. When the clerk told me, "I pushed the wrong button," I said to her, "I do that all the time." 

Hopefully I've learned something from this episode.

Maybe the next time I start to get irritated at someone, I'll pause and remind myself that whatever is happening, it's what is happening. Almost certainly no one is trying to make me irritated. I'm doing that to myself by expecting something to occur which is different from what is actually occurring. 

That's why I'm attracted to mindfulness so much, which is defined by Kabat-Zinn as paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, nonjudgmentally.

UPDATE: After writing this post, this morning I woke up irritated at a fairly minor health problem that bothers me at times. I was going to tell my wife how I felt. Then I realized that my irritation wasn't very different, and maybe not different at all, from the man in my checkout lane story getting upset at having to wait a while in line behind me while the clerk dealt with a problem. 

The lesson for me is that it's a heck of a lot easier to observe when someone else is being unmindful and self-centered than when I am. But maybe I've learned something. By not complaining about my problem, which wouldn't have done anything to help the problem anyway, my wife had an open conversational window to talk about some things she was interested in. I ended up feeling better listening to her than I would have if I'd done my complaining.

Sure, sometimes it makes sense to let our negative feelings out. But sometimes it isn't. 

 

Comments

[Spence Tepper]

It's interesting how a moment of anger can blind a person to the obvious opportunity before them. Like the man in line losing his opportunity to get checked out sooner.

But he lost another opportunity. To support YOU...To support the people around him by just being patient.

"They also serve who stand and wait."
John Milton

But at the same time the man who became irritated was exercising his freedom to move where he was more comfortable. Certainly it felt better for him to do something, to pack up and move elsewhere. Not sure there is a lesson actually, except that having freedom of choice, while from one perspective can give a person greater power and comfort, can in some instances, when driven by anger or resentment, shoot a person in the foot.

Now that man must start in the line all over again.

But no problemo...There is always another line.

[umami]

A woman at the compost bin gave me attitude, because she didn't realize my plastic bag was made to disintegrate. "Is it recyclable?" she demanded. I placed it on the flap, but it didn't roll in as expected. "Well, put it in at least, why don't ya?" she grumbled.

It completely threw me. I always felt virtuous about making the extra effort and never anticipated moral scrutiny.

Moral: Nobody expects the Organics Binquisition.

[details, details. details]

So many words… 😅

Something strange happens to the mind when it reaches its 70s. It’s starts to slow down and it replays stories almost slower than in real time. I see this in my parents and many other 70+ individuals.

Perhaps your 70s are the perfect time to write that “Great American Novel” that you’ve spent your life dreaming about..

[DDD]

Then again, since you don’t have free will, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll ever write that novel.

[Brian Hines]

details, you could have saved two "details" in your comment above, but I guess you're old enough to want to display your user name in a longer fashion than needed. Hey! According to you, we've got something in common! Thanks for reading every word of my blog post. Means a lot to me. I'm fine with criticism of what I write, just so long as people are reading me. Great to know that I have a fan who cares enough to leave a comment on this blog post.

[Appreciative Reader]

@details, we can’t know before the fact, before they’ve actually done it, whether someone’s actually capable of writing fiction, of any genre, that is truly stand-out, obviously. But Brian’s already written lots of books, so we know he has the discipline to do that. And I’ve read more than enough of his writing, here on his blog, to be sure that, should he attempt fiction, he’ll at least be able to do a competent job of it. Not to forget the whole host of themes discussed in depth on here, which means that he won’t be short of ideas that might inject a cerebral and philosophic depth to said, hypothetical novel. …I guess what I’m saying is, not only does your disdain come across as unprovoked pettiness and discourtesy, and therefore unbecoming; but also, probably, factually misplaced.