For quite a while, maybe five years, I've been repeating a form of loving kindness meditation that I learned from listening to Tamara Levitt's guided meditations on my iPhone's Calm app.
It starts like this. Then "I" is replaced by "you," someone I care about (usually my wife), followed by "all" replacing "you."
May I be happy.
May I be safe.
May I be healthy.
May I be at peace.
Recently I've added a fifth sentiment.
May I be free of fear.
When I do the "all" thing, previously I envisioned the entire world, as if I was floating in space and casting loving kindness hopes over our planet.
Now, following Russia's invasion of Ukraine, I picture the Ukrainian people as I mentally say...
May all be happy.
May all be safe.
May all be healthy.
May all be at peace.
May all be free of fear.
As I wrote about in "What do you find inspiring about Ukraine?", the strength and courage of Ukrainians in the face of relentless aggression, bombing, and war crimes by Putin's forces is deeply inspiring.
Especially because fear must be omnipresent in Ukraine. Not in everybody. Not all the time. But when the air raid sirens sound, tanks are approaching, or missile strikes are heard nearby, it's entirely normal to feel fear.
How we handle that feeling is the important thing. I have little desire to read the book, Feel the Fear... and Do It Anyway, but I like the title. Here's how the author, Susan Jeffers, summarizes her take on fear.
FEAR TRUTH #1
The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow!
Every time you take a step into the unknown, you experience fear. There is no point in saying, "When I am no longer afraid, then I will do it." You'll be waiting for a long time. The fear is part of the package.
FEAR TRUTH #2
The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and…do it!
When you do it often enough, you will no longer be afraid in that particular situation. You will have faced the unknown and you will have handled it. Then new challenges await you, which certainly add to the excitement in living.
FEAR TRUTH #3
The only way to feel better about yourself is to go out and…do it!
With each little step you take into unknown territory, a pattern of strength develops. You begin feeling stronger and stronger and stronger.
FEAR TRUTH #4
Not only are you afraid when facing the unknown, so is everyone else!
This should be a relief. You are not the only one out there feeling fear. Everyone feels fear when taking a step into the unknown. Yes, all those people who have succeeded in doing what they have wanted to do in life have felt the fear - and did it anyway. So can you!
FEAR TRUTH #5
Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the bigger underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness!
This is the one truth that some people have difficulty understanding. When you push through the fear, you will feel such a sense of relief as your feeling of helplessness subsides. You will wonder why you did not take action sooner. You will become more and more aware that you can truly handle anything that life hands you.
Everybody can benefit from being, if not free of fear, at least less in the sway of fear. I think those of us of advancing age -- a gentle way of saying old folks -- especially need to find ways to be less fearful.
Sure, it's natural to become more cautious as we grow older. Our strength is less. Health problems limit what we can do. Sticking to routines can seem safer than pushing our boundaries. I spoke with a friend today about this.
I told him that not so long ago I was practicing karate rather than Tai Chi; I was riding around on a Suzuki Burgman scooter rather than a car; I was longboarding (big skateboard) rather than bicycling. Where did the more fearless me go who did those things?
Nowhere, really. I'm still the same person. I just have fallen into what most 73 year old people do: play it safe whenever possible.
I'm not saying that we should lose all sense of fear and do dangerous things, though having written those words, actually that sounds like a pretty good idea. But we can be more daring and less fearful.
One of the reasons I like the streaming series Yellowstone is that it shows cowboys on a very large (and very beautiful) Montana ranch acting fearlessly. They can do this because they're highly skilled at riding horses, roping, and doing all the other stuff that a cattle ranch requires.
Last night my wife and I watched an episode where the ranch hands want to help out the family of a horse breeder who committed suicide after a bank foreclosed on his property. Their plan is to round up his several hundred horses, then sell them and give the money to the dead guy's family.
"They're all up at the top of that slope," a cowboy says. "How are we going we get them down without being killed in a stampede." "Well," replies another cowboy, "we could be cautious and figure out a safe way to do this, or... we could just say fuck it, ride up there, and do it."
"Yeah, fuck it. That's a good plan," they all agree. The resulting scene was marvelous. Must have been difficult to film. Hundreds of horses galloping down a hillside with cowboys herding them along, also at full speed.
I found this really inspiring. When they got all the horses in a big corral and closed the gate, the cowboys looked at each other and said, "Damn, we did it!" A dangerous job. Scary, to normal people.
But no matter what fear they might have felt, they got on their horses and did it anyway.
Fear of death is probably behind most fear.
Fear of want, fear of injury, fear of pain, fear of losing status, fear of losing relationship, fear of losing home, fear of losing job, fear of offending those wet love, fear of offending those with power greater than our own.
There is no end to it.
But a clear conscience goes a long way to thinking and acting without fear.
And if that drives selfless service to our neighbors here and abroad, then purpose, service can also drive us past fear.
But I say it starts with a clear conscience. And that is an internal audit, an internal discussion, and submission to that greater power that can help us, give us real strength to overcome.
The first way to wisely overcome fear is to acknowldge those things superior to ourselves in power, and our own limitations. Then to find strength within to move forward anyway.
Posted by: Spence Tepper | March 14, 2022 at 05:42 AM
Fear of losing a child....
After having already lost one tragically in an automobile accident.
So that it's real. So that it isn't just something that happens to other people.
For that, you need heavy duty strength. That's when the love of Christ comes in.
Posted by: Spence Tepper | March 14, 2022 at 09:36 AM
If you could practice dying while living, then death would hold no fear for you.
This operates on a few layers.
First, just the experience. If you know what if feels like to withdraw your consciousness so that your whole body is numb, so that you are no longer your limbs, entirely separated, then when that happens for the last time it is just one more time.
Second, your attachments. If the practice of dying while living only works when you let go your other fears, angers, lusts, attachments, then practicing that daily, making progress in that daily is one less source of pain upon death.
When death holds no fear other things aren't so scary either. Not to say we are over all our conditioning. We still need to function, still must live with who we are. But now there is a doorway to enter for a while to get away from all that. And that simply undercuts the roots of fear. Fear can't last long if you have a doorway to escape for a while. And a Friend helping you.
And escaping, when you return all things that may have caused fear, anger, etc, now have a much smaller perspective. Like visiting your elementary school as an adult. Everything is smaller than you remembered, especially all the things you reacted to before.
So when you see yourself reacting, you can, with a little refocus, gain that higher intelligence to view it dispassionately, and make better strategic decisions.
Posted by: Spence Tepper | March 14, 2022 at 09:50 AM
Dear God.
Is today the day? I'm ready!...
What, no answer?
Clever, very clever. I get it.
OK, one more day.
Posted by: Spence Tepper | March 14, 2022 at 10:08 AM
@ ""Feel the Fear...and Do it Anyway: [ The only way to feel better about yourself is to go out and…do it!
With each little step you take into unknown territory, a pattern of strength develops. You begin feeling stronger and stronger and stronger. ]
A mystic talks about 'little steps': "Again, suppose you've taken out a cigarette. Put it back in
the case, then smoke it after 5 minutes. Such small victories over the mind go a long way
toward subduing it completely." From: Call of the Great Master by D. Kapoor
And here's a cinematic take on combating fear itself in small steps:
---------------MRS. W. --------------
Hm, it reminds me so much of that
first moment I saw families forced
on boxcars. "Let others help them,
I'm not that strong", I told myself.
"Dammit, yes you are!" a voice
answered back. "Take a small step.
Now...take one more... take one
more."
------(closes eyes briefly )
"You get stronger with every step."
Posted by: Dungeness | March 14, 2022 at 10:18 AM
I like and use the meta meditation taught by Dipa Ma:
May I be free from enemies
May I be free from danger
May I be free from mental anxieties
May I live this life with a good body and a happy mind
Dipa Ma (Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein's teacher) often told students to do this metta meditation before doing vipassana, especially if they were having emotional issues.
Each phrase when repeated takes on new and deeper meaning. I find it one of the most effective meditations.
Posted by: TENDZIN | March 14, 2022 at 03:02 PM
"May all be happy.
May all be safe.
May all be healthy.
May all be at peace.
May all be free of fear."
"May I be free from enemies
May I be free from danger
May I be free from mental anxieties
May I live this life with a good body and a happy mind"
Whom are you speaking to?
Who has the power to do all these things you are asking for?
"May I...."
"May all. .."
Whose permission are you asking for?
By what authority do you grant permission?
Posted by: Spence Tepper | March 14, 2022 at 06:47 PM
I'm seeing garden gnomes in these made up prayers....
Maybe a wish granting unicorn or two.
Posted by: Spence Tepper | March 14, 2022 at 06:49 PM
RSSB is by Gurinder Singh Dhillon own admission a fear based cult. People are trapped by fear and guilt of disappointing the so called perfect living Master ( in this case the circus clown) that they cannot enjoy their lives anymore. Conformity to RSSB cult rules and being part of the blind, being sheepish and subservient to slavery , aka seva, is the only enjoyment the sangat are allowed. Fear creates control, and an easily manipulated group who are made to crave the attention of the fake ass guru. Dhillon the villain, lucifer in disguise, convieniantly falls outside the RSSB control system rules. Gurinder singh dhillon is allowed to be a billionaire; to be fraudulent; to be a womanizer; to be an angry control freak, to lie, to be a complete hypocrite and he's allowed to murder. Its one rule for him and another for the sheep. GSD (kaal) your days are numbered, truth can never remain hidden no matter how hard you try to cover your tracks.
Posted by: Uchit | March 15, 2022 at 03:25 PM
Fear is hatred in disguise. We’re all guilty… until we learn to love ourselves.
Posted by: S | March 17, 2022 at 11:30 PM