Health problems are a window into how our minds work

Yesterday I got a probable diagnosis of glaucoma, an eye disease. I wrote about this in a post on my HinesSight blog, "Not so fun day: I probably have glaucoma."

One bit of good news is that this was detected in an early stage, since I get an annual eye exam because I wear contact lenses and am severely nearsighted.

Another aspect of getting the likely diagnosis is that it's given me an opportunity to observe how my mind has been dealing with the news. Which really is just another way of saying, How I have been dealing with the news, since there's really no difference between my mind and me.

Everybody is different. But I suspect my mind works in much the same way as many other human minds. Here's a rundown of some of the central themes that have been running through my head since yesterday afternoon.

Could be worse. A glaucoma web site informed me that going blind (quite unlikely in my case) ranks #3 in people's medical fears after cancer and heart disease. However, the survey dates from 2002, before Covid. 

I've been recalling what a promoter of Stoicism said in a talk I listened to a while back: "Your life is someone else's dream life." His point, which makes good sense, is that no matter how bad off you are, out there in the world are people who would gladly trade your problems for theirs.

So while I'd prefer not to have what appears to be glaucoma, I'd be a lot more disturbed if I'd gotten a serious cancer diagnosis, or told I needed major heart surgery. Of course, I'd be happier if I'd gotten a common cold diagnosis. I just prefer to look on the bright side as much as possible.

Get the facts. When I got home after seeing an ophthalmologist that my optometrist had referred me to, my first thought was that I didn't want to do any Googling of "glaucoma." But that soon was followed by a second thought, Why not? 

In general, I'm a believer that knowing more about a medical problem is better than knowing less. Sure, you can overdo being an Internet M.D. Searching out basic information made me feel better, though, because the flip side of my Could be worse frame of mind is visualizing just that: the worst.

Since glaucoma can lead to blindness, in my more frantic moments my mind would picture what it'd be like to be sightless. Not a pleasant prospect, especially since I enjoy writing and reading so much. So it was good to read "with early diagnosis and modern treatment, blindness is very uncommon."

Some thinking is good, some is bad. There's a fine line between pondering what I need to do to deal productively with what appears to be a glaucoma diagnosis, and allowing my mind to obsess about this. 

I've tried to be gentle with myself, realizing that it only has been a bit more than 24 hours since an eye doctor told me my test results were "suspicious of glaucoma." This was a shock to me, though my optometrist had raised the possibility a few weeks earlier. 

What I've had to do today is tamp down repetitive worries that don't lead anywhere positive, while engaging in thinking that will help me -- like trying to figure out why I'm not able to set up online access to the two clinics where my optometrist and ophthalmologist work so I can ask them questions that way.

Often my mind seems to operate with the crazy rule of "Worrying about a bad thing will stop it from happening." Actually, I've found that most things I worry about happening don't, while other problems pop up as a complete surprise.

If the goal is to be happy, be happy now, not later. A corollary to the observation above is that today I found myself on a late afternoon dog walk having thoughts along the line of, "If I couldn't see very well, it wouldn't be as much fun to go on a walk with our dog."

But then it'd dawn on me that right now I'm seeing just fine, and I'm on a walk with our dog. So I should be happy doing that, not worrying about how I might be less happy at some point in the future. Sure, that's possible. Yet so are countless other things, most of which can't be predicted.

In my saner moments I'd realize that life is uncertain. I don't have a heart problem. However, until recently, I didn't have a glaucoma problem. So what if I had a totally unexpected fatal heart attack while I was on a dog walk, worrying about my eyes rather than enjoying the walk.

I wouldn't want my last thought to be an unnecessary worry. Or, a worry that I had been worrying too much. As I recall I said in a recent post, if we make our moments pleasant, those moments will produce pleasant minutes, hours, days, and years.

Of course, that's an ideal. More realistic is to do our best to make our moments pleasant, understanding that some will be unpleasant. That increases the odds that if something bad happens to us, it will have been preceded -- and hopefully followed -- by good times.

Comments

[Appreciative Reader]

That's a lovely philosophy of life. Admirable as theory, and doubly admirable if one can actually, and consistently, live by it, especially when things are less than pleasant --- as it seems you've been able to, in this case at least. Cool!

As far as the glaucoma, and from personal experience (my grandfather's, some years back, not mine!), it might be good to look out for cataracts. It's good to have them out before the glaucoma gets worse, if at all possible. (I'm no doctor, and no doubt your own doctor will have this covered. Still, thought I'd throw this out there, as something to look out for.)

[Spence Tepper]

1.Accept your fate.
2.Embrace your faith.

When good things happen, we can be thankful, and enjoy them all the more.

When bad things happen, we can learn to accept that this is reality, and deal with it responsibly.

Embrace your faith... The philosophy that gets you through the difficulties when you realize you need a better answer, a better way of dealing, an attitude adjustment.

There is something greater there than yourself.

Understanding that truth in times of difficulty is like a flame in a wind..

A small flame is easily extinguished, leaving us without a handhold, anxious, alone.

But a strong flame in a howling storm of trouble is simply enlarged to a mighty conflagration.

It's when we find ourselves anxious that we can also learn respect for the different faiths that have helped others through the same thing.

It is that Faith that brings us to the peace and understanding to pursue better answers calmly, to act on what is before ys responsibly, to work the solution, even if it can only be Adaptation, and to enjoy the miracle of moment we are alive.

No, we are not special. Our answers are not special, our challenges are not special.

But what is within us, each of us, is sacred. No one goes through it alone. Never.

[albert]

All Things Must Pass - George Harrison

All Things Must Pass
George Harrison
Sunrise doesn't last all morning
A cloudburst doesn't last all day
Seems my love is up
And has left you with no warning
But it's not always going
To be this way
All things must pass
All things must pass away
Sunset doesn't last all evening
A mind can blow those clouds away
After all this my love is up
And must be leaving
But it's not always going
To be this way
All things must pass
All things must pass away
All things must pass
None of life's strings can last
So I must be on my way
And face another day
Now the darkness only stays at night time
In the morning it will fade away
Daylight is good
At arriving at the right time
But it's not always going
To be this way
All things must pass
All things must pass away
All things must pass
All things must pass away

The live performance is at about 38 minutes. Enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBZUetjx7jg

[Brian Hines]

Appreciative Reader, I don't have cataracts at the moment. At least, not enough for my eye doctor to be concerned about them.

[Dungeness]

@ Brian : [ I wouldn't want my last thought to be an unnecessary worry. Or, a worry that I had been worrying too much. As I recall I said in a recent post, if we make our moments pleasant, those moments will produce pleasant minutes, hours, days, and years. ]

Thanks for thee post, Brian.

Sorry for the church-y background but a friend relates seeing a sign
in a church's yard that said "Worrying is praying for failure". Amen!

That said, I personally struggle with obsession over a detached retina.
Mine occurred out of the blue without a known physical trauma. I had
noticed a thin line in my eye obscuring the field of vision, ignored it till
it worsened. They said I seriously risked going totally, irreversibly blind
in that eye.

I'm not OCD but I've "gotten religion" on the warning signs of retinal
detachment.

[Ron E.]

Sorry to hear that Brian, but as you say, having seen the ophthalmologist early at least he/she may recommend treatment that can slow the process down somewhat.

On my last eye test I was told I had the start of cataracts, but as I,m quite elderly the likelihood of them causing me problems or needing treatment is probably not an issue! I have other health issues that are potentially more threatening but somehow my mind does not worry abut them. Maybe because (to some extent) I have come to terms with life, particularly with the question of my expectations of life. I suspect that you have a similar outlook.

[Tendzin]

I'm sorry to hear this news and wish you well Brian. I've had eye issues in the past (detached retinas, one requiring major surgery) and I know how threats to one sight are a big deal.

For what it's worth I'm very much in the camp for a non-vegetarian approach. I guess I'm one of the few RS critics who rejects their argument for vegetarianism. It may be that veg diet causes glaucoma through inflammation. Not proven, but here are what I would say are strong anecdotal cases.

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0204955

A keto diet (low carb and sugar) has been shown to help with glaucoma:
https://yoursightmatters.com/study-keto-diets-may-protect-glaucoma/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3939735/

And a carnivore diet can perhaps reverse glaucoma:
https://www.reddit.com/r/carnivore/comments/bepgl3/an_actual_carnivore_miracle/
https://revero.com/category/success-stories/eyesight/

[Spence Tepper]

Life in these bodies is like lunch on the titanic. The only difference is that on the Titanic they didn't know disaster awaited them until it happened. In life it is inevitable. The body is a sinking ship and with each passing year the water line gets higher. We own nothing. At best we rent. And our lease, for one year exactly, cannot be renewed, because at the end of that year, the entire building is being demolished. It was sold with a transfer date established even before we moved in.

The mighty king looked over his admirable estate, proud of the horses in his stable, proud of the gardens surrounding him, proud of the great halls, proud of his beautiful wife and many children, his servants, and all the people and creatures living in his kingdom. And for a few years he was happy.

Until one day the real owner sent their servant to gently remind the King that his lease date was approaching.

[7]

MY ophthalmologist

For the The assurance comp here in France I needed to meet her
to be checked after 70
so that s 14 years ago and she measured my EYE Blood presure
and said : way to high : reason GLAUCOMA - So I got 3
different drops prescribed, which I used 1 time - horrible like sand

I didn't t believe her but for second opinion was 4 month away

So I bought on eBay my own Opto-meter from the United States

NO HIGH PRESSURE AT ALL
I still think her expensive 2500$ meter was badly calibrated

You might do that too

If you want I will look for the address

[Appreciative Reader]

"Life in these bodies is like lunch on the titanic."

..........Very poignant comment, Spence. Absolutely, we're passengers, in for just a short ride. And it's amazing how this obvious fact escapes so many of us for so long.

But of course, the problem with this The-bell-tolls-for-thee How-sweet-is-the-strawberry insight is, what do you do with it? You fully internalize the understanding the life is transient: but what next? The fact is that this may lead to any number of options, each of which is perfectly reasonable; and there's no reason why you shouldn't go with that option that gels best with you; except, there are so many of these options, and no uniformly overriding reason to prefer one over the other. Here, let me list out some options, as the occur to me, in no particular order:

(1) Go with some particular religion's beliefs. Turn to Christ (of course, it doesn't stop there, you'll have to ask, Which flavor of Christ?). Or else turn to Allah (asking, again, which flavor of Allah?). Maybe one of the older blind faiths, no longer in vogue, like an angling for Valhalla, or something like that?

Except, of course, you don't know which of them is right, or if any of them is right, and worth the time and effort.

(2) Go with some experiential "spiritual" "path". Some flavor of Sant Mat, maybe? Some flavor of Buddhism? Something Tantric? One of the many other Indian-origin paths? Maybe something Christian-mystic, or else something Sufi? Something Zen-ic, perhaps? Maybe something Shaman-ic?

Except, again, you still don't know if any of it amounts to shit. That is, in many cases the alleged experiences don't materialize. And even if they do, you don't really know, not really, if this has anything at all do with life being transient and all.

Take your case, Spence. You see your master within, you see and hear the inner son et lumiere. That's kind of the height of what your particular path offers. And yet, you don't really know that the whole RSSB cosmology is what it's all about. Who knows, it may simply be just some psychological/neurological something-or-the-other, that, while not really harmful in any way, and maybe even beneficial in some incidental ways, does not, far all we know, even address the whole transient-life what-after-death issue at all, as far as we know.

At one level these more sophisticated "paths" are no more evidenced, no better supported, as far as the actual question you set out to answer --- and that you've so evocatively described here --- than the more oafish faiths (or, if you wish to be more gentle and/or more polite, then let's go with 'more simple faiths') like in #1 above.

(3) Don't bother about any of this. Just concentrate of living a good life, a kind life, a useful life.

Except, again, when the Titanic goes down tomorrow, what will that have availed you? It's an answer, this option, but not a fully satisfactory one, not by a long shot.

(4) Don't bother about any of this. Concentrate on having a good time, the whole hedonistic deal. Just take care not to be outright dishonest, or outright hurtful. Beyond that, just eat-drink-make-merry-for-tomorrow-you-die.

Except, again, obviously, well, when the ship goes down, what then, what afterwards?

(5) Try to go beyond petty concerns about your petty life, and what will happen to you. Don't make it about me-me-me-me-me. Focus instead on something bigger. Try to leave a legacy that matters, maybe. Devote yourself to future generations' wellbeing by working on climate activism, or maybe some other cause. Go work with starving diseased babies in Africa, or the poor downtrodden ill-fed in India, or (if you don't ending up summarily beheaded) maybe even lessen the sufferings of those who're being persecuted on religious grounds somewhere in Afghanistan or Pakistan or Saudi Arabia or wherever. Maybe something nice and philanthropic, like Bill Gates --- that does do a great deal of good, concrete good, at the end of the day.

But again, when the ship sinks, you may leave satisfied with your time spent on the ship, but after that what? You have, in effect, and much like the hedonist, simply sidestepped the issue, isn't it?

(7) Try your damnedest best to find out what the fuck is actually up with this. Try everything you can to get to the bottom of it. Everything scientific, everything experiential as well, as far as is feasible. Kind of where I'm at.

Except, chances are you won't really arrive at some definitive answer before the ship sinks. Leaving you no better than anyone else.

Sure, it's the best you can do, I suppose. Which is why this is where I'm at. But not very satisfactory, because chances are the ship goes down before I've worked anything out.

(8) Just ignore the issue. Nothing you can do about it, so just ignore it. This is what the vast majority of people actually do, de facto, even if not as reaoned-out strategy.

And who is to say this isn't the best thing to do? Perhaps it is the best thing to do!

Except, of course, the ship goes down, regardless. Burying your head under the sand, won't keep you from getting eaten up by predators jumping at you even if you can't see them --- if at all there are predators out there, or forces of nature out to get you, or whatever.

(7) And any other category or categories I may have missed out.

----------

Absolutely, it is very important to realize the transience of one's life. But at the end of the day, what do you do with that realization? You simply don't know what's best! No one fucking does, no one at all!

So what the hell's one to do, really?

That's a question to which, despite seeking, despite searching wide, I've found no satisfactory answer so far. That is, I've found plenty of answers that are kind of satisfactory, but with big huge gaps nevertheless, and some of which I've enumerated here. But none that stand out, really.

One does what appears best to one. We all do that, I'm sure, do what appears best. Except we don't know if that's the right thing to do.

Of course, if anyone's able to definitely answer this question, then forget the fucking Nobel Prize, they deserve then to be made King Emperor of the World, with all the riches of the world at their service, everyone bowing in gratitude, every hot chick eager to have their babies, because they'll be the greatest ever benefactor to humanity and life ever. Yep, it's THAT big a question. Bigger even than what went before the Big Bang, or even how you might tease around telomeres and extend the 120-year limit to 200 years, or the holy grail of effective endless environment-friendly energy, or any of the other questions we're grappling with. This is THE biggest question, absolutely. Except, there's no answer so far, and there well may be none at all.

----------

To be clear, Spence, your comment itself I'm not disagreeing with. I mean, how the heck could I? It's very apt, absolutely spot on. Except, my problem is, it highlights the problem, but suggests no solution. It's great as far as it goes, but it doesn't go far enough, not by a long shot, because, or so it seems to me, no one has, so far, shown how one may reliably go any further than merely highlighting the damn issue.

[um]

@ AR
>>So what the hell's one to do, really?

That's a question to which, despite seeking, despite searching wide, I've found no satisfactory answer so far. <<

Hahahahaha .....

You lost the keys in the house and knowing that you go on searching the streets, not longer the street where your house is, not even the village where that hoause is locate ... you are wandering through the streets of the world .... hahahaha

[um]

@AR Our eldest brother would say:

Well as you do not know what to do with your life, buy yourself a coffin, lay in it and wait for death to come ... hahahah

[777]

Spence said :
"But a strong flame in a howling storm of trouble is simply enlarged to a mighty conflagration."

But Spence,
Once you wrote that You also hear the Sound
as was since your youth
far before Sant Mat

What is wrong with repeating again and again
as MaharaJI always said
Once you have the Ferrari you don t bother about your bicycle

THAT GIVES HOPE
That ordinary guys like You and me REALLY tangible hear it all the time

Why You shouldn't give hope and declare you are ONE with THAT ALREADY
Rumi did it - Maharaji said it every day

Tell everybody and certainly the EXERS that it is the Eternal Elixer
and will always be us
WE are GOD encapsulated in a little amnesia, Enjoy the little trip to this Galaxy
Next choose another - Do what You want
or stay Home
And what is there to be proud of. - We are Just Thankful

See You Soon

777

[Appreciative Reader]

Hello, um.

That's ...deep. Except, to be quite honest, I don't think I really get it. I've thought I did, when you'd brought this up in the past, but instead of going with my guess about what you mean, let me just directly ask you.

Riddles are all very well, but what would searching for your key in your house, as opposed to in the street ---- what exactly does that mean, in this context?

----------

"Well as you do not know what to do with your life, buy yourself a coffin, lay in it and wait for death to come ... hahahah"

..........Why on earth? Why would the one lead to the other?

To begin with, it isn't a question of not knowing what to do with life, except in this very focused sense.

And even if it were true in the broader sense, about not knowing what to do with one's life (which it isn't), even then: Is your brother suggesting that only those who have no doubts about life --- and usually these are people who haven't even examined their inner life --- should be the ones to go on living? Why? This makes zero sense. Perhaps you might clearly explain this too, or at least your understanding of what your brother meant to convey.

[um]

@ A.R.

Meaning, value etc etc are all ..... ATTRIBUTED.

[um]

@ AR

And AR ... talk to people that "loved" a person that died and do not miss that person and do not mourn, those that go on as if nothing has happened, as nothing did.

See if you can find them and make them talk and see if you grasp what they are saying.

[Dungeness]

@ A.R. [ 7) Try your damnedest best to find out what the fuck is actually up with this. Try everything you can to get to the bottom of it. Everything scientific, everything experiential as well, as far as is feasible. Kind of where I'm at. ]

A non-Spencerian take:

IMO there's no right answer or, if there is, it has to come from
within you. I'd be wary of hawkers of spiritual wares that loiter
on the deck of the Titanic. Unless, of course, he/she, as a
facilitator, only tries to elicit an answer that's already within
yourself. A mystic has said we won't accept any other in the
end.

We may ostensibly select a less satisfactory (or interim) path
from outside but will always search for that resonant one on
the inside. There's really no misstep as long as it iteratively
brings us closer to the truth we're seeking. To me that makes
sense: spiritual truth is an evolutionary continuum not an
interminably long series of "right" and "wrong" choices.

Again IMO though a path that encourages some sort of mind-
fulness practice or introspection of consciousness is preferable.
But, any path that stresses being a good human being, is a
good one too and should be honored.

[Appreciative Reader]

@ A.R.

Meaning, value etc etc are all ..... ATTRIBUTED.

Posted by: um | November 16, 2021 at 11:29 AM

@ AR

And AR ... talk to people that "loved" a person that died and do not miss that person and do not mourn, those that go on as if nothing has happened, as nothing did.

See if you can find them and make them talk and see if you grasp what they are saying.

Posted by: um | November 16, 2021 at 11:34 AM

=======================================

I'm trying to understand, um. Not quite succeeding, but trying.

Values are attributed, fair enough, agreed, cent per cent.

But where does that take us, as far as this question about the brevity and impermanence of life?

-------

Your second allusion, it escapes me entirely. If you loved someone, how can you not mourn their passing?

This is not to press you to speak of things you are uncomfortable speaking about, and by all means let's drop this is you aren't fully comfortable discussing this.

But if you're cool with the subject, then perhaps just tell me, yourself, what you mean? What you believe such a person --- who doesn't mourn the passing of a loved one --- might answer?

[Appreciative Reader]

Dungeness, what you say makes sense, that one goes for that path with which one resonates. And that one stays wary of those out hawking.

But here's the thing:

The point isn't to find a path that resonates with one. I don't know if this is making sense, but what I mean is, absolutely, at one level it makes sense to go for a path that resonates with one, anything else won't work. But on the other hand, that isn't really our purpose, to find a path! Our purpose is to somehow make the best of life --- except the most important parts of what it's all about remains unknown. The path is merely the means to an end. If the path doesn't actually lead us to that end, then do we even want it, no matter how much it might resonate?

-------

Incidentally, I'm very much open to listening to a "Spencerian take" as well! He's often very insightful. After all it's he who came up with that comment in the first place, about the impermanence of life.

[um]

@AR

WHO does attribute?

All the numbers you mentioned are a matter of attribution by whom?

And as far as the mourning id concerned, the fact that I did mention it is already far beyond, my comfort zone ... the rest is up to you.

See if you can find such a person. They exist, they are there. Use your intuition in the funerals to come and look at the faces. If you are lucky there might be one that does not mourn, and you know he or she had a profound relation with the deceased family member/ friend etyc. Gently try to make them speak and explain to you why they are not mourning....maybe not at the funeral but some time later. It is tricky.

[um]

Well AR ...maybe that is to tricky.

But maybe a down to earth example will do ... if you had a good meal in a "restaurant" do you leave the place weeping or with joy and gratitude?

If you drink your coffee and the cup is empty, do you start weeping?

If you were sitting in the warm sun and the sun sets do you start weeping?

If somebody smiles at you, do you start weeping as he or she passes by?

[Uchit]

Judging by the illnesses Gurinder Singh Dhillon currently has, his mind must be very sick and twisted. That guy should be locked up with his RSSB partner Ram Rahim, MSG. GSDs wife must also have been very stressed by GSDs excessive overbearing control of her by the pending Delhi fraud court cases, especially given the crook Dhillon had hidden the siphoned billions onto family members names and totally screwed them over. All this so that GSD can play god on a stage as the self proclaimed chosen one. Lol

[Spence Tepper]

Hi AR
You wrote
"But on the other hand, that isn't really our purpose, to find a path! Our purpose is to somehow make the best of life --- except the most important parts of what it's all about remains unknown"

The best of life is love. And the source of love is within. The path is to live in an atmosphere of peace and love, to find and build happiness within.

Why within? Because everything else is fleeting. Things that are lasting are found within.

Happiness based on temporary things is always followed by trauma when those things fade away. Why should our noble foundation be placed upon a sea of shifting and broken glass?

But what you uncover within yourself you always have with you.that foundation cannot be shaken.

And then, while from this side you think you were uncovering, that greater part of yourself was actually doing the work to uncover you.

And uncovering you from the shrouds of darkness, light shines through in the dead of night. And rhe stars all sing.

This is all about consciousness, the greatest thing in all creation, the greatest result of all evolution.

And you have within yourself the power to raise it higher.

[Spence Tepper]

Hi 777
You wrote
"Tell everybody and certainly the EXERS that it is the Eternal Elixer
and will always be us"

In Rome we speak Italian.

[Spence Tepper]

"Look how the floor of heaven
Is thick inlaid with patines of bright gold:
There's not the smallest orb which thou behold'st
But in his motion like an angel sings,
Still quiring to the young-eyed cherubins;
Such harmony is in immortal souls;
But whilst this muddy vesture of decay
Doth grossly close it in, we cannot hear it."

- Lorenzo, Acte V, Scene 1

[Spence Tepper]

From the Merchant of Venice Act 5, Scene 1 by Shakespeare.

[Dungeness]

@A.R. [ But on the other hand, that isn't really our purpose, to find a path! Our purpose is to somehow make the best of life --- except the most important parts of what it's all about remains unknown. The path is merely the means to an end. ]

To me, maximizing our moments here: living in peace and harmony; gaining understanding of self
or non-self; deciphering love, beauty, the transience of life... all of that intersects immediately with
consciousness itself and specifically our awareness. Since time is so short, I feel the exigency of
these moments as well as the need to act and probe the vast darkness of our unconscious mind...
looking for answers, even trying to frame the questions to ask becomes part of it. All of this before
it's too late.

The discipline or the "path" for pursuing these goals of discovery has become all-important. The
quiet voice within draws you home and explains it all with a sigh... as the song goes. It's a reminder
that time is of the essence.

[Appreciative Reader]

um, Spence, Dungeness, thanks for your responses.

I'm taking my own responses to the most recent Open Thread, because I'm afraid I'm kind of derailing this thread.

Link: https://hinessight.blogs.com/church_of_the_churchless/2021/10/open-thread-41-free-speech-for-comments.html?cid=6a00d83451c0aa69e202788058bc38200d#comment-6a00d83451c0aa69e202788058bc38200d