Always trying to improve yourself is foolish

This morning I meditated, as I always do. Via my iPhone I also listened to a Buddhist speak about Buddhist teachings, as I sometimes do. 

What surprised me, sort of, is that afterwards I felt somewhat worse. It was as if trying to improve myself led to me feeling like I'd temporarily gone backward on the improvement front. 

As soon as I went back to simply living my life -- having lunch, going grocery shopping, listening to CNN and MSNBC as I drove around in my car -- my mood improved.

For quite a while I've been toying with the idea that engaging in a never-ending spiritual search for more... more self-awareness, more control of my emotions, more mindfulness, more knowledge of how my mind works, all that is akin to running on a hamster wheel of self-improvement. 

Meaning, when I'm always trying to get somewhere better than where I am now, I'm missing the opportunity to be satisfied with the present moment.

Obviously this isn't a groundbreaking insight. It's common sense that's been echoed by many people much wiser than myself. Today I simply had a stronger feeling that I need to break free of the habit that was with me for the 35 years I was a religious believer, Eastern religion variety.

The habit of considering that there always was another step to be taken on the spiritual path, another flight of stairs to be climbed on my ascent to the spiritual heights. 

Though I've been able to leave behind most of the religiosity that used to be so important to me, the desire to keep searching for greater levels of meaning, happiness, and contentment never left me. But more and more, I'm getting used to the idea of not needing more. 

This is hard to describe.

It's not like I'm becoming fatalistic or uncaring. I still have many goals that I want to pursue. I'm dedicated to trying to make the world a better place. I'm committed to remaining a good husband, father, grandfather, friend.

However, I can do all that without feeling like some essence within me needs to improve. After a lifetime of studying the world's religious, philosophical, and mystical writings, along with daily meditation for up to several hours a day, there's really nothing new that I need to learn or experience in the realm of "spirituality." 

(I put that word in quotation marks because it doesn't capture what I am getting at, but it's the best word I can come up with.)

It's a relief to just settle into the life that I've living, instead of feeling there's a better life awaiting me around some corner.

For many years I've been saying on this blog that mindfulness has become my meditation. That's still true. It's just that even mindfulness can become a chore, an exercise to get better at, instead of simply attending to what's happening right here, right now without viewing that as mindfulness.

If what I've said in this post doesn't make sense, here's some previous posts on this theme, along with an excerpt from each. Maybe they'll help explain what I'm trying to get at here.

Ending the spiritual search

Always looking for more from life than what life already is giving me is beginning to seem unwise. 

More meaning. More happiness. More purpose. More depth. All that more, more, more seems to lead to a hamster-wheel sort of existence.

Spiritual seeking can become such a habit, the seeker doesn't realize that they're going around and around without really getting anywhere.

If we're in an endless loop of seek-find-seek-find, the way out is to either stop seeking or find that which satisfies completely. 

Since I'm not completely satisfied with life (who is?), it seems to me that giving up a quest to make life into something that it isn't already is the best way to go.

End of spiritual questions is the final answer

I've experienced that sort of who cares? clarity now and then. Sometimes life seems so simple, so fine just the way it is, yet also so mysterious, so impossible to comprehend. I grok that there's no answer to life's biggest spiritual, religious, and philosophical questions -- because there's no way to form a cogent query.

And a little while later I order another spiritual, religious, or philosophical book from Amazon -- because searching for answers to unanswerable questions is just so darn much fun.

Great quotes from "Ending the Pursuit of Happiness: a Zen Guide."

"It's a little harder for most people to realize that not only is the mind that I'm trying to escape the only mind I have, but that the mind that I'm seeking is also the mind that I already have. The perfection that we're so busy pursuing is to be found nowhere but right here in the very moment, regardless of its content. This is the most basic spiritual insight that we can have. This moment is it! What we've desperately been seeking is already here."

Comments

[um]

Things are born as they are.
Live that way
and finally die that way

No crow could ever transfer, into a swan, nightingale or eagle.

They are all equally appreciated for what they are in their own right.

What could a crow, an eagle or nightingale possibly do to be come a "better" bird?

In Genisis the writers have the creator say ... I created the crow, the Nightingale and the eagle and God saw that it was "good" .... that is prehistory Zen ... hahaha

Succes!

[Ron E.]

Brian, I think it makes perfect sense, in fact I think you've probably cracked it - the so-called 'big mystery' that is.

Just to experience life as it is without imposing our beliefs, opinions and concepts on it is probably the nearest any of us gets to reality.

What our senses convey to us is surely enough - why wany more? Though of course this doesn't stop taking appropriate action when needed - which is also reality.

[77]

Ron said :
Just to experience life as it is without imposing our beliefs, opinions and concepts on it is probably the nearest any of us gets to reality.

Perfect
Like all animals do, Congrat

77

[s*]

To do things, see people ,get inspired ,is nice..
To not do things ,see people, get inspired, is also nice..
Because it is more how we feel..then what we do..
How we feel..is that up to us?
Sometimes we can do something about it..
Sometimes not at all..

[albert]

"More meaning. More happiness. More purpose. More depth. All that more, more, more seems to lead to a hamster-wheel sort of existence." What a great perception, Brian.

Man, I appreciate your honesty. I also appreciate your conveyed level of exhaustion with the striving for "more". Yes, eventually the search renders one weary, wary and worried.

Brian, it's not in the thousands of books that you have keenly studied for "answers". But please get this one wired, or at least contemplated: the mind is NOT the True Self. The mind IS a cover over the True Self. The cover of the mind, although temporary, has many layers which obscures the clear perception of the True Self of Itself by Itself. It is the mind and ego that almost all humans identify with as being their real self. This is the colossal illusion that Masters come here to explode and destroy...of course, with the balm of Love, Truth and the gift of the awakening of the soul.

I am of the opposite opinion with regards to the "perpetual search". Christ said "Seek and keep seeking." All humans are wired to experience unfulfilment on a continuous basis, with a few grains of sense pleasures thrown in to distract one from the search for true happiness. Sense pleasures never satisfy fully or permanently. Thus, the search for permanent happiness, peace and joy continues. This search is purposeful and innate. It cannot be extinguished, only delayed.

It is meant to be this way. Why?

[Vinny]

Christian thieves cannot remember their own words of English because they live in unconscious mind. These thieves were afraid of Osho Rajneesh and tried to steal his work in Oregon. In Roman Empire execution of Christian thieves was normal work to uphold law and order.

[Manoj]

Always trying to improve yourself is foolish

Sometimes it can feel somewhat like that, but its always way better than being fooled by Gurinder Singh Dhillion & Radha Soami Cult.

For the love of lying is a living moral code with a compass facing the pitts of hell. A standard by which GSD so highly swears and lives by.

Shaming himself endlessly everytime he even begins to open that horrendous pie hole.
Fooling the world without ever thinking that you can run all you like, hide all you want but karma always gets his way in end.

And bullying doesn't work GSD either...

Its always hard but in the end all we have is ourselves and a hope in the distance, we all call God

[Uchit]

For those foolish souls stuck in the endless cycle of Gurinder Singh Dhillon and RSSB, breaking that cycle is the least foolish thing you can do.
Just do a simple google search and follow the money trail, with a bit of intuition will lead you to break that spell. It's never too late to stop being a foolish sheep and being slaver for the gains of RSSB and the chosen few, and live your own best life.

[Manoj]

@777 They preach also good karma 😂

Exactly they preach all lot of things don't they.

But preaching about good karma doesn't ever help your own, does it?

If it does then, Gurinder Singh Dhillions actions preach way more than his pretending preaching skills ever will.

Self enlightenment maybe? Try good old Google search Gurinder Singh Dhillion, but prepare to have your third eye fully opened.

A God calling, maybe you should listen...

Living in denial, never has a happily ever after

[Ron E.]

Your extract from "Ending the Pursuit of Happiness, A Zen Guide', is very pertinent.
'Being in the moment, and this moment is it', although fashionable quotes lately is hard to realize

As mention previously, it is our habit of seeing life conceptualy that overlays everyday reality. We can look at some aspect of nature and see only our thoughts and opinions about it - which is the past - and not experience the reality of the moment.

Failing to realize the reality of the 'everyday sublime' invites concepts and beliefs to explain the mystery of life - which is plain to see if we were to just look without the weight of yesterday - and is no mystery.

[Tendzin]

I agree that (in my words) that Buddhist meditation isn't all that it's cracked up to be. And this is coming from someone who regularly does some form of that meditation.

I've done a few of those 10 day vipassana retreats. They were all brutal experiences in which I was very happy to leave the compound and get back to civilization. One time I even ran away before day 10. I guess some people experience the rich rewards these retreats advertise, but I found them nothing but psychologically grueling.

I've also been to several Buddhist monastic centers and found the entire experience unimpressive. Austerity isn't fun, nor does it seem to produce rewards in myself or those dour dhamma veterans I've met.

I've been to a lot of Buddhist centers and frankly I have not seen that it makes people any happier. In fact, the process of endlessly noting thoughts and feelings seems to breed a kind of narcissism or self-centeredness rather than liberation and joy. Not too long ago, Jack Kornfield of Spirit Rock wrote a missive to the membership in which he encouraged everyone to more or less put aside the insight quest and just be happy. To me that says a lot about how truly effective the Buddhist way is for everyone.

Of course, there's far more than just one Buddhist way. I've found that metta meditation is way more psychologically rewarding for me than Goenka's technique of body sweeping, which like many things technically "works," and is great in theory, but is not the radical solution to life's problems that it's promoted to be.

Buddhist philosophy is wonderful, and I think Buddhist meditation is also great in small doses and could be very beneficial to most people. But I now have big doubts though about the value of long retreats or monasticism. 99.9% of people who try monasticism end up bailing within a few years because it's a miserable way to live. It would be great if every meditator had the serene gravity of a Dalai Lama or a Dipa Ma, but as it's not working out that way, I won't be taking up robes anytime soon.

[777]

This moment is it! What we've desperately been seeking is already here

What is against remembering? . . . and future planning

Can U remember the most ever lovely moment of your life?
Double it
Exponentially

Use the 6th & 7th generators
Angels, Cyborgs, Demons, Aliens , Gods, Galaxies seek desperately for our Construct

[Appreciative Reader]

Tendzin, I just read this post of yours, up there, and realize how closely familiar you are with Buddhism. And you know what? I felt just a bit silly at having quoted those Bardo Thodol references at you in that other thread. I mean, Tendzin's a Tibetan name, although that hadn't struck me then; and, regardless of whether that's your actual name, or whether you resonate with that name closely enough to take it up as an avatar here, either way that probably means you know way more about the Bardo Thodol than I myself do; and no doubt the implications I'd argued in the other thread are not new to you. (Not that that invalidates my argument; but this is not to revisit that argument, but only to express appreciation of your familiarity with Buddhist practice and doctrine, that I hadn't realized before this.)

[manjit]

Brian wrote: "Always trying to improve yourself is foolish".

Every single time we bathe, put on clothes, watch TV, exercise, listen to music, read a book, communicate with another being etc etc, we are on some level trying to "improve" ourselves. But Brian does clarify and qualify his blog title with the following:

Brian: "It's not like I'm becoming fatalistic or uncaring. I still have many goals that I want to pursue. I'm dedicated to trying to make the world a better place. I'm committed to remaining a good husband, father, grandfather, friend.

However, I can do all that without feeling like some essence within me needs to improve. After a lifetime of studying the world's religious, philosophical, and mystical writings, along with daily meditation for up to several hours a day, there's really nothing new that I need to learn or experience in the realm of "spirituality." "

One really should not conflate giving up on something due to no significant "success" with "there's really nothing new that I need to learn or experience in the realm of "spirituality."". That really appears, to me, to be a gross error of categorisation.

This to me appears akin to saying "I could never work out how to add 2+2, therefore I must be an algebraic genius". There is nothing wrong with being unable to add 2+2, but there is inherently something obscene in such a person claiming to be an algebraic prodigy!

This is an incredibly complex subject (effort Vs no-effort, consciousness altering tech Vs be as you are, etc etc) - I hope somebody with sufficient actual experience and knowledge attempts to discuss it here, at some point......:)

[El]

I often feel worse while I'm meditating, my inner observer scolds me. I still feel bad about this morning's job. Also True for getting dressed, one part of me is 'good, you tried, it's better than pajamas'. The other part is, 'well, if you ate less, worked out more...'.🤣

[Spence Tepper]

Hi El
You wrote
"I often feel worse while I'm meditating, my inner observer scolds me"
That's not your inner observer. That's your inner judge. Your inner observer is just looking. Tell your inner judge to back off for a while and not interrupt your inner observer. Then the scenery starts changing.

[Spence Tepper]

"Higher mind, lower mind, there's a lot of competition going on in there."
Maharaj Charan Singh