Let's agree: life is difficult

With so many divisions in the world -- political, religious, nationalistic, plus many others -- sometimes it seems like there's nothing all of us can agree on.

I suggest this as a foundation for finding common ground: life is difficult. 

Not all of the time. Much of the time. And for some, most of the time. The degree of difficulty varies for each person, sort of akin to a gymnastics routine where a score is based in part on the degree of difficulty of the various moves.

Yet no matter who we are or what circumstances we find ourselves in, it's virtually certain that life poses challenges for us. Heck, even a billionaire has to worry about how to spend their money.

Along with many other worries that are common to everyone, rich and poor alike. 

How to deal with health problems. Maintaining relationships with other people, romantic or otherwise. Raising children. Keeping up with the demands of a job or profession. Helping others to the best of our ability. 

Sure, these aspects of life bring satisfactions along with problems. However, I doubt that anyone can go an entire day without feeling about something, "I wish this wasn't so difficult."

Even if somehow our own day has been going absolutely perfectly, likely we'll learn about difficulties being faced by others that make us feel the same thing: "I wish this wasn't so difficult...for them."

Recently a woman I know was driving along when someone hit her car on the driver's side door. Police had to pry the door open. She broke her collarbone in the accident. She needed to spend two days in the hospital. She's 86 years old. 

Now she has to deal with a difficult recovery period.

She lives by herself, so will need help. My wife and I, along with her other friends and relatives, will do what we can. It's just so unfortunate that the woman, who walked two miles a day and exercised in other ways to stay fit, had her life changed because of an uncareful driver. 

I used to believe there was a way out of life's difficulties.

Buddhism typically refers to this as "Life is suffering." The Four Noble Truths are supposed to be a roadmap for ending suffering. Meaning, we still have difficulties, like dealing with a broken bone, but they don't bother us much or at all. We accept them in a tranquil fashion.

Maybe this is possible. I don't know. I'm just not aware of anyone who has been capable of looking upon life's difficulties with a Buddha-like detachment that enables them to enjoy an equipoise no matter what happens.

I see this as a good thing. 

It points to our common humanity, that universal desire to relieve both our own distress and that of others. Yes, universal, because even the worst psychopath cares about their own wellbeing, even if they are indifferent to the suffering of other people.

There's national political figures who I heartily dislike from afar. Donald Trump. Ted Cruz. Mitch McConnell. Tucker Carlson. When I hear them speak, my mind rejects what they're saying. 

Yet... I'm confident that if I were to sit down with them and have a candid conversation about the difficulties in their lives, I'd feel much differently about them. I'd realize that underneath their right-wing bravado lies a person who, like all of us, struggles with tough personal issues.

Unfortunately, it's difficult to understand someone else's difficulties.

Most of us are reluctant to be open and transparent with anyone but our most intimate companions about what we have to deal with. We put on a brave face to the world when a clerk asks "How's your day going?" and we reply "Great, just great," even though that isn't true.

But I've found that when I'm more honest in my response, saying something like "Not so good; the pain in my leg from sciatica is worse today," often I'll get an honest statement from a perfect stranger. "Sorry to hear that. My back has been giving me problems. Pain sucks."

There's an old saying, misery likes company. I've come to see this not as reflecting a desire that we want other people to be as miserable as we are, but as the human compulsion to share our troubles with others, as they share their troubles with us. 

We are a highly social species. It feels good when we're able to communicate our difficulties, even if no one is able to help us with them. Often what we need most is a compassionate ear, not a helping hand.

 

Comments

[um]

Just to pick one....

>> Yet no matter who we are or what circumstances we find ourselves in, it's virtually certain that life poses challenges for us. Heck, even a billionaire has to worry about how to spend their money<<

Naturaly, if you are born in india and young and unprepared get your hands on billions by heritage, knowing nothing about how to make a billion yourself, let alone when it is made how to preserve it, yes .. that is certainly a challenge to be met .... irrespective if you are raised in a decent family ..... hahahaha.

It reminds me of what happened in the sangat when all of an sudden the communities all over the world were presented out of the blue with huge sums of money, so much, that the long cherished wish to have buildings of one's own, became possible.

No wait a second ....

This was money unasked for!!!

This was money freely given, like an heritage, so to say.

And .... above all it could be refuged!!!!

But who has the courage, and the insight, to do that??

Some people in leading positions of these communities were aware of the risks that would follow in the wake of acquiring stones, property. Some, aware of these troubles that would follow, felt unhappy but the idea of refusing the money did not arise. They all had the feeling that they "had" to accept what was given.

If I would have been in their position, maybe I would have slapped the giver in his face, and angrily asking him why, for heavens sake he would offer me that money, like the devil offered christ in the desert the command over the world or turn the stone in bread.

You all readers here, in the different countries all over the world, see what has come from that fulfilling of that original wish so dearly longed for to have one's own dera..... how the atmosphere among people has dramatically changed.

Than it sounds in my head ... yes, yes, and then you are jostled into a situation, that you cannot but act in a certain way ..... hahahahaha .... the sunshines for all ... like tornado hits all.

[um]

At he end of life is when there is a judgement, if there is one, what wil be asked is:

WE, call it whatever you want, god nature, circumstances, .... we ... did put before you:

wealth, physical, mental and spiritual .... tell us what have you done with it

or ...

Missery, physical, mental and spiritual ... tell us what have you done with it.?

We are all place in situations, conditions, that were and are beyond our will, starting from the very fact of being alive. life was given. Given meaning that we did not create it, it does not say there is a giver, but that are the shortcomings of conceptual language.

Then life has been put before us in a given form. We were given a body, a family, ... whatever we "have"... has been put before us, unasked for, without our consent and even knowledge as .. conditions to live in.

Even our character, the mental contents are put before is in terms of thoughts and emotions that do arise in us, out of nothing, like the clouds in the sky.

So we are all faced with a condition, a "challenge" put before us and we are "asked" to make something of it.

If we are doing well in the children garden, the elementary school it doesn't mean we do well in the high school and so on. And after the education the jobes demands we are faced with .... meditation, spiritual talk etc can be easy and uplifting in one set of conditions and overnight one can become a "loser" when the conditions change and become more difficult. To be decent without money is more simple than as a billionare.

To keep a good atmosphere when all are equal, there are no buildings, nor vertical organisation but can these people stand the pressure when these things come into their lives.

So the once "kind" people are now fighting among themselves .... hahahaha

[Vinny]

Christian thieves will perish in their own dirty false language education system going to hell of unconscious mind, generation after generation.

[albert]

Let's face the truth of this existence: we are born, we live, we love and we lose.

By "lose" I mean we lose every thing, every dollar, every possession, every friend, every family member, all progeny and every attainment. We lose. Thus, this life is ultimately designed to take away everything we have desired, worked hard for and acquired.

At death we must abandon everything concerning this life...and all persons who are attached to us will abandon us as well.

What a bust! What a wake-up call to those who are on the cutting edge of desiring to understand the reality. To all others, enjoy the passing show while it lasts!

[Dungeness]

@ Brian: [ She lives by herself, so will need help. My wife and I, along with her other friends and relatives, will do what we can. ]

My first reaction was a moment of angst at how alone and vulnerable
we all really are in the end. Those who listen and help in whatever way
possible are a light in the darkness. Bless you and Laurel...

[Appreciative Reader]

"Let's agree: life is difficult ... Often what we need most is a compassionate ear, not a helping hand."

..........Indeed. Agreed, absolutely! :---))

Incidentally, that concluding sentence of your post, that I've quoted above, is something every man who who has a wife or girlfriend would be wise to take heed of! Usually when they unburden all of their difficulties to us, we end up either offering to help in some concrete way, or else to offer analysis and advice, and we sometimes/oftentimes end up astonished when our heartfelt attempt at involvement is met with ... let us say, less than eye-fluttering gratitude. It is key to understand that often enough all that they seek from us is understanding and empathy, and not necessarily either advice or help. [Not to be sexist about this, and, I don't know, this may or may not apply with boyfriends and husbands unburdening to their significant other as well, except I really wouldn't know about that --- I haven't that finely-tuned a level of self-awareness! :--)) ]

"Let's face the truth of this existence: we are born, we live, we love and we lose. ... this life is ultimately designed to take away everything we have desired, worked hard for and acquired. ... At death we must abandon everything concerning this life...and all persons who are attached to us will abandon us as well. ... What a wake-up call to those who are on the cutting edge of desiring to understand the reality."

..........Indeed! And, having disagreed once or twice in the past with you, albert, I'm happy to be able to agree cent per cent with all of that! :---))

"how alone and vulnerable we all really are in the end. "

..........Indeed, Dungeness. As a wise man had observed, many many years ago, simply and yet with sledgehammer immediacy, "Life is suffering". There's no two ways about that, no matter our situation in life.

[Jim Sutheland]

What will people remember about us after we die?

What will we leave behind as our legacy to remember us by, other than our Tomb Stone in some Grave Yard that even our close relatives will never visit once we are planted.

Why do we even desire to be remembered, by any one?

What have we contributed to Society that has been beneficial to enough people even 10 years after our death to be remembered?

Most of us will be quickly forgotten, unless we leave behind wide read published Books, and Blogs as Brian will leave. But even then, will any one still have interest to visiting this blog, if Brian is no longer here to stir his Churchless Pot? That is, if there is any one still alive that has survived the monster pandemic.

As for me, other than my travel photos on my Facebook site that covers my travels from August. 2012 through May of 2018,…that only a few friends have commented on, I don’t expect, ………nor desire to be remembered
by any one on this planet, because I haven’t contributed any thing to Society , other than just being another useless eater struggling to survive enough to keep my pain at a minimum.

But I agree with the saying,…LIFE’S A BiTCH, AND THEN WE DIE!
All of us!

But Cheers any way,
Jim Sutherland

[um]

Well, Jim Sutherland, when people associate with one another they transmit thoughts, feelings etc .. call i atmosphere.

Maybe you remember, some friend from the past, a teacher and the impression that association made upon you.

Whatever that did with you, will have effect upon all others with whom you come in contact with. ... and so forth.

These people will never be known or named, yet they influenced the world like a stone thrown in the water makes circular waves.

There is more to life than words.

[um]

@ Jim

Whatever you have, you got it from others and in the same way as it has been given to you, you gave to others.

That is how culture, is born, maintained. and will die eventually

Those who are remembered in history books were not alone, did not attribute to the world on their own, yhe were carried by the unknown.

What would an foorball player be without the people admiring him?
What would be the artist if now body would come to see his work?
The list is endless.

In Europe we have celebration days for the unknown soldiers that died in de WW II and not for the general ... we owe them our freedom.

[Uchit]

Life is difficult, but it's also an opportunity to grow. It's like the games of snakes and ladders mixed with chess.

Warning life can become very difficult for eons if you fall for a religion / cult like RSSB with it's current sicko narsasistic and hypocritical guru Gurinder Singh Dhillon. This is like dropping down the longest snake of the board game. PS, GSD is the snake controlled by his master Lucifer/satan.

[Jim Sutherland]

@Uchit,…….my friendly advice to you, is,…..to no longer allow Gurinder Singh Dhillion to live in your head rent free. I suggest you evict BBJ from your Temple , and replace him with Turiya Who is Brahman, who the late Dr. Ishwar Puri recognized as “ The Totality of Consciousness.”

BBJ also resides in Turiya Who is the Land Lord where both you and he pays rent.

You will become much less aggravated experiencing BBJ there, than by him living rent free in your head.

Cheers,
Jim

[Ron E.]

@"Buddhism typically refers to this as "Life is suffering." The Four Noble Truths are supposed to be a roadmap for ending suffering. Meaning, we still have difficulties, like dealing with a broken bone, but they don't bother us much or at all. We accept them in a tranquil fashion.
Maybe this is possible. I don't know. I'm just not aware of anyone who has been capable of looking upon life's difficulties with a Buddha-like detachment that enables them to enjoy an equipoise no matter what happens.
I see this as a good thing."@

Agreed: Life is difficult. Although I have associated with many Buddhists, I don't know of any who have a "Buddha-like detachment." I've have read that it is possible to cultivate pain repressing techniques that turn down the body's fight or flight response though this is a different matter.

As far as Buddhism is concerned, particularly Chan and Zen, the term Dhuka, usually translated as suffering has several meanings from physical and mental pain to the suffering caused by change and the suffering we feel of being a separate being.

The existential feeling is one that at times we all may feel. It arises mainly due to the thought or feeling that 'I' am an individual separate 'self'. It is assuaged by emersion in various diversions - i.e. the family, business, projects, beliefs (religious or other), sex, science etc.

Chan and Zen seem to focus much on this 'self-illusion' as being the main cause of suffering. Dogen, a Buddhist monk who founded the Soto Zen of Japan famously said "To study Buddhism is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be enlightened by the ten thousand dharmas."

Pain is accepted as a natural and necessary result of being a sentient creature. It is mostly this feeling of being a separate self that Zen addresses as being the chief cause of suffering. That is, the ego/self's need of wanting life on its own conceptual terms while avoiding the reality of life as it is.

[Spence Tepper]

Hi Brian!
You asked, a few posts back, about our most embarrassing moment, our biggest mistake.
It take a bit to open up about our shortcomings, as well as our challenges. Not many people actually answered the question directly.

Understanding this world, there is no problem doing so. And unburdening ourselves, especially when asked, is also not a problem.

When someone starts telling me their woes, a part of me thinks "I've got my own troubles, do I want to take time to listen to theirs?"

But another part of me says "Listen to them. Be there for them. This is your moment to accomplish the entire purpose of your life..Be there for someone else...It only takes a little time. "

And that is the source of immense joy...but often after the work of doing it.
And it is fleeting. It lasts for the moment we connected. But then we are now on the lookout for our next moment, and not avoiding it.

[Manoj]

life is difficult. Very...

With the likes of Gurinder Singh Dhillion & RS cult it can also become manipulative and deceptive.

Trying to sieve the wheat from the chave as they say.

The Fake baba GSD tries his best to keep himself hidden behind the mask he so weaves to the world, ever hiding the real Convict behind that false persona.

Only a real disciple with an acute eye can see through the reality of this false illusionary deception, and set himself free from the shackes of the R S Cult.

With God's help and guidance the individual masters himself and leaves the evil traps of GSD (Satan) and his RS Cult (army behind).

Never trust a Baba, just watch his actions
You gave the game away Gurinder Singh Dhillion. You have been Exposed

[Rodney]

@manoj and @uchit

It's funny how much GSD is etched / woven into your lives.

It appears you eat and breathe GSD. Anything and everything in here (even if unconnected to RSSB) and there you are not missing to bring GSD into the equation.

[Rodney]

There’s no doubt about it: life is hard. It’s a given. It’s kind of trending. But there’s no doubt that life is also amazing. It’s our negative attitude and expectations that turn neutral circumstances into something full of despair and anger, confusion and frustration.

[Sonia]

You know what, this whole “we’re born alone and we die alone” saying is getting old.

We’re not born alone? Has anyone ever been born without coming out of a mother. I don’t want to create a graphic picture… but seriously. 9+ months in the womb. And the majority of people have a few friends at death.

If you TRULY believe that God/Spirit/Higher Power is in everyone then you must realize that Love is never lost. Relationships of any kind are an opportunity to honor the divine in every living thing. And that fact humbled us. We’re not more “God”/Spirit than the next person. We’re not. We might be more arrogant and self righteous but God is in everyone and every living thing. If we can’t or won’t honor that then we haven’t grasped the point of spirituality—all we’ve done is increased our separation and selfishness. I promise you a nonbeliever is just as beloved in the Lord’s eyes as you/we. He does not love one single soul more or less than another. When are we going to learn that. Our “specialness” only serves to isolate us and condemn us to a life of loneliness.