Better self-awareness comes from sharing our self with others

For many years I wrongly thought that the way to "know myself" was to engage in several hours a day of solitary meditation. Sure, I did learn some things about myself in this way and developed a lot of discipline by meditating every morning whether or not I felt like it.

Now, though, I've come to realize that it is easy to fool ourselves when the only conversation we're having is within our own mind -- I talking to me; us speaking to ourself; one part of our psyche conversing with another part.

As noted in my previous post about a book I'm reading, Stephen Fleming's Know Thyself: The Science of Self-Awareness, the  outside environment provides important feedback about how well we're in touch with reality. For example, inside my own head I can fantasize that I'm in contact with higher realms of reality.

Out in the world, imagining that I'm in touch with something that isn't really there is much more difficult, because "there" is apparent to other people also. 

In a chapter called "Learning to Learn," Fleming describes the benefits of explaining things to others and communicating our thoughts in writing or out loud.

This helps to explain why I enjoy writing so much. By getting what is inside my head out into the world, I not only learn more about what I really think, I gain the benefit of other people being able to provide feedback to me about those thoughts.

We can understand why teaching and advising others can be so useful for our own learning by considering how it helps us avoid metacognitive illusions. 

When we are forced to explain things to others, there is less opportunity to be swayed by internal signals of fluency that might create unwarranted feelings of confidence in our knowledge. For instance, the "illusion of explanatory depth" refers to the common experience of thinking we know how things work (from simple gadgets to government policies), but, when we are asked to explain them to others, we are unable to do so.

Being forced to make our knowledge public ensures that misplaced confidence is exposed. For similar reasons, it is easier for us to recognize when someone else is talking nonsense than to recognize that same flaw in ourselves.

...External props and tools can also provide a new perspective on what we know. Rather than monitoring murky internal processes, many of which remain hidden from our awareness, getting words down on the page and speaking them out loud creates concrete targets for self-reflection.

...We naturally extend our minds onto the page, and the extensions can themselves be targets of metacognition, to be mused about and reflected upon just like regular thoughts and feelings. 

Comments

[um]

>>Better self-awareness comes from sharing our self with others<<

If that were true, those who are silent most of the time, have no idea who they are, are not aware of themselves.

The rest is food for a psychologist

[Ron Elloway]

* "When we are forced to explain things to others, there is less opportunity to be swayed by internal signals of fluency that might create unwarranted feelings of confidence in our knowledge." 

Indeed, there is definitely something in explaining or sharing with others as an aid to seeing one's own state of mind. I guess that whatever arises is always an aid toward helping to see and understand the workings of the self/mind - and yes, writing things down is also helpful.

* "Out in the world, imagining that I'm in touch with something that isn't really there is much more difficult, because "there" is apparent to other people also."

This is somewhat tricky in that for many "out there in the world" is often not a reality in the sense that things are seen not as they are, but through one's own personal concepts - and much is not 'seen' due to the habit of being 'lost in thought'. A whole journey can be taken without any awareness of the places travelled through.

This awareness of mind with its constant flood of thought is probably one of the first (and last) places to practice awareness - not that there is anyone 'there' who's doing the practice!

[Spence Tepper]

We never get out of our head. That is an illusion. We can refine what is in our head. Feedback from others is a crucial part of that process: Unless we are so calcified by our thinking that we cannot hear or see except what we wish to.

An open mind to both inner and outer realities is the best assurance that we are adding little to the reality we witness.

And a closed mind to either actually reflects the harmful triumph of opinion over observation.

[Sonia]

When two people come together, one has the opportunity to see life through another lense as well as see themselves differently. This may not prove accurate, though, depending on the filters of the individuals. Group interactions are much the same. Our perceptions aren’t gospel and bouncing our thoughts off of others gives us the chance to question and test those thoughts. It’s reciprocal.

Perception isn’t a perfect science. Our filters are deeply rooted. Isolation and contemplation are beneficial for short periods of time but ultimately we’re social animals, whether we are extroverts, introverts or fall somewhere in between.

Regardless, social interactions help us learn to moderate our actions so that we can be functioning, contributing members of society.

Our perceptions and beliefs about ourselves can alter rapidly depending upon the company we keep. So, that’s key.

[Ron Krumpos]

I agree that writing can help you to get beyond your self. We can better understand what we believe to be true when we try to explain it to others.

[Spence Tepper]

Better self awareness comes from accepting what is within you and what you see and hear around you.

But judging these things leads to dismissing them. And even not seeing them.

So accept what people say as their truth. It might not be your truth and it doesn't have to be. If you see something else, that's also real. Honor it.

Just because someone else said something different doesn't mean they aren't confused too.

"The opposite of one truth may not be wrong. It may just be another truth."
Niels Bohr

[Jen]

Being kind and at the same time being alert and listening to others and also at the same time being an observer without attachment and judgement makes life so much easier. No longer having to put one's own beliefs at forefront or even thinking about what we believe in.

I like this quote: "Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her."

[Spence Tepper]

"Being forced to make our knowledge public ensures that misplaced confidence is exposed. For similar reasons, it is easier for us to recognize when someone else is talking nonsense than to recognize that same flaw in ourselves."

"Being forced..."

Sounds like 1984

[Sonia—>zenJ]

I like this quote: "Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her."

Posted by: Jen | September 03, 2021 at 09:10 PM

That’s lovely, zen Jen! 💕

[Sonia]

Flexibility and adaptability are synonymous with greater intelligence. When you keep trying to push a square peg into a round hole, you’re not persistent you’re ignorant.

Stubborn = stupid.

Sharing, caring, giving… any of the things we have to offer others helps us to evolve. Love is the ultimate unlimited resource. The more you give, the more it grows. Giving is growing. Sharing is connecting.