Maybe it's time to give up on hope

I'm conflicted about hope, the desire for something to happen. It certainly seems like a good thing, a shoulder to lean on in tough times, a positive compass heading when happenings in your life are going in the wrong direction.

I've relied on hope a lot, as have we all, most likely. I've dreamed of better times, of bouncing back from a disappointment, of finding a way to accomplish something difficult.

For most of us, it's difficult to imagine not living without hope. 

If we get sick, we hope we'll soon be well. If a romantic relationship falls apart, we hope that love will return to our life in a different guise. If we're fired from our job, we hope that our next employment opportunity will be better.

So hope appears to be a psychological drug with no negative side effects. It lifts us up when we're down, a mood elevator that doesn't require a doctor's prescription. 

However...

There's also something to be said for giving up on hope. It's unclear to me whether that saying, whatever it might consist of, outweighs the benefits of hope. I simply have a feeling, based on my own experience, that hope isn't always a good thing.

One drawback is that it contains the seed of disappointment. Whether that seed sprouts depends on the outcome of our hoping. If we fill our mind with a strong desire that X will occur, the appearance of Y with no sign of X is going to cause us to feel letdown. 

Now, would it be better if there was no hope for X? I don't know. Perhaps.

That way, if X comes to be, it would strike us as a wonderful surprise, not the fulfillment of an expectation. And if X never happens, the disappointment caused by a gap between hope and reality wouldn't exist. 

Another potential drawback is that hope can prevent us from living in the here-and-now. It's tempting to fill our mind with visions of what might be, rather than what is. Taken to extremes, this can prevent us from fully appreciating the life we actually have, because it is so different from the life we hope for.

Still, I find it difficult to recommend giving up on hope, which is why the title of this blog post starts with "Maybe." Hope can be the only thing that stands between us and despair. Yes, hope can be a crutch. But when we're limping along, a crutch can be what we most need.

Since I've become a fan of mindfulness, a middle ground strikes me as a good way to go. Keep on hoping, yet be aware of what you're doing.

Sometimes I say aloud, "Yes, I hope that..."

This helps me realize that I've got an expectation that might be fulfilled, or it might not. There's no guarantee, just a hope. It's when a hope becomes an obsession that problems arise. If we can't stop thinking, "It would be so wonderful if...", perhaps we've allowed hope to occupy too large of a place in our life.

Or, maybe not. There's certainly an argument for letting hope become as grand as possible, bigger than a mountain, more enduring than a diamond.

Like I said, I'm conflicted about hope.

Comments

[s*]

Shalom

- quiet, tranquility, contentment, peace, friendship....

Hope is also good,because it gives us..''hope..''
Hope for goodness aliveness peace..satisfaction.
Maybe we need hope it gives drive to do things..or even leave things.
Some says 'without hope there is no life..hope is a drive..'

[Spence Tepper]

Nothing wrong with being disappointed or unhappy. Sometimes these cause a person to question their own values, or to dig deeper within themselves for a firmer foundation of inner strength.

If you connect with that, you need have no hope. There is no past or future.

What we value here in this temporary and fleeting life, what we consider success is at best valueless and at wirst inverted from truth.

If we can contribute in some small way to the dialogue about greater things, we are doing all that any person can hope to achieve.

Owning things is pretty worthless.

Have hope in better things.

[Pema Tej]

Most religious and spiritual beliefs are founded or based on the following 2 ideas of;

HOPE and FEAR

[Turan]

Perhaps there is a world of difference between hope as an abstract fixation; that is, hope in the form of a belief that contradicts reality and hope in the sense of optimism – the sort of optimism that normally stems from a positive frame of mind. But, after saying that, such a frame of mind is not the case for everyone where living in some sort of unattainable hope is entertained as a wished for dream.

In Psychology Today Posted Jul 31, 2013. Dale Archer M.D. Writes:- “If I could find a way to package and dispense hope, I would have a pill more powerful than any antidepressant on the market. Hope, is often the only thing between man and the abyss. As long as a patient, individual or victim has hope, they can recover from anything and everything”.

Hmm, okay – but not too sure about the 'anything and everything'!

Brian mentioned, “If we can't stop thinking, "It would be so wonderful if...", perhaps we've allowed hope to occupy too large of a place in our life”. Some I'm sure are genetically equipped to be able to rise above the scourge of over-thinking everything and live in the 'here and now' but generally the average brain is probably not equipped for this or is too habitually conditioned – and whose to say who, in the long run, is better off.

[Sonia]

Never give up on hope!

Here is the best article I’ve read on the Buddhist perspective on hope. Again, I like it when people take old traditional ideas and reframe them in a way that is more applicable to today’s way of speaking. I especially like this article because my boyfriend from 20 years ago who was Jewish but a practicing Buddhist used to always say to me, “Hope is like the dragon eating it’s tale.” Which got on my last nerve and is likely why I broke up with him. It’s a terrible way to wake up.

Hearing the same words said in the same sentence in the same way is like brainwashing indoctrination. That’s why I prefer an aerial view. ;)

The Buddhist Outlook On Hope:
https://www.buddhistteachings.org/the-buddhist-outlook-on-hope

Although, I’d still recommend replacing “hopelessness” in the traditional Buddhist sense with simply the lack of desires or “need” for more to make you happy. Maybe we should call it contentment.

WORDS MATTER!! 😍

[Sonia]

Can we just get real for a minute... I think the Buddhist “end of hope” is just a weird way of saying contentment.

Sometimes people says things in weird ways to shock people into really thinking about what they’re saying. But then people keep repeating those things and taking them literally and centuries later it sounds more like some sort of deprivation as opposed to what it really should be—contentment and joy.

Words matter.

[Whodunit]

I think you are saying give up on expectations not necessarily hopes

It's the expectation that's binding you to your ego

Which is why all those with all this overwhelming expectation are the ones bemoaning their fate and chucking the baby with the bathwater.

That's why they can't accept things as they are looking for a scapegoat to hang their disappointment and disillusionment onto.

[Jen]

Sonia, you've just described yourself...

"Sometimes people says things in weird ways to shock people into really thinking about what they’re saying. But then people keep repeating those things and taking them literally and centuries later it sounds more like some sort of deprivation as opposed to what it really should be—contentment and joy."

"Although, I’d still recommend replacing “hopelessness” in the traditional Buddhist sense with simply the lack of desires or “need” for more to make you happy. Maybe we should call it contentment."

Its simple really, stop judging others, especially Gurinder, get over it, let it go, try to start experiencing... contentment...

[Sonia]

I think you are saying give up on expectations not necessarily hopes

It's the expectation that's binding you to your ego

Which is why all those with all this overwhelming expectation are the ones bemoaning their fate and chucking the baby with the bathwater.

That's why they can't accept things as they are looking for a scapegoat to hang their disappointment and disillusionment onto.

Posted by: Whodunit | February 17, 2020 at 12:56 PM

Yes, I understand what you are saying and I agree.

Also, expectations and desires are similar. If you’re content with what you have and don’t need anything outside of yourself to feel joy—which is our natural state of being—then you don’t get disappointed. Also, you’ll perceive things totally differently. Of course, the ego doesn’t look for peace so doesn’t see things as they really are. It is always ready to perceive things as an attack in one form or another.

[Sonia]

Sonia, you've just described yourself...

"Sometimes people says things in weird ways to shock people into really thinking about what they’re saying. But then people keep repeating those things and taking them literally and centuries later it sounds more like some sort of deprivation as opposed to what it really should be—contentment and joy."

"Although, I’d still recommend replacing “hopelessness” in the traditional Buddhist sense with simply the lack of desires or “need” for more to make you happy. Maybe we should call it contentment."

Its simple really, stop judging others, especially Gurinder, get over it, let it go, try to start experiencing... contentment...
Posted by: Jen | February 17, 2020 at 02:17 PM

Jen,

I don’t think you read my last comment on Open Thread about Gurinder.

[Sonia]

That's why they can't accept things as they are looking for a scapegoat to hang their disappointment and disillusionment onto.

Posted by: Whodunit | February 17, 2020 at 12:56 PM

And sometimes understanding takes time. Learning is a process. We all have our own karmas to go through. That process isn’t perfect but neither is this world. Sometimes the most difficult lessons are the greatest teachers. They say there’s nothing new under the sun, but I disagree. Everything about this world is an evolutionary process. 🙂

But, yeah, I agree with what your saying. It’s just, as crazy as it may sound, sometimes what may seem like mistakes actually serve a greater purpose in the grand scheme of things.

[Roger]

All human experience is a reflection of the quality of mind that engages with the experience. No human experience is good or bad, right or wrong until the conditioned and confused self-referential mind adds in its own story which then defines how it is experienced.

[s*]

Pema,
Maybe hope is alright..it also makes us do things,or leave things..
But fear in religion is not so good not at all if it is based on fear..
imho( in my humble opinion)

[La Madrugada]

Hope helps us remain committed to our goals and motivated to take action towards achieving. Hope gives people a reason to continue fighting and believing that their current circumstances will improve, despite the unpredictable nature of human existence.

As psychologist and renowned hope researcher Charles Snyder stated so eloquently:

A rainbow is a prism that sends shards of multicolored light in various directions. It lifts our spirits and makes us think of what is possible. Hope is the same – a personal rainbow of the mind.

[Sonia]

Brian mentioned, “If we can't stop thinking, "It would be so wonderful if...", perhaps we've allowed hope to occupy too large of a place in our life”. Some I'm sure are genetically equipped to be able to rise above the scourge of over-thinking everything and live in the 'here and now' but generally the average brain is probably not equipped for this or is too habitually conditioned – and whose to say who, in the long run, is better off.
Posted by: Turan | February 17, 2020 at 03:30 AM

Hi Turan,

I enjoyed your comment.

As far as not overcomplicating things and living in the here and now—that can take a lot of work in the beginning sometimes. It’s like adopting a minimalist lifestyle when you’re a “collector”. All those possessions take up time and energy. Time keeping them organized and more time cleaning... dusting. And God help you if you’re a hoarder.

So, living in the here and now and meditating sound like such simple things. Theoretically they are, but like the collector or hoarder who wants to live a simpler, minimalist lifestyle, it requires a great deal of throwing stuff out (all those questions and doubts) and cleaning. Sometimes we spend too much time deliberating what we should keep and what should go.

Oh, how simple the truth is... but only for a mind that’s ready to hear it.

I’m still knee deep in confusion. But it’s HOPE that keeps me going—trying to get rid of all this unnecessary stuff so that one day I’ll have a more manageable “in the now” life.

[Spence Tepper]

All the advice that Jaimal Singh gave to Sawan Singh applies perfectly to all of us. Give everything to God. Render everything to your own perfect inner Master. Think that this all belongs to Him, not you. Look for Him within, worship Him, Listen to that inner voice.

Take yourself out of the situation.

You need no initiation.
You can pick any any form of meditation, or any form of continuous prayer, or any form of constant worship, if you like.. . Whatever speaks to you, appeals to you.

All roads lead to Rome, so just keep walking.

You need no outer teacher to undertake this, the true Path.
You need no vows to worship God perfectly.

You may proceed as fast and as far as your devotion and sincerity will take you, and however far it takes you, you will be in a place that will take you the rest of the way.

Ignore what all others say.

Develop thick boots, give zero concern for the negative remarks of your critics or the praise from your friends.
Accept all as your fate arranged by God for your good: every obstacle truly a stepping stone towards God.

Your attitude, and not the stage actor guru, determines your altitude.

Whether you love the stage actor guru or you hate him, always think of him, or never think of him hardly matters. That has zero connection with your own personal growth, and personal responsibility.

Give your love and your hate both to God. Return everything to Him until there is nothing left but Him. Skip the stage actor guru, if you find him a distraction. Until you yourself have nothing and are nothing, and all there is, is Lord. There was never anything else anyway.

[Pema Tej]

s*

You can't have one without the other. With hope comes fear, and vice versa.

Fear of not meeting up to your hopes.
Fear of failure etc etc

[Sonia]

I think love is the opposite of fear. In the scriptures it says, “Love hopes all things...”