Do less, be happier

I believe it was in a comment by Amar on one of my blog posts that I learned about a great book by Mark Williams and Danny Penman, "Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World."

I've been practicing mindfulness meditation for quite a while, as noted in Mindfulness has become my meditation and Mindfulness is meditation on reality, not supernatural illusion.

The book by Williams and Penman is the best I've ever read on this subject. Very clear, well-written, and creative.

A core theme is the difference between Doing and Being. Doing is fine, if what we're after can be obtained through specific actions. But as you'll read in the excerpt below, Doing leads us astray when we try to apply it in the wrong way.

Why do your best efforts to get rid of unpleasant feelings backfire so tragically? When you try to solve the "problem" of unhappinesss (or any other "negative" emotion) you deploy one of the mind's most powerful tools: rational critical thinking.

It works like this: you see yourself in a place (unhappy) and know where you want to be (happy). Your mind then analyzes the gap between the two and tries to work out the best way of bridging it. To do so, it uses its "Doing" mode (so called because it performs well in solving problems and getting things done).

The Doing mode works by progressively narrowing the gap between where you are and where you want to be... It's a tremendously powerful way of s0lving problems. It's how we find our way across cities, drive cars and arrange hectic work schedules.

...It's perfectly natural, then, to apply this approach to solving the "problem" of unhappiness. But it's often the worst thing you can do because it requires you to focus on the gap between how you are and how you'd like to be: in doing so, you ask such critical questions as, What's wrong with me? Where did I go wrong? Why do I always make these mistakes?

Such questions are not only harsh and self-destructive, but they also demand that the mind furnishes the evidence to explain its discontent. And the mind is truly brilliant at providing such evidence. 

Imagine walking through a beautiful park on a spring day. You're happy, but then for some unknown reason a flicker of sadness ripples across your mind. It may be the result of hunger because you skipped lunch or perhaps you unwittingly triggered a troubling memory.

After a few minutes you might start to feel a little down. As soon as you notice your lowered spirits you begin to probe yourself.: It's a lovely day. It's a beautiful park. I wish I were feeling happier than I am now.

Think about that: I wish I were feeling happier.

How do you feel now? You probably feel worse. This is because you focused on the gap between how you feel and how you want to feel. And focusing on the gap highlighted it. The mind sees the gap as a problem to be solved. This approach is disastrous when it comes to your emotions because of the intricate interconnection between your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations.

...The mind can do so much more than simply analyze problems with its Doing mode. The problem is that we use the Doing mode so much, we can't see that there is an alternative. Yet there is another way.

If you stop and reflect for a moment, the mind doesn't just think. It can also be aware that it is thinking. This form of pure awareness allows you to experience the world directly. It's bigger than thinking. It's unclouded by your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

It's like a high mountain -- a vantage point -- from which you can see everything for many miles around.

Pure awareness transcends thinking. It allows you to step outside the chattering negative self-talk and your reactive impulses and emotions. It allows you to look at the world once again with open eyes. And when you do so, a sense of wonder and quiet contentment begins to reappear in your life.

Makes a lot of sense.

What's said above applies to spiritual goals as well, like believing that you need to do something to reach God, heaven, holy spirit, or whatever. That belief creates a gap between where you are now and where you want to be. Then that gap becomes a problem to be solved, which takes work and creates anxiety.

Yet where is the evidence for any gap at all? God, heaven, holy spirit, and such are just concepts, ideas, thoughts. Give them up, and you are much closer to where you want to be: reality, here and now.

Comments

[Roger]

All human thoughts are conditioned and therefore unique to each individual. Nobody else can have your thoughts and you can’t have the same thoughts of others. Of course we can share beliefs, ideas, concepts, experiences, etc., but how we arrived at the thoughts about them will be unique to us. All human conflict happens when we think our thoughts are right and others thoughts are wrong, but thoughts are never right or wrong, they are just thoughts that may or may not be factually correct. Although thinking is compulsory for all humans whose cognitive functioning is operational, it’s not compulsory to believe the thought or act it out.

Thinking happens. If the thought is unhelpful (based in want, not want and confusion) it’s helpful to let it pass rather than act on it because if you act it out the result will be unhelpful speech or action which will define the quality of your mind state in now-ness and the mind will worry. If the thought is helpful (based in kindness or generosity) then it’s helpful to express it to develop or maintain peace of mind.

[Spence Tepper]

All happiness is found within yourself.

[Amar]

Hi Roger. Interesting comments. To keep your mind in the state you're speaking about takes a lot of time end energy to maintain. Takes a lifetime, if at all. Living in this current state of affairs, we're being bombarded with idiotic statements from politicians and technological advancements that defy the current norms. Where will we be in 10 years? Artificial Intelligence will push the boundaries of our perception of whether an entity or "being" is self aware, has a conscience.

What you wrote above is what I'm trying to follow, for the most part. It's a very difficult thing to do, but from what little I've been able to do, there is definitely a calming and centering influence which prompts me to continue on.

[Roger]

Thanks Amar,

I don't keep my mind in any particular permanent state. In addition, I have my conditioned thoughts and attachments. That said, I prefer a transitory view or approach which allows me to engage with life as an on-going learning opportunity that is constantly challenging anything I think, and I might already know.

The most amazing thing I discovered about life is, that no matter what happened yesterday that you didn’t like, after a night’s sleep, you get to start afresh, so you don’t need to worry about it.
So, for me, life presents two choices. 1. I can start each day refreshed and energized without being attached to the worries of the past and enjoy my day or 2. I can continue to be attached to the past and bring that worry into my day and drain all the energy out of it and spoil it.

[Fairy]

Roger, interesting comment. However, upon this - "Nobody can have your thoughts, and you can't have the same thoughts as others!" - I am not so sure!
The company you keep has great influence upon the thoughts you have.
It is only in solitude and silence that you are able to clear the chatter. Even then, from a distance, if completely aware, if someone is paying you attention, then their thoughts and feelings you can hear and feel. It is possible,of course, to be influenced by those thoughts and take them to be your own, unless you are completely mindful.
Meditation opens up many pathways. Telepathy is a fact. So is clairaudience.
It is not always possible, though to assertain who the thoughts are coming from.

[Amar]

Roger, for sure. Definitely have slowly stopped worrying or thinking about my past mistakes and decisions. It's a slow process.
A lifetime of conditioning will take some time to change.

[Roger]

Amar, very good response. Take the time, you need, for your personal subjective process. Engage with life as an on-going learning opportunity......

[Jim]

Interesting interview with Jurgen Ziewe. Sounds like RSSB without the Guru. Just meditate in the early morn go back to bed become lucid by looking at his hands ,gravel on the ground, or a blade of grass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mf0hR-coK5E.