« How many people has Gurinder Singh Dhillon indirectly killed? | Main | Buddhists, the mind isn't like a mirror. Science knows better. »

April 23, 2019


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.


No, really it may have seemed like I was being sarcastic (I sort of was and I sort of wasn’t). I really do appreciate your sincerely, though. I can tell you were just being sincere.

I’m kind of bipolar. Sometimes I have days of severe depression and everything seems bleak. I take medication which works most of the time but is never a 100% guaranteed to work every day kind of thing. I’m used to being wrong and I know no one else is to blame.

Anyway, I’m not using severe clinical depression as an excuse, I’m just saying that it does have an impact on how I feel and see things for a while. I work really, really hard to get through it without going crazy and so far I’ve always been able to get out of it eventually. Pain does not last forever. And I’m not using this as an excuse. I’m just trying to help you understand me.

One of the reasons (and actually the only reason) my relationship with my husband has lasted twenty years is because he’s extremely understanding of this particular issue, he’s very resilient and he loves me more than any other human being ever has. We have our difficult moments and quite often I feel really insecure, but he never lets go (even though he’s made a few false threats to leave 😂) and that’s what true love is. Someone who will never leave you no matter what. No one else has ever loved me that much—not even my parents lol. So, I’m incredibly blessed to have him as my life partner.

I can only imagine that the inner Master loves me just as much and maybe more. It is a difficult path. I followed it “religiously” for 14 years and then got side swiped for a period of time but am now back on track. However, even meditation isn’t going to take away my autoimmune disorders and the fact that I have to have surgery on my neck to have my neck fused—I’m not doing the disc replacement because that only lasts about nine years and I don’t want to keep repeating the pain or the surgeries. I’m pretty stressed over the operation because it takes 3 months to recover from the operation and I’m COMPLETELY PARANOID that the doctor is going to make a mistake and I’ll wind up paralyzed. So, I’m extremely worried and stressed and that just triggered another episode of severe depression but I’m coming out of that.

A lot of people are going through far worse things than I am. Believe me, I realize that—like the death of a loved one or chemo treatment or not knowing where they’re going to get their next meal.

I sit in meditation and it helps. It doesn’t take away my physical or mental karma but it helps relieve the pain just a little.

Anyway, I don’t know you. I’m sure you have a slew of problems of your own that you have to deal with. I focus on the fact that the inner master loves me and I have a husband who seems to really love me for some reason which I’ll never understand. And really, that’s pretty much all anyone needs.

Take care

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been saved. Comments are moderated and will not appear until approved by the author. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment

Comments are moderated, and will not appear until the author has approved them.

Your Information

(Name is required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)


  • Welcome to the Church of the Churchless. If this is your first visit, click on "About this site--start here" in the Categories section below.
  • HinesSight
    Visit my other weblog, HinesSight, for a broader view of what's happening in the world of your Church unpastor, his wife, and dog.
  • BrianHines.com
    Take a look at my web site, which contains information about a subject of great interest to me: me.
  • Twitter with me
    Join Twitter and follow my tweets about whatever.
  • I Hate Church of the Churchless
    Can't stand this blog? Believe the guy behind it is an idiot? Rant away on our anti-site.