Today's Daily Calm guided meditation on my iPhone app was called "Beautiful Imperfection." Below is a transcript I made of how it ended. I really liked the call for less judgement and more connection.
This is tough enough to do in real life. It's considerably more difficult on the Internet, where we form judgements about people without having even seen them, much less understood them.
That's why I thought what follows is a good reminder that while informed judgement often makes some sense, uninformed judgement should be engaged in cautiously, if at all.
It's so often that our mind falls into judgements, of ourselves and of others. And if we pay attention, we'll quickly notice this tendency.
We meet a new co-worker, or there's a new barista at our cafe. Or someone sits beside us on the subway. And instantly, subconsciously, the judging mind appears.
We take notice of a person's appearance, speech, and demeanor. And in a millisecond we draw conclusions about what type of person they must be. Some of these judgements might be sympathetic, some critical, based on a subconscious sliver of information.
How accurate can they be?
The truth is, we know next to nothing about the stranger passing through our day. Let's say we're sitting beside someone on a flight. And we overhear they have an addiction to reality television. They voraciously watch this show and that show, and can't go a week without their fix.
And with this flux of information, we start to form a picture of who they are. But for all we know that same person has a Ph.D. in Astrophysics, beautiful children, or a cancer diagnosis. Or all of those things.
Judgements separate us from other people. giving us a sense of division or of superiority. But on the flip side of judgement is an opportunity to feel connection. Because whatever it is we're judging, we probably suffer from some version of the same feature or flaw.
We all have our faults and guilty pleasures. That's a part of what makes each of us so compelling and interesting. Emilio Estevez put it, "We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks. That's what connects us, that we're all broken, all beautifully imperfect."
So call on the mindfulness skill of awareness. Try to pay closer attention to your judgements. And as you get to know these tendencies, challenge them, soften them. Instead of giving in to the judging mind, deepen your connection to the beautifully imperfect people around you.
Not that I disagree with there being a time and place to simply accept and attempt not to judge, but I think that anyone who has lived in low trust societies for any period of time, or who has spent significant amounts of time around criminals knows that making quick judgements and sizing people up can mean life or death.
This line about "deepen(ing) your connection to the beautifully imperfect people around you" would have led to me getting robbed or stabbed many times in my life if I took it seriously and applied it to everyone.
One of the most interesting things I've noticed over the years is how much more judgmental I've become, how much more accurate my judgements have become, and how much less hassle there is in my life thanks to my increase in judgements.
It's an odds game. You may be be pleasantly surprised sometimes by amazing people who you wrongly assumed were terrible, but the risk of getting shot in the face goes up dramatically, at least in places I've lived. I'd rather miss an opportunity to be pleasantly surprised here and there, personally.
Posted by: Jesse | August 07, 2018 at 09:25 PM
This post ends :- "So call on the mindfulness skill of awareness. Try to pay closer attention to your judgements."
I'm happy with that - but perhaps it may be wise to be aware of our judgements etc. and to also be aware of the wisdom to be cautious and to avoid certain people and situations.
I recall an Arab proverb "Trust in Allah, but tie your camel first".
Posted by: Turan | August 08, 2018 at 02:06 AM
Also in 'Judgement' and dicrimination,
the truth is somewhere in the middle
Many now detest the 50,000 Slaughterhouses as pure evil
77
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Posted by: 777 | August 08, 2018 at 06:59 AM
"We take notice of a person's appearance, speech, and demeanor. And in a millisecond we draw conclusions about what type of person they must be"
I don't do that. When meeting someone new I don't check them out, what they look like etc. I'm friendly at first and very open and at the same time my senses (ESP?) are very alert, like an animal, friendly but also on guard.
My instincts will let me know just who and what I am dealing with, sometimes it takes a while and when I eventually 'get' the person is when I see through the illusionary side of their persona. I'm not an intellectual type and people probably think I am quite vague lol, but little do they know about psychic detectives. Brian will be frowning and sighing deeply when reading this!
Posted by: Jen | August 08, 2018 at 04:03 PM
@ Brian - I agree with Jesse with what he said and he put it so beautifully - your headline to this post is lovely nevertheless. You should be were I have just been - you wouldn’t want to employ that there ☹️.
@ Jesse - twisted foot and fate has it I am in bed rest as swelling is huge!! Fate or whatever you may want to call it!
Ps I want you to read a book that someone has given to me or google it. It’s helping me as this lady is a kick boxer “ Fight - Win Freedom from Sabotage”. The first 50 pages have released and helped me more so than listening to any satsang on a Sunday in my life.
All the very best!
Posted by: Arjuna | August 08, 2018 at 11:26 PM
Correction - “You *should have been* were I have just been - you wouldn’t want to employ that there”
Posted by: Arjuna | August 08, 2018 at 11:28 PM
@ Jesse - sorry that book I mentioned -love your feedback on it also.
Posted by: Arjuna | August 08, 2018 at 11:30 PM
@Jen
I ❤️ Huckabees - (existential detectives even better) LOL
That might sound a little nonsensical but just had a vanilla cupcake with tons of icing on it for breakfast and too much coffee... my brain is drunk.
Posted by: Sarah | August 11, 2018 at 09:00 AM