Death and non-existence is scary. Not facing reality, even scarier.

I'm afraid of death. This is natural. It is normal for a living being to try to cling to life and avoid death for as long as possible. 

But as I wrote about twelve years ago in "Death and the primal fear of nonexistence," I regularly get glimpses into what it means to not exist forever.

I don't mean a glimpse into the actuality of non-existence, because I won't be around to experience either that, or anything. What I feel is an existential terror that seems different to me from a fear of dying. It is the stark reality that one day I will cease to exist for eternity after my brief stint of living here on Earth.

My most recent Holy Shit! moment came while I was listening to a guided Daily Calm meditation on my iPhone's Calm app. I like Calm a lot. I just found this particular Daily Calm to be anything but calming. 

Here's the more positive image and quote that accompanied the guided meditation.

For sure, Mr. Pinker. You've got that right.

If, as is almost certainly true, each of us has only one life to live -- this one -- then there is indeed an incalcuable value to each and every moment. The sad thing is that most people either realize this too late, or never.

At least, this seems sad to me.  

It may well be that not being able to visualize our impending non-existence until our last breath is an even greater gift. Frequently I envy our dog for being able to simply live her life without worrying about death and her eventual non-existence.

But I'm a human and she's a canine.

Our self-awareness brings along with it the realization that Steven Pinker speaks of: that our capacity to be conscious of existence is exceedingly precious, since in the grand scheme of the cosmos, that consciousness is rare and brief.

I've written quite a bit about death and non-existence. Here's a good sampling of my posts, with an excerpt from each. 

Death and the primal fear of non-existence
I’ve come face to face with not-existing. It’s scary. Really scary. I’ve never experienced anything scarier. I can call it “fear,” but it’s more than that. Worse than that. Regular fear arises when something bad is happening or could happen.

But primal fear is looking into the maw of nothing happening to you, because there will be no you around for anything to happen to. Do you get the difference? I hope so. I don’t know if I can describe it any more clearly.

Overcoming the fear of non-existence 
For me, the warmest, coziest, most reassuring thought-blankie is this: there's really no "me."

If I don't exist in the fashion that I have assumed to be true for most of my life, then not-existing after I die takes on a different meaning. This is hard to explain in words, because what I'm getting at is as much emotional as thoughtful.

It's sort of akin to worrying about losing a precious ring that you've always believed was a family heirloom, then having an older relative tell you, "It's not really worth much; we had it appraised a long time ago."

How I deal with the fear of death and non-existence
Thus whatever will happen to me, will happen to everybody. This realization takes away a feeling that I’m missing out on some special Salvation Treat others will enjoy. Knowing that billions of people have died before me, and billions will die after me, with the same thing happening to all of us after we take our last breath — that is comforting.  

Yet I readily admit: I’d like to live forever. Who wouldn’t? We just don’t always get what we want, though, as I recall the Rolling Stones saying in a song. In a way, we do though — since it seems that as people grow older, and their health gradually declines, death becomes, if not welcome, something not to be feared. In other words, nature seems to have a way of naturally reducing our youthful fear of death.

Uncertainty: the key to dealing with death and non-existence
Believers in life after death don't know that for sure. Believers in non-existence after death don't know that for sure. Nobody knows! Nobody. Not with certainty. And therein lies a viable way of dealing with death: acknowledge that it's an unknown, and focus on the known. Living, here and now.

Coping with death and the fear of non-existence
It may well be that this life is all there is. After death, finis. The end. If that's the case, I want to make the most of the moments that I have left. By contrast, people who believe in eternal life, or a lengthy afterlife in some heavenly paradise, are partly here and partly there. 

Their imaginings of what awaits them beyond get mixed up with what is here, now. I don't want that to happen to me. So I try to use my glimpse of nothingness as motivation to embrace more fully the everything I'm currently aware of.

More thoughts about the fear of non-existence
For me, the beginning (and perhaps also the end) of genuine spirituality is confronting the fear of non-existence head on. I’m getting tired of being afraid. It seems that I’m approaching the point where I’m more afraid of being afraid than of the original fear itself.

Scientific quasi-remedies for a fear of death
However, as I just said, there's still a lingering sense (or wish) in me that something conscious and aware exists beyond our commonplace understanding of the physical. Since I now find it extremely difficult to accept that this is a supernatural divine being, I'm left with exploring the furthest reaches of scientific speculation.

Furthest reaches is a big subject. By nature, almost boundless.

So I'll simply throw out a few approaches for allaying a fear of absolute extinction at death that scientifically-minded folks like me can look into. If anyone has additional suggestions, feel free to share them in a comment. 

Comments

[vinny]

Sufi quote " Qalb haibat sey larza hai insaan ka " . Translation : Heart is full of fears & phobias.
Fears & Positive thoughts , both are created by mind. Attempt to tackle fears by rationalization is intrinsically dishonest because the possibility of " frozen mind " / " cessation of thoughts " is excluded.
Even rationally , death is no better than sleep , in both sleep & death world ceases to exist.

[777]

your fear of non-existance

Brian
Nobody then anymore to suffer, . . in such a case,

So, Be Happy

777

[Spencer Tepper]

There are two kinds of fear of death.

One is purely physical. The built in terror at the moment we realize our safety or that of our loved ones are threatened.

Fight, flee, feed, and reproduction. The four "F"s of life. They are survival mechanisms built into most every living creature. And each is attendant with its own biochemistry.

Terror is in fact a survival mechanism.

We have one additional avenue, biologically, and that is the relaxation response. That is also biological, and triggered by lack of threat.

Our cognitive associations and triggers are in the middle of that. So, if you don't like being afraid or angry or lustful, you can lay down other conditioning, through practice, through meditation.

It won't change the triggers for stress, anger, lust, terror, etc, but it can change your experience of these.

[Spencer Tepper]

The second form of fear of death is the fear in concept of losing consciousness.

But with deep meditation one learns that we are not conscious. We act on impulse and conditioning. Our thoughts are conditioned by our biology, environment, health, education and experience. Whatever thought exists does so from these finite dynamics. And most thoughts are specific to how to function day to day.

Even the stream of one thought to the next is so understandable and predictable, in retrospect, it might as well have been pre-scripted. The two concepts are identical in evidence.

When managing our affairs is no longer necessary, what is the point of more thoughts?

How do we learn this? By separating ourselves as much as possible from these biological and conditioned triggers. Again, prolonged meditation practice.

If we are calm and unaffected by surrounding conditions, we can think more clearly.

But generally, death is clearly the end of our responsibility to continually attempt to work things out with a very flawed instrument.

And we are happy, joyous to be free of that prison.

So the more, in meditation, one becomes free of such thoughts, the greater joy we experience. In time that joy becomes ecstacy. If that is as close as we can approach death in this life, it is most welcome.

[Spencer Tepper]

No where does this awareness of the limitations of our flawed thinking and subsequently our flawed actions, arise in greater clarity than is Spiritual meditation. With fewer thoughts, we understand more.

And what we see is a hopelessly limited brain, tied forever to one form of prejudice or another, bound to harm others even in the act of trying to do our best.

Freedom from such a flawed system becomes a natural progression. Our birth into that calmer place of objective stillness and understanding seems our birthright, as it is also a part of the human condition, when we become aware of that path.

[Spencer Tepper]

And as part of this second, cognitive fear of losing this conscious existence is the existential panic Brian writes of, that the dreams and hopes for something greater that kept us going through tough times will not come to pass. We built an image of ourselves and this life that kept us going, the persona.

But it was always a construction. And it has served its purpose. We reached beyond our grasp. That's something to be proud of. This persona is a work of art, and the hand of the artist is all over it. Yes it was always a work of fiction and a poetic expression. We lived our whole life believing in a fiction, the persona we called "me."
So believe what makes you happy.

Or leave off belief and enjoy ecstacy.

Letting go, we realize we are not alone, we do not fall into darkness.

We are raised into light. And so this experience when thoughts end is worth our faith. But you can experience it, do so that your art may have something real to hold to under all events.

[Jim Sutherland]

Brian, and others fearing death, if you have never read the Article on my blog, taken from “ The Spirit’s Book”, I invite you to read it. It is quite a Revelation to those of us who have Faith.

http://eternaloasisofsouls.blogspot.com/2015/09/survival-of-individual-soul-identity.html

Jim

[777]

Spencer Tepper

You explained beautifully
I wish I could have done my "poems" so clearly
An advantage is that readers sometimes must read 5 times

Thank You

777
v

[Spencer Tepper]

Thank you 777.
Your ecstatic bliss shines through.

There is no greater teacher than happiness.

[al]

It is obvious that every life-form will have an end. A mayfly hangs around for one day. I agree that every moment is priceless, Brian. There is no doubt that we have limited time and that no one knows his/her moment of departure from our current body. Fear of death is not only universal in each life form, it is a necessary perception to stimulate inquiry (what was my form prior to this existence, what am I doing here, who am I, what will be my form after this existence). Animals do not have the capacity to ask these crucial questions, only humans do...thus the great importance of having and living within the human frame.

Embracing a doctrine that includes an explanation of the afterlife is a natural consequence of introspection and the earnest contemplation of limited time and inevitable death. Even the most professed atheist cannot escape the private feelings of fear regarding one's own life's end.

So, my friend, you are not alone. Your fear of "non-existence" is, in my humble view, spiritual nitro. We go into a "non-existent" state every 24 hours. Sound sleep is absent of any self-awareness and can be used in honest contemplations about what death might be like. Much Love.

[Jen]

"So the more, in meditation, one becomes free of such thoughts, the greater joy we experience. In time that joy becomes ecstacy. If that is as close as we can approach death in this life, it is most welcome."

Has anyone ever met a person who is constantly experiencing this so called joy and ecstasy? I think if we came across such a person we would call him crazy. I think this is all wishful thinking.

People follow a spiritual path, some kind of guru, or a religion, because they are desperate and life just does not make sense. Basically we live, we die. Thats it.

[Spencer Tepper]

Hi Jen!

You wrote

"Has anyone ever met a person who is constantly experiencing this so called joy and ecstasy? I think if we came across such a person we would call him crazy. I think this is all wishful thinking."

The joy in meditation is not unique, and so long as we are put upon by our own limitations, not constant.

People find happiness in all sorts of things. And if it comes about by not thinking so much, then what awaits us when we stop thinking altogether?

[Jen]

Spencer, I'm over the whole 'love and light brigade'. Are we here just to experience happiness? I don't think so. Life is a mystery that we will never solve. Meditation and stopping one's thinking might work for some, but not for me. Life is just a ride, just an experience and we do what we can with whatever methods we have.

[Spencer Tepper]

Hi Jen!

You wrote
"Spencer, I'm over the whole 'love and light brigade'. Are we here just to experience happiness? I don't think so. Life is a mystery that we will never solve. Meditation and stopping one's thinking might work for some, but not for me. Life is just a ride, just an experience and we do what we can with whatever methods we have."

There is a lot in your remarks which raise some questions.

You wrote
" Are we here just to experience happiness?"

Why not? If life is just a ride.

You wrote
" Life is a mystery that we will never solve. "

Our limitations in perception and cognitive functioning guarantee that. So then, why not pursue happiness?

And if your joy is bringing that to others, where is the harm?

You wrote
"we do what we can with whatever methods we have."

You also have meditation.

You wrote

"Meditation and stopping one's thinking might work for some, but not for me."

What doesn't work for you?

[777]

Jen
I suppose there are in your life experiences that produce goosebumps
like music

So, repeat that and produce good hormones which make you happy

Then take a minute to listen if there is any sound in You

Brian
Try it too
I think you skipping my posts since long
but it is REALLY possible to BE THE SOUND
Next You prefer to only be THAT

You have some retard now but with a little Love for your Friend
it might be reassuring and done in few months

Why stay stubborn when the end is near

777

[Jen]

Hi guys, you do make me laugh you know, and yes, I do have a sense of humour :)

Life is just a ride: for me, its like a roller coaster ride, sometimes happy and exciting, sometimes sad and boring and also everything in between. How can people expect to be happy all the time. Doesn't that show that they do not have much depth of feeling.

I also love that life is a mystery and sitting still and stopping thoughts is just so very boring! And yes, I do love music which lifts my spirits and hearing that inner music stuff is totally boring or maybe simply tinnitus!

I'm not actually scared of death, maybe it will be totally exciting and I'm ready for a new adventure.

[Spencer Tepper]

Hi Jen
You wrote

"How can people expect to be happy all the time."

Yes I wonder that myself.
Sometimes happiness arrives after a good deal of struggle and effort.

Sometimes with no effort at all.

I don't know anyone who expects to be happy all the time. My Master said that there are sunny days and cloudy days, so both are part of human life.

But pursuit of happiness done right definitely can succeed. And we can get good at it.

Tinnitus never sounded like a mighty, resounding, earth shaking church bell, attendant with strikes of lightening, and the opening up of the sky into vast star clouds.

Yes, Jen, moments of happiness do come after some effort.

[Spencer Tepper]

That's a pretty wild ride, too.

[777]

WOW Spencer OMG

Lot of new finds on tinnitus
Ears are not involved

This is a moment for Cheers

777

[Dungeness]

I also love that life is a mystery and sitting still and stopping thoughts is just so very boring!

I heard a mystic suggest that you will never stop thoughts. It's chasing thoughts in a futile attempt to stop them that drives you crazy :).

[Dungeness]

I also love that life is a mystery and sitting still and stopping thoughts is just so very boring!

I heard a mystic suggest that you will never stop thoughts. It's chasing thoughts in a futile attempt to stop them that drives you crazy :).

[Jim Sutherland]

Here is an amazing movie I watched on Netflex a few months ago. It was the best movie I ever saw about Survival of life after death! Very nicely done. It was filmed in Brasil, and is in Portugese, with English subtitles. It is based on the book,...” Astral City.” For those still skeptical of there being any survival of the soul after death, I highly recommend this movie. It can be purchased on Amazon as a DVD if Netflex is not available in your area.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ABehz6qMMOc

Jim

[777]

Dungenes
"I heard a mystic suggest that you will never stop thoughts. It's chasing thoughts in a futile attempt to stop them that drives you crazy :). "

LOVE can

Ask your 12 year old having a crush

Spiritual Love can to the power of a lot

777

Love to all readers <3

[Arjuna]

Why did God create all this pain. Was he insecure.

An entity that demands total love from us- for us to be saved? Insecure? Is god on Facebook? Instagram lol

There are so many good people in the world who go into drepression thinking about this crap.

You darent ask this Master a question - he just sounds angry all the time and usually opens up a can of whip ass if you seek a direct answer.

God doesn’t interfere in our karma unless you a Bollywood star who needs fixing up at the dera.

Lol - JK Rowling could not write this crap.

[One Initiated]

Remembering Maharaj Jaimal Singh Ji's words:

HE (Satguru) linked the soul to the inner Light and Sound and
it was the disciple's task to nurture and nourish this seed to full blossom and maturity.

[Arjuna]

At one initiated where is this light? I have not seen it. If only you knew what morals I have followed. Great master used to say that keeping your decency in youth - you are half way there! Really?

[Anonymous]

Arjuna if you lived and worked on your morals just watch now so you will not broke everything you built. Your work on yourself is not in vain. You are great and moral man just dont broke what you built. Peace

[Arjuna]

@ Anonymous- thank you for your words. I just don’t want all this sacrifice of living a moral life to have been a con and in vain.

[One Initiated]

@Arjuna

Inside.
very near but very far, far only due to the incomplete efforts by ourselves.

Really, that's so true.

but it takes time,
it takes time to be able to see the gate,
it takes time further to be able to enter the gate,
it takes time further and further to be able to see the light inside after entering the gate.

Ingredients are:
Leading an ethical life, following the commandments,
Love and devotion for the Master,
Dedicating the daily time to meditation
&
Patience, Patience and Patience.

[Arjuna]

At one initiated hope you are right

[Spencer Tepper]

Hi Arjuna

You wrote

" I just don’t want all this sacrifice of living a moral life to have been a con and in vain."

Then do your practice with a clean conscience. That's the benefit of moral living. And it's crucial.

You will find the practice can't be done without it.

If you've cleaned the cup, fill it.

Sit still. Be a student of your thoughts. Give each to Master in a package of Simran, lovingly word for word. Simran is love, and this is your offering. You are giving Him your pain, anger, avarice. He gives you peace and more.

Then you will see for yourself how clean you are. But the process of cleaning these stables is easy and pleasant.

Like the labor of Hercules, after some digging, you will learn to divert the stream and wash all that pain away. In a calm moment, an angel, Joy, will descend upon you, and then you will see light, a flood of light in an immense inner temple, and the bells will ring, and the angels applaud your victory, and that is just the start of your journey.

[Dungeness]

I heard a mystic suggest that you will never stop thoughts. It's chasing thoughts in a futile attempt to stop them that drives you crazy :). "

LOVE can. Ask your 12 year old having a crush.

How's that song about 12 year-old's go... oh yeah. "And they called it puppy love... Oh, I guess they'll never know."

No, seriously, you're right. I believe the mystical practice can transcend thought. The oblique point I was making was that the notional idea that we can "stop" thought by mental effort is mistaken.

The same mystic explains that "thought" is the heartbeat of the mind. It goes on 24x7 in the mind. It "stops" only when we die. Mental effort per se will fail and leave you "bored".

[Turan]

Such a lot of self-justification/protection on this blog, even though dressed up - sort of - poetically.
Jen's honest comments the only ring of truth - and sense.

[Bar Bar]

All fear is simply a loss of perceived freedom. In this case, your current life, along with its propensity for free will.

Bar Bar

[Jen]

Spencer, you say "moments of happiness do come after some effort".

Why do we need to put effort into being happy? Why this striving to become something other than what we are right now, in this moment.

777, why all this constant preaching about Love? Do you really believe that love can be achieved on demand? Love comes naturally, or maybe not so natural !! Gotta laugh...

Jim Carrey What Is Love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFt7Br1VRVw

[Jen]

What really exists - Jim Carrey / Alan Watts

We're already enlightened, we're already complete...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TucyzpHDNlE

[tucson]

I propose that as formless beings we are not subject to birth and death. We are the awareness in which the body/mind arises.

If you disagree, then the question here is whether consciousness is the product of matter, or, is matter the product of consciousness?

Nobody has shown the existence of the matter of which the Cosmos is believed to be formed. The prevailing view is that it is made of subatomic particles. Quantum bits. But these are theoretical as to their actual existence as material things. Scientists say that the Universe is almost entirely unknown, un-understood dark matter and dark energy. 99% of it. The rest is these theoretical particles that emanated from a big bang. Another theory.

Basically, scientists know nothing but theory. They live in the realm of ideas. Could this be because the Ultimate Ground of Being can't be known as a thing?

Scientists are attempting to measure, via these theories, the functioning of formlessness.. a way of describing the functioning of consciousness. A consciousness that has no attribute, dimension, duration, specific location or origin, everywhere and nowhere. In Sant mat this is Sach Khand. In Buddhism, it is Void. To our way of thinking this would be nothing. And it is nothing. That is, nothing to be objectively found that is independent of the perceiver of it.

Who is the Perceiver?

The universe is what consciousness looks like to itself when consciousness experiences itself as a perceptual object. All material appearance, thoughts, emotions, sound, light, body, mind are movements or waves of consciousness. We are this Consciousness that is sort of playing hide and seek with itself. The solution to the game is recognizing that we are objectifying what is functioning and calling it 'me'. We make a noun out of a verb, so to speak.

There is only consciousness... this here, right now, is it! There is no 'where' to go. No getting to some special holy 'There'. No heaven, highest region or nirvana to get to. No one to be born. No one to die.

Non-objectivity is never born and, thus, never dies. 'There' is here. Here is there. Consciousness is reality. Consciousness and the Universe are equivalent. There is no process to be what you are or to get to what you are. You already are It! Stop looking and you're there which is nowhere.

I am he, as you are she, as you are me, as we are all together. I am the Walrus! Goo goo ga joob!

See? Don't try. Just see. You are the seeing. Be the seeing without thinking about it.

Full stop. Right here.

The difficulty is that we try to grasp this consciousness. As soon as you try to do that it is gone. All that remains is a memory. You can't own it or arrive at it or leave it. All you can do is be it.. and it is not a doing. It is being. It can't be seen, heard or felt and yet without it there is no seeing, hearing or feeling. It is formless, nameless, effortless. A nothing that is everything.

We are the light of awareness that gives rise to the manifestation and experience of the cosmos.

Eternity is not endless time. It is timelessness. How could our moment to exist ever arrive if there is time which goes forever backward for eternity as well as forward for eternity? This is an illusory concept. As what we really are, we are unborn and undying. Never were and never will be as any sort of thing or object. Where do we go when we die? Nowhere except here where we've always been.

Fear of death is fear of losing what never was in the first place.

Nothing to it.

[Spence Tepper]

Hi Jen:

You wrote:

"Spencer, you say "moments of happiness do come after some effort".

Why do we need to put effort into being happy? Why this striving to become something other than what we are right now, in this moment."

Jen, striving to become something greater is none other than the caterpiller's transformation into a butterfly. At some point, it must fight to break free of the shell it made long ago for itself.

Once it is free, it discovers it IS a butterfly.

We don't do anything, in a sense. We are what there is. but what we are we know little of. We discover what we are, we see what is inside us.

Have you ever watched a child learning to speak? It makes it fun, a game, but the child is working hour after hour, entirely focused on its work.

You can call it fun, you can call it work. It's growth. It's natural and it's development.

Nothing in the universe is stagnant, unless it is stuck.

[Dungeness]

Why do we need to put effort into being happy? Why this striving to become something other than what we are right now, in this moment.

Hm, growing up, I remember loving roller-coasters. Still remember fondly that big, scary one outside Houston. If you're satisfied with roller-coaster rides, and the thrill 'n chills make up for the nausea, the vertigo, the screaming idiots two cars back, then why not. No effort, no striving. Sheer happiness. I'd go back in a heartbeat.

Other kinds of rides... not so much. But, in my opinion, if we like the "ride", we should embrace those moments. All that's needed is to live in the present and be happy. But all the while we can listen for that resonance: are we happy? Is it still fun? Has there been a subtle shift? Then, when the pull fades or beckons you to move on -- up or down or sideways -- you'll automatically respond.

[Turan]

Jen wrote - "Why do we need to put effort into being happy? Why this striving to become something other than what we are right now, in this moment."

Exactly, All this scurrying around we do, theorising, proselytising, justifying, arriving at some temporary truth - all vain attempts to maintain an insecure self structure that (like our bodies) will inevitably die. And, as honest experience shows - that is that. We can adopt as many concepts as we like to comfort ourselves while meanwhile life (and death) in all its obvious wonder, reality and sanity still goes on.

Yes indeed , no effort needed - except the effort of an ego/self afraid of annihilation and what it sees as non-existence will always, as its nature dictates, latch on to anything that offers some sort of continuation..

[Spencer Tepper]

Hi Turan

You wrote
"Yes indeed , no effort needed - except the effort of an ego/self afraid of annihilation and what it sees as non-existence will always, as its nature dictates, latch on to anything that offers some sort of continuation.."

Isn't this the same ego complaining about ego?

It seems to me that experience can take us beyond concepts. Then we don't bother worrying about after death. We are content simply taking our next step in personal development and seeing for ourselves what that is.

The experience of peace is a choice. And a practice.

Complaining and theorizing is also a choice and a practice.

But if one chooses experience, and the practice of peace, the practice of love then one chooses to set aside. concepts and only speak of one's own personal experience, and not project beyond that. In that instance it doesn't matter if there is life beyond death. We may not actually be alive or even conscious now! The choice for peace, progress and effort at personal development is enough for that person.

And like any adventure into something new, they get new experiences. And these make their old concepts obsolete.

Like any practice, you see where you are strong and where you are weak and you work to your strengths. That's progress.

It's only when one theorizes that they can remain static, that effort at improvement is unnecessary, that they are indulging in ego. They justify making no effort at self improvement, they don't try and then justify not trying. They are actually indulging in ego, in a false notion of perfection that doesn't exist in all of nature. This concept that one is, in a way, already perfect is a label one invents to excuse one's own own inaction. It is the very definition of ego.

But if you understand all knowledge and perfection are indeed actually within you as possibilities, if you believe that even in concept, then you take a hard look at yourself today and say honestly "I'm not there yet," and "What's my next step?"