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September 11, 2016


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My understanding of that low level anxiety which I feel nowadays is probably because, to put it simply, I'm getting old and death is on the horizon.

I've never been an ageist and have always been relatively healthy and 'good for my age' as people call it. When I turned 70 it was a big wake up call. It was like holy sh*t I'm getting old. Especially when two of my close family members died when they were 74. One lasted till his nineties but was deaf and blind and what kind of life is that!

Now I spend my days being as aware as I possibly can and just quietly and calmly enjoying every moment. Not letting the small things annoy me because theres no point. I'm not going to change anything in this crazy world. I have no idea what lies beyond death, so no use in pondering the future.

Maybe I understand your "mental time conflicts with physical time". Bringing my sense of awareness into the body in the here and now helps to stop that constant trying to work things out.

Thank you for reminding me of the obvious. I had forgotten it.

Have you ever read the introduction to Ram Dass' "Be Here Now" ? An interesting little biography of his university days with Timothy Leary, LSD and eastern spirituality.

I can understand you fully on this one. I have the same anxious "background noise" that you describe. Usually I don't notice it, maybe because I've become used to it so much.

But sometimes, this mildly negative noise turns into a large and powerful thump. It's like a powerful negative jolt. When this happens I'm usually deeply in my mind, not noticing what is happening right now. Most of the time, I'm having a thought about some future possibility: "what will happen tomorrow? will that gathering go as well as I wish? will they call me back for that interview?" etc.

So yeah, being out of sync is definitely making it worse. Whenever I'm "in the now" fully, I'm at peace, calm and collected. But practicing this, especially when I am used to being "in my head" all the time is hard... Definitely worth it tho!

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