The relief of no longer believing in religion

Amazingly, and not a little scarily for me, I've written 2,194 Church of the Churchless posts since I started this blog in 2004. 

I've covered lots of subjects. But an important topic hasn't gotten much attention from me. It's difficult to write about, being elusive, slippery, exceedingly personal, difficult to describe.

What it feels like to (obviously) be the same person I was when I embraced a religion, yet now being a person who doesn't believe in what once was so important to me.

It was difficult to compose those italicized words. Elucidating what they mean... even tougher. 

I guess a word in the title of this post sums up the difference between Religious Me and Non-Religious Me. 

Relief. 

I could have said "relaxation." Relief, relaxation -- yes, that's a pretty good description of the wordless feeling I'm enjoying now.

I'm not saying that I didn't have a sense of relief and relaxation back in my true-believing years (about 35 of them).

But this was more like feeling relieved that I knew which path led to the summit of Mt. Divinity, given how many alternative religious ways there are in this world: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, and so on.

My way was The Way. Or so I believed. Just like virtually every other religious believer does. 

So it felt good to supposedly be on the one and only genuine path to God-realization. However, there was a tension that never left me during those 35 years of believing:

Feeling the difference between here and there, now and then, the person I needed to become and the person I was.

Religions describe this difference in various ways. Christianity, for example, considers that humans are sinful. Both original sin and non-original sin need to be washed away through believing in the salvation power of Jesus, good works, prayer, and such. 

(Never having been much of a Christian, I'm a bit vague on how this saving-stuff works.)

Eastern religions, which I'm much more familiar with, believe in something similar. They just call it "karma" rather than "sin." Karmas of countless lives need to cleared away before humans can enjoy union with God, Brahman, Universal Consciousness, or some other form of divinity.

Whether Western or Eastern, religiosity and tension go together. 

There's a problem at the root of Life. The problem needs to be fixed. This takes work. Devotion, prayer, meditation, virtuous morality, service to others. The list of religious practices goes on and on.

It's a big relief to have that weight lifted off of my psyche. In my current churchless state, naturally I still have problems. However, they are everyday life problems, not existential problems which I once thought would determine the fate of my eternal soul.

That's pressure -- feeling that if I didn't meditate correctly, wasn't sufficiently devoted to the guru who would guide me home to God, failed to follow strict lifestyle guidelines like vegetarianism and not drinking alcohol, I'd remain separated from the glory of divinity.

I enjoy feeling like an ordinary person now.

I go about daily life dealing with what comes up. I no longer worry about whether I'm living up to the high standards the religion I once believed in set up for me. 

Well, I realize that what I've said probably won't resonate with those who still believe. I say this in part because of the 31,344 comments I've gotten on those 2,194 blog posts I've written during the past twelve years.

Quite a few of those comments accused me of being a quitter; of being bitter; of being obsessed with criticizing the path I once was on.

None of that is true. I'm happier now. I'm more relaxed now. I feel a sense of relief now. Hope this post helps explain why.

Comments

[777]

As far as religions I totally agree

Each one of us exercises his personal relief :

( the Higgs field, an invisible energy field not entirely unlike other magnetic fields that permeates the cosmos. )

As particles swim through the Higgs field, they gain mass to eventually become the protons, neutrons, and electrons comprising all of the atoms that make up you, me, and everything we see around us. Without it, we wouldn't be here.

And all that pulsed a billionth or so of a second per second , meaning we exist as several fractions of seconds
WHERE and WHAT are we the other fractions of these seconds
Amazing, . . we ( our synapses ) are so slow , we connect the little pulses as continuing reality

777

[Kathie Weston]

I am right there with you, Brian. I left the same 'group/cult/religion'. I too feel ordinary. Simplicity. The lightness of few if any beliefs (election aside as to winner) leaves so much room to see if it is true when confronted with people with absolutes. Thanks for your blog. PS I don't like the orange border......but love the blog.
Kathie

[Brian Hines]

Kathie, the orange was an experiment. I've switched back to blue. I'm using orange on a new blog I've started, Salem Political Snark. Liking orange there, I switched my other two blogs to the color. But you're right -- on this blog it doesn't feel right. I guess light blue is a more spiritual/philosophical color. Calmer, whereas politics screams "orange." Especially if the person screaming is Donald Trump, and his hair is clearly visible.

[Osho Robbins]

"Feeling the difference between here and there, now and then, the person I needed to become and the person I was."

This is the trap of all religions. First they tell you that there is something WRONG.

Doesn't matter whether you call it ORIGINAL SIN or KARMA or anything else.

There is something WRONG that you have to make RIGHT!

Once you beieve the premise that something is wrong - you are trapped.

With RSSB - you believe that your mission is to get to Sach Khand where you will have a personal
audience with the BIG GUY in the sky - only his name is not GOD - his name is SAT PURUSH

What you never realize is that it's not a mission - it is mission impossible designed to fuck up your life

why?

because, well, "It ain't never gonna happen, dude"

why?

cause Sach Khand is a fiction - no such place

once you drop the erroneous belief that there is something wrong - you realize there is no work to do

It's not that you arrive at enlightenment - it's that you realize that you were always there because 'there' means the absence of all struggle to achieve nirvana.

This was Buddha's Nirvana - the realization that there was nothing to achieve.

in the 70's a very intense two weekend programme was all about "Getting IT"

They kept telling you that by the end you would definately "GET IT" get it?

'get it' became a buzz word. That became your whole purpose during the four 15 hour days!

They also told that that "IT" was actually nothing - but you were deluded because you were under the delusion that it is something

On the last day they asked "Who still hasn't got it?"

You were instructed to stand on your chair. One by one - the trainer asked each person "What is it that you feel you haven't got yet?"

The frustrated participant would say "I just don't get it - I haven't got anything" or something similar

The trainer would explain "I've been telling you for four days that IT is nothing, there is nothing to get, but you still think that nothing is something. You're still waiting to get something - but it's not going to happen - there is nothing I can give you."

It's a big load off - once you realize that you are just you - and there is nothing for you to achieve - no distant enligthenment or nirvana.

[Osho Robbins]

amazing video

says - do NOT believe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10jaDHhi-rw

[ruby]

Osho you are trapped in belief of rajneesh. And your message is full of dogma.

[Osho Robbins]

Ruby,

How can I be trapped in belief of Osho, when Osho is all about dropping beliefs?

I am not even a follower of Osho and have never been a follower.

I have come across his material and it's interesting.

I also find the original 'est' (later landmark) interesting. does not mean I am a follower of it

kindly point out the dogma in what I have written

[Kathie]

Ah, the blue is back. Lovely. Thanks. Kathie

[self]

Yes it is a relieve
not having a believe..(system)

One can be open for whatever happens..in the in and outside..

Sometimes I miss the believe sytem with everything that belongs to that.
But when you fall out of the system..well then one becomes different..

s*

[ruby]

rajneesh could not drop even his own belief

[Jen]

Brian: "What it feels like to (obviously) be the same person I was when I embraced a religion, yet now being a person who doesn't believe in what once was so important to me."

Many of us go through this and surely its important to change? Not being fixed in ideas, thoughts, principles, dogma, teachings etc. Being more open and honest with oneself, no effort, no striving, no expectations. Sense of freedom in the not knowing. What do we absolutely know anyway? Is there cause and effect? Is there karma? Is there a soul? Is meditation necessary?

Brian: "I'm happier now. I'm more relaxed now. I feel a sense of relief now. Hope this post helps explain why."

What has changed, except the pressure you were putting on yourself?

Brian: "I enjoy feeling like an ordinary person now."

Ah, so now you feel like you belong (with the normals) lol.

I don't mind sticking to the principles, no pressure, just doing little bits of meditation and finding my own way and experiencing a peacefulness now that I have accepted that it is what it is, I am what I am (for now anyway :)

[Osho Robbins]

"rajneesh could not drop even his own belief" - Ruby

That too is a belief.

[ruby]

quote osho...That too is a belief.

...that too is a belief

[Jim]

Taught me more that a year of meditation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y856_FY6Va4&nohtml5=False

[MCA]

Having been connected to RSSB since the late 70s, I have been active on and off; belief/acceptance waxing and waning, but never quite comfortable in the post-Charan Singh era. A few incidents in the past few months have pushed me away, but this last one was truly repelling. At the March 2016 session at Dera, a questioner in evening meeting asked Gurinder Singh about his position on spaying/neutering dogs and cats, especially the homeless population. He spoke out directly AGAINST that practice. I know the questioner to be active in the animal compassion movement, and that she volunteers at shelters both in Asia and the U.S., and is painfully aware of the conditions of homeless street dogs around the world. When she asked, "Do you really think that the Delhi railway station needs 100 more homeless dogs this year," he told her to stop playing god, let them be "free.
Given that the word "compassion" appeared in every satsang during the session, that position on the matter seems indefensible, and one that suborns misery, abuse, and suffering. I posit that freedom only exists when there are choices, and vulnerable street animals basically have no choices at all. If there is a way to see this position as other than backward, wilfully ignorant, destructive, and hypocritical, I am as yet unaware of it. What's next, anti-vaccination and anti birth control for humans?
Anyway, Brian, thanks for your work and thoughts over the years, and especially for your most recent piece. Time for me, like you, to be my own guru.

[777]

.
-
Who doesn't want to be just . . . Music
-.

777

[777]

Hi MCA

There is absolutely no changement of view
concerning euthanasia.

page 122 "With Three masters" volume II
by Munshi Ram,
secretary daily companion of MaharaJI Sawan SinghJi

SAWAN SINGH said 20/11/1945 :
“When WE REACH THE STATE OF HU , the Ruler of the third region
we will see transmigration with our own eyes”

Interpretation myself :
A soldier from Viet Nam who misbehaved, more than was asked from the responsible commander
has been re-born as a doggy in Spain in terrible circumstances
We as observing humans can gain greatly by helping the dog and so exercise COMPASSION
which is LOVE which brings good

But if we take "his journey" from that jeeva, . . we take away a part of that live where he ( the dog ) could
improve himself or repay the mistakes he had done as a soldier

We might think all this as a harsh sat guru but HE can see from above and we cannot

Remember : The Force called KAL who computes and creates these transmigrations
is 100% justice without Love, without Compassion, . . just a cold computer

Page 146 of the same book January The 7th 1946
Sawan collected bread in some village and needed a Pony with his own hands
next some clerk shouted : Don't do Maharaji, because of its sores
BabaJi replied : You don't know who He is and continued, and emphasised
the value of compassion which is god_like
SO THE GIRL WHO ASKED THE QUESTION ACTS GOD LIKE

At initiation the SatGuruMaster takes control in A way, a US Lady describes in the
US News-letter
of June 1977 ( US Western Satsang )
She describes how seeing the Master having all his satsangis ( Brian Included ) like a puppet Master
all connected by cords and when he intervenes he just pulls a little bit or does the inverse
Would be nice if one of the Western US Satsangis still had that letter in his possession
Do You Brian ? - You are West Coast

Go Bernie GO - He preaches COMPASSION as far as I understand

777

[Juan]

We might think all this as a harsh sat guru but HE can see from above and we cannot.

We should never think like that, we must understand that we cannot see from above as HE can, because we are below. All we have to do is JUST OBEY the SATGURU.

[Jen]

We do resonate with someone who is compassionate and caring enough to help those animals who are suffering. And then, having immersed myself for many years in satsang and the Sant Mat literature I understand the belief in reincarnation and the law of karma. To me it made logical sense and is also very just. As you sow you reap. Many lives in many bodies.

Now there is a strong movement away from the New Age, Eastern mystical and spiritual beliefs. I'm surprised that Baba Ji is still initiating so many people around the world and yet the older satsangis are becoming disillusioned and are leaving Sant Mat and embracing science or becoming born again Christians!

[Neon]

But I don't understand reincarnation in the sant mat. In one of the QA, Charan said that whatever you do as humans, you come back as an animal to repay those karmas. What the heck were all animals doing here before humans?

[777]

Hi Neon

Part of the reason I came here and wrote up to now some hundred comments is
that I was told that a certain Brian wrote a book about karma
which was excellent and impressive
But instead of finding that book or ebook I found this blog
Brian could help you by
telling if there is an ebook and what's the cost
but by now I might condemn his product among other things

Karma is justice without satisfaction about it :)

My opinion is :
You, Neon, . . are the Magnificent Creator fooling around for generating Love,
like trading molecules for Love

777

[Sandy]

I spent yesterday googling some Zen group and wondering whether to do their teacher training course and become a meditation teacher.

I noticed that in the videos he posted, the guru guy was saying that people who follow that path enter "Super-Adulthood"; that they tend to have people respect them a lot; that they tend to work out what their purpose is in life and then go do it.

All nice ideas, but aren't they just marketing promises? Everyone wants to be special, wants a bit of power, wants a job they like.

The most useful spiritual ideas I know are derived from Buddhism and they basically say "you are not your thoughts"; "be slightly sceptical of your thoughts sometimes".

There isn't anything else to 'get'. And by going on some Zen teacher training course I'm buying into the idea that there is something inside me that needs fixing. And there isn't.

Life is just as it is. Either I do things that I find meaningful while I'm waiting to die or I don't. It's up to me. Meditation is quite nice. That's it. There's no more to it.

Fuck spirituality (in the loveliest possible way). We are here now. End of.