Another disillusioned RSSB devotee tells his deconversion tale

I'm a big fan of religious deconversions. They're just about as common as conversions, since few people stick with a chosen religion for their entire life. 

(See here, here, here, here, and here.)

Below is a mildly edited message that I got a few days ago from someone who has deconverted from the India-based religious/spiritual/mystical group I belonged to for many years, Radha Soami Satsang Beas.

At the sender's request, who wishes to be anonymous, I took out names and other personal references. I also added in some explanations (in italics) for words that will be unfamiliar to most readers, along with some links.

It takes courage and commitment to the truth for someone to break away from a religious organization that has left them disillusioned. Which is a great word, really, since it is wonderful to feel free from illusion.

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Hi Brian, 

I wanted to write to you and introduce myself. I am not sure if we have ever met but I’m sure we know some of the same people from satsang [spiritual meetings]. I happened to stumble upon your website a few weeks ago and have read a lot of what you have written concerning RSSB. There is so much on my mind that I would like to relate to you concerning the path that I always kinda questioned in the back of my mind. Luckily, your insights have helped me understand my experience with Sant Mat and put a lot into perspective. 

I attended my first Satsang in the mid 90’s when I was in my early 20’s. I was introduced to the path through a friend of mine in AA (another story) that heard about a group that practiced meditation. I met guys like Joe (not his real name) who became my AA sponsor and happened to become secretary of the sangat about a year after I started showing up. I was a voracious reader like Joe, so I ended up borrowing a lot of books from him. You see, I also did not have a good relationship with my father who was a workaholic and physically abused me as a child. 

So needless to say, I was very much looking for older men to pay attention to me and show me what it means to be a man. The idea of a mystical guru from India who was spreading the word of salvation was very appealing to me and I was attracted immediately. I was a 21 year old “recovering alcoholic” college student who was looking for the meaning of life. The fact that I had never really abused alcohol that much did not matter since I had not had any alcohol or drugs since I was 17, when I caused a car accident when I was under the influence. I was court ordered to go to rehab and then was introduced to AA, which promised a better life through working the 12 steps. Four years later and many meetings later, I was not feeling any better.  That’s when I started attending Satsang and continued to do so off and on for the last 20 years. 

I remember reading both of your books that were published by RSSB. I particularly liked God’s Whisper, Creation’s Thunder. And, I am really looking forward to reading your book about Plotinus. I was really into Ancient Philosophy and I remember taking a philosophy class on the Socratics in college as an elective and writing a paper interpreting their philosophy with a very Sant Mat point of view. I wish I still had it so that every time I think Kal [the Devil, basically] is playing a trick on me and keeping me away from GIHF [God in Human Form, the guru], I could re-read it and realize what I jackass I was. 

I remember coming across Mark Juergensmeyer’s book about Sant Mat and I bought it. But when I started reading it and raising questions to my AA and Sant Mat “sponsor”, I was shut down and given the traditional “There will always be critical people of the path and that once my intellect was satisfied, I shouldn’t have any more questions.” Unfortunately, I could not google Sant Mat as there was no google yet and access to information about Sant Mat was very limited. Oh sure, I heard about Kirpal Singh and Paul Twitchell while scouring through used book stores. But I had no idea, until recently, what a scam Sant Mat is. Googling "Gurinder Singh Dhillon net worth" [my post is top result] helped to alleviate any last hope I had that I was missing out on “gAnoing home.”

I tremendously respect you for having the balls to come out and say “I think I changed my mind.” You see, I’m pissed. Yes, I know, anger is a negative emotion and I’m letting Kal control me. I’m pissed for wasting 20 years of my life worried about stuff like rennet in my cheese. I treated the path with profound passion and commitment as a seeker and followed all of the rules, including all of the vows explicitly for the first 3 years. 

Since, at the time, I couldn’t get initiated until I was 24 (which appears to be a flexible age based on the new seekers guide released last year.) When I turned 24, I submitted all of my paperwork to Joe, who then passed it on to the RSSB representative to send to India. While I was waiting to hear an answer back, I accidentally tripped and had premarital sex with my girlfriend. (Who also happened to be a seeker.) 

Ironically enough, the application came back to me to revise and send back for approval. Apparently, instead of putting in my birthdate on the appropriate line, I put that day's date. But I refused to send back the amended application because I truly felt that I wanted to meet God in an honest fashion. Plus, I never thought I could pull the wool over Baba Ji’s [the guru, Gurinder Singh Dhillon] eyes, whether they be inner or outer. Since then, the girl I was dating at the time ended up getting initiated. But she lied on her application about following the vows and got accepted anyway. How do I know? She told me and I saw it myself. Around this time, I started to question whether my guru was on the up and up. 

I just re-read what I have written to you so far and realize I sound like Sarah Palin endorsing Trump. Different thoughts just seemed to flow out of my mind as I typed. I was planning on writing to you earlier, but I wanted more time to read and research. I guess I just wanted to let you know, that thanks to you, I don’t feel so alone anymore for not accepting the path. Fear of death causes people to do and believe some crazy shit. At this point I have no intention of going back to Sant Mat, or any other path or religion. It’s time to let it go and maybe get a little hedonistic. ( I may even eat a piece of cheese that is not on the approved list :).)

Thank you for your time. 

Comments

[David Lane]

According to this report, if I am reading it correctly, Gurinder's wife is the largest minority shareholder. Not quite sure how she got the lion's share.

Read this: http://www.business-standard.com/article/markets/the-dhillon-factors-in-religare-115093000975_1.html

[Neon]

Stuff like this always make me sick.

It's so obvious that it's a scam, the lineage is one family. They say that the path to god is one, but don't understand why there are so many branches even in sant mat. They say that god has one name yet why did soamiji add "Radha soami" to the damn list??? They say they're not a religion (but a philosophy) then why the rituals? Why should everyone be greeted with folded hands saying radha soami? Why is there no questioning the leader? Oh and GSD barely does satsangs anymore, what happened to "..actually you people just hold meetings, a satsang is given by the master..."? Cult behavior at its finest.

It's a business just like every religion on the planet.

And being afraid that you had premarital sex with the person you love because some person (who's not god) is gonna be pissed, is preposterous.

But, as I've said before, Westerners are too gullible and Indians are brainwashed.

[Jim Sutherland]

In my opinion, which has never changed, any one who posts Anonymously, and are afraid to reveal their real Name, is not totally committed to what they are saying. They are leaving the door revolving, in case they want to taste the Perks of Sant Mat Path, such as seeing the Light, stars, Moon, Sun and Radiant Forms, and don't want to delete them selves completely from Sant Mat. Same goes for every Poster here hiding behind their Pseudo Monikers. The Internet is great place to to be able to throw shit bombs at any one they choose with out ever needing to duck any returned bombs. What does Gurninder Singh's mistakes have to do with Charan, Sawan, or any other Master of the Radhasoami Lineages? If any Gurinder Singh Initiates are ashamed of what he is doing, or what RSSB is now allowing, then if it were me, I'd just seek initation by some other Master outside of Gurinder Singh's control, and there are many present excellent Teaching Masters such as Dr. Ishwar Puri. My advice is to seek your own Master within, Who is the Shabd, the very same Master that forms every Radiant Form within. Jim Sutherland

[Anonymous]

Professor Lane,

Thank you for posting the link. I have followed your work for over 2 decades now and want to let you you know that there are people out there who rely upon people like yourself and Brian Hines to stay true to the truth. Your tremendous body of work and research is a huge help to anyone who has become disillusioned with Sant Mat and is interested in deprogramming themselves.

[777]

Anonymous
Readers/writers should always give specifics about their group
like ishwar-kirpal-raiinder-suprememaster-ishwar -several californian groups like tilish- etc
and not state bluntly : Sant Mat

That would be the same as saying jesus doesn't work by a follower of Jimmy Swaggert complaining
but we the readers think he's a catholic

As Jim said
Any teacher telling about The tremendous Sound , next we see millions of extreme happy followers and 3 complaints ( specified ) , it might be an easier way to do than the driver license.
If the man has a billion euri like King Akbar or zero, . . The Sound_God , which is YOU
might change external methods from time to time

Trial & error seems fair again but please be clear

777

[harry]

after reading your letter here is something I would like to point out:
Number 1: its not the fault of your Guru but the expectations that you might have in your minds. Guru Ji never said he is any form of godly person, its your expectations that lead you to think you wasted all your times, because you were not following their teachings, The only teaching of RSSB is that "everybody has to travel their own journey on his own" They can only show you the path and give you a light, after that you have to get the ticket and travel it yourself.

Number 2; their property is their personal matter. He does not take any portion out from the RSSB funds. every single penny is counted and used in running the Dera. HOW I KNOW? my own uncle is doing seva in management. Their business participation is separate from RSSB.

Number 3: He didn't start the Dera, he was chosen by Maharaj Charan Singh ji... (I went to his kirya, (13th day after he passed away, google it), and saw him sitting in the balcony giving his blessings to public. Baba ji was given this responsibility and initiated as Guru into spirituality.

[Juan]

Gurinder's wife is the largest minority shareholder. Not quite sure how she got the lion's share.

It could be very simple if one looks at it this way:

In India the religious leaders play a very important role in the politics, things which can be nearly impossible or take decades to get through for a normal person or entity can get through very smoothly by the mediation of Babas.

The sale of the company of Gurinder’s cousins Singh Brothers ( Ranbaxy) required a mediator of influence to get quick approval from various Government departments and regulatory authorities for finalization and execution of the sale, which otherwise would have been buried for years for approval.

The help ( mediation) of Baba Gurinder Singh made the things easy and the share received by his wife is the reward or remuneration of the job. Maybe for some it is trafficking influence but in India it was not considered as a wrong doing.

[Juan]

Harry wrote..

Its not the fault of your Guru but the expectations that you might have in your minds. Guru Ji never said he is any form of godly person.
…..Maharaj Charan Singhs words—We are always concerned with our own Master. He is the Lord to us. He is God to us. We have to look just to our own Master and nobody else.
its your expectations that lead you to think you wasted all your times, because you were not following their teachings, The only teaching of RSSB is that "everybody has to travel their own journey on his own" They can only show you the path and give you a light, after that you have to get the ticket and travel it yourself.
….All the satsangs drafted by RSSB in show the importance of Guru throughout life. The disciple has to travel the journey following the master.. JUST OBEY
Their property is their personal matter. He does not take any portion out from the RSSB funds. every single penny is counted and used in running the Dera.
…..The properties have been earned with the influence of their position. Of course all their expenses, bills, savings, investments etc. are paid from the income of seva
HOW I KNOW? my own uncle is doing seva in management. Their business participation is separate from RSSB.
…..Babaji has a very strict control and nobody except 2 or 3 on the top management can come to know in detail. Does your Uncle knows how much Seva comes nowadays on their Delhi visit, in Deras Bhandaras and the visits and huge transfers of funds from Jewellery & Precious Stones Valuers from Bombay? Please find out for your own knowledge.
He didn't start the Dera, he was chosen by Maharaj Charan Singh ji... (I went to his kirya, (13th day after he passed away, google it), and saw him sitting in the balcony giving his blessings to public. Baba ji was given this responsibility and initiated as Guru into spirituality.
….If the disciples have to just follow the teachings, what is the point of just one Guru, teachings can be through various teachers, and to teach something, is it necessary for the teacher to have a grown beard and turban and are the blessings required?
I am not against the business of Babaji, but you can ponder on this, if you wish.GL

[Upsetter]

Juan, the concept of seperating church and state is a good one. Some eurpean countrys applied it and it is, on paper, what Europe and US-America deals in. In fact, church (aka religion) is just hidden as such and is not mentioned anymore as such in Europe. But what "church" is, needs to be defined propely. Hitler, for example, believed in physics and engineering a lot. That was his brand of a"church". And then...yadda-yadda-yadda...the atomic bomb was invented by some germans, who went to US-America by operation paper-clip.

We all still live in a "yellow submarine"....ähh...stone-age democrasy, stone-age democrasy.

[Elizabeth]

To the writer of this post: Hugs. I get it. I grew up in a Sat Mat family. I got initiated. I have tons of "sat mat guilt" because I just don't really believe it anymore and haven't for about 7 years now. You sound like you're about 10 years older than me but I'm sure we've met or at least know the same people. I still go to meetings now and again to keep my family happy and visit with friends but I also drink margaritas when I go to Mexican restaurants :)

[Anonymous]

Hey Jim Sutherland,

This is the author of the email that Brian posted. If you, or anyone else, can say that they have met the Radiant Form of ANY Master within or really any glimpse of what "lies inside", then I will publicly come out with my name, address, and social security number to make parrots like you shut the fuck up. I asked Brian to keep my anonymous because there are real lives and families that could be affected. He didn't have to, but was nice enough to respect my wishes. As a matter of fact, when I first wrote to Brian, I never intended for him to publish my email. It was filled with too many names, places, and direct personal questions. What Brian posted is basically the jist of my email to him. You state:

"What does Gurninder Singh's mistakes have to do with Charan, Sawan, or any other Master of the Radhasoami Lineages?"

Gurinder Singh shouldn't make any mistakes. Period. That fact that you "allow" Gurinder to make "mistakes" blows your whole philosophy out of the water. GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES. I have known initiates as far back as Jagat Singh, yeah the one right after the Great Master, who had been meditating for over 50 years. And NOTHING. BTW, the rules, not only for initiation but the vows, have seen major changes in the last 50 years. Back in the days of Jagat and Sawan, travel to India was very limited to Westerners so most of them never got to physically see their initiating Master. So the "Masters" could only give out the 5 names. So what about the Dhyan or Bajan you ask? Well there was none. I don't think blind people can get initiated? I have been told this and never saw a blind person at ANY of the satsangs or Master visits I attended for over 20 years. Why? Well if they cannot see the physical Master then they could be fooled by Kal who will come to them "inside" and try to trick them. So that kinda begs the question: If you are initiated by proxy and have never seen the physical form of YOUR initiating Master, then how would you be able to tell if that is your Master and not a fake? Well, I guess you could yell the Holy Names at Him and if he stays that means he is your True Friend. Since RSSB philosophy encourages disciples to believe all Masters are the same, these people (Including many initiates of Huzur) look at Gurinder as a manifestation of their Master. According to their own philosophy, ALL MASTERS ARE THE SAME.

(Hey Brian, if my RSSB history is factually inaccurate, then please correct me as I have given up studying RSSB and most of this is coming from memories that I am working very hard on forgetting. Thanks.)

The path preaches that the path to God is one and has been for eons. Ok, then why are we changing rules so much, so recently? I think someone in the Marketing Department came up with the idea to lower the initiation age to 22 from 24. Why? Just like tobacco companies, the younger you get them the better your chance of having a customer for life. And on the subject of tobacco, WTF? I don't smoke, but I have. Chai or coffee can be as addicting and leave a "groove" on the mind. If you don't believe me, then try going a day without a cup. See how "spiritual" you are by noon.

The only reason I took the time to respond to your ridiculously lame and uninformative post is because I wanted to throw a "shit bomb" at you. I hope you enjoyed and can't wait to get one back.

To Elizabeth,

I don't know any Elizabeths on the path nor did I ever. Thank you for the kind words. I like my margaritas on the rocks with no ice. :)

[Avi]

Looks like Shivender is on his way to become the next Guru .....
What do you think Brian and Dr. Lane?
http://www.livemint.com/Companies/PWoKIHBfQfDUWSu0Z9vgsJ/Shivinder-Singhs-ties-with-lowprofile-sect-go-beyond-spiri.html

[Andrew]

I'm not an initiate of Sant Mat and I don't listen to the Shabd. I just felt like sharing a short note about my own spiritual path; perhaps it could be useful for those that have followed a path for many years with little to no result and have doubts.

I have not met anyone in this life that I consider a Buddha or a "Perfect Master." A large part of my practice has been based on simply offering myself to God as a servant, in the way Sri Ramakrishna describes, or following the bodhisattva path in Buddhist terms. I am also very fond of Ramana Maharshi and the Vedanta approach of "who am I?"

I have no powers, I am not of perfect character and there is nothing special about me, but I have been blessed with a beautiful joy and unconditional love. It still contracts and expands as I progress, but it's showed me that the inner freedom sages talk about is real. I've had times where all I could do was lie in bed because of being overwhelmed with love, just from my internal practice. What more could I ask for from God than such a love?

-Andrew

[Hemant]

It seems you have not trusted the master with ur heart and soul hence this disillusion. If ur love for god is strong pray to him to find the proper master and u will find as I did when I prayed during my addiction days. I was a NA member and the master cured me with one look...

[S]

Hmm. I know this Elizabeth.

@Hemant
He can cure you and curse you and cure you again if he wants. Be careful. Some gods are temperamental. 😳