Recently I got an email from someone who was initiated by an Indian Sant Mat guru, Rajinder Singh, and now realizes that this supposed divine being isn't really what he claims to be.
This person gave me permission to share the message, which I've done below with some mild editing in line with the person's wish to remain anonymous.
I'm always pleased to hear about someone's disillusioned experience with a religion or religious teacher. This is a wonderful thing, waking up from an illusion.
Feel free to share your thoughts about what this person says in a comment, as my correspondent would like readers of the following message to do.
Hi Brian, I’m glad I found your blog. I also contacted the ex satsangi group but did not get a reply.
You can post my message on your blog if you like, I’d like people to comment, but please leave out the information about where I am from and my name. This posting may be interesting because there is a lot about other Sant Mat Gurus here but not so many from the Darshan-Rajinder line.
I have been initiated by Sant Rajinder Singh Ji Maharaja in 2013 - long distance initiation, did I really believe that?! I saw him for the first time in the last two weeks. Seeing him in reality after watching his videos for 2 years was nice at first, but I had a very bad experience when my son was initiated.
I took part on the initiation together with my son, who was taken away from me and made to listen to the sound current for 40 mins. until he started to cry. The satsangi told me later he was having experiences! How ignorant is that?! He was simply in pain from fingers stuffed in his ears!
Also, the person responsible for the foreigners here is starting to push us around. This made me realize after 2.5 years of daily up to 2.5 hrs meditation and more in workshops, that I do not want to follow guru god Sant Rajinder Singh Ji any more.
I am quite confused now - my poor boy has to watch as I have to explain to him what happened and why I misbelieved so much before. All the questions that Sant Mat has answered: Who am I? Why is there suffering? Where do we go after death? are now wide open again for me and I think I have to be very careful to not stuff that hole with another scam.
From my Satsang friends I hear all the "It was Karma", "You have to overcome it“, "This was best for your son", "Stand up during Darshan and talk to the Master" - shit and I can’t believe it.
If I stand up during Darshan, the first thing that will happen is that everyone around me will get annoyed and angry because they think after 3 hours of waiting it’s them who should be close to him. The second thing to happen is that I can’t speak calmly in such a situation and english is not my mother tongue. And I am quite sure the third thing will be a response like "Your son will be fine" or "Have faith" and I’m not sure I can control my anger when that happens.
There are many thoughts in my head now, also emotions, and sometimes I catch myself doing Simran without wanting it.
There are so many things I give myself permission to think now.
Kirpal, Darshan, and Rajinder, these were/are the current godmen, and it JUST SO HAPPENS that they are one family? Please. Also, you would think that there is a woman in that line somewhere - for god, gender is nothing, right? Then why are all of the Masters men? Yes there is Mira Bai but women are really under-represented.
I never had experiences of any kind, never even felt the "sense currents" collect at my third eye, even after 2 hours of perfectly sitting still and being totally concentrated. During initiation Rajinder asked who saw a sun, the moon, a Master within, and we only meditated 25 mins. half of the Indians raised their hands.
What?! I am sure there are so many not meditating properly, and they saw the radiant form of the Master, and me, after two years of meditating everyday, nothing? Not even a flash of light? No, not even as HE touched my third eye.
Also, this science thing - it’s like Freud, and I never liked Freud's way of forcing people to believe him. If you say anything against it, you just have to develop further "in the right direction", otherwise you are "in denial". One way or another, it’s your responsibility. But at the same time "we are nothing" and "Master is everything".
I am mild in judgement to myself because I only needed this one week in his presence to realize he is just a man like everyone else. He might even be a saint. But he is not God. He does not know what is going on in our minds.
Well, I can’t prove that. But as you are allowed to have a hypothesis and check it, my hypothesis was that my son would feel at least in peace during meditation, that he would be appreciated and taken good care of. But Master ignored him and the Satsangis around him made him cry. For me, this is enough proof that there is something wrong in this Satsang and I don’t want to go there any more.
The next problem I have to deal with is what will I believe in in this life.
I know many readers think, you don’t have to believe in anything, you have yourself. I did not write this to get an answer. I write this, because I am in that state now where you are kind of lonely and insecure and you don’t have a mass of sheep around you assuring you that you are doing the right thing, and this feels new and a bit sad. But I’ll get through it, because I’m a grown person and 2 years of being wrong is something that I can overcome.
One thought for SEVA: I was always wondering how holding a satsang is better and holier SEVA then feeding the hungry or playing with orphans. Even working in the SEVA kitchen is basically just feeding yourself.
Maybe I will write some words for my own comfort, hoping that it will help someone else, too: you don’t need to spend your whole money traveling the world and sitting and waiting for hours for a Master to be close to god. By the way, before I joined Sant Mat, I was wondering how all this flying is ok?! It is very harmful for the environment that all the Satangis fly all the time!!
And also, I am vegan and never understood how Master can promote dairy. If you know a little bit about milk production: you can be sure that cows and baby cows are exploited and killed. And then the Satsangi answer: well, if Master blesses a dairy, the cow will sure be reborn at his Lotus feet in the next life! - yeah. you be sure of that.
Sitting in a chair in an atmosphere that you like is enough. You don’t need to sit in meditation for hours to be at peace and know that you are a good being. It is enough to just scan your system, ask yourself how you feel, what you think, and what would serve you right now. Sleep? Talking to a good friend? Writing down some thoughts? You don’t need hours of studying holy scriptures.
You already know what is present in your life, where you want to put time in and where you don’t want to put time in. There is a reason why there are so many people on earth (if you believe that god created us). Wanting to make them all equal and making them do the same thing is ignoring an important trait of human nature.
We are all different children of god, we are all equal, and Masters are not above or below us. And: it is me who has the responsibility and the power to build my life. Nobody else. That I can control only very little in this life is a fact that I have to deal with on my own. Everything else is denying my personal responsibility. This might be scary, but again, is another thing that sane grown-ups are capable of handling.
Warm ex satsangi greetings, _________