My achieving Buddha-nature starts tomorrow

Tomorrow my wife, Laurel, is having shoulder (rotator cuff) surgery on her right shoulder. She's right handed, so for the six weeks she'll be wearing a sling, I will be her right arm. 

Being (1) a woman, (2) a wife, and (3) someone who knows me well after our 24 years of marriage, this is pretty much Laurel's worst nightmare.

Meaning, the surgery to repair a detached tendon is bad enough.

Having to depend on my housekeeping, health care-giving, cooking, dog wiping (it's rainy season; we live in the country; trails are muddy), laundry, and other domestic "talents" for six weeks -- scary! For Laurel is a woman who likes this stuff done in a certain way.

Optimistic me -- hey, I'm not having the surgery -- sees this experience as an opportunity for each of us to grow in different ways. Laurel, perhaps, might learn to relax a bit if (when?) she sees that my way of handling things isn't the same as hers, but works fairly well.

As for me, I'm grandiosely expecting that these six weeks will, if not cement my Buddha-nature into enlightened stone, get me well on the way to perfected realization.

Not me. I just like the photo.

(I understand that grandiosity and fixed views of enlightenment are not exactly part of Buddhist teachings. But since I'm only a pretend Buddhist, only desiring to achieve Buddha-nature because that sounds cool, I don't really worry about the purity of my dharma practice.)

Leaving aside pseudo-spirituality, my fallback position for the next six weeks is to visualize myself as a highly paid personal aide to a movie star. Laurel is damn good looking for her age, or any age, so this isn't all that difficult for me to imagine.

I've started doing this already, since Laurel can't use her right arm for certain tasks and her left arm has been sore from overuse.

It does seem to help me achieve more of a compassionate, caring attitude than my habitual self-centered personality is normally capable of. I just have to keep the uncomfortable fact that I'm not going to be paid lavishly for my six weeks of being a substitute right-arm from rising too far into reality-consciousness.

Along this line, my second fallback position is to keep Laurel so drugged up on her oxycodone prescription and other pain pills that she either won't be able to tell how well I'm taking care of the house, or she won't care.

However, my wife doesn't like to take more pain-killers than is necessary, and tends to get side effects from prescription medication, so this scheme probably is doomed for failure.

Which leaves me with my initial inclination: to be so caring, selfless, and compassionate for the six weeks, whoever or whatever hands out Buddha-nature certificates drops mine in the cosmic mail without question. My new-found humility may not allow me to tell people directly that I've attained enlightenment through Laurel's shoulder surgery, but for sure I'll brag about it on this blog.

Sounds good. 

I do have this regret, though. My wife and I should have followed up on her periodic observation, after watching episodes of HBO"s "Big Love" (about a modern-day Mormon polygymous family), that having "sister wives" spreads out the household chores quite a bit and gives the women live-in best friends.

This struck me as a fine idea also, especially if we brought into our home, just to offer up one example off the top of my head, a beautiful, young Thai woman skilled in both domestic arts and, um, other skills. If we had done this, Laurel would have had more competent help on hand during her recovery from the shoulder surgery.

Oh, well. She's left with just me now. A soon-to-be Buddha-naturized guy.

Comments

[Aileen Kaye]

Let me know how we can help. And thanks for the laughs!!

[Anita Dai]

Brian
Our positive thoughts and wishes are with you and hopefully through the Universal "neuron Matrix" you will be able to feel strong and in peace with your Buddha nature.
As per "sister wives" I don't think is a good idea since in my country men complain of dealing with One wife, imagine more then one....

[Brian Hines]

Anita Dai, thanks for the reminder about the down side of having several wives. I entirely agree with you. Visualizing a bunch of women telling me what to do, and what chores I remain undone, takes away any desire for more than one wife.

[cc]

As per "sister wives" I don't think is a good idea since in my country men complain of dealing with One wife, imagine more then one....

http://blog.seattlepi.com/theethicist/2011/02/01/polygamy-is-more-ethical-than-monogamy-its-now-science/

http://annablogia.wordpress.com/2013/06/20/we-are-wired-to-be-polygamous-but-taught-to-be-monogamous/

[tucson]

This is a wonderful opportunity for your wife to test the efficacy of medical marijuana combined with oxycodone since you said Laurel does not like prescription drugs and does not want to take more than necessary. Oh, but wait, medical marijuana is a prescription drug. Never mind. But a few hits of Bubba Kush along with 30mg of oxy ought to do the trick. And while she's zonked out on the sofa you once again will be restored to your rightful place as king of the household. But check her breathing every now and then. Then continue your rule.

My wife had to have her rotator cuff repaired some years back. The surgeon did something called a "Mumford" procedure. She was in a lot of pain for a long time afterwards. I hope this is not the case for your wife. It may not be. But be prepared. In the long run my wife's shoulder is OK although she can't serve a tennis ball like she used to and that sort of thing.

I did not adapt well at first to having her out of commission. Cook? Clean? These were foreign concepts to me even though I was a cook in a couple of vegetarian restaurants back in the day. It took me forever to find utensils in the kitchen and the mop, things like that.

Best wishes to her for a quick recovery.

[Metaphysicaldiscourse.wordpress.com]

Hey Brian, just a few thoughts:

1) My condolences and wishing Laurel a speedy recovery.

2) Glad to see that your still sharing; your writing still has that kick.

3) Love that authentic humor - a beautiful, young Thai woman. Lol

4) Admire your healthy attitude about it all; it’s the difference of night and day.

5) My Plotinus page started a year ago through the inspiration of your book (Return to the One) is still in operation. The admin keys are still above the front door should you decide to join us. The facebook page is titled: Plotinus - Mystic and Philosopher

Keep up the great work Brian!

[#x&!!]

- if we brought into our home a beautiful, young Thai woman skilled in both domestic arts and, um, other skills -

racist and sexist

yuk dirty old man

[Brian Hines]

Hey, if you're going to insult me, do a better job. You forgot age'ist! (After all, I didn't say I wanted a beautiful, OLD, Thai woman to become a sister wife.)

But thanks for calling me a dirty old man. I'm trying... good to know my efforts are being recognized.

That phrase doesn't sound age'ist at all. And I'm sure you didn't use that cliche with any discriminatory intention. Keep up the good work.

[tucson]

Why is an older man who is sexually attracted to young women considered dirty?

It is normal and healthy to be attracted to appealing people of any age at any age. It's called biology, the reproductive urge hardwired into humanity. A "dirty old man" is a healthy old man as long as he behaves with respect and discretion. He still has his hormones and libido intact. You don't just shut that off like a faucet.

Is a young man attracted to an older woman considered a "dirty young man". No, he is considered normal and horny. The older woman may be called a "cougar" but hardly as derogatory a term as "dirty old man".

Why is it an act of perversion for an older man to see a young woman as attractive? It seems more of a perversion of misplaced morality to not be able to understand this. Don't you think?

[xyz]

If you can't see that - if we brought into our home a beautiful, young Thai woman (in other words a young woman from a poor country)
skilled in both domestic arts (to use as a housekeeping maid) and, um, other skills (to be used for sexual favours) - is not disgustingly vulgar, racist and sexist, then there is something wrong with you people.

[cc]

I find political correctness "disgustingly vulgar". People who use popular ethics to justify opinions rooted in ignorance and self-righteousness compose a loutish majority, bullying those who can think for themselves.

What if a young Thai woman felt happily employed serving in the capacity Brian has fantasized? She could send money back home, attend to her education, and Brian's wife might be delighted to have her helping out.

Open your mind and learn to think instead of relying on popular notions of morality.

[xyz]

"Popular notions of morality". Get real. In today's world its more like popular notions of immorality. If its okay for dirty old men to buy 'mail order brides', young females who are living lives of desperation in poverty stricken countries, this is not being open minded.

Having compassion and putting oneself in another's position to feel and understand what it must be like is what I call being open minded.

And calling out selfish, insular, spoilt people who haven't experienced or witnessed hardship in third world countries is my idea of being open minded. And if people living their privileged and comfortable lives have witnessed poverty and misery and still remain closed minded and self indulgent - thats what I find disgusting.

[Anita]

In my opinion there is nothing wrong for an older man to desire a younger woman,and that is normal for human brain especially "man brain" is designed somehow that way.
Personally, I think it is not right when we get advantage of a poor woman or person that we can control somehow, to satisfy our sexual desires or other intentions without taking into consideration her free will. It is of course different scenario when both sides agree or do sth out of their mutual desire and choice. I think our desires and visualizations in any direction, make our physical life more interesting and dynamic as long as they don't create guilt.

[cc]

If its okay for dirty old men to buy 'mail order brides', young females who are living lives of desperation in poverty stricken countries, this is not being open minded.

Tell it to the young female who feels fortunate to be removed from her poverty stricken condition into a civilized country where her grateful husband treats her with more kindness and understanding than the chauvinistic, misoyginist, male she would've been forced to marry.

Having compassion and putting oneself in another's position to feel and understand what it must be like is what I call being open minded.

Yes, so put yourself in the position of the woman described above, and get off your high horse.

And calling out selfish, insular, spoilt people who haven't experienced or witnessed hardship in third world countries is my idea of being open minded.

Self-righteous robots spend their time "calling out" those who offend their programmed sensibilities. They need to be re-programmed to actually do something about "poverty and misery" instead of launching tiresome tirades against those they feel superior to.

[xyz]

A License to Abuse:
The impact of Conditional Status on Female Immigrants

http://www.nostatusquo.com/ACLU/anderson/brides/pg1.html

[Appreciative Reader]

Brian :

Hope Laurel's surgery went off OK. How is she now? Good luck with your man-friday-ing!

And don't let the trolls bother you! They do what they do, let them be.

- - -

xyz :

I have to say you appear to be out trolling.

One ought not take your bait, perhaps : but acting on what I think are 1-in-10 odds that you're seriously criticizing him : It may be all kinds of -ist for Brian to actually employ a poor lady in that dual capacity, with all kinds of exploitation implied despite the apparent exercise of free will, but surely it's obvious that he's only joking. If you don't find it funny, don't laugh. (Or is what you're doing here YOUR idea of a joke?)

[xyz]

If you don't find it funny, don't laugh. (Or is what you're doing here YOUR idea of a joke?)

Maybe Brian needs to see that his words are in poor taste? I definitely don't see sexism and racism as a joke! Wake up to yourselves spoilt, indulgent people.

[Brian Hines]

xyz, here's some news for you from The Real World:

Understand that what you don't find funny, other people do. I write how I feel, and how I see the world. This won't be how you feel, and how you see the world, because we're different people.

Spend some time watching videos of popular American comedians. I recommend Sarah Silverman and Chelsea Handler. These will let you see how humor is handled in this part of the world. These two female comedians make people say, "I can't believe they said that," before laughing uproariously.

Truth can be funny, especially one's own truth. Relax. Laugh a bit. At yourself, especially. I laugh at myself all the time. It feels good. Try it.

[Willie R]

Well - Blogger Brian certainly got some great mileage out of a tongue-in-cheek comment - which, of course, what it was specifically designed to do.

[Brian Hines]

Damn, Willie R, you found me out! There's no such thing as bad publicity. For Hollywood types, or for bloggers.

[cc]

Brian may have had his tongue in his cheek and xyz, his cranium up his rectum, but as yet, nothing funny has transpired.

[tucson]

Yes, it's not funny at all but rather sad, in that this indicates the fragility of human communication... that Brian's obviously facetious remark about having a Thai bitch at his beck and call (which actually sounds kinda cool) was interpreted seriously by someone and all this hay has been made about nothing.

Or, maybe Brian really does secretly harbor the desire for such wanton services? Was he concealing a deep and long held fantasy with a quip? Maybe xyz is more perceptive than we realize and we degenerate men-folk, enslaved by lust and perversity, not to mention misogyny, actually deserve the comeuppance we received?

I don't know. But just in case, thank you xyz for putting us in our rightful place among the degenerate and loathsome. Hopefully, one day, we can rise from the filth of our sordid state and attain righteousness and purity, qualities you so obviously possess.

[xyz]

Yes, lots of sarcasm, tongue in cheek, casual put downs, cold and unfeeling and self righteous justification.

Why do I bother. Maybe just hoping that some people still have kind hearts, care about others. Yes, thats it, so disturbing to read flippant as well as nasty put downs (and I'm the one accused to be a mole).

So, turn it all back onto me, my "conceited self righteousness and purity". How dare I call you people out!

Very sick society. Too clever for your own good. Ah well, Kal is winning.

[Brian Hines]

xyz, everyone believes they have kind hearts and are caring people. Repeat, everyone. (Well, almost everyone.)

You look at yourself one way. Other people look at you differently. This is just the way the world is. There's no objective way of looking at anything from the outside. We're all on the inside (of our mind/brain) looking out.

So try not to take criticism too personally. I get criticized all the time, by all sorts of people -- in part because I'm a citizen activist here in Oregon.

I try to see this simply as a part of life, different people believing different things are true. Always has been, always will be.

[cc]

So, turn it all back onto me, my "conceited self righteousness and purity". How dare I call you people out!

Well, you've taken the dare and got what was coming to you, so you can learn from the experience or you can keep repeating it for the charge you get from the lambasting you deserve.

[xyz]

Nice one, Blogger Brian.

I like the tone of your recent comment in reply.

Must be your Buddha nature shining through - in keeping with your title of this thread

[cc]

His tone is reasonable, fair-minded, and empathetic. What are you hearing?

[xyz]

Thinking

Thinkers decide based primarily on logic, and when they do so, they consider a decision to be made. They tend to see the world in black and white and dislike fuzziness.

Perhaps because people are so variable, they focus on tangible things, seeking truth and use of clear rules.

At work, they are task-oriented, seek to create clear value. Interacting with them tends to brief and business-like.

They may be seen as cold and heartless by Feelers.

Feeling

Feelers decide based primarily through social considerations, listening to their heart and considering the feelings of others.

They see life as a human existence and material things as being subservient to this. They value harmony and use tact in their interactions with others.

At work, they are sociable and people-oriented and make many decisions based on values (more than value).

They may be seen as unreliable and emotional by Thinkers.

[tucson]

In life, with most pairs of opposites, a balance between the two is best, teeter-tottering as necessary to adapt to varying circumstances.

On the web feelers will have a tough time on blogs and commentary sites. There are too many thinkers ready to pounce and rough them up.

My sympathies.

[cc]

If what xyz has written about "thinkers" and "feelers" is true, xyz is a sentimental thinker. No feeler would describe people so categorically, and no rational thinker would take his drivel seriously.

[moongoes]

I still say when you lift a 200 pounds barbell you get a real picture, sudenly you wake up no theories behind just raw truth.