Longer ago than I want to admit (I dislike procrastination, even though I engage in it frequently), someone who was reading my book about Plotinus, "Return to the One," emailed me a good question about growing old.
More recently, he reminded me of the question that I hadn't answered. Here's part of his email.
Have you got around to putting any thought into my last inquiry...
βIn light of Platonism and maintaining good mental health, what would you say might prepare a person best for old age, as in the interval between old age and death?β
Even though I may deceive myself in thinking that this phase is far away, the truth of the matter is that it is not.
It just so happens that one of my former teachers who taught me Buddhism, interpersonal skills, music, etc. is now experiencing the not so fortunate aspects of a senior's life. He is only 70 years of age.
His faculty of memory & concentration, and physical strength, have greatly diminished. Where he was once active, joyful and spontaneous, he is now inactive, sullen and very depressed. He speaks openly about the changes he is going through and still practices meditation twice a day. This man was never depressed in his life, always pushed his students to be the best they could be and organized humpty different social justice activities over the course of a few decades, just to mention a few things.
I thought I share this to help give you a mental image as to the relevance, practicality and necessity of pondering such a question. You have a great depth of understanding Brian; perhaps your unique perspective and approach could serve to be a significant contribution for those of us who will one day experience the depletion of our lantern oil...
Well, I am skeptical about the concluding compliments. The older I get -- I'll be 65 next month -- the less I feel like I know anything special about What Life is All About.
Just about my only qualification for giving advice about what prepares a person best for old age is... my being old. And since my experiment in growing old as gracefully as possible necessarily has a subject size of one, moi, any conclusions I draw from my experience are dubiously applicable to others.
But what the hell. I'll take a stab at answering. At the least, I'll be able to send a link to this blog post to my questioner, thereby minimally shortening my unattended-to email list.
Most important: Stay as physically fit as possible. Don't wait until you're old to exercise vigorously, regularly. I'm really pleased to be as healthy and fit as I am. But this isn't an accident. Or rather, it is only partly an accident.
Likely my genetic makeup goes a long way toward explaining my current level of fitness, which is considerably better than most people my age.
Yet I've also been a vegetarian for 44 of my 64 years. I've always been physically active. I've challenged myself by learning several martial arts styles, ballroom dancing, and most recently, longboarding (on an extended skateboard).
I realize that many people are closet (or explicit) dualists. They believe that their soul/mind is separate and distinct from their body. I doubt this is true. If it is, such can only be truly experienced after death, because while alive each of us is an integrated body-mind.
Physical and mental contentment are strongly correlated. Sure, it is possible to be physically distressed and mentally happy. Or the reverse. For me, though, I find that being physically fit goes hand in hand with feeling psychologically fit.
So I eat right. I exercise quasi-obsessively, rarely missing my regular workouts. I drink alcohol moderately and use other mind-altering substances minimally, aside from caffeine -- which I consider a secular sacred sacrament.
Next most important: Stay flexible. Don't be afraid of change. Embrace what life brings to you or takes away. The marvelous counter-culture'ish Oregon Country Fair in Veneta has this saying displayed around the treed grounds: "Yes. Yes. Yes."
Death is the ultimate "No."
As long as we're alive, "Yes" is the message of every experience that enters our conscious awareness. There will be plenty of time to be nothing, negative, nada. Likely, an eternity.
This isn't readily apparent when one is young. The older I get, the more vivid, marvelous, and breathtakingly Wow! life seems to me, even in its darker, depressing, distressing moments.
It doesn't so much matter what we do, as how we do it. Or experience it. Every moment is priceless, because it will never come again. This realization is difficult for young people to take to heart, since it seems that so many moments remain for them.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Each of us could die at any moment. Understanding this, what is happening becomes less important than that it is happening. Becoming somewhat indifferent to those what's is one of the changes I've noticed in me as my geezerhood blossoms.
Maybe important; maybe not: Which brings me to my final point, made such by a realization that my coffee cup is almost empty; with that final sip, my caffeine-addicted brain will start to lose interest in exercising its writing function.
Look ahead to taking yourself less seriously. After all, death is the final joke. Old age, the runup to that punchline.
Preparing to smile at your oh-so-sincere youthful attempts to figure everything out, unveil the mysteries of the cosmos, get a glimpse of ultimate reality, actualize your self-actualization -- my cheerily disturbing forecast for everybody younger than me is...
Not going to happen. You're going to die with freaking huge question marks scattered all around your psyche, so you might as well get used to that prospect (I'd say, certainty).
This includes knowing yourself. Whatever the hell that means. I've spent most of my life trying to know My True Self. Now, here I am, on the cusp of Medicare eligibility, facing an example of the aforementioned Cosmic Joke.
I don't have a self. I am not a self. There's no "me" who can know "My" True Self.
At least, that's how it feels to the not-me writing these words. Spiritual searching is for the young. Realizing that the search is fruitless is for old codgers like me.
Fortunately (or not) the young will always look upon people like me as failures, surrenderers, lost souls who got waylaid on the path to enlightenment, salvation, nirvana, satori, whatever.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Don't judge us old folks until you are one yourself. (Not that you have a self.) Methinks the most important way to grow old gracefully is to have made a good start while young toward realizing there is no me to think about growing old gracefully.
Or anything else. Probably I learned everything I needed to know about life back in my college days, when I heard Janis Joplin sing, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."
Blogger Brian - I am 8 months behind you, having turned 64 this past June. Unlike you, I have a laundry list of ailments, anomalies and infirmities - if I listed them all, you would likely involuntarily develop a facial expression involving a furrowed brow, a squint, and a faint snarl about the mouth. Yeah, that one.
About twenty years ago, when my waistline was beginning to expand, my primary care physician cautioned me that if I did not get serious about weight control, bending down to tie my shoes would eventually become an ordeal. Now that I look like I swallowed a basketball, I can tell you for sure that he was not exaggerating.
And yet, I steadfastly refused to heed the warnings. There is no plausible explanation for why I had done so.
It is possible to live for a long time in very poor health. Even though I know for certain that I will never feel good ever again, I still find life to be quite amusing. It's one of the few benefits of being a solipsistic pessimist.
Posted by: Willie R. | September 28, 2013 at 06:32 AM
I turn 70 the same day you turn 65 if I recall your date. I am excited by it. I have friends the same age and reconnected with more through our 50th high school reunion and have seen a huge difference in what old age means. It's not all about exercise or diet but genetics plays a role. The main thing is old age is going to be different than middle age and that in itself is exciting. Something new from our bodies that we will experience as we head into that aspect of life that all our family before us already went. It's the reverse of what my granddaughter at 15 has been experiencing as she heads into womanhood. Changes come all the time and that alone is interesting-- if not always welcome.
What I think is what you said-- exercise, eat responsibly and be flexible. Stay creative and always open to new creative endeavors and that lasts a long time that old folks can be creative in their lives and what they do. Don't bemoan the past or wish away the present. Just be where you are and live it fully. I think we have acquired some life wisdom by old age and share it when we get the chance but understand a lot of young people don't want to hear it. Did we? *s*
Posted by: Rain Trueax | September 28, 2013 at 09:37 AM
Its when a sudden illness hits you and knocks the stuffing out of you and chronic pain continues for years on end and you have fond memories of being healthy and pain free. Thats the challenge. The medical profession can only offer drugs which in all probability will have harmful effects so then its trying all the alternative type remedies and living in hope and not succumbing to depression.
Nowadays I think death will be a happy relief and I no longer want to believe in reincarnation. I certainly don't want to come back again. Nothingness sounds good to me.
No meaning to life... just looking around and seeing so much suffering... and then there are the lucky people... no sense to it all
Posted by: just me | September 28, 2013 at 03:05 PM
As long as you're healthy, it doesn't matter how old you are. But as soon as you've lost your health and all hope of recovering it, it's time to schedule your euthanasia. It's legal in Oregon.
Posted by: cc | September 28, 2013 at 04:09 PM
just me wrote:
"No meaning to life... just looking around and seeing so much suffering... and then there are the lucky people... no sense to it all"
--just me, you may be right but just try to enjoy just being. No matter how much you are reduced from what you were, life still happens around you. There are opportunities, just different ones. And there are sights and sounds.
Yeah, pain hurts, but your mind can still engage as on this blog. You can interact, you CAN do what you can do. You inspired me to write this extraordinarily profound comment.
Stephen Hawking has interests and purpose even though he is reduced to being able to do nothing but pee, crap and blow into a tube. You CAN interact with those around you in a way that inspires and helps them which in turn will do that for you. It's not over, it's just not ideal. Chin up..
Posted by: tucson | September 30, 2013 at 07:31 PM
"You CAN interact with those around you in a way that inspires and helps them which in turn will do that for you. It's not over, it's just not ideal." - tucson
"No meaning to life... just looking around and seeing so much suffering... and then there are the lucky people... no sense to it all" - just me
IMO, while tucson looks at life as glass half full, just me prefers to look at it as glass half (or even more) empty.
Posted by: Avi | September 30, 2013 at 08:11 PM
Dear tucson, thanks. Your kindness made me tear up and at the same time smile :)
Avi, the intent behind your words made me cry.
Posted by: just me | September 30, 2013 at 09:49 PM
just me,
My words might have hurt your feelings but, believe me, I had no such intention. I was just comparing two comments in terms of points of view. I do apologize anyway. But, don't you think that claiming to "know the intent behind someone's words" is a sign of ego that one, and especially satsangis, should refrain from? I mean, you could have been straightforward in letting me know that my words hurt your feelings, and I would have simply apologized to you.
Posted by: Avi | September 30, 2013 at 11:21 PM
Avi,
When I read tucson's comment I felt his intent which was very kind and it touched my heart.
Then I read your comment and emotionally reacted to what I "felt" was the intent behind your words. Was there some kind of passive aggression or covert hostility there?
You say, ... claiming to"know the intent behind someone's words" is a sign of ego... I really don't get what you mean because I am not in denial of the ego self.
Just a feeling person, over sensitive I suppose.
Posted by: just me | October 01, 2013 at 02:38 AM
while tucson looks at life as glass half full, just me prefers to look at it as glass half (or even more) empty.
George Carlin undermined the whole question of whether the glass is half full or half empty by saying that the glass is too big.
Posted by: cc | October 01, 2013 at 04:27 PM
Who or what created the glass? This who or what really needs to explain why the glass was intentionally created to be too big. IMO, someone needs to pour more liquid into this bigger glass. Okay there, I have solved this problem.
Posted by: Roger | October 02, 2013 at 09:56 AM
someone needs to pour more liquid into this bigger glass. Okay there, I have solved this problem.
No, you've perpetuated it. The glass signifies your expectations relative to your circumstances. To have unreasonable, unrealistic expectations is to have a glass half-full/half-empty. To have reasonable, realistic expectations is to work with what you have without distraction by ideas about the status of your situation.
Posted by: cc | October 02, 2013 at 10:50 AM
"No meaning to life... just looking around and seeing so much suffering... and then there are the lucky people... no sense to it all" - just me
I wonder who/what should be held responsible for this "No meaning to life......"?
Is this the God?
Is this the "past/present life karma" of people (both "lucky" and not so lucky)? Is there really anything called "luck" in the first place?
or Is this the people (majority of politicians, businessmen, god men/women ....... and also the rest of us, who are better off than many) who CAN make things change (at least somewhat)for the "not so lucky"?
I know it is easy to debate but hard to find answers to the above questions, and so rather than looking for the answers and complaining about the imperfect world, if each one of us starts doing our bit in our own unique way for the "not so lucky", the world CAN become a better place. At least, we all should try.
I am not trying to preach anything ..... just a few thoughts about what I really believe in and also practice.
Posted by: Avi | October 02, 2013 at 07:22 PM
Just feel like talking a bit about "karma" .....
I lived in city X, India for several years. X used to be and still continues to be (although things have improved just a little bit lately) one of the most polluted cities of the world. I used to have some sort of minor respiratory problem almost every other month and for that I had to take some antibiotic on regular basis. Given the kind of upbringing I had had, I took that regular suffering in my stride and even attributed that to my bad "karma" of past life/lives. About a decade ago, I moved to a comparatively much cleaner place (in terms of atmosphere) called Y(India) which is closer to the Himalayas and guess what..... The minor respiratory problems almost disappeared! I am not sure whether it had something to do with my karma! And then, about six years ago, I moved to the USA - at a place Z which is much more clean than even Y. As far as I can remember, I have taken the antibiotic only once ever since I came here.
I wonder if my story suggests a cause and effect relationship between the quality of air we breathe in and the respiratory diseases we have or if it is the "karma theory" at work or if I have moved from the category of the "suffering" to the one of "lucky" people or if all this is just a coincidence!!! ....... I just don't know ....
By the way, even my other family members who moved with me (to Y and later to Z) also experienced similar changes in terms of health, and for that I am grateful to the "reality" ..... borrowing from Brian.
Posted by: Avi | October 02, 2013 at 08:17 PM
A secular sacred sacrament; you crack me up Brian! lol
It appears that we have stumbled upon a subject that sparks interest with your readers. Their comments, as well as your reply, seems to reflect a realistic view on the matter. The Wise Man in the hill is a myth after all, it turns out he was a hillbilly pretending to be the Wizard of Oz.
I envy the quality of patience you exercise towards us younger folk who are still shooting their arrows into the stars and dreaming dreams. Perhaps one ought to put their legs up to Jesus instead...
If we are all going to hell in a hand basket, why should anyone give two hoots about anything, a perpetual cosmic joke, has a bit of a gnostic demiurge feel to it, but who am I to say what orbits this world, I, one who prefers to sign his name with a small letter j.
Self actualization being a myth & all, this stuff that the Universities are pumping out must be some kind of glaze that keeps the multitude going around in circles; come one come all, Samsara's circus has the highest ferris-wheel out there!
My gratitude picks up volume as it staggers 'on down the street, footprints dressed in red'. Your council is both sound and insightful my dear Brian. May it echo down the long halls of reflection, an imprint upon humanities compulsion for illusion's truth...
Truly yours,
j
PS: I will soon attempt to put my lazy bones in gear to respond to your other blog.
Posted by: Jason Youngman | October 03, 2013 at 08:15 AM
"Perhaps one ought to put their legs up to Jesus instead..."
---now thats really kinky, sure glad I live in Las Vegas where everything is totally normal.
Posted by: Roger | October 04, 2013 at 10:17 AM
To hear the beautiful continues Shabd
changes everything
You realize that you are just that music
It is like at old age again being the Love yourself
It is in a rythm Up & Down, it's like dancing
Death is something then of the far past
because you are not these braincells anymore
Many simple illiterate people have that sound
all their life
In fact everybody has but most are to much in accumulating ther ego
For the Sound you don't need a thing, it's
like hearing a beautiful song, better, like falling in love each day again
is the best expression
Its WOW and very unbelievable, hence these comments above
concerning the brain only
Posted by: Judith | October 18, 2013 at 02:55 AM
How to get ready for old age.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8X6mlbq45k
Posted by: Mike Williams | October 18, 2013 at 05:16 PM
Holy man's dream leads to government hunt for $40b gold treasure
Ana Komnenic | October 19, 2013
The Indian government has sent a team of diggers to unearth a suspected 1,000-tonne pile of gold from beneath an ancient temple.
But information on the buried treasure doesn't come form an archaeological survey or any other scientific endeavor. In fact, the individual behind the tip-off is Swami Shoban Sarkar, a holy man who dreamed of finding the gold.
According to a report by CNBC, Sarkar "said he was approached in a dream by a 19th century ruler called Rao Ram Bux Singh who told him about the $40 billion bonanza buried near an ancient temple."
Hoping the find would help ease India's financial troubles β which stem largely from massive amounts of gold imports β Sarkar told the Archaelogical Survey of India (ASI) about his dream.
ASI sent a 12-person team to the site on Friday to uncover 200-square meters of land beside the temple.
A recent report, from the Hindustan Times, said that on Saturday the group was 'inches' away from the suspected treasure.
But another report, from DNA India, says officials reported Friday evening that "there was no clue of any treasure and the excavation could go on for a month."
The excavation is taking place in the village of Daundia Khera, in the northern state Uttar Pradesh.
Since reporting his initial prediction, Sarkar has also told officials of a second suspected gold burial site: The Swami believes there is a 2,500-tonne pile of gold beneath another temple in the same region.
Posted by: Mike Williams | October 19, 2013 at 05:27 PM