Become the person you once feared to be

Having watched "The King's Speech" last night, courtesy of Netflix, I'm fired up about finding our own voices. (It's a great movie; see it, if you haven't already.)

What keeps us from saying, doing, or feeling what we want to? Often, nothing but a fear of being different, going against the grain, marching to the beat of our own drummer, defying an authority figure.

Yet here's the strange thing: almost everybody adores individualists, people who express themselves creatively, freely, spontaneously, courageously. 

So why isn't each of us the person we love from the outside, but may fear to be on the inside? We've only got one ticket on this Carnival Ride of Life. It doesn't last forever. Why not laugh outrageously, smile broadly, have as much fun as possible?

Here's one reason why we hold ourselves back from being who we want to be: in the past, we've looked upon that person judgmentally, not knowing that one day he/she would be me.

Many years ago, twenty maybe, I remember going to an art gallery where, at an evening reception, food and drink were being served. At the time I didn't drink alcohol, because this was forbidden by the tenets of the meditation system I was following (that of Radha Soami Satsang Beas).

Holding a glass of non-alcoholic fruit punch, I started to browse the art work. Then -- shock! -- I saw a fellow member of my spiritual organization holding a glass of wine. Instantly I thought, "Oh, no. He's fallen off The Path. He's lost The Way. Poor guy."

Now, I drink a glass of red wine almost every night. It's good for my health. It relaxes me. I've become the person I warned myself about, the title of a blog post I wrote more than seven years ago. And I'm happy that I am, as noted in a follow-up post.

Have you ever done something that you said you’d never do? I certainly have. I bet you have too. Such is a mark of flexibility, open-mindedness, and the ability to adapt to changing circumstances.

Only astoundingly rigid people continue to live their lives in the same fashion for many years or decades, doing the same old things, holding the same old beliefs, projecting the same old personalities.

I've also considered another question: "Shocked at my past beliefs, should I disown me?" No, of course not. I just should feel happy that I'm growing, changing, maturing. As fearlessly as possible.

Comments

[DJ]

Don't kid yourself-you can get the same health benefits from drinking grape juice without irritating your stomach lining and stressing your liver with alcohol.

[Blogger Brian]

DJ, recently I asked my family physician about whether drinking red wine was any better than drinking beer. She said that alcohol is what seems to be heart-healthy, so it doesn't matter much what form of alcohol is consumed (in moderation, of course).

That's pretty much what this Mayo Clinic advice says.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/red-wine/HB00089
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"Red wine seems to have even more heart-healthy benefits than other types of alcohol, but it's possible that red wine isn't any better than beer, white wine or liquor for heart health. There's still no clear evidence that red wine is better than other forms of alcohol when it comes to possible heart-healthy benefits."

[Mike]

Reminds me of Pema Chodron's book, "The Places That Scare You".

[Blogger Brian]

Mike, thanks for mentioning Chodron's book. I've considered getting one of her books. I'm going to order this one. Getting free of fear... great notion.

[George]

Red wine has polyphenols including flavonols, procyanidins and reservatrol, which are each believed to offer health benefits including reducing risk of heart disease and cancer. Beer has only some phenolics of wine, but has more vitamins and minerals. Beer has melanoidins, which appear to have anti-oxidatiting properties.

Moderate conscumption of both have been linked with health benefits, the most well-known being the so-called french paradox. So drink and be merry.

[cc]

"I just should feel happy that I'm growing, changing, maturing."

Why feel happy...or sad or ambivalent or anything about it? It's happening, whatever "it" is, and deciding it's good or bad, this or that, is duality - the division between what's happening and the supposed somebody it's happening to.

I, the somebody, am a set of assumptions, values, and expectations taking the measure of experience and pronouncing it good or bad, better or worse, growth or recession, etc., but is that what what makes me an individual? Is it the peculiarity of my assumptions, values, and expectations? The ferocity with which I hold them? Or is an individual someone who, not knowing what to think, thinks nothing until something new arises?

[Mohamed Sharnoubi]

I'm sorry to say that your idea of changing and becoming what we dreamed of is very very simple if the change you made consisted of drinking wine and similar feats.
These are more of simple decisions, yesbased on beleifs, easily changed and controlled.
But what about real change?
What about controlling anger? Overcoming social phobia? Becoming more freindly? Accepting criticism more openly? What about loving your enemy?

Well, these are the real changes and a lot, nomost of the secular minded, will tell you they cant be changed as they are physilogically wired. While reiligious minded will tell youmthey can be changed.
I guess religious or not, there is no denying we are more optimists.