Overcoming the fear of non-existence

So far I've written 1,228 posts for this blog. Like a proud parent, I'm tempted to say that I don't have a favorite, that I love all of my writings equally.

But that wouldn't be true. Some posts resonate with me more than others, because they spring from a deeper meaning-place.

Notably, "Death and the primal fear of non-existence." The day I wrote it, back in 2006, I didn't have much time for blogging. For me, that post was unusually short and to the point.

Which was how it had to be.

There isn't anything complex or subtle about the fear I described. It's scarier than death, because for most people dying isn't considered to be "The End," but the beginning of "Next Chapter."

Since, I've mused about the fear of non-existence here, here, and here (plus, I'm sure, elsewhere).

Today, Chris left a comment on the last-linked "here," saying:

Brian, five years on I wonder if you ever conquered your fear of non existence? Perhaps you found some particular words of wisdom of perhaps you have put it to the back of your mind?

A penny for your thoughts. Oh, and thanks for creating this site. It has been a useful outlet.

Excellent question. Yet a tough one for me to answer -- especially succinctly. But I'll do my best to respond in the same style I used in my original post on this subject: pithily and honestly.

-----------------------------

Chris, I'm still afraid of dying and never again existing in any conscious form.

A few weeks ago I had a dream, or barely conscious sleep state, where I remember waking up abruptly, scared shitless at the prospect (actually, almost 100% certainty) of this life being my one and only opportunity of existing.

Yet this fear isn't as strong as it was before. I'm thankful for that.

I don't know the reason.

My suspicion is that facing my fear of non-existence, of writing about it, of talking with other people about it, of reading about how other people deal with it -- all of this has resulted in some shifts within my psyche's unconscious, where the brain's real work takes place outside of our awareness.

So I don't worry much any more about trying to rationally come to grips with what it means to die, forever. Animals that we are, we humans naturally are afraid of death. If our ancestors hadn't fought for life, we wouldn't have come out winners in the Evolution Game.

However, I do believe that us Homo sapiens are capable of implanting some notions in our unconscious which can ameliorate instinctual fears. After being startled by a snake, I can tell myself "it isn't poisonous." And "it's good for our garden."

SImilarly, I do my best to think about non-existence in ways which are both truthful, so far as I can tell, and emotionally pleasing to me. I guess you could call these my philosophical comfort blanket -- what I cling to when the Dead and Gone Forever heebie-jeebies send a chill up my spine.

For me, the warmest, coziest, most reassuring thought-blankie is this: there's really no "me."

If I don't exist in the fashion that I have assumed to be true for most of my life, then not-existing after I die takes on a different meaning. This is hard to explain in words, because what I'm getting at is as much emotional as thoughtful.

It's sort of akin to worrying about losing a precious ring that you've always believed was a family heirloom, then having an older relative tell you, "It's not really worth much; we had it appraised a long time ago."

Chris, if you haven't done this already, I encourage you to delve into what I look upon as "neuroscientific Buddhism." Or, "Buddhist neuroscience."

Namely, writers and researchers who are trying to make sense of the apparently solid fact that the self (or soul) doesn't exist as a separate, distinct, independent entity. Currently I'm reading, and enjoying, "Living as a River" -- a book I've blogged about recently.

I think the approach Bodhipaksa, the author, takes is right on for dealing with a fear of non-existence. HIs subtitle is fearlessness in the face of change. Well, what's a bigger change than death?

Fear, of anything, usually doesn't disappear suddenly.

The Six Element Practice described in "Living as a River" is traditional Buddhism, yet pleasingly updated with modern scientific insights and stripped of unnecessary religious dogma (such as rebirth).

Again, it seems to be that the best way to deal with a fear of not-existing is to undertand -- really understand, intutively, emotionally, in your gut -- that you have never existed as the self that is afraid of non-existence.

I used to enjoy Rumi a lot. I still do, but in a different way. I can read Rumi quotes about non-existence and view them in a much more scientific and less spiritual fashion now.

Here's my favorite Rumi passage. Understand these words, and a lot is understood.

Fear the existence in which you are now!
Your imagination is nothing, and you are nothing,
A nothing has fallen in love with a nothing,
a nothing-at-all has waylaid a nothing-at-all.
When these images have departed,
your misunderstanding will be clear to you.

Comments

[Dogribb]

Even the seeming obscuration is still only that-Sailor Bob

[Willie R]

Seems like every person who ever had a comforting thing to say about death is dead.

I'm just sayin'.....

[Chris]

Thanks for your reply Brian.

I think we are all prone to have 'ups' and 'downs' depending on what we read, digest and understand.
Some things bring comfort, others more fear.

You (and others in previous blog comments) have provided a whole host of things for me to read into. Thanks for that.

After wandering into this site i found myself busily [i]googling[/i] away while my real life took a back seat (nothing concentates the mind like the BIG meaning of life question).

Strangely, i found some comfort in cosmology and quantum physics forums. The very people who have done so much to disprove the idea of a post death existence.
Those guys are interested in hard facts, proofs and cold equations. They are not here to make people feel good.

However, there is so much more to understand about the universe's origin, our being here and what the future holds.
The picture is not complete.

I'm not chasing a Creator, an afterlife or a rebirth. Just some viable theories that our fate isn't cast in stone. The eternal nothingness.

I've been looking at 'illusion of reality' videos on Youtube. Some interesting stuff out there. Just beginning on the bbc ones.

In the meantime, perhaps this is a light introduction to get people thinking?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7p5xHD0Bhk&feature=related

Thanks again Brian. This site is bookmarked and i will return here and use as a point of reference.
Better get back to my life now. I think i've earned that chocolate muffin!

[A.A.]

I share your fears, it seems the idea of never existing forever after we die is a constantant worry for me,because of my strong former beliefs in the afterlife and reincarnation also mainly because of loved ones who have gone or will one day go or broken relationships that never had a chance to heal.I think the same, that if the state of mind that yogies try to achieve is no mind or no personality,being reabsorbed back into life itself,then it seems that its the same as no more existance,no more person who once was,who smiled,talked or loved I think no wonder these masters cant contact us or suddenly appear before us despite claims of supernatural powers, its because they exist no more,lost in time forever gone as we all will one day.I'll give those books that you suggested a read ,I think I need to.

[Michal Zapendowski]

There are a few other thoughts I have found comforting. First and foremost, fear of death itself - like any other type of inevitable pain - becomes almost pleasurable if you just REALIZE it's a good thing in and of itself. Like you said, this is hard to describe in words because it's as emotional as it is rational. But the best analogy I can draw is that if you're walking outside, and it is terribly cold, you can simply TELL yourself: "I enjoy this bitter cold. It is refreshing and wakes me up. I feel AWAKE." And when you tell it to yourself, you realize it actually is true. One could imagine a future world in which people are immortal and plugged into non-stop pleasure machines - a kind of matrix - and you are given a choice: would you rather exist forever in this constantly pleasurable "existence" which is meaningless, or would you rather flicker for a brief intense moment, experience both pleasure and pain? And you say: "yes." And here you are. And you don't try to avoid the fear of death, you let yourself feel it because, like the bitter cold, it makes you feel ALIVE. In fact, the MORE afraid you are of dying the MORE excited you are to actually BE alive (I mean, how amazing is that?). And you feel grateful for your fear of death because you are grateful to exist at all, and nothing else has made you feel THAT ALIVE and THAT REAL, and feeling alive and real is the best feeling you can have while living.

[Brian Hines]

Michal, I like your approach. Nicely put. I've had similar feelings, but haven't been able to describe them as cogently as you did.

Sometimes people say, "I'm not afraid of death." To which I reply, "Well, I sure AM!"

An acquaintance once said of me, "Brian doesn't want to die because he is enjoying being alive so much. " That rang true to me.

Your comment is sort of along that line. Being afraid of death is part of being intensely alive.

As long as we're alive, let's cling to life -- loving it, wanting more of it, fearing the end of it.

[777]

I can very well imagine a fear of death without the right information,

In this case the discussion about subjective and objective knowledge
isn't there because the digesting thoughts are also subjective

In my case and I have told here so a long time ago my fear I had at the time that was more justified than Brian's - perhaps you remember :

before ever heard of rssb i practiced some hatha yoga exercises from yogi ramacharaka which brought me almost immediately in complete HELL which also constantly growd ( my fear too )
and I had enormous difficulties of stopping that processus
I still doubt if I stopped that myself

I swore never ever again to do any meditation !

Even my highligh later in rss meditation started with a broad look on what exactly represented my ego, which was so ugly that it
made Pol Pot a Saint in comparison

It was clear to me that my ego part would do anything imaginable and that only favorable circumstances prevented a moral catastrophe

Lucky for me in THAT same meditation
I also experienced the Sound and it's relation to the words and to the what's called God - which would have made my ego wild in narcisme if I wouldn't have "really lived" that black side

More than Dante I was informed about the subjective realities in my brain included "death"

It is completely the presence of INFO which can relieve or not relieve
from fears

While subjective, I am sorry, the secondary effects of rssb meditation like knowledge of several past lives but also about lives to come
together with the "who am i "
and of course the 'super crush'
which makes death a peace of cake
( I m almost 80 and un-expressable happy 24/7 but that is
what readers have seen already)

So, Brian You know the solution, . . You of all people

777

[x]

would you rather exist forever in this constantly pleasurable "existence"

Constant pleasure is impossible. Pleasure is, by definition, the opposite of pain; you can't have one without the other.

So if you're really determined to enjoy life, you can't shy away from pain and suffering. Pleasure and pain are inseparable.