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March 04, 2010


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Yes, it's good to hear I'm not alone with these moments since this is exactly what I've also been feeling a lot of lately.

A few weeks ago, I was jolted awake and at first could not believe I was still alive. My precise words went like this:

"What the fuck?!
What is all this?
How am I alive in this body?"

This strange state of existing seems so impossible that it is almost terrifying sometimes. It's like reality is some exquisite nightmare and I just don't get it.

I suppose the only grasp I do have on this life is appreciation for being here while I can. It is fascinating yet harrowing, knowing that our life is our one small limited opportunity to get a glimpse at this universe in between billions of years of nothingness. But still, I wonder...Why now? Why not never? And from there, my appreciation only continues to grow.

Travis, we're on the same "WTF?" wavelength. Except I don't see it quite as an "exquisite nightmare." I understand what you're saying though (I think).

To know that life is so short, and that not existing is so long (for someone else still living, not us when we're nothing) -- that's scarily crazy!!!

If we enjoy living, that is. I believe it is possible to become selfless or egoless enough to not care about the non-existence for eternity thing, but I'm sure not there yet.

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