Some forty-two years ago, back in 1968, I had a revelation: The universe is a paper bag turned inside out.
Now, at the time I had some reasons to doubt the veracity of this insight into ultimate reality, since it was fueled by mescaline and dissipated the following day. But another guy and I intuited this truth at the exact same moment.
Today I've gotten confirmation that, indeed, the universe is a bag turned inside out. Tucson, a regular Church of the Churchless visitor, left a comment on this blog post that said, in part:
Our perception is like a plain plastic bag. Turn it inside out and it is the same yet entirely different.
We do have a doctrinal difference, though. Is our perception of the universe a paper or plastic bag turned inside out? I don't want to get into a holy war over this. Let's just say that I'm right on that detail and Tucson is wrong. (Makes sense to me.)
The important thing is the confirmation that ultimate reality really is best explained by viewing it as a bag turned inside out. Those of us who have experienced this truth, via psychedelics or otherwise, know what we know because we know that our knowing is really knowledge.
While that last statement certainly should convince the skeptics, I devoted five minutes this afternoon to producing concrete experimental photographic evidence of the truthiness of what I and Tucson speak.
Here is a paper bag. It is covered with information. This is the universe as normally perceived. Happiness is 15% off Everything.
Here is the paper bag turned inside out. Doing this teaches valuable lessons. First, it's damn difficult to turn a large paper bag inside out. I ended up crumpling and ripping the bag. But that's the price of enlightenment.
Second, all is one. The appearance of the bag now is a seamless whole. (Leaving aside the crumpling, the rips, the dents, and the lettering that can be glimpsed through the paper if you look close enough.)
Third, samsara is nirvana, illusion is reality, atman is brahman, and whatever other out-dated non-dual adage people used to spout before the revelation the universe is a paper bag turned inside out replaced those lesser insights.
From my iPhone's God's-eye view we see that everything still is 15% off at Office Max. Manyness is completely compatible with oneness. Now it is just hidden on the inside rather than obvious on the outside -- having changed places with formless unity.
So all is revealed, praise Bag.
(However, if what I've said and shown isn't totally revelatory to you, consider taking some mescaline and then re-reading this post.)
Blogger Brian has strayed from the original simplicity of Plastic Bagism, aka The Pure Bag Cult, as evidenced by his statement as follows:
"Here is the paper bag turned inside out. Doing this teaches valuable lessons. First, it's damn difficult to turn a large paper bag inside out. I ended up crumpling and ripping the bag. But that's the price of enlightenment."
--Here he has defiled the teachings by using a paper bag which by his own admission is "damn difficult" to turn inside out.
Anyone can understand that it is far easier and faster to turn a plastic bag inside out without crumpling or damaging it. But does he want you to know that? Of course not. He obscures the Truth with his crappy brown bag. Why? Because he wants to sell you books on how to turn a goddamn paper bag inside out!!
Then, when one of the books becomes a best seller he can charge lots of appearance fees and get big money at speaking engagements. Not to mention scoring lots of hot virgins. He thinks he can actually get on Oprah's show.
See, the clarity of the plastic bag has given me insight into his game and sordid motives while all you suckers are lapping up his drivel.
Can't you see my way is the best and only way to clarity, a clarity that only a plastic bag can give?
You don't have to buy books from me or pay admission for one of my talks. All you have to do is buy one of my personally designed clear plastic bags in three monthly payments of $39.99 (plus shipping and handling). The clarity of Enlightenment is guaranteed or your money back.
Posted by: tucson | February 04, 2010 at 09:10 PM
Well, you found me out, Tucson. On the other hand (there's always another hand) if you take my paper bag to Office Max you can get 15% off whatever fits into the bag. Try doing that with a stupid clear plastic bag.
Which reminds me... I've got to see if Office Max will give me some sort of renumeration for all the publicity they've gotten on my blog. For the right price I'd be happy to rename it "Office Max's Church of the Churchless."
Posted by: Blogger Brian | February 04, 2010 at 09:20 PM
Now that I (the universe) know I am a paper bag turned inside out, I shall do a somersault to correct this imbalance.
Posted by: elizabeth w | February 06, 2010 at 11:41 AM