In your posts, you often make mention of having felt special when you were in RS mode, and how you now feel relieved to have shed this sense of being special. It isn’t clear to me what was your basis for this feeling of being special.
The way I understand it, Sant Mat teachings and practice inculcate in the initiate an ever broadening and expanding perspective of all-that-there-is, while proportionately diminishing the relative significance of the self in this grand cosmos.
I do recall feeling special in the three months prior to initiation, but a few sessions in meditation after initiation quickly knocked any sense of special-ness out of me.
Maybe that has been my failing as a satsangi, that I was unable to sustain that attitude of being special. Or maybe the lack of special-ness is what keeps me in Sant Mat, because I can imagine that it would be an uncomfortable burden to carry year after year.
Perhaps you can remind me what there is to feel so special about as a satsangi? Sometimes it would be nice to feel a little bit special, just as a break from the sense of being nothing.
I was surprised that this person didn't understand why RSSB initiates are made to feel so special. The reasons are evident in the voluminous Radha Soami Satsang Beas literature, which I'm well acquainted with.
Here's some of the central specialness reasons that come to mind. I'm sure there are more.
(1) God's favored 1/10th. Supposedly God decided to populate his physical creation long ago, so souls had to leave the spiritual realm. Nine-tenths of them were eager to go -- yay! something new to do! -- while one-tenth were deeply reluctant to leave God. Those souls now get to go Home to heaven.
(2) RSSB initiates have been "marked" by God. The only way one of the lucky 10% can return to God is by being initiated by a perfect living guru, who is considered in Sant Mat to be God in human form.
The RSSB guru only initiates marked souls -- those who are destined to take the journey from materiality back to the highest spiritual region. How the guru recognizes his "sheep" is mysterious, but there are videos of him doing it. Nodding his head in one direction if an initiation applicant is marked, nodding in the other direction if the poor soul is unmarked and thus rejected.
(3) Sant Mat is the only way to know God. So if you're one of the unfortunate 90% of souls who aren't part of God's chosen people, what to do? Is there another way other than being initiated by a perfect living guru to return to God? Sorry, says Radha Soami Satsang Beas, there isn't. You're out of luck.
God has decreed that "no one comes to the Father but through me," and me means a guru who is God in human form. You can do all the meditation you want, and be a marvelously loving person, but unless you're initiated by a perfect guru, no god-realization for you.
So this is why RSSB books and speakers frequently emphasize how special members of the organization are. Numbering only a few million, at most, these are the only people on Earth who possess a ticket back to God. Everybody else is doomed to wander in delusion, apparently for eternity -- since the marking of souls only happened once.
Of course, I don't believe this any more. Which is refreshing.
As I've noted before, it's a burden to feel so special. For one thing, it divides you from other people, such as my wife -- who, because she wasn't a RSSB initiate, was looked upon with more than a little pity by many of the "chosen people."
(Other religions, such as Judaism, naturally would disagree with Sant Mat's conclusion about who is God's favorite, and who isn't.)