Shocked at my past beliefs, should I disown me?

I picked up the book. Thumbed through the pages and located the right chapter. Scanned a few paragraphs. Then found the lines I was looking for:

Mysticism has little quarrel with the theory of evolution -- as long as it is recognized that life evolves not randomly, but under the guidance of an intelligence which is far beyond our ability to fathom. All that is evident are the results of a divine will reflected most imperfectly in the fossil record and the current diversity of species.

Oh no!, I thought. The author is an intelligent design advocate. He believes in bullshit!

I threw the book down on my office floor in disgust.

I'd been looking for a quote to use in a blog post about evolution. But I wasn't about to use anything written by a guy who obviously didn't understand the difference between real science and mystical mumbo jumbo. 

Here's the funny thing: I was that guy. I was disgusted at myself. The book whose content I disagreed with was "Life is Fair" (now back in print over at the Science of the Soul Research Centre).

Now, I still believe in much, if not most, of what I wrote in Life is Fair. After all, life is. Fair.

But as I blogged about a few years ago, for different reasons that I argued in that book. That's how I see things presently, at least. Back in the late 90's I thought differently. In the future, who knows?

The only thing I can be certain about is that from this moment until the day I die, I'm not going to be absolutely certain about anything. Probably, I should add, to be consistent.

So after a few days of pondering my emotional reaction to re-reading what I wrote a dozen or so years ago, I've concluded that I was too hard on myself.

Yes, I was disturbed that my beliefs back then fell into a "religiously mentally ill" diagnosis. And when I read how the Brian of that time looked upon evolution, it bothered me that I was less scientific than I'd remembered myself being.

But here's the thing: I changed. And I'm still changing. As are we all. Thankfully.

Because change only stops when we're dead. Until then, living leads us in largely unpredictable ways. Our relationships with other people change; our bodies change; our lifestyles change; our physical activities change; our personalities change; our philosophical and religious beliefs change.

Which is unavoidable. And largely to the good, even though many of life's changes are objectionable to us.

Here in the United States, as likely is true elsewhere in the world, people like to play a "gotcha" game. Politicians and other public officials come in for special gotcha treatment. 

Opponents will drag up a quote from a speech someone made a decade ago, showing how that person believed in such-and-such back then and now holds a different view.

Gotcha!

Oh, really? Is there something wrong with a person changing his or her mind, arriving at a different conclusion, evolving into a more nuanced conception of reality?

No, there isn't. That's what I believe.

But still, if I really believed this, I wouldn't have had the throw-the-book-on-the-floor reaction that occurred when I was presented with evidence of how my notions about evolution have changed.

Which seems to point to some sort of lingering attraction toward a self that is more constant than I really am. Cognitive dissonance probably is at play here -- me wanting to resolve the conflicts between what I believe now and what I believed then by forgetting how different "now" and "then" were.

At any rate, this experience has reminded me not to judge other people's seemingly deluded beliefs overly harshly. One of my favorite blog post titles is "I've become the person I warned myself about."

Or reversing the arrow of time, "I used to be the person I now warn myself about."

I've got no clue who I really am, assuming there is an "I" at all. But the fact that I can be aware of how much I've changed shows that some aspect of me stands apart from being and becoming.

What we believe -- religiously or otherwise --  is important. However, re-reading "Life is Fair" reminded me that who I was deeper down, beneath my beliefs, when I wrote the book is pretty much the same person I am now.

If that's the case, doesn't it follow that we're all much more similar than alike? That what separates us all too often is our focus on beliefs. Political, religious, philosophical, moral, and so on.

We forget how easy it is to trade one belief system for another. How interchangeable ideas can be, while the person doing the mental changing is someone quite different from his or her thoughts.

Comments

[The Rambling Taoist]

Thought -- just like everything else -- evolves. The folks I feel most sorry for are the ones who never allow their beliefs to grow. They get an idea in their head in adolescence or young adulthood and willfully refuse to consider any new information or to reexamine their beliefs in light of their experiences.

You are not one of those types. You regularly take your beliefs out for a spin around the block and, because of this, they change, morph and coalesce in different shapes over time.

[George]

don't be too hard on yourself, no-one knows anything absolutely (tho the mystics would probably disagree), perhaps the intelligent design theory is correct, but the evidence is in favour of evolution, overwhelmingly so.

It takes someone with an openmind to actually interrogate and change their own beliefs, that is genuine introspection imo, which is far more important then what one believes at any point in time.

[Rain]

If you are truly willing to evolve, you might someday have a mystical experience that will change your mind again and being open to that is the difference between a fundamentalist, whatever they call themselves otherwise, and someone who will grow and change through life. And the neat thing is to be free to do that, not locked in to any dogma (even agnosticism or atheism) that would prevent it. That's really living life to the fullest and not needing an answer that one clings to no matter what else happens.

[Mystic Bumwipe]

The key lesson to take from this could be that whatever we think/believe at anyone time, we invariably presume that we have it 'right'.
The beliefs/understandings may change but the idea that our current viewpoint is the most accurate reamins throughout life.
And this invariably includes the thought belief that if someone doesn't see things my way, then they have it 'wrong'.
THAT confidence in our own infallibilty give or take a few minor details, has NOT CHANGED.
That remains the constant.
E.g You thought your view was correct then. You think your view is correct now.
Belief in our own rectitude applies to most people on the planet, despite the varying and conflicting number of viewpoints on any given subject.
As a 'desert father' known now as 'Saint Anthony' once wittily and perceptibly said/wrote (this being a translation into english of course):
"people hold to their opinions not because they are accurate, but because they are theirs."

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1052789444]

When I come across evidence of my old beliefs, I am just delighted and amazed at how I am continuously changing in how I view the world. It keeps me from getting too preachy, that's for sure! Who knows what I might think next week.
Letting go of Catholic theology was much easier than the New Age/Eastern stuff and especially the language: karma, reincarnation, etc.

I have a commitment to attend to the heart. The heart speaks an entirely different language and moves at a different pace than the intellect, even the conscious intellect.
One must slow down to a felt perception to enjoy the language of the heart.