Duhism -- even more useless than Taoism (but funnier)

The Tao works in mysterious ways. Mostly, for me, through the Internet. If ultimate truth ever speaks to me, I figure it will be via my MacBook.

So I smiled sagely -- my natural expression -- when I clicked on an email that informed me Bob Tzu now was following me on Twitter.

Twitter etiquette demanded that I take a look at Bob's page to see if his Tweets were interesting enough to make me want to follow him.

Which, they were. Bob Tzu had me at...

Ignorance may not really be bliss... but it'll do in a pinch.
Tomorrow, I will live in the present.
Little things add up. If every day u found just 1 penny, after a 1 year you'll only need to borrow $1.05 for a Venti Frappuccino.
If you want to be respected by others, start by respecting yourself, and then give them money and flatter them for no reason.

Nice. I felt pleasantly de-enlightened already.

That feeling got strengthened with a visit to the Duhism web site. There I learned that while Bob Tzu's birthday is between 1962 and 390 BC, his writings only extend back three months.

So it didn't take me long to absorb the essence (heck, for all I know, the whole shebang) of Duhism. For obvious reasons, to me this seemed to be the most important teaching.

My cousin Lao Tzu says the Tao that can be told is not the real Tao.
It's the same with The Duh.
The real Duh cannot be spoken. Only blogged and Tweeted.

Realizing that I'd found a source of spiritual wisdom that is as attuned to the almighty "Who the hell knows?" as the crap I write, I downloaded for free The Duh of Success.

The price was a bit steep, given what I learned from the book.

But it was nice to be able to start reading it at 9:24 am and be done by 9:25 am. I like my cosmic wisdom to come fast and hard, which is one of the more unintentionally erotic lines I've written recently.

Since my personal path to de-enlightenment is firmly founded on a t-shirt base (see here and here), I was pleased to find that Bob Tzu's web site had a link to some great t-shirt wisdom.

Lastly, remember...

The Universe hears your every wish, and wonders why you can't hear it replying, "Uhhh… no."

Comments

[Bob Tzu]

Your post indicates a clear Mastery of Duhism... which is not something I would put on a resume, if I were you (and I'm the Founder of Duhism!).

Remember that mastering Duhism guarantees you a rebirth in Newark, NJ... so do with that what you will.

In Balance/Schmalance,
Bob Tzu

[Brian]

Bob, I'm thrilled to get a blog comment from the founder of a non-major, and indeed virtually irrelevant, faith. The fact that you have taken time from your spiritual pursuits to read my blog post says a lot about you.

Nothing much good, of course, but that's in keeping with the goal of Duhism. Which I don't really understand, aside from laughing. (My lack of understanding likely points to a profound unrealized wisdom that is, nonetheless, my most prized possession).