Gazing over the edge of reality

Yesterday I got a request emailed to me:

I was wondering if you could perhaps write one of your essays about "impermanence" or "nothingness" to stimulate some more positive and philosophical responses and discussions.

Glad to oblige.

When I read this I thought of Anaïs Nin, who wrote erotic and pornographic narratives in the 1940s for a dollar a page. The difference between her and me is that I pay for the privilege of writing on this blog. And my musings aren't nearly as stimulating.

Anyway, since I was thirteen I've loved to ponder nothingness. What we don't know, the vast darkness between the scattered stars of knowledge, exerts a powerful pull.

Last night I was in bed reading The New Yorker before going to sleep. Coming across this cartoon, I knew it had to be part of the next day's blog post.

A guy sits in his chair on the edge of a cliff. His wife (I assume) says, "If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn your chair around, Walter."

No Walter, don't do it! Stay where you are!

That void you're staring into is where it's at. (Don't pin me down as to what "it's" and "at" mean -- they're part of the void, so who knows?)

So much of everyday life is devoted to stepping back from the edge of existence. Religions encourage this, even though lots of people mistakenly consider that religiosity involves jumping into the unknown.

Not true.

If someone claims to know what happens after we die, don't believe them. If they're alive and able to engage in claiming, they're not dead. So they've got no experience of what they're talking about.

Death is the deepest and most mysterious void each of us is going to dive into one day. Religious dogmas, like the guy's wife, do their best to turn us around from it.

They promise salvation, resurrection, reincarnation, soul travels, heaven -- all sorts of afterlife goodies to make us forget the empty plate that will stare us in the face at our last breath.

I used to eagerly imbibe those promises that this life is but a foretaste of eternity yet to come. But now I'm a lot like Walter: I enjoy looking into the void. I don't have much of a desire to fill it with imaginings anymore.

Death is real. Keeping this in mind doesn't feel negative to me; if I turned my chair around I don't see how that would produce a positive outlook.

Because the older I get, and the more churchless I become, the greater is my wonder, appreciation, and sense of awe that I'm anything at all.

So far as I know, I was Nothing before I was born and I'll be Nothing after I'm dead (nothing conscious or aware, at least). Yet here I am, in between a huge freaking mass of nothingness, Something!

It hardly matters what I am, or what I'm doing, or how I feel about my being and doings. Whenever I want to, and also sometimes unbidden, I'm struck by a feeling that this moment, right here and right now, never will come again.

Thus, it is infinitely precious. I've traded a promise of infinite life for the reality of experiencing this moment as infinity.

Which wouldn't be possible if I'd continued to step back from the edge of death's cliff and believed that I had plenty of time to experience life, because I wasn't going to die when my body did.

This is hard to put into words. If I wasn't me, I'd have trouble understanding what I'm saying. I don't expect you to. What I feel directly can't be transported through verbiage into someone else's psyche.

All I'm doing is pointing to something that seems not at all unique to me, because I've read many descriptions of similar sentiments in mystic, philosophical, and spiritual writings (Taoism and Zen being my current favorites).

This. Now. 

It's astounding. Incomparable. Priceless. Fleeting. Never to be had again.

Don't look away from it. The seeing draws you to the edge of existence, where loose pebbles of so many kinds (head-on car crash, runaway cancer, sudden heart attack) could cast us into the void.

For now, we're in the easy chair of bodily existence. Staring at every moment at what won't be visible when our moments here on Earth end.

What a gift. There's no need to believe in a Giver to whom we extend our appreciation. Saying Yes! to each instant is thanks enough: to nothing.

Comments

[xyz]

Hi Brian,

These lines are from Thich Nhat Hanh's book
(I think the book's name is No death No fear)

"Our greatest fear is that when we die we will become nothing. Many of us believe that our entire existence is only a life span beginning the moment we are born or conceived and ending the moment we die. We believe that we are born from nothing and when we die we become nothing"

He is a champion of mindfulness, awareness of NOW. Why is he talking about birth and death? Other religions have different theories of life after death. With my limited knowledge I don't understand why a person, whose spiritual path is mindfulness, talks about such concepts.

[tAo]

brian,

you got it

[Brian]

xyz, I'd say the reason is that Buddhism isn't only a philosophy of mindfulness, but also a religion -- complete with some unproven metaphysical dogmas.

[JJQ]

First thing that came to my mind, looking at the cartoon, was that Walter was enjoying the view,...

[Rain]

This reminds me of a Netflix we watched last night. It was originally on NOVA in 2005, but I never seem to check TV often enough to catch these things. Anyway it was 'Newton's Dark Secrets' and about the explorations of that man's mind where he didn't fear looking into the void and seeing what was there. Fascinating documentary if you haven't already seen it. It's not about spirituality so much as about being willing to look where others are not-- and even more willing to draw conclusions with which others will disagree. When you gaze over the edge of reality who knows but what true reality is what you are seeing...

[tAo]

TO EVERYONE -- VERY URGENT IMPORTANT NEWS:

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Listen with Real Player:
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Complete Audio Options Page:
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Prisonplanet.com - additional news articles and archives website:
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[tAo]

ATTENTION EVERYONE -- VERY URGENT IMPORTANT NEWS:

All Church of the Churchless readers who want to access the MOST UP-TO-DATE INFO on the new emerging SWINE FLU Epidemic and Crisis, learn what is actually really going on in Mexico (now out of control and in emergency lock-down) and in the USA and Canada (spreading rapidly), its origins, how extensive and serious it is, the areas that it has already spread to, and all the additional serious ramifications (including the now immanent US government plans for emergency Martial Law in the USA)...

Go immediately to: http://www.infowars.com and listen to the Alex Jones Infowars.com Sunday Show SPECIAL REPORT about the Swine Flu Crisis - the now rapidly exploding global fatal Swine Flu epidemic (also read the breaking news reports and other media articles):

INFOWARS.COM - Main Homepage:
http://www.infowars.com

Listen with Windows Media Player:
http://www.infowars.com/infowars.asx

Listen with Real Player:
http://www.infowars.com/stream.pls

Complete Audio Options Page:
http://www.infowars.com/listen.htm

Prisonplanet.com - additional news articles and archives website:
http://www.prisonplanet.com

[Smack Dat]

A question for readers (and bloggers) who practiced Sant Mat but did not find there was any light/sound or magical fairyland worlds in meditation - how diligent was your practice? Did you meditate the required 2-3 hours a day (if this is even possible without sitting in cave eating moss all day)

[Smack Dat]

By the way, you guys will find this one funny

http://www.jagatgururampalji.org/infoforaspirants.html

Another Sant Mat guru - but check out the prohibition 19 "Contact with a traitor of Guru"

[Adam]

xyz,
your comment on Hahn does not point out a contradiction at all:
the comment of his you quoted is a perfect example of mindfulness--being aware of and knowing a human fear, not laying claim to whether this belief about birth and death is right or wrong.

[Brian]

Smack Dat, I sure did put in the full 2.5 hours of meditation for many years, 10 or 15. My practice was very diligent. But no light or sound.

Thanks for the link with all the prohibitions. It sounds like any guru-follower who visits this blog is doomed to wander in the labyrinth of 8,400,000 species for countless incarnations.

Oh, well. Nobody said surfing the Internet didn't have some risks.