Thanks for making the past year happy

Church of the Churchless visitors, in 2008 you made me happy. Well, let's make that happier.

I would have had an enjoyable year without you guys and gals, but being in touch with you through your comments and emails added a lot to my life.

My wife and I belong to a "Salon" discussion group here in Salem. Monthly a bunch of us get together in one of our homes and spend three hours or so conversing about all kinds of stuff.

Politics. Current events. Books. What's going on in peoples' lives. And much more.

At the last meeting, a couple of days ago, we were sharing about our personal best's and worst's of 2008. As a best example I talked about a comment I'd just received on my "Death and the primal fear of non-existence" post.

I know this is almost 3 years after the original post and I have never been to this website, but today I typed in "fear of non-existence" into google and I got here. And your description of what you feel drove me crazy because for more than TEN years now, I have been feeling the EXACT thing you have described and I've searched online before but never found a description of the "feeling" that compares in any way to mine. So, even though I have never posted a comment in response to anything online ever, I really felt compelled to do this because I could not believe the description. I have just read it to my husband over the phone and he knows that I have described "it" in nearly the same exact words, but probably less articulate on my part. When I do "feel it" I spin into a panic I suppose that I can't control and I consider it also the worst feeling, but at the same time I feel like I see something that no one else does.... and now I know that someone else might. I could go on more about this, but I won't here.

When I read that, I felt great. Which may sound sort of strange, given the subject matter.

I wasn't happy that the woman is so panicky about death.

However, I really liked that the two of us were able to find each other in cyberspace (through the Great God Google) and share some thoughts that very rarely come up in polite conversation.

I mean, if you walk up to someone at a party, drink in hand, and say, "The notion of dying and not existing forever scares me shitless. What about you?" -- that pretty much guarantees a startled look and a hasty rush to the snack table from the other person.

But we can do that here. And talk about all sorts of other weird, wonderful, and wacky subjects.

I left my own comment for the afraid of death woman.

Karla, I feel good that you've resonated with the description of what I felt. It doesn't change death, or our reaction to it, but it's good to know we're not alone.

I believe it was C.S. Lewis who said, "We read to know we are not alone." So true. Books. Blogs. Whatever.

Reading about other people's experiences shows us that while we're all different, in another sense we're all one.

And maybe this is the key to opening the door that leads to not fearing death so much: oneness. Sounds like a New Age platitude, but it just might be the reality of our universe.

I wish I understood what I said in those last two paragraphs. I do in a sense, because I wrote the words.

Yet underneath (or beyond) those words -- all words, really, not just some words -- is an enigma. Mystery. Ineffability. Suchness, as Buddhists put it.

Whatever that is, and I've got no clue, it's what I feel binds us together. Whether we agree or disagree, love or hate, fight or embrace.

We're all in this together. Life. Existence. Reality. This.

Some people don't need to ponder the nature of "this." They simply live it.

Well, I'm a ponderer. And I'm thankful to everyone who has read my ponders and shared their own on this blog in 2008.

With a few exceptions, I've never met you. However, sometimes I feel like I know blog visitors better than acquaintances I've related to for decades.

That makes me happy.

Comments

[zenjen]

What the heck, I've always been a bit of a rebel, so I'm back.

Just wanted to say I enjoy reading the 'Churchless' blogs and the connection with others makes me feel less lonely, so thanks Brian for all the thought you put into your posts.

[JJQ]

Happy 2009 and thank you for your RSSB writings. Those were insightful for me.

[zenjen]

Brian,

I wonder if you could write a post on the feeling of being ‘disconnected’? I wonder if others feel this way as well? Do you think that this is a kind of impetus that drives us to meditate so that we may feel connected, with the creative power within, our original being, and then that enables us to feel at one with others and the universe?